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Discussion Starter #1
I've been friends with my ex for over 7-8 years, known each other and spend at least 3-4 days per week in 2 years before getting into relationship. Due to values and religion we are very much compatible and opposite at the same time.
He's not a risk taker and he calculate most of his actions before acting it out. He's been consistently very logical and rational prior entering the relationship, he's also very sure of stepping into marriage with me and he did ask my parents prior entering into relationship.Throughout the whole relationship we had our arguments and disagreement but nothing major that we couldnt resolve within a day.

After 1.5 into the relationship he suddenly ask for a break up, the reasons were my physical looks and personality saying that he wants to marriage a girl who's soft spoken and less loud in nature.While saying all those he teared up non stop. After the break up, we tried to keep distance and boundaries tight.

But in span of 2.5 year break up, at the start I've ask for space during early periods of break up, he uses " we are in the same church and i am leading a small group (discussion group fortnightly) I need to talk to you" reasoning. he still continuously text me and see me using the same reason until today. Not only that we both been on dates and trying to date others in this period. Both of us havent been on dates this year. We still see each other at least 2-4 days a week until today.

Btw to give context we dated when he was 25 and i was 26, now we are 28 and 29. He fell in love with me the 1st time we met, later on i fell for him during the 1st year of our friendship. We never dated nor mention our feelings to each other, But as a fellow ENFP i cant hide my emotions on my face, so he knew my feelings but being a stoic ESTJ i have no idea. Later on when he confess to me then i knew of his feelings.

I am unsure if this is him wanting to be friends even though we broken up or he wants to get back? What does he want?
Anyone has experience this with ESTJ?
Feel free to ask me more question or private chat, giving me insights to his actions.
 

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Being "friends" with an ex can be very difficult. Even being in the same community or environment (e.g., your church environment) can be too much for some of us.

I don't want to be friends with exes. And I feel very uncomfortable when I see my ex who lives in the same small community as me.

It seems to me that your ex is able to see you as a friend, and even as a close friend, because you used to be close romantically. But it's painful and confusing for you.

I don't know how much this has to do with type. Maybe Si makes the ESTJ want to keep people in their life, even after the roles have changed. But stronger Fi makes it too painful for the ENFP.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Being "friends" with an ex can be very difficult. Even being in the same community or environment (e.g., your church environment) can be too much for some of us.

I don't want to be friends with exes. And I feel very uncomfortable when I see my ex who lives in the same small community as me.

It seems to me that your ex is able to see you as a friend, and even as a close friend, because you used to be close romantically. But it's painful and confusing for you.

I don't know how much this has to do with type. Maybe Si makes the ESTJ want to keep people in their life, even after the roles have changed. But stronger Fi makes it too painful for the ENFP.
TBH i cant stand being friends with my ex until a long period of time, that's at least 1-2 years. He actually have a weird principle, men and women cannot be best friends nor close friends cause in the end of the day both parties will eventually get married and have their own family and partner. This is a fundamental principle for him, he truly live by that principle. That is why i am confuse to what's our frienship or relationship is like.

Yeahh i have pretty strong Fi and integrity thats why i am feeling this way.
 

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I think it's time to move on completely from him, be it friendship or relationship. Men and women can only be casual acquaintances, but not best friends.
And a relationship wouldn't be able to work either, because for this relationship to be successful you will have to mould yourself into a soft-spoken woman and become someone you're not, and I don't think anybody should mould themselves into someone they're not just to keep someone else in their lives.
Also, he's looking for an mbti INFP woman. If you study about socionics, you will realise that ESTJ's most compatible match is mbti INFP, and this is also why he is looking for a soft-spoken woman.

ENFP's most compatible match is mbti ISTJ, so you should start looking to date mbti ISTJ men, if you want your relationships to be successful.
And I'd like to write more about this but I haven't had any sleep last night and I'm quite tired at the moment so I can't write much, but I recommend you to study socionics, to avoid running into heartbreaks again in the future.
 

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ENFP's most compatible match is mbti ISTJ, so you should start looking to date mbti ISTJ men, if you want your relationships to be successful.
And I'd like to write more about this but I haven't had any sleep last night and I'm quite tired at the moment so I can't write much, but I recommend you to study socionics, to avoid running into heartbreaks again in the future.
lol
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I think it's time to move on completely from him, be it friendship or relationship. Men and women can only be casual acquaintances, but not best friends.
And a relationship wouldn't be able to work either, because for this relationship to be successful you will have to mould yourself into a soft-spoken woman and become someone you're not, and I don't think anybody should mould themselves into someone they're not just to keep someone else in their lives.
Also, he's looking for an mbti INFP woman. If you study about socionics, you will realise that ESTJ's most compatible match is mbti INFP, and this is also why he is looking for a soft-spoken woman.

ENFP's most compatible match is mbti ISTJ, so you should start looking to date mbti ISTJ men, if you want your relationships to be successful.
And I'd like to write more about this but I haven't had any sleep last night and I'm quite tired at the moment so I can't write much, but I recommend you to study socionics, to avoid running into heartbreaks again in the future.
What you said is true, men and women can be friends but not best friends. I am not changing myself, he knows who i am and how am i since we've been friends for 8 years already. But i dont think dating has a lot to do with socionics. In fact in my circle, there's a lot of ISTJ x ENFJ pairing, by experience i think this pairing has the most high success rate, I am not sure about ESTJ pairing nor ENFP pairing though.
 
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