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so yesterday i had an emotional crisis from not being able to preform to others expectations...everything i did was wrong.it was just an activity me and my online friends do and it was turning into something i did not expect so i wanted them to let me go with a majority saying it's alright. When they would i begged them to let me go but they knew i wasn't myself and i settled down and recovered.

but here the problem in my group I'm in a online love triangle which was a problem i thought was resolved a while a go since i was friend zoned and wanted to be rejected in the first place because i didn't want to break up my friends(their should be some posts saying i hate the friend zone and i do because it is a constant problem in my life). in the love triangle i am the most emotionally stable one the other two need help a lot of the times.i learned yesterday the male views me as his rival and know for a week loathes his existence. the female try to help him but in her poor emotional state already is driving her further into despair.

I help the woman emotional to allow her to fix her boyfriend's problems but yesterday was a bigger mess then usual and i was already taxed and just lost small part of my sanity temporarily.I became unable to trust anything she posted once i leaned her boyfriend at least once had access to her account which has my private info i used as part of allowing her to cope. It didn't help she was hardly herself that time and was writing far different.the mistrusted started a mess but ended up alright while being away for an hour

Anyway the guy believes i'm manipulating everyone to break them up from him but i'm not but his mind is set last time i talked to him.

what does one do in this situation.with these conditions. I cannot break them up and also i cannot leave the woman since i'm basically most of her emotional support?

(i'm going to sleep right after posting)
 

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Walk away, for one thing the arrangement is very one sided, in my experience situations similar to this only get worse as time goes on and drains you all the while.

Also whatever problems the couple are facing only they can sort out between themselves, also it sounds as though the woman needs to get support from the appropriate places you can't be her only means of emotional support especially if you don't meet her "expectations" and if her boyfriend is adamant your trying to break them up then you being most of his girlfriends emotional support is likely to continue to cause problems between the three of you.

By the sounds of it you've done everything you can for them at some considerable emotional cost to yourself, your not responsible for either of them or the state of their relationship and you can't fix it for them no one can but them, also you face the possibility of them using you as a scapegoat instead of facing upto whatever issues their relationship has, you already have the fella saying your a rival and a problem, it only leaves for her to come round to such thinking.

So i say think of yourself and at the very least distance yourself from it otherwise my guess is that you can expect to go through more emotional crises as the situation goes on and if your not already you'll be utterly miserable with the whole thing, i do appreciate though that its very hard whatever you decide to do as i've been there and i can empathise with the feeling that your responsible for someone and you can't walk away because of that but yourself i say you have to.

Whatever you decide, good luck mate, its an awful place to be.
 

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Yep. I would seriously back out of this one quick fast. We can be perceived as being manipulative by other types, so guess what he's thinking coupled with the knowledge you like/liked her.

Let it calm down. She'll come back when it's calm. Just try to let it go for the time being. It will cause you a lot of harm and possibly a massive fight if you don't.

It's her choice to be how she is. She can always choose you, you know, but she hasn't. She can't have the best of 2 worlds.
 

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My gut instinct is to tell you to get out of there as fast as you can run, Gildar... because I've been there before....

But instead of just telling you outright what I think, because I know you're in our good old fashioned "Protection mode" (Since you're protecting her, you're not gonna want to hear me say she's acting like a bitch).... so I'm gonna let you prove my theory by yourself with a simple test.

Talk to this girl again... and in the conversation... I want you to ask her if she knows any beautiiful nice girls that you should try to hook up with. Tell her you'd really like to find a girlfriend, and that you want her help... you want her to be your "wingman", etc. Ask her if she knows any girls that would make a perfect match with you.

This is the test. If this girl is really you're friend, this statement won't bother her at all, and she'll be enthusiastic to help.

If she's using you, she'll stiffen up and look very uncomfortable when you start talking about dating. Use your intuition.

If she stiffens, get out of that situation as soon as you can. Best of luck, and I hope you're not nailed to a cross by the time this thing is over... knowing us... lmao xD
 

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Walk away, for one thing the arrangement is very one sided, in my experience situations similar to this only get worse as time goes on and drains you all the while.

Also whatever problems the couple are facing only they can sort out between themselves, also it sounds as though the woman needs to get support from the appropriate places you can't be her only means of emotional support especially if you don't meet her "expectations" and if her boyfriend is adamant your trying to break them up then you being most of his girlfriends emotional support is likely to continue to cause problems between the three of you.

By the sounds of it you've done everything you can for them at some considerable emotional cost to yourself, your not responsible for either of them or the state of their relationship and you can't fix it for them no one can but them, also you face the possibility of them using you as a scapegoat instead of facing upto whatever issues their relationship has, you already have the fella saying your a rival and a problem, it only leaves for her to come round to such thinking.

So i say think of yourself and at the very least distance yourself from it otherwise my guess is that you can expect to go through more emotional crises as the situation goes on and if your not already you'll be utterly miserable with the whole thing, i do appreciate though that its very hard whatever you decide to do as i've been there and i can empathise with the feeling that your responsible for someone and you can't walk away because of that but yourself i say you have to.

Whatever you decide, good luck mate, its an awful place to be.
Just like what Slyke and Iraneken said, take a step back. Those two are in a relationship and this was to be confidential between the two of you. Which is not and has resulted in more harm than good. I believe your intentions meant well but like you said, it has gone the opposite direction. Now, they need time to reevaluate their relationship. So for now, they need time for themselves. The best thing that you can do for them is to give them thier space.
 

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Before i start i want to apologize for the lack of information as i will be explaining what I forgot to mention right now. again sorry. My thought have changed since i slept and i pretty much no longer consider that guy my friend anymore.

Walk away, for one thing the arrangement is very one sided, in my experience situations similar to this only get worse as time goes on and drains you all the while.
i would if it was not 2 ways. I look at some stuff i wrote and some of the personal stuff she has is her helping me emotionally the times i need it even if it is not nearly as often.

Also whatever problems the couple are facing only they can sort out between themselves, also it sounds as though the woman needs to get support from the appropriate places you can't be her only means of emotional support especially if you don't meet her "expectations" and if her boyfriend is adamant your trying to break them up then you being most of his girlfriends emotional support is likely to continue to cause problems between the three of you.
sorry again i wasn't meeting the exceptions of boyfriend since he had put together the activity and had a vision set that i did not catch at the start. i was helping make it run better but most of the stuff was wrong. Their relationship has been on rocky ground since 5 months ago. She was the first one who noticed i was acting very strange at the start of my breakdown.

By the sounds of it you've done everything you can for them at some considerable emotional cost to yourself, your not responsible for either of them or the state of their relationship and you can't fix it for them no one can but them, also you face the possibility of them using you as a scapegoat instead of facing upto whatever issues their relationship has, you already have the fella saying your a rival and a problem, it only leaves for her to come round to such thinking.


The woman won't use me as a scape goat.... the guy is going to do that most likely and i'm prepared since my trust in him is broken and he has been my friend for a month. He also has this attitude that has popped up halfway through last week after i told the woman how i felt on the weekend before last.

So i say think of yourself and at the very least distance yourself from it otherwise my guess is that you can expect to go through more emotional crises as the situation goes on and if your not already you'll be utterly miserable with the whole thing, i do appreciate though that its very hard whatever you decide to do as i've been there and i can empathise with the feeling that your responsible for someone and you can't walk away because of that but yourself i say you have to.

way too late to walk away. In fact doing so may be dangerous ...... i have know the woman for around a 8 month online but i didn't talk to her much........ till the guy broke up with her 5 months and she was in a state of suicide where i jumped in. i told her to forget the guy at the time that he is gone but that did not happen and i made her promise to a hospital if she felt like that again. Everything was normal until a month ago where started to figure out my feelings and then speand 14 of days out of the last 20 helping her once everything fell apart but in exchange i have gotten her support for the 2 times(that is every one of my breakdowns) i broke down in the last month.

Yesterday she felt that again due to her boyfriend and there was no hospital happening.I will demand it if this goes any further down hill. if i leave now and she said she had lost the will to live .... nothing could could come from that for me, her or the guy if she dies. I am going to push the hospital since she needs some help and definitely a therapist to at least take some of the load off me

i want to say to her that her boyfriend is destructive to her but i can't because i would then be in a huge scapegoat position.. i know it's going to happen anyway but from the guy not both of them. Thing is this i suspect she is an INFJ(lots of stuff she has said has led me to this but i could be wrong) or at least she is in the some sort of protection mode for the other guy. She said she need to be there for him because she loves him and she doesn't want him to suffer even if she didn't.



My gut instinct is to tell you to get out of there as fast as you can run, Gildar... because I've been there before....

But instead of just telling you outright what I think, because I know you're in our good old fashioned "Protection mode" (Since you're protecting her, you're not gonna want to hear me say she's acting like a bitch).... so I'm gonna let you prove my theory by yourself with a simple test.
BTmangan i seem to agree with you the most out of all the people here but not this time maybe because of lack of information but well thats unlikely.....it's most likely the fact that my protection mode is on.



Just like what Slyke and Iraneken said, take a step back. Those two are in a relationship and this was to be confidential between the two of you. Which is not and has resulted in more harm than good. I believe your intentions meant well but like you said, it has gone the opposite direction. Now, they need time to reevaluate their relationship. So for now, they need time for themselves. The best thing that you can do for them is to give them thier space.
Trust me everyone in our circle of friends know thy are together and that the guy has been way over-emotional the last week. Revaluation may be underway.. i was toldhat that yesterday is/was(on the day) an anniversary of their relationship


Yep. I would seriously back out of this one quick fast. We can be perceived as being manipulative by other types, so guess what he's thinking coupled with the knowledge you like/liked her.

Let it calm down. She'll come back when it's calm. Just try to let it go for the time being. It will cause you a lot of harm and possibly a massive fight if you don't.

It's her choice to be how she is. She can always choose you, you know, but she hasn't. She can't have the best of 2 worlds.
He doesn't believe in my intentions and mine are changing slowly since i can no longer can say i support their relationship anymore since my mind has settled....... depending on how the next few days go i don't know what i will do but it will not be manipulative but strait to the point.


i want to again say sorry for the lack of information and thank for all you have posted so far and further thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

(I have to go somewhere for a few hours I'll be back later)
 

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Discussion Starter #7 (Edited)
i think every INFJ knows something is wrong when they make these threads. Thank you for all your help. i followed it in a way and everything became much clearer



My defensive mode was destroying everything around my friends and apparently only her and I were the only ones that didn't realize this. I told her to get rid of him or i was leaving(much much nicer though) Her boyfriend had a long talk to with me and what was him yelling at me turned into making me understand what was truly happen that me and the woman couldn't see and then he finally forgave me. The woman settled down and everyone in our group have calmed down and beginning to heal. my friendships are saved and i understand everything clearer since everyone is now not hiding things anymore. thia was spiraling out of control with everyone having their own views because no one knew anything since everyone kept stuff to themselves. now the dust has to settle and then i can say it's over for good

the boyfriend is much better then he portrays himself it's just he cannot trust anyone other then his girlfriend.

the end outcome is not one i had predicted. i had planned for lots of different situations but half way through none of them were applicable. i did not expect there to be this outcome tat is potentially the most favourable. everyone is more open now and with this we are all coming to terms

Talk to this girl again... and in the conversation... I want you to ask her if she knows any beautiiful nice girls that you should try to hook up with. Tell her you'd really like to find a girlfriend, and that you want her help... you want her to be your "wingman", etc. Ask her if she knows any girls that would make a perfect match with you.

This is the test. If this girl is really you're friend, this statement won't bother her at all, and she'll be enthusiastic to help.

If she's using you, she'll stiffen up and look very uncomfortable when you start talking about dating. Use your intuition.

If she stiffens, get out of that situation as soon as you can. Best of luck, and I hope you're not nailed to a cross by the time this thing is over... knowing us... lmao xD
done the test after all of this and she want to help find someone for me:laughing:. she wants to pick one that she thinks will be just right for me:wink:
 

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My defensive mode was destroying everything around my friends and apparently only her and I were the only ones that didn't realize this.
See these threads a lot on the INFJ forums... sometimes we can pick up on little things, and it suddenly causes us to react defensively, stiffening up, and sending bad vibes of our own.

So what might have started as just a little thing gets progressively worse.

Sometimes... I mistakenly create confrontations because of my own tendency to do this.

done the test after all of this and she want to help find someone for me:laughing:. she wants to pick one that she thinks will be just right for me:wink:
Excellent. You got yourself a genuine friend!

Now you just need to get the bf to chill :laughing:
 
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