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Hi wonderful ENFP's, just a quick question hoping to gain som insight.

I have a female ENFP friend that has recently told me about a break up she has had recently, she confined in me randomly after I asked if she was okay over messages.

The break up was over a few months ago now and she said she likes to act like nothing is wrong and just be happy because if she lets it get to her it "consumes" her but being happy all the time is draining her and she feels like she is going to explode. She is also an insomniac and about 2 years ago was suffering from depression.

My questions are.
- how do you ENFP's handle a break up?
- what dose an Infirior SI look like in an ENFP and how do I spot it?
- how can I help this girl?
- what makes you feel better or worse?

Thanks ;)
 

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- I usually kind of go into a downward spiral of feeling miserable for a while, completely obsessing over the relationship and the person, thinking about all the things that happened. I mull over what-ifs and potential outcomes of past situations, ways I could've been better. I go back and forth between blaming myself/self-criticizing and blaming them/finding faults in their behavior.

- I obsess over all the details of the relationship. Discussions, events, behaviors, etc.

- I would be there for her and listen. I usually feel that it's hard for me because I try to handle it by myself and be strong/happy around people but completely crash down when I'm by myself. Checking in on her and providing support would be great. Show her it's not a blame game, try to help her work out her feelings and look toward the future.

- Makes me feel worse: running into them, running into situations that remind me of them, someone patronizing my feelings or suggesting they're not legitimate, someone trying to force me to move on. I need my time. Makes me feel better: having closure over what happened, being away from them while I work out my feelings, having a shoulder to cry on/listen and respect what I'm going through.



Hope that helped! :)
 

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Well, I got out of a horrible relationship with my daughters mom like... 4 years ago
I remember that I was... sad... for 2 months straight, mostly lying in my bed crying or being somewhat.. "pathetic" and going over to her place trying to convice her that i'm great
Then I dropped that... external part atleast; I hate her guts, but I still to this day long for what we had and still get quite sad thinking about it.

Buut then again, everyone's different and probably not as pathetic as me :)
 

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- I usually kind of go into a downward spiral of feeling miserable for a while, completely obsessing over the relationship and the person, thinking about all the things that happened. I mull over what-ifs and potential outcomes of past situations, ways I could've been better. I go back and forth between blaming myself/self-criticizing and blaming them/finding faults in their behavior.

- I obsess over all the details of the relationship. Discussions, events, behaviors, etc.

- I would be there for her and listen. I usually feel that it's hard for me because I try to handle it by myself and be strong/happy around people but completely crash down when I'm by myself. Checking in on her and providing support would be great. Show her it's not a blame game, try to help her work out her feelings and look toward the future.

- Makes me feel worse: running into them, running into situations that remind me of them, someone patronizing my feelings or suggesting they're not legitimate, someone trying to force me to move on. I need my time. Makes me feel better: having closure over what happened, being away from them while I work out my feelings, having a shoulder to cry on/listen and respect what I'm going through.



Hope that helped! :)
Sweet jesus that is so accurate. Question, what has worked for you to move on in the past for yourself? Time?
 

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I also get really down on myself. I think about what I did that was wrong and try to find solace in convincing myself the person was at fault when I actually believe I was the evil person even if it was mutual or he was worse than I. Then yeah obsess over it, try to come up with ways on how to make things right, and avoid obvious trends that imply I'm seriously hurting myself or that there is no way to come back. Although honestly, there probably is because ENFP's can be manipulative and talk their way out of anything (even if they don't do so with mal intent) I would be harsh truth with her, don't skirt around the truth. Tell her that although she may think something is salvagable if that's what she wants it shouldn't be. She won't believe you, but she'll start thinking about it. Get her introduced to new people. ENFP's in my opinion at least don't feel better until they come across the next best thing. Take her out, make her have fun and flirt with new guys (girls) and just be really supportive!
 

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Great that you want to be there for her, I'm sure she appreciates it A LOT :)

I was in a relationship for 5 years and it ended (badly) when I was 21 so hope I can help.

How do you ENFP's handle a break up?

Not too well. I saw mine as a sort of personal failure. I stopped eating, sleeping, working. I felt like I'm totally worthless and nothing matters anymore. I'm the type who will just go over and over the what if's, why did he say it, do that, maybe him smiling differently was a sign etc, that makes people around me crazy and I feel it's just better to stfu before everyone gets fed up with me :D.


What does an Infirior SI look like in an ENFP and how do I spot it?

I think it's the going over about situations over and over, looking for possible signs there were?

How can I help this girl?

I'd say just be there for her, let her know she can talk to you. Try to drag her out of her house if she seems depressed. If she starts to open up to you and goes over the same scenarios and what if's over and over and you get annoyed, try not to show it. I know it sounds silly, but I had my mom saying like "stop thinking and read a book, it's all in the past now so no point thinking about it anymore" I know she had my best interest but speaking about it and "making it make sense" in my head is how I deal with it. Someone reacting like that makes me just shut down and feel so much worse.

What makes you feel better or worse?

What made me feel better was going to places, parties, movies, trips etc. where I could just forget it for even an hour. At home I would just cry alone so "taking a break" was so needed. Also meeting new people/friends who appreciated me made me feel better about myself again. What made me feel worse was going to places that reminded me of him, people mentioning him. Also someone telling me to "let it go" and telling me I should be okay after 2 months made me feel worse.
 

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I would definitely recommend being there for her first off. She may rely on your feeling very heavily and be prepared for that. Try your hardest to remind her with what she wants to hear "You don't need them in your life", "You may not feel this way, but you'll find someone more important to you".

If you say something and she reacts overly negatively, do not say anything to that extent again.

Overall, she'll be okay, just help her as much as she'll let you. It's an internal problem that goes away in time.
 

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Great that you want to be there for her, I'm sure she appreciates it A LOT :)

I was in a relationship for 5 years and it ended (badly) when I was 21 so hope I can help.

How do you ENFP's handle a break up?

Not too well. I saw mine as a sort of personal failure. I stopped eating, sleeping, working. I felt like I'm totally worthless and nothing matters anymore. I'm the type who will just go over and over the what if's, why did he say it, do that, maybe him smiling differently was a sign etc, that makes people around me crazy and I feel it's just better to stfu before everyone gets fed up with me :D.


What does an Infirior SI look like in an ENFP and how do I spot it?

I think it's the going over about situations over and over, looking for possible signs there were?

How can I help this girl?

I'd say just be there for her, let her know she can talk to you. Try to drag her out of her house if she seems depressed. If she starts to open up to you and goes over the same scenarios and what if's over and over and you get annoyed, try not to show it. I know it's sounds silly, but I had my mom saying like "stop thinking and read a book, it's all in the past now so no point thinking about it anymore" I know she had my best interested but speaking about it ja "making it make sense" in my head is how I deal with it. Someone reacting like that makes me just shut down and feel so much worse.

What makes you feel better or worse?

What made me feel better was going to places, parties, movies, trips etc. where I could just forget it for even an hour. At home I would just cry alone so "taking a break" was so needed. Also meeting new people/friends who appreciated me made me feel better about myself again. What made me feel worse was going to places that reminded me of him, people mentioning him. Also someone telling me to "let it go" and telling me I should be okay after 2 months made me feel worse.
Haha once again me to a T. Funny how similar we can be hey?
 

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My questions are.
- how do you ENFP's handle a break up?
- what dose an Infirior SI look like in an ENFP and how do I spot it?
- how can I help this girl?
- what makes you feel better or worse?

Thanks ;)
First off sorry about your friend.

1. I'm not sure if it's type related - but when a relationship ends - I'll probably sulk in for a day or 2 and then I'll steer my mind towards being occupy /busy and entertained ; look for the next excitement next adventure , avoid talking about that certain ex and watch a lot of cornball comedies .

2. Inferior si - for me I start bringing up the past and then bitch about it - sense memory gets me very agitated, hold on to grudges for way too long ( it's easy for me to forgive but hard to forget ) , if engaged in argument then refuse to change topic ( these are all when I'm unhealthy )

On regular days
Forgetting to eat
Lose track of time
Don't feel pain as much ( thank god for that)
Forgetfulness
Being quite careless and carefree


Idk I'm not too fond of my Si - it's my least develop function and I hate si as a function all in general

3. I know it's cliche but just listen , offer an open ear , perhaps take her out for a walk or watch something that deals nothing with romance with her - like Space ball or South Park

4. Feel better - laughing
Worst - being told what to do


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