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I recently had a few adult family members take the personality test, most noticeably two separate couples scored INTJ (husband) & ESTJ (wife), and INTP (husband) & ESTJ (wife).

During family get-togethers, it is obvious the ESTJs are the more outgoing partners, policing and organizing the daily schedule and completing daily responsibilities while the INTx sits back. Though, it seems subconsciously, the INTxs are the dominant partners within the relationship, allowing the ESTJs to lead until a major decision/dispute revolves. Both of the ESTJ wives are stay-homes but play the stock market, while both INTx husbands are successful engineers.

Is this common among ESTJ and INTx relationships? See, I am confused how a female ESTJ functions and acts within a relationship, given the ESTJ masculine traits but the male dominance expectation in a relationship. Can anyone explain?

I have done research but received controversial information, some sources say ESTJ and INTP/INTJ are a good match, some say they are likely incompatible. I am aware about Jungian cognitive functions and not to base compatibility strictly on MBTI stereotypes.

Any clarification and/or testimonies would be greatly appreciated.
 

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@KanRen

So far everything you have said makes perfect sense. My dad is INTP and my mom is ENTJ. I am an ESTJ, my ex is an INTP, and my boyfriend is an INTJ. And this is basically how it goes.

While ESTJs like to be dominant and in control, ESTJ females also like the traditional roles of male dominance and female submission. We control little things to make ourselves feel in control.

With the INTP:
I would tell him what he had to do and where he had to be and make sure that things got done. Basically, I would take care of everything he found too mundane and boring and would rather leave up to other people. I enjoy the mundane and boring. I thrive on organizing the details of things. And INTPs love that as they hate to be bothered with those things. They're busy thinking about "more important" things. But I did allow him to "control" me, to some degree. This was actually a major problem in our relationship. I felt as if I had to be a specific type of person for him. I had to do things the way he wanted, I had to have the same opinions, etc. It became overbearing. But I liked his intellect, his insight, his understanding etc. I respected him for those things. And I was ok with saying "I know what I do well. This is what he does well. I'll listen and do things his way."

With the INTJ:
There is still the desire to take over aspects of his life and try to control and organize or "fix" them. However, I trust his Ni. Even when I don't understand what he is thinking or doing, I give him the benefit of the doubt and let him do it. I do frequently question him on it, trying to understand. And he loves to talk through as much as he can (Te), which I find fascinating. But a lot of the time, he can't explain Ni. He just follows his gut. He trusts it, and I trust him.
 

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@KanRen

So far everything you have said makes perfect sense. My dad is INTP and my mom is ENTJ. I am an ESTJ, my ex is an INTP, and my boyfriend is an INTJ. And this is basically how it goes.

While ESTJs like to be dominant and in control, ESTJ females also like the traditional roles of male dominance and female submission. We control little things to make ourselves feel in control.

With the INTP:
I would tell him what he had to do and where he had to be and make sure that things got done. Basically, I would take care of everything he found too mundane and boring and would rather leave up to other people. I enjoy the mundane and boring. I thrive on organizing the details of things. And INTPs love that as they hate to be bothered with those things. They're busy thinking about "more important" things. But I did allow him to "control" me, to some degree. This was actually a major problem in our relationship. I felt as if I had to be a specific type of person for him. I had to do things the way he wanted, I had to have the same opinions, etc. It became overbearing. But I liked his intellect, his insight, his understanding etc. I respected him for those things. And I was ok with saying "I know what I do well. This is what he does well. I'll listen and do things his way."

With the INTJ:
There is still the desire to take over aspects of his life and try to control and organize or "fix" them. However, I trust his Ni. Even when I don't understand what he is thinking or doing, I give him the benefit of the doubt and let him do it. I do frequently question him on it, trying to understand. And he loves to talk through as much as he can (Te), which I find fascinating. But a lot of the time, he can't explain Ni. He just follows his gut. He trusts it, and I trust him.
I think ESTJ females are in an interesting position because they have two paths to chose. They can support the traditional role like

you just described or they can push for women's rights because the ESTJ type itself likes to be in control of most situations. The

problem is that it can be a position of gender dominance over gender equality because of that control so it is best for the ESTJ female

to recognize that gender equality is the fair choice for both partners when in a relationship so that it benefits both the male and

female. As a society male and female roles have been pushed towards an act of partnership instead of submission which is better

when talking about problems before and after a relationship instead of going into conflict over what roles the gender should have.

Negotiating is better then arguing before and after a relationship because both partners would be able to understand each other.
 

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I recently had a few adult family members take the personality test, most noticeably two separate couples scored INTJ (husband) & ESTJ (wife), and INTP (husband) & ESTJ (wife).

During family get-togethers, it is obvious the ESTJs are the more outgoing partners, policing and organizing the daily schedule and completing daily responsibilities while the INTx sits back. Though, it seems subconsciously, the INTxs are the dominant partners within the relationship, allowing the ESTJs to lead until a major decision/dispute revolves. Both of the ESTJ wives are stay-homes but play the stock market, while both INTx husbands are successful engineers.

Is this common among ESTJ and INTx relationships? See, I am confused how a female ESTJ functions and acts within a relationship, given the ESTJ masculine traits but the male dominance expectation in a relationship. Can anyone explain?

I have done research but received controversial information, some sources say ESTJ and INTP/INTJ are a good match, some say they are likely incompatible. I am aware about Jungian cognitive functions and not to base compatibility strictly on MBTI stereotypes.

Any clarification and/or testimonies would be greatly appreciated.
It is difficult to answer your question without understanding the surrounding culture. Culture, upbringing and scoioeconomic status play very important factors in this issue.

The topic is too wide for any of us to go into specifics, but a Western culture (e.g. the US, UK, EU) would be very different from Arabic, Chinese, Indian, Japanese, or some other culture.

Elites of any society would raise their children differently from the middle class or the underclass. Their female children tend to hold more power, and access to information. This is generally true across cultures.

Things get even more complicated if you have partners of different cultural background, and so on.
 

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My BF is ESTJ, I'd say he is quite domineering, type A person. His first impulse might be to go for your traditional submissive housewife-type woman but he told me it would work for a little while and then he'd get bored with her. He admits that in the long run he wants a PARTNER, a person who is just as rational and stubborn and no-nonsense as he is, he doesn't want a doll that nods in agreement even before he opens his mouth.
As for the relationship hierarchy, I'd put it this way. He sits at the wheel and I got the shotgun seat, holding the GPS. He does the driving and seems to be the active and dominant person, while I sit and enjoy the ride. I am happy to delegate some of the responsibility/power in exchange for a safe drive but once he starts to steer somewhere I'm not comfortable with, I re-adjust his course to go the way I want it.

I think that INTJ/ESTJ may be compatible in a way, there are many obstacles to overcome but it can be very enriching relationship for both parties if they are willing to make it work. INTJs may tend to be on the abstract/dreamy side, ESTJ may be a good thing to ground them and make them more focused on practical tasks and actual implementation of their superb ideas. ESTJs may tend to be a bit shallow and judgmental but if INTJ can bring rational arguments to discussion, it happens that something that looked like "set to stone" opinion of ESTJ can shift rather radically towards more open and empathic view.
 

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I'm giving this reply based on my very happy relationship with an ESTJ male as an INTJ female.

After 4 years of being together, rarely fighting and a looming marriage soon, I believe the key is compromise and healthy boundary setting.

While it is natural to assume that our xxTJ difference will be the challenge, I think it actually became our strength. His S keeps me grounded to reality and his E helps me get out of retreating too far into my head when I get stressed and actually keeps me sane. In return, I make sure to flood him with appreciation and inspire him whenever he feels burned out. As an INTJ, I would rather say the uncomfortable truth than to say something that I don't believe in so when I compliment him, he knows it's genuine.

I think in some areas of the relationship, I let him lead me since I know he's stronger in those areas and I appreciate that he lets me make the decisions on some items that matter to me.

As an INTJ, I love the stability he provides. Not sure what's in it for him but last time I asked, he just told me not to worry because he feels very very loved?

Hehe.. Like I said... Compromise.
 

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Choosing a traditional gender role in a relationship and being for women's rights are not at odds with each other. It's the ability to choose, not the choice made.
 
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My aunt and uncle are ESTJ and INTJ

I am not around them that much when they are together, so im not completely sure how it works for them, but they've been together for 40+ years so I assume it works really well. everyday she comes and visits us, but the INTJ husband never visits xD he likes to go hunting alone a lot too, mostly because she talks to much scaring everything away lol
 
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