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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Negative things too. But I have yet to know why they are. Why? Because she's 20 years older than me? Because she lives in a different state? Because she's the first woman I've had, so therefore I must be too stupid and naïve to know what's good for me? Why can't they be happy that I actually have her? The only painful thing is that I don't always get to see her. But I really doubt someone just as good is gonna jump out of nowhere in my own city. That's never happened before, and I'm already 42.
 

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Hah, I remember when a female friend of mine nonchalantly talked shit about my sister without knowing we were related. I stopped her mid-sentence, told her she had no idea what she was talking about, and that she should shut her fucking mouth. That was the end of it. We remained good friends (sort of intimate) for many years, and she also became friends with my sister. But, that's family.

As for love interest. Most people are not worth losing ones social network or job over. Besides, she should be able to fight her own battles. If she loses a fight, she can come home and cry, that's fine. That's what relationships are for. But if she hasn't evolved beyond needing daddy there to fight all her battles, well, then she can go find herself a daddy instead.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Nah, she'd more likely stick up to them than I would. She's a 5 that seems to integrate to 8 a lot. She knows I can be a softie at times, and I think she realizes she can't demand anything different from me. She wouldn't want to because she'd feel like she's being too bossy. We respect each other's autonomy. @Skimt
 
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Discussion Starter #5
I'm just generally disappointed in them and question whether they're really my friends if they can't just say these things to my face.
 

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Btw, my gf is one of my best friends and is a better friend than those women, so I'd actually sabotage them before I'd ever sabotage her.
 

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Negative things too. But I have yet to know why they are. Why? Because she's 20 years older than me? Because she lives in a different state? Because she's the first woman I've had, so therefore I must be too stupid and naïve to know what's good for me? Why can't they be happy that I actually have her? The only painful thing is that I don't always get to see her. But I really doubt someone just as good is gonna jump out of nowhere in my own city. That's never happened before, and I'm already 42.
Dump away those female "friends"? They don't seem like friends anyway.
Your female "friends" reminds me of those bitchy women I encountered in one of my previous jobs, they are always asking about my personal life, and then when they heard that I wanted to remain a virgin until marriage, they mocked at my beliefs and even tried pressurizing me to read some porno books.
Obviously, I don't consider those bitchy women as my friends. I have high standards when it comes to friendships, and such bitchy women are only good enough to be casual acquaintances, but they aren't someone whom I would ever consider a friend.

I saw you typed yourself as an sx. As an sx myself, I'd say that finding one true love is much more precious than having a bunch of fake friendships.
Some people took an entire lifetime and never managed to find someone they could love.
But you're fortunate enough to find someone you love. So just follow your heart and be with the person whom makes you happy. Never give in to peer pressure.
If you cut off a fake friend from your life, you can easily make another friend (and they will be someone who will be a much better friend toward you).
Fair-weather friendships are replaceable. But true love/real friendships is different, true love/real friendships is irreplaceable.
It isn't easy to find someone you could truly love, and if you cut them off from your life, you will never be able to meet another true love again and you might end up regretting for an entire lifetime. So if I were you, I would cut off those bitchy women and continue to be in a relationship with my lover.

Also, you don't really need many friends anyway. It's much better to have one true friend than a bunch of fake friends surrounding you.
 
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Also, someone who gossips behind your back is never a friend!! They are a wolf in sheep's clothing, pretending to be a nice person when deep down they actually disliked you. In fact, I remembered reading an article before that only half our friends truly liked us. So if you have 10 friends, there are only 5 of them who truly like you, and the other 5 of them might be frenemy in disguise.
Google the term "frenemy" and you will understand what I'm talking about.
 
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Yeah, the best thing to do is ditch anyone you'd consider a "friend" rather than a friend. Personally I don't think you should even talk to them about it, I'd just stop talking to them and cut them out completely. Anyone should be considered untrustworthy if they're talking negatively about you or the person you love most behind your back, all they'll do is make you feel worse and in the end they're not worth it.
 

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Don't listen. If anyone is different, or wears or does anything different, people will say it's because they they're showing off or insecure or using the other person, etc. The thing is, the same could be said about many "normal" people as well, but people don't question their motives.

When I've had good fortune, many people tended to be critical instead of happy for me. For example, after I'd already bought my dream car, people wanted to criticize my choice (even the color). Only one friend said she was really happy for me. If I mention travel plans, people want to warn me about crime, weather, etc., in that country

I had a boyfriend half my age. He was such a remarkable person that age was irrelevant. (Unfortunately, we broke up because of a seemingly insurmountable obstacle.)

I knew a young lady who was overweight and had a crappy job and crappy life. She completely turned her life around, and got lots of flak from the people in her life. She said, "Some people only love you when you're down."

It's sad to leave old "friends" behind. Maybe you can remain cordial with them, but it might be time to recognize the limitations of these friendships.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
@Schizoid @Jaune @islandlight Yeah, I wouldn't have anything to do with those 2 women. But its just that one of my best guy friends, and he's a real friend, well he's in a relationship with one of those women. And the other women is considered like their best lady friend. The funny thing is that those women like to illegitimize my relationship with my woman. But I think my friend's relationship with her seems less legit than my relationship. My friend is a self-forgetting 9w8. When he started hanging out with his woman he even told me he wasn't in the least physically attracted to her. He just wanted to be her friend. But I think from the get go she recognized he was self-forgetting and "weak". Right away she was acting like his lover, physically touching him like that and everything. Next thing you know they're a "couple" and she lives with him. And now she's even planning marriage, which he doesn't really wanna do. But he's just kinda going along with things. Btw, he thinks about other women when they do it. His woman has also expressed that I'm a "great man". So I think there's a lot of jealousy involved, and she doesn't wanna see my relationship as the loving and real relationship that it is. My woman and I can clearly see the sheer hypocrisy of those 2 women judging our relationship.
 

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@Schizoid @Jaune @islandlight Yeah, I wouldn't have anything to do with those 2 women. But its just that one of my best guy friends, and he's a real friend, well he's in a relationship with one of those women. And the other women is considered like their best lady friend. The funny thing is that those women like to illegitimize my relationship with my woman. But I think my friend's relationship with her seems less legit than my relationship. My friend is a self-forgetting 9w8. When he started hanging out with his woman he even told me he wasn't in the least physically attracted to her. He just wanted to be her friend. But I think from the get go she recognized he was self-forgetting and "weak". Right away she was acting like his lover, physically touching him like that and everything. Next thing you know they're a "couple" and she lives with him. And now she's even planning marriage, which he doesn't really wanna do. But he's just kinda going along with things. Btw, he thinks about other women when they do it. His woman has also expressed that I'm a "great man". So I think there's a lot of jealousy involved, and she doesn't wanna see my relationship as the loving and real relationship that it is. My woman and I can clearly see the sheer hypocrisy of those 2 women judging our relationship.
Yeah, it would definitely be hard to cut them out of your life because of that. Of course you shouldn't have to stop hanging out with one of your best friends just because his significant other is like that. It's going to be hard and frustrating, but it's probably just best to ignore the three women as best you can, know that you don't owe them anything or even have to be their friend, just be civil since they're connected to your best friend. I can't explain their behavior as I'm not them nor have I been anywhere near their shoes, sometimes people are just fake and judgmental and it really sucks. As long as you and your significant other understand the situation I think you're handling it the right way.
 

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If she thinks you're a great man, it's possible she's genuinely concerned about you.
I don't think it's a typical thing to shit talk about your boyfriend's friends girlfriend due to jealousy.

I'd suggest you chat with your friends, tell them that you're happy and could they at least consider giving your girlfriend a fair chance before they judge her.

If that doesn't work, you know when you walk away that you've lost nothing worthwhile. If it does work, you might just find yourself with a good girlfriend and a few good friends.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
I've found out from my guy friend that the talking behind the back just might have as much or more to do with the other lady friend than his gf. That lady friend is a 1w9 and is quick to pass judgment on people, and I guess my guy friend's gf listens to a lot of things she says as though they're infallible truths. That lady friend thinks my gf is taking advantage of me because I'm mentally ill. But she's never even met her. Its all because my gf smoked cigs in the motel room I paid for, and that could've got me a hefty fine. Well yeah, so what? Is she really gonna hold one mistake she made almost a year ago above her head when she doesn't even know her? It was just as much my fault for letting her do it. Plus I was more than happy to share her weed with her in that room. Maybe I'm taking advantage of her because she has a mental illness herself? No, not really, but I could make that argument. She has bipolar and I have schizophrenia.
 

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Your analysis has merit. I don't know much about enneagram, but some people are quick to jump on the "He/she is just using him/her" bandwagon.

If she were really a friend, I think she'd discuss her concerns with you personally--in which case you could just say, "Thanks, but we're fine."

I hope you can forget the gossip and just enjoy your relationship.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Nobody is anyone's lady romanticly.
rolls eyes Whatever. Then I guess I'm a male chauvinist pig because I say that, even though it wouldn't bother me if she called me her man. Sorry, PC semantics bug the shit out of me sometimes. I know. She's her own lady. But why do I even have to explain that? It should be obvious that its just a figure of speech, unless you're automatically gonna assume the worst, that I actually believe I own her as a possession.
 

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Negative things too. But I have yet to know why they are. Why? Because she's 20 years older than me? Because she lives in a different state? Because she's the first woman I've had, so therefore I must be too stupid and naïve to know what's good for me? Why can't they be happy that I actually have her? The only painful thing is that I don't always get to see her. But I really doubt someone just as good is gonna jump out of nowhere in my own city. That's never happened before, and I'm already 42.
Let 'em talk. If the two of you are happy and love each other, that's all that really matters.
 
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