Fi or Fe?

00Hikaru00 said:

When you say INFJ/ENFJ act as though they feel the pain of others, are you saying they're pretending? I'm trying to grapple with this because when I see someone in pain, I put myself in their shoes and imagine how I would feel if I were them, and that's how I am able to empathise. Is this "pretending" (act as though) in your opinion? Note that I'm associating your "act as though" to "pretending". If this isn't what you mean, pls correct me.

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Oh, I don't mind explaining at all. I don't mean that they are pretending To put it another way, as far as I can observe, their actions indicate that they feel the pain of other people. This empathy is deep within them and completely sincere. I would agree with how you describe your way of empathizing with how I have observed it.

so when you say, "As a Fi-dom, I relate to others by drawing on my own experiences and "recreating" their feelings inside me", does it mean you can't understand or recreate that feeling if you have not experienced a similar situation before? And when you do, do you inject your personal, subjective feelings into it?

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For Fi, I admit I don't understand it completely myself (haha!), I think partly because there is a lot of negative said about it (Fi-doms are selfish, unempathetic, etc). But I don't become the other person, like an Fe-user would. I don't put myself in another's shoes. Since Fi is a "vetted", judging function, ultimately my understanding of others comes from understanding myself first. So if someone is going through hard times, I would be able to relate to them best by drawing on my own experiences first and then be sympathetic. It is more difficult to understand someone going through something I have never experienced, but all that means is that it takes me longer (and I may not express it outwardly) to empathize with them but I get there eventually by synthesizing empathy from approximately similar experiences (different from actual memories/experiences). I have not considered before if I would put my own personal feelings into this synthesis, but I likely would especinally since Fi is personal to begin with. I'm also an Ne/Si with a strong well of memories, which may make it easier for me to do this, so a Se/Ni may be different.

I hope this explains it some! If not, feel free to ask again lol. Fi and Fe is not easy. D:

00Hikaru00 said:

you empathise and believe that person must be feeling the same way you did? ... people are all made different and not everyone feels the same way in one given situation. How do you reconcile that as a Fi-dom?

What bugs me is the comments made by several Fi-doms insinuating that Fe is "fake/inauthentic" ... As a Fe-aux user, I don't proclaim to understand everyone's emotions. I imagine it on me and try to understand. There are also times I don't understand and I state so. "I don't get why you're so upset over this" is a statement I've made many times before.

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Oooh, dear! I am so sorry that those Fi-doms would say that about Fe. I actually have the opposite opinion, and really admire Fe. In some ways I could go without being called selfish and unempathetic but I feel the Fi's personal identity too much. I wouldn't know how to live without it. I certainly don't proclaim to understand myself, let alone others, but I do sincerely believe that we all have strengths and weaknesses and there are no bad personality types or functions.

To answer your question in the first paragraph, I do recognize that we all bring our own experiences to the table and I at best approximate how the person might be feeling in general, not specifically. It's a launching pad to start a discussion about their emotional state if possible. If not, I can empathise with them anyway so nothing is lost.

Birbsofafeather said:

I'm not going to claim that other Fi doms do this, I know that I'm quite emotional. It's hard to describe because someone telling me their issues is the most intense thing I can feel, it's the most engaged my body and mind is. I'm the sort that will cry at the troubles of others even if they aren't that upset. I just get into it.

For me, there isn't much cognitive processing going on when someone is telling me about their troubles. It doesn't feel like I'm recreating their feelings, it's more like they are allowing me into their head to feel them. In that instant, I am them whether or not I want to be. We're sharing emotions. When it finally comes time for me to give advice, it's quite a good feeling...

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Very interesting, birbs! Being angry makes me cry very easily, and if others are hurting and crying I tend to cry as well - I don't even feel sad per se but I simply hate seeing them sad, especially if I can't help them. Unfortunately I am not very emotional outwardly - I feel strong feelings but it takes a lot for me to cry about something inside of me. On the other hand my INFJ husband cries super easily and so does the other ENFJ I mentioned, who is a guy. This is something I have struggled with my entire life, especially when I read that it's quite typical for INFPs to cry very easily. >_>

@jetser, that is a really interesting take on the two and I pretty much agree!