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Discussion Starter #1
Hey everyone.

Long story short, I made an ENFP friend at work, and we were fine for a while until I said something that she took the wrong way and blew up at me. She ditched me and I pretty much just tried to move on from her. However, now after around a month since the blowup, she's been trying to be more physically closer to me at work and it's making me feel awkward around her. She would look at me like she wanted to tell me something, but I avoided her eyes, so nothing is said.

As an ENFP, why would you do that to someone? To cast them away and stay angry at them only so that sometime down the road you keep doing, well... what my ex-friend is doing? What would you want to happen in this situation?
 

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Huh...that's not something I would ever do. Friends > pretty much everything else I have. I pretty much never blow up as a result of taking something the wrong way as I prefer to figure out why you would say something, before I get mad. But nonetheless, it happens. When it does, I cool down extremely quickly, and apologize within a day of said fight. If I wanted to apologize, I'd be completely direct about it. I'm not sure what she's playing at, but I would guess she wants to rekindle the friendship, but is afraid to do make the first move? Perhaps you could bring it up, if you wanted to.
 

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Huh...that's not something I would ever do. Friends > pretty much everything else I have. I pretty much never blow up as a result of taking something the wrong way as I prefer to figure out why you would say something, before I get mad. But nonetheless, it happens. When it does, I cool down extremely quickly, and apologize within a day of said fight. If I wanted to apologize, I'd be completely direct about it. I'm not sure what she's playing at, but I would guess she wants to rekindle the friendship, but is afraid to do make the first move? Perhaps you could bring it up, if you wanted to.
The only explanation I could give you for her strange behavior would be that she hasn't been exactly living the most privileged life ever, and she's been through some hardships. She seems very serious, always thinking and glaring at the floor. But talking to her, I realize how sensitive and full of creativity she has deep down. I was as gentle to her as you would with a deer, and she clung onto me for dear life.
 

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The only explanation I could give you for her strange behavior would be that she hasn't been exactly living the most privileged life ever, and she's been through some hardships. She seems very serious, always thinking and glaring at the floor. But talking to her, I realize how sensitive and full of creativity she has deep down. I was as gentle to her as you would with a deer, and she clung onto me for dear life.
I guess she might've gotten attached to you, but I still don't see why she wouldn't have said something after the fight. I personally don't see how having a rough life and clearing things up are correlated. It does seem kind of obvious she wants to say something, so ask her straight out?
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I guess she might've gotten attached to you, but I still don't see why she wouldn't have said something after the fight. I personally don't see how having a rough life and clearing things up are correlated. It does seem kind of obvious she wants to say something, so ask her straight out?
Most ENFPs are quick to forgive and move on for harmony's sake. Have you directly talked to her about it?
When she blew up at me, I kept asking her what was it that I did or said that made her angry. She was all like "Oh you treat me badly at work, and you've been doing it to our mutual friends as well, etc etc." which is a huge lie because I've been nothing but kind to everybody at our job. Even when she stopped talking to me, our mutual friends all came to me and asked me if I was okay and if I was mad at them. I said no and we're still friends. In fact, they're all complaining about her irrational behaviors as of late.

I just don't know what to say to her, really. The only thing I may be able to do is maybe start something very slow, like, "Thanks for helping me." and "Good morning".

It's gonna take some balls, though. :3
 

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When she blew up at me, I kept asking her what was it that I did or said that made her angry. She was all like "Oh you treat me badly at work, and you've been doing it to our mutual friends as well, etc etc." which is a huge lie because I've been nothing but kind to everybody at our job. Even when she stopped talking to me, our mutual friends all came to me and asked me if I was okay and if I was mad at them. I said no and we're still friends. In fact, they're all complaining about her irrational behaviors as of late.

I just don't know what to say to her, really. The only thing I may be able to do is maybe start something very slow, like, "Thanks for helping me." and "Good morning".

It's gonna take some balls, though. :3

Yeah, reading the post back it's more asking what is going on in the ENFP's mind rather than how to fix the situation. However, my solution would at least get the ball rolling.
^^ That's true. It is best to try something and just talk to her again. I would clear the air and ask for forgiveness (I have Wicked's For Good stuck in my head), just to make sure there aren't any hidden pockets of resentment remaining. As for her getting mad, that doesn't sound super ENFP (but who am I to say what is and isn't ENFP) to be mad at something that vague. If I'm upset, I'll specifically point at what made me upset, and I'd never drag mutual friends into this.
 

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^^ That's true. It is best to try something and just talk to her again. I would clear the air and ask for forgiveness (I have Wicked's For Good stuck in my head), just to make sure there aren't any hidden pockets of resentment remaining. As for her getting mad, that doesn't sound super ENFP (but who am I to say what is and isn't ENFP) to be mad at something that vague. If I'm upset, I'll specifically point at what made me upset, and I'd never drag mutual friends into this.

Yeah it doesn't seem very ENFP-ish. I'm no expert though; just a passing admirer.
 

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I'm quick to forgive, so probably I wouldn't do this, because there wouldn't be a long time before I tried to make good with a close friend...

That is, unless you did something AWFUL (real or imagined) and her trying to get physically close is because she's ACHING to forgive you and restore harmony, but to whatever you did was so hurtful or immoral to her, she's having trouble making that step. That's all I can figure.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Alright, the TRUE story behind all of this is because her boyfriend (who also worked with us all) dumped her. Then she became really emotional and was texting me during the wee hours of the morning complaining about him. I was there for her, and tried to comfort her. Then I said something about her ex being a pill popping blah blah blah (She sent me the 'break-up' texts they both shared and fowarded them all to me... he said in his texts "I've gone back to pills because of you, etc." and I thought when he meant "pills" he meant street drugs. I found out through another friend of his that he took medicine for his anxiety. I didn't knew that and I did felt bad, but the damage was done.) and immediately she took offense to it. Now, I know maybe I shouldn't have been rough on her ex even if he ever did do drugs... because who the hell am I to say that... I said that about him to make her be like "Ha ha yeah I guess he is a loser and I should just move on". Nope. :/

If I knew he took pills as medication for his anxiety, I wouldn't have called him names. But when I read the word "pills" I kind of thought otherwise. His friend (who is also my very good friend now) was like, "You didn't knew that so it was an honest mistake."
 

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o_o I, personally, would not get mad at that. I'd just clarify what I meant, but given her emotional state at the time, perhaps it would be different. However, when someone explains what they meant (especially if they, like you, had good intentions), I would easily forgive them. Looks like you caught her at a rough moment. This only points more and more to talking to her about it :p Maybe not like BAM right away, but within the first week of talking again. After all the "How have you been"s and what not.
 

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o_o I, personally, would not get mad at that. I'd just clarify what I meant, but given her emotional state at the time, perhaps it would be different. However, when someone explains what they meant (especially if they, like you, had good intentions), I would easily forgive them. Looks like you caught her at a rough moment. This only points more and more to talking to her about it :p Maybe not like BAM right away, but within the first week of talking again. After all the "How have you been"s and what not.
I'm just so scared, lmao!

I mean, I still have her number. What I might do is, just slowly talk to her again (just short sentences) at work, and then after a week, just text her and see how she's doing.

Would that be okay?
 

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I... I don't get it.

I can't come up with any reason why she would be mad over a text. Unless the way you're handling her initial reaction is intimidating her... I find the more people react to something I messed up on, the more embarrassed I am. Maybe she feels as if you are judging her.

Also, besides that moment, how have you guys continued to fight?
 

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This doesn't sound like something I would do either. I am also quick to forget and forgive.

Some of the other posters have offered really good information. Hopefully, everything is back to normal soon.
 

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I'm just so scared, lmao!

I mean, I still have her number. What I might do is, just slowly talk to her again (just short sentences) at work, and then after a week, just text her and see how she's doing.

Would that be okay?
That's what I would do. Start off like you just met her, and then step into it.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
I... I don't get it.

I can't come up with any reason why she would be mad over a text. Unless the way you're handling her initial reaction is intimidating her... I find the more people react to something I messed up on, the more embarrassed I am. Maybe she feels as if you are judging her.

Also, besides that moment, how have you guys continued to fight?
Bold words: Well, after she told me about me being supposedly nasty to her/our friends, I would ask her did I do or said that was so nasty. She didn't replied so I said "I don't know why you would say that when I've been nothing but kind to you all" and she's like "Not really." which REALLY baffled me and I asked her one last time just what in the world she meant by that. Again, she doesn't reply. So I sent her this:

"Know what. Just forget it, I thought you were different but I guess I was wrong. Thank you for wasting my time trying to be there for you when you had your heart smashed by (Her ex's name here). Don't talk or text me ever again. Peace out."

The part where I said about her being different was because before all of this happened, she would tell me time and time again how "Oh, I'm not like other girls and their stupid mind games and thirst for drama. I'm real and I'm honest, etc."

Maybe I got carried away with that last text, I don't know, but I was pretty hurt and pissed at how she treated me so I kind of just went all out on her. Maybe that's why she can't talk to me in the flesh but still tries to be very close to me.

That's what I would do. Start off like you just met her, and then step into it.
Alright, thank you!
 

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Bold words: Well, after she told me about me being supposedly nasty to her/our friends, I would ask her did I do or said that was so nasty. She didn't replied so I said "I don't know why you would say that when I've been nothing but kind to you all" and she's like "Not really." which REALLY baffled me and I asked her one last time just what in the world she meant by that. Again, she doesn't reply. So I sent her this:

"Know what. Just forget it, I thought you were different but I guess I was wrong. Thank you for wasting my time trying to be there for you when you had your heart smashed by (Her ex's name here). Don't talk or text me ever again. Peace out."

The part where I said about her being different was because before all of this happened, she would tell me time and time again how "Oh, I'm not like other girls and their stupid mind games and thirst for drama. I'm real and I'm honest, etc."

Maybe I got carried away with that last text, I don't know, but I was pretty hurt and pissed at how she treated me so I kind of just went all out on her. Maybe that's why she can't talk to me in the flesh but still tries to be very close to me.



Alright, thank you!
No problemo! In response to your last message, I think you were a bit overboard. No doubt you were frustrated and puzzled, but some of those words are pretty harsh. I don't agree with her behavior, but that could have intimidated her from really approaching you again, so instead, she hints at you, hoping you understand. Some ENFPs, or just people in general, can take that seriously, meaning they WILL not talk to you again, if that's what you asked for. I, however, am not one of those ENFPs/people xD
 

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No problemo! In response to your last message, I think you were a bit overboard. No doubt you were frustrated and puzzled, but some of those words are pretty harsh. I don't agree with her behavior, but that could have intimidated her from really approaching you again, so instead, she hints at you, hoping you understand. Some ENFPs, or just people in general, can take that seriously, meaning they WILL not talk to you again, if that's what you asked for. I, however, am not one of those ENFPs/people xD
Yeah. I did reacted a little too violently. Now when I reread that last text, I can't help but feel sick about myself. Cause I know if someone sent me that, I'd feel horrible to the core.

I'll just reintroduce to myself to her slowly again. I just hope she doesn't kill me in my sleep. >>
(just kidding of course)
 
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