Fighting
I was wondering what other INFJs opinion on fighting was. Fighting upsets me terribly, and gives me anxiety attacks. I consider myself a pacifist, and I try not to fight, and it upsets me to see other people fighting. Do any other INFJs feel this way? Reading about my type, and how we prefer to make others feel better, rather than antagonize, it makes sense to me that many other INFJs wouldn't enjoy fighting or watching fighting, unlike many other people, who enjoy fighting. I also may be wrong though, because it seems like most people I meet think I'm weird for not liking to see people at each other's throats. What is your opinion on fighting?
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I used to be a fierce fighter, physical and verbal, until I hit the hormone stage, but ever since I am, like you, quite a pacifist. I get anxiety attacks from simply imagining how a fight starts, I dread especially the very beginning of physical fights when tension is unbearable, even to the random observer. I myself panic internally when someone openly defies me with brute, aggressive, animal energy. I hate that, this primitive side of humans.
BUT... I am another person altogether when I am protecting someone or a belief that is an integral part of my worldview. It will awaken the warrior in me and nothing scares or intimidates me anymore. I guess it's a necessary balancing out of our otherwise overly accepting/ empathetic/ pacifistic attitude, which I sometimes see as passive.
It reminds me of movies where the hero gets supernatural powers and unshakable inner strength when s/he needs to protect loved ones or what s/he believes in. So melodramatic :tongue:
BUT... I am another person altogether when I am protecting someone or a belief that is an integral part of my worldview. It will awaken the warrior in me and nothing scares or intimidates me anymore. I guess it's a necessary balancing out of our otherwise overly accepting/ empathetic/ pacifistic attitude, which I sometimes see as passive.
It reminds me of movies where the hero gets supernatural powers and unshakable inner strength when s/he needs to protect loved ones or what s/he believes in. So melodramatic :tongue:
Out of 4 physical fights I was ever in I only started 1 of them, and it was to get a point across, bullies won't stop until you retaliate.
Verbal fights Ive only had with my family and I have fought back with just emotion on my mind and other times Ive pretended to be mad just to put an end to it, people screaming stresses me out so I go full psycho mode verbally to end it. Kind of like putting out a fire with an explosion, manipulative? probably but it brings peace faster somehow, its like people want to know that theyve gotten you just as mad as they are to feel like theyve won or at least to be on an equal playing field, they tend to get more emotional if you dont share with their emotion. Too bad Its all an act on my part LOLOL
Verbal fights Ive only had with my family and I have fought back with just emotion on my mind and other times Ive pretended to be mad just to put an end to it, people screaming stresses me out so I go full psycho mode verbally to end it. Kind of like putting out a fire with an explosion, manipulative? probably but it brings peace faster somehow, its like people want to know that theyve gotten you just as mad as they are to feel like theyve won or at least to be on an equal playing field, they tend to get more emotional if you dont share with their emotion. Too bad Its all an act on my part LOLOL
I hate witnessing a fight or one on the verge of happening. Can't take watching people try to hurt each other. The aggression and the violence freaks me out. Particularly.... I mean even without fighting, it's that intention of harm and violence. The rage in their eyes, the tension in their bodies and voices, the force they're building up. That intention to decimate just gets to me. To see one person want to make a person disabled, in pain and/or lifeless... it's horrible. To see a person just not care at all.
In saying all this I am like miyachanfan in that when something important to me is threatened I will stand up against it and fight if it seems necessary. So far this has only been verbal fighting however. There have been a couple of times when I have put myself in a dangerous near-fight situation to help someone who was being victimised, fortunately I didn't need to physically fight but I definitely would have if the aggressor took it there.
I find casual fighting hard to understand. Fighting is one reason why I disliked going out at night in one city I lived in - the bar/club scene there often seemed to involve guys getting into pointless fights. And jostling between bouncers and drunk/aggravated people. A flatmate once tried to explain to me about how fun fights are - he'd fought with friends at home where they ended up shattering glass everywhere, breaking furniture and of course feeling quite sore the next day. He was quite happy as he talked about how sometimes it's just the right thing to go out and have a punch-up, it's actually a nice experience. I suppose it gives him a sense of being alive, plus soothing from endorphins. I still think causing hurt for no good reason is despicable.
I do really love martial arts and playfighting though. I like having the skills and strength. But when I would accidentally hurt someone while sparring I would feel really bad. So it was kind of an odd mix. I guess I enjoy having an outlet for aggressive energy, but I don't want people to suffer for it.
In saying all this I am like miyachanfan in that when something important to me is threatened I will stand up against it and fight if it seems necessary. So far this has only been verbal fighting however. There have been a couple of times when I have put myself in a dangerous near-fight situation to help someone who was being victimised, fortunately I didn't need to physically fight but I definitely would have if the aggressor took it there.
I find casual fighting hard to understand. Fighting is one reason why I disliked going out at night in one city I lived in - the bar/club scene there often seemed to involve guys getting into pointless fights. And jostling between bouncers and drunk/aggravated people. A flatmate once tried to explain to me about how fun fights are - he'd fought with friends at home where they ended up shattering glass everywhere, breaking furniture and of course feeling quite sore the next day. He was quite happy as he talked about how sometimes it's just the right thing to go out and have a punch-up, it's actually a nice experience. I suppose it gives him a sense of being alive, plus soothing from endorphins. I still think causing hurt for no good reason is despicable.
I do really love martial arts and playfighting though. I like having the skills and strength. But when I would accidentally hurt someone while sparring I would feel really bad. So it was kind of an odd mix. I guess I enjoy having an outlet for aggressive energy, but I don't want people to suffer for it.
I see exactly what you mean, the ridiculously senseless fights a few lower chakra people like having is sth I fail to understand. What possible pleasure can they derive from hitting one another and breaking furniture? Unfulfilled, sad souls.
I love to fight. As long as its for the right reasons. I love to defend people. I fought when I was younger and beat up some bullies. Now that I'm older I don't get to do a lot of fighting with my fists, mostly with words lol.
I don't do fighting. At all.
Problematically, I have some . . . rather antagonistic personalities in my family, so that has always been tough. I've dealt too often with being told that I'm "too emotional," and, "need a thicker skin," and, "people wouldn't bother me so much if I wasn't easy prey." I have contentions with this thinking, but often bought into it through my teens and early adulthood.
I tend to have issues with becoming extremely emotionally distressed when there is fighting and struggle with severe anxiety responses during charged conflicts. If I can't escape, the response gets rather hysterical, and I feel disgusted with myself after.
Even within the context of reasonable disagreement . . . I can handle that, but I still feel my heart rate go up.
Problematically, I have some . . . rather antagonistic personalities in my family, so that has always been tough. I've dealt too often with being told that I'm "too emotional," and, "need a thicker skin," and, "people wouldn't bother me so much if I wasn't easy prey." I have contentions with this thinking, but often bought into it through my teens and early adulthood.
I tend to have issues with becoming extremely emotionally distressed when there is fighting and struggle with severe anxiety responses during charged conflicts. If I can't escape, the response gets rather hysterical, and I feel disgusted with myself after.
Even within the context of reasonable disagreement . . . I can handle that, but I still feel my heart rate go up.
It just happens automatically. Bam, bam, BAM!! The heart is considered the most powerful emitter of EM waves in a human (I dunno if it's true) by some, and in many cultures, especially esoteric traditions, the most intelligent and sensitive part of us... What we cannot comprehend by our brain's power can at least be partially grasped by the heart. In my experience this is exact.
I hate fighting with a passion, be it physical or verbal. I have bad anxiety attacks when I know that is happening around me or if it involves me. I grew up around a lot of arguing and seeing occasional physical altercations and I guess I get very 'emotional' when those sort of things come up nowadays.
I do however believe in self defense. If a person were to attack me and I felt that my life was in serious danger, I would first try to get away from it. If I can not, then I would fight to protect myself. I really don't want that to happen though.
I do however believe in self defense. If a person were to attack me and I felt that my life was in serious danger, I would first try to get away from it. If I can not, then I would fight to protect myself. I really don't want that to happen though.
I've got a rather complicated view on the whole thing. I wouldn't say that I detest fighting, but I am frustrated by pointless fighting. Petty bickering absolutely drives me insane, and whenever the people around me want to start it up, I usually try and defuse the situation. If that doesn't work, it's not too long before I reach my breaking point and become short with them. As just about everyone else has said, I'll fight to defend myself or someone else without a second thought. I think, though, sometimes some people are just colossal douche-nozzles, and, in those situations, they could possibly benefit from a good smack or twelve. So, as long as the person being attacked deserves it, I can live with people fighting.
As for myself, I don't go around looking for fights, or anything like that. In fact, I've never had to become involved in a real physical altercation, which, perhaps, could be attributed to the fact that I'm a fairly stout-looking fellow. I do, however, really enjoy sparring.
As for myself, I don't go around looking for fights, or anything like that. In fact, I've never had to become involved in a real physical altercation, which, perhaps, could be attributed to the fact that I'm a fairly stout-looking fellow. I do, however, really enjoy sparring.
As a kid I was a ferocious fighter, verbal and physical. But most of it was a defense mechanism for my weirdness and not fitting in. A few times it was self-defense. Now, my verbal methods are more sarcastic witty and I will never initiate a physical fight. And only if pushed far enough (life-threatening or serious to moderate injury to me or my loved ones) I will fight. Depending on the circumstances, I can range from, intimidation tactic, kicking ass, martial arts implemented fighting, vicious fighting, and drop dead motherfucker.
But I try to diffuse situations and only resort to fighting if there is absolutely no way out. Learned that pride is stupid and getting in trouble for some dipshit wasn't worth it.
But I try to diffuse situations and only resort to fighting if there is absolutely no way out. Learned that pride is stupid and getting in trouble for some dipshit wasn't worth it.
Fighting around me will send me into an anxiety attack. Luckily I've mastered the art of not-breathing-and-shaking-like-a-leaf quietly so nobody notices... I am a huge pacifist, but there are a few rules to that which I attribute to being the spawn of a martial arts instructor and a former Navy man.
1. If I see someone starting a fight with someone who obviously has done nothing to deserve it (child, animal, random person who just happened to walk in at a bad time), I will end up stepping in.
2. Do not screw with my loved ones. If you have a problem with someone I care about, talk it out with them. If the person was that irrational I wouldn't have anything to do with them.
and 3. I can take a lot of bull, but anything perverse and unwanted directed toward me or anyone else will be met with violence on my end. I really need to work on that.
1. If I see someone starting a fight with someone who obviously has done nothing to deserve it (child, animal, random person who just happened to walk in at a bad time), I will end up stepping in.
2. Do not screw with my loved ones. If you have a problem with someone I care about, talk it out with them. If the person was that irrational I wouldn't have anything to do with them.
and 3. I can take a lot of bull, but anything perverse and unwanted directed toward me or anyone else will be met with violence on my end. I really need to work on that.
Makes me really uncomfortable witnessing others fighting, disrupts the atmosphere and just makes me want to relocate to some place more stable and peaceful. I hate confrontations, but if someone else started on me physically then I'd smack the living fuck out of them without hesitation; I value my health, love my body, and have a very low tolerance for society and humanity in general. I don't like people so kicking someone's ass wouldn't be a problem (I think it'd actually make me feel incredibly good about myself. I'm sure that a lot of us let other people get away with too much shit). =P
I hate serious fighting (both physical and verbal). I always try to end them as fast as possible if unavoidable.
With maturity; from 10-13 when puberty was at its highest I did used to be physically aggressive with bullies (growing up elder men that saw violence as the only way to deal with bullies and negativity in others did not help me as the sensitive type) but quickly learned at my second High School just how pointless it really was when the next school had 6-10 popular 'tough guys' that would all seek to 'test themselves' in fights or with machismo personas. Finding over time that anxiety, stress and fear of actual fighting for me were not shame topics as originally perceived, more so when mental and emotional intelligence should be able to convey feelings or a need for boundaries more effectively assuming one is mature enough (I still did martial arts for a few years but constantly found I lacked the desire for controlled disciple in sparring and repetition as someone averse to actual in person violence).
As for verbal, I do typically avoid raising my voice to the point of insisting upon confrontation however tiredness or impatience can at times affect my temper thresholds, but often I try to return a shout to a calmer discussion; simply to emotionally draining to stay in that higher place for too long and exhausting for days to come at times.
Now I have two views: if one cannot de-escalate or utilise intelligence properly then violence is often no more effective (except in self defence) and if someone actually provokes another into a fight with their behaviour intentionally then it is their fight not mine until either party is in true physical danger.
As for verbal, I do typically avoid raising my voice to the point of insisting upon confrontation however tiredness or impatience can at times affect my temper thresholds, but often I try to return a shout to a calmer discussion; simply to emotionally draining to stay in that higher place for too long and exhausting for days to come at times.
Now I have two views: if one cannot de-escalate or utilise intelligence properly then violence is often no more effective (except in self defence) and if someone actually provokes another into a fight with their behaviour intentionally then it is their fight not mine until either party is in true physical danger.
I haven't been in any physical fight since 8th grade. Nowadays I talk my way out of them somehow. Otoh I think drama can be very exciting.
Last time I was in a physical fight was in the school restaurant. It was at a table with white bread and butter which we didn't get very often, so it was a bit crowded there. When I put butter on a loaf of bread some girl comes up and pushes me to the side and says "excuse me", then I bump her with my hip enough to make her stumble out of the way and I say "I'm standing here." She wasn't too happy about that since she pulled my hair and without thinking I hit her in the face with the back of my hand. The whole school restaurant went silent and I remember looking back at her standing like she really wanted to fight and all I could think was "Is she serious? lol" I didn't actually think that she would do anything more, but since I didn't do anything she pulled my hair and sort of had my head towards her stomach and tried to hit me with knees to my face, while I was trying to hit her some way by flailing my arms around (my friend said I looked like a propeller with my arms), and then the principal comes and breaks it up. That's when I realize that I still had the butter knife in my hand and she got butter all over her clothes. That was really funny. xD
Last time I was in a physical fight was in the school restaurant. It was at a table with white bread and butter which we didn't get very often, so it was a bit crowded there. When I put butter on a loaf of bread some girl comes up and pushes me to the side and says "excuse me", then I bump her with my hip enough to make her stumble out of the way and I say "I'm standing here." She wasn't too happy about that since she pulled my hair and without thinking I hit her in the face with the back of my hand. The whole school restaurant went silent and I remember looking back at her standing like she really wanted to fight and all I could think was "Is she serious? lol" I didn't actually think that she would do anything more, but since I didn't do anything she pulled my hair and sort of had my head towards her stomach and tried to hit me with knees to my face, while I was trying to hit her some way by flailing my arms around (my friend said I looked like a propeller with my arms
), and then the principal comes and breaks it up. That's when I realize that I still had the butter knife in my hand and she got butter all over her clothes. That was really funny. xD
I've always hated fighting but... I was in fights on a weekly basis as a kid and started doing Tae Kwon Do when I was 19. In Tae Kwon Do I'd be sparring multiple times a week. I haven't trained in a long while because I had to have heart surgery but I'm definitely going back to it. I don't like fighting but I'd like to know how to fight if the time should come that I ever get in another one.
The problem is it's not like the olden days where people knew when to stop. Now people knock each other out and continue to lay punches on the unconscious person while twelve people film it. It's sickening.
The problem is it's not like the olden days where people knew when to stop. Now people knock each other out and continue to lay punches on the unconscious person while twelve people film it. It's sickening.
As a teen i only got in one fight and that was to stop harassment by a fellow student - we became friends sometime afterward, Glad I did - I was 6 feet about 170, he was 6 foot four and aboutb260 all muscle.
Receational fighting - just mixing it up for the fun of it is just establishing the pecking order. With male dogs, each dog "writes" on a post or tree or whatever. Next dog hikes a leg and does the same. At the end of the day the top dog has "overwritten " all the others. Called a pissing contest. And that is what barroom fights and other "recreational" fights are all about.
Receational fighting - just mixing it up for the fun of it is just establishing the pecking order. With male dogs, each dog "writes" on a post or tree or whatever. Next dog hikes a leg and does the same. At the end of the day the top dog has "overwritten " all the others. Called a pissing contest. And that is what barroom fights and other "recreational" fights are all about.
Used to fight when i was younger until my conscience began to bug me severly when i was about 10 years old was fighting a boy and the crowd formed chanting us on and suddenly out of no where a deep feeling of repulsion and disgust rose up and i felt it was all wrong i walked away and friends were telling me off for not dealing with him. Since then i cannot stomach real violence, if its on the screen i dont mind as much like a good action scene but even then only a little. Beating on someone physically to me is moraly debased. Nothing distresses me more than reading in the news of growing acts of random violence. Its a sick world.
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