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My feelings are really hurt right now, and I just need to vent. The more i think about it, the more upset i get about it, so i would also appreciate any advice that could calm me or give me a voice of reason.

So throughout college, I worked hard to financially support myself. I took the minimal amount of loans possible and juggled many jobs while taking a full course load of units. through little sleep and lots of determination, i finished with almost straight A's at a flagship university (i'll keep the name out, so i can retain some amount of anonymity) and was able to pay my rent, pay for my books, and pay for my necessities without relying on my family.

I didn't provide for my family or anything. I didn't help pay bills or buy them houses or cars. But I feel like I still contributed for four years by completely financing myself so that they wouldn't have to have any burden of providing for me. It's not like my family needed help with bills or anything - we are middle class, so they definitely weren't expecting anything from me, but when i received extra scholarships, i sometimes gave them half and i've always spent my free time helping out with family business.

when i entered college, i went in with nothing except for what the school gave me. one time i asked my mom, an xSFx for financial help, to buy the books i needed, and after she gave it to me, she made some comments about how i was taking so much of the family's money. after that point, i made up my mind to not ask for money again and work on my own. and that's how it was until i graduated - worked 20-35 hours a week, won a lot of scholarships/school funding, etc, and managed to save a little. because of my situation after graduation, i had to rely on them for some help. Nothing major though because I had saved up during my four years to cushion the blow. I am taking one year off, doing a post-bac degree before going to grad. school, so i needed some help to make ends meet when times were rough a few months ago. $400 to be exact. And the rest, I covered - tuition, rent, everything. My mom kept complaining how i was sucking up so much of the family's money, even though i KNOW $400 is nothing to her. And when i explain to her, that this is the bare minimum i need and how much i am working right now and how much loans i am taking out, she just mutters and complains about me. I feel hurt because everyone knows how hard i work at school and they are awed at how i can juggle up to 35 hours a week, while doing well in school. Most of the time, my mom just brushes this off saying "that's nothing!" and i feel like she undervalues everything i've done to get where i am today. The money she gave me, I used directly for the security deposit as i said it would be for.

since then, i've saved up more from working, and in my budget, i always include some amount for personal spending - nothing too extravagant. I have been going through a rough patch this year (physically and mentally, really rough time), and I have been finding it rewarding to treat myself more often to things i have otherwise not been letting myself enjoy - a nice shirt on sale (for work), a cute bag to replace my torn one i take to school/work, new lotion.... small things a girl would enjoy and need at the same time. And until now, i have been wearing such a tight belt to save up, i feel that i deserve this occasional treat. when my mom sees that i've bought something for myself, she'll go on and on about how i lie to her about how poor i am, because i've bought some things i need. I just feel that she's so irrational and she keeps trying to guilt-trip me about the "money i've taken" from the family. Yet, i turn around, and when it comes to my sibling, i see her pouring out all this money on him, and it just makes me really upset. i also see my friends' families pouring money onto them , and it makes me upset that the few times i've asked for help, my mom has to be so stingy and mean to me about it. I am literally at the point of tears now. My pride is hurt, too, that I had to ask for help, but honestly, I feel that as a child, I do deserve some help from my family without getting constantly guilt-tripped or rebuked for a few hundred dollars. since i was a freshmen, i've never asked my family for help and i was financially independent. however, after realizing that i make things harder on myself, i thought it was okay to let myself depend on my family, just a little. I guess I was wrong.

i'm all over the place right now, i can't think straight, but the things i bought were only the bare things i needed, and i just feel so awful right now. I feel hurt too because I feel that she only sees me in terms of the money she is "losing" to me. And i feel hurt because she doesn't really know anything i'm doing. I've worked so hard at school and research, and seriously... she has no idea how much hard work and commitment and how much this means to me. and she's never said anything like "i'm so proud of you daughter for having reached this far and working so hard on your own" but she makes biting comments about some financial help she gives to me. all of my friends see the hard work i am doing and tell me that they really respect my independence and dedication, but she undervalues everything I do. i wrote above, i didn't help out with bills or anything, but i've always supported the family by giving them half of some of my big scholarships, and spending my time helping with their work, and taking care of family business. I have juggled part-time jobs, student, and being the family's secretary.

From this point on, I won't ever ask them for help with money again. But this is something else that makes me upset. It's not because I don't want their help, but it's because they DONT want to help. There's a difference between being independent because of one's will and being independent because your family doesn't want to help you, even though they can. i am too tired and overwhelmed right now, so my thoughts aren't very well organized, and i don't even know exactly what the purpose of this post is, but yeah... i would just appreciate any advice or insight or support. i just feel like crying right now, because i've been working, working, working so hard and sometimes, i just need someone to help me out or be there for me, instead of complaining that i am being an extra burden.
 

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When the time comes, put her into the cheapest nursing home available, and then complain about how she's taking up your money.

Anyway, I congratulate you on your ability to finance yourself so well throughout college. I'm still in college and drowning in $150k+ of loans, an amount which is more and more becoming a norm for students, not an exception. I want to shoot myself every time I think of them.
 

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When the time comes, put her into the cheapest nursing home available, and then complain about how she's taking up your money.

Anyway, I congratulate you on your ability to finance yourself so well throughout college. I'm still in college and drowning in $150k+ of loans, an amount which is more and more becoming a norm for students, not an exception. I want to shoot myself every time I think of them.
Yeah, I try NOT think about the loans. :bored::bored::bored:

And, by $150k, does that mean 150,000 or 15,000? I was raised in two cultures where i'm changing currencies between the two, and i've resorted to mentally moving certain amount of spaces, but when it comes to abbreviations, i'm lost. :confused:

I don't have that much in loans right now, but i know that once i hit grad. school, that amount will QUICKLY go UP. In anticipation of that, i had kept my undergrad loans as minimal as possible... or at least trying to in the year i am taking off now.
 

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And, by $150k, does that mean 150,000 or 15,000? I was raised in two cultures where i'm changing currencies between the two, and i've resorted to mentally moving certain amount of spaces....
Sounds like Yen, curious ^^

Maybe you could get your relatives to help convince her?
I'm going through a similar situation. I'd like to have my own job though, but it's not working out so far
 
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