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I recently moved to a new town for a job change. The change overall has been a very positive one, but my previous job was on a college campus and so Community was much easier, since it sort of “just happened.” In a new, small town, it is difficult to find community places to meet people.

This difficulty is especially pronounced when it comes to dating and relationships. I keep feeling a draw to trying to make things happen with women I know from my previous location, but that’s two hours away and probably not very realistic. I’ve had a semi long-distance relationship in the past, and though the distance was not the reason it failed, it did make it more difficult.

Because I live in a small town, even meeting single women is a problem. I’ve become involved in the Chamber of Commerce, but practically every woman I know there is outside my age range or married. I guess I have two questions:

1. What are suggestions for meeting single people in a small Midwest town? Bars really aren’t my scene, and I tend to just get overwhelmed by the noise and other stimuli, so can’t function well even if I do go there. It isn’t easy to find other places to meet people.

2. If I actually do manage to meet someone I am interested in, what suggestions do you have for overcoming my analysis paralysis? As soon as I meet a woman I check to see if she has a ring, and find it hard to approach someone as a person without tying to figure out if there is any potential compatibility before even saying anything! Not conducive to meeting people!

Bonus question: is it a bad idea to do anything with people I am interested with from my previous location? Part of me feels I am just living in the past if I do, and refusing to move forward with the current reality, but on the other hand having those connections built, even from a distance, provide a lot of answers to my issues I am having in my new location, since I already know people somewhat.
 

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Not surprised that the fish are taken, just don't take anything that is on the rebound.
 

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1. Online dating

2. "Two hours away" is still pretty close distance to have a relationship. I commute two hours everyday and it is for something that I don't want to do. So if you know women from your old place then I would go for it. I would understand that 6-8h travel time would be a problem but to bang a chick 2h is nothing. I'm almost sure that my GF and I live about 1,5h away from each other.
 

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♂️ INFJ 5w4 // IEI-Ni
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I've always turned to online dating/LDRs but I've grown to dislike that now. I'm tired of distance always being a constant theme in my relationships. But it's as you say, small-town life is bad for finding love.
I don't really have any answers unfortunately, my advice will probably come across as cynical. I just wouldn't focus on such things. It's honestly a nuisance to let these matters plague the mind. Single life isn't even all that bad. If one is meant to be in a relationship then one will come along eventually.


But to answer that bonus question, no there's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't matter where you find a partner. If it works for you (and them) then it works.
 
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I have found Ni and Ti in combination to be extremely useful, alongside the appropriate tools of course. Meticulous research, solid hours practicing in vitro before going vivo, and most importantly, a wide selection of specimen are invaluable for acquiring the skillset required to date well. Travel is often a necessary evil, although a lucky few locations are blessed with an abundance of samples.

These days of course, things are increasingly digital and much can be done online. That doesn't change the fact that sooner or later, you will need to get your hands dirty - and we would do well to remember that even today, all the most exciting discoveries happen in the field. Whether you do it alone or as part of a team effort, nothing beats the thrill of nailing that date.
 
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