Personality Cafe banner

1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
10 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm in my senior year of high school, and I haven't had many meaningful relationships (not even with friends, but that's a completely different story in itself). I know I'm young, but it's depressing to see so many of my friends having fun with their girlfriend or boyfriend, nothing too serious about it, just having fun. Frankly, a lot of my friends tell me I should go out and get a girlfriend but it just isn't that easy and they don't seem to understand that.

Based on some of my previous relationships, it just seems like it's the Holy Grail or something, I just feel so incompatible with everyone else. One year left of high school, then I'm off to university, but I'm so cynical about these things. If I can't maintain a relationship for over a two months how am I expected to fare with a girl that really means something to me?

This is my second thread and I already feel so whiny.. I apologize.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
72 Posts
I don't think you should be sweating if you'll be able to maintain a solid relationship or not. You are about to make a transition from high school student to university student. A ton of things will probably change, and you'll be able to meet a lot more people once your going to your university. Anyway most people your age (not all of them though) are not looking for something solid or longterm. So it's probably not your fault to why your previous relationships didn't work out as you would have liked. Perhaps you'll find someone that is more compatible when your more out in the world. So don't get yourself down for not being able to maintain it. Most relationships in high school don't last very long.

So enjoy your senior year of high school and don't worry about what your friends are doing. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,195 Posts
Well, if it's any help, I was at a summer session and met some amazing people. A-mazing. I never knew people could be so awesome. I felt that in those three weeks, I've made better friends than my five-year "friendships" with high school classmates. You're going to meet a lot of like-minded people in college. We got very, very close during the course of three weeks. We still write thousands of words to each other in e-mail. I'm a senior too, yet due to this experience, even though I've never been interested in relationships (I thought that relationships just aren't for me. Not meaningful ones anyway) before yet I think I fell in love with a friend I met there, so I'm fully optimistic that this WILL change. If not with him, then someone else equally compatible. Make no mistakes. College is amazing, and I think both of us would grow in ways we'd never expect. :)
 
  • Like
Reactions: JacobRandell
Joined
·
303 Posts
Ah, i know how you feel. I was like that too senior year (last year.) I don't really know you, but i'll do my best to give some general advice that i hope will help..

-Get involved: everyone needs an outlet. I have no doubt you have already been doing this, especially how far into senior year it is. But nothing combats loneliness like a good outlet. For me it was cross country. Not only does running 35 miles a week keep you in pretty good shape, but it also clears you mind in the morning, and it keeps you fairly healthy both mentally and emotionally as well. (plus, runner's high is awesome.) I also met my best friend senior year through running, so it helps.

-Get out: Even though we're introverts, it's important to get out and do stuff. I'm sure you do a great job of this, but this was literally my biggest mistake in high school i think, really. I moved between semesters sophmore year, so it's understandable for a while, but junior, senior year i should have changed. I didn't get out much, which doesn't help with loneliness. I would do my homework and often drag it out, and then just stay at home or occasionally go out on my own. While this is fine and kind of natural to an extent for an introvert, it's not the best thing. You know as well as I, humans were meant to be social beings.

-Now for the girlfriend..It's not necessary, though i understand your seeking. I never dated in high school (or now actually) so senior year was a bit lonely, but keep in mind, it's senior year. You get over it, there's other things to pay attention to too. You will be headed to college in a matter of months. And it's cliche, it's trite, i know, but it really DOES happen faster than you think it will. The main reason i mentioned the other points was because you don't need to be in a relationship to not feel lonely.
Now i completely understand your wanting to look for one though, that makes sense. And i'm discouraging you against it, but a bit of advice i find prudent. Don't rush into anything. Just because you want a relationship and it's senior year, don't settle for one that is less than it should be. If it's going to be over in a few months, what was the point of it in the first place? It's just a distraction. Choose something that will last. And a note about colleges, it's not a wise idea to go into a relationship knowing it will end before college. Again, what was the point? temporary satisfaction? The distance thing could work i suppose, but make sure neither of you feel pressure or obligated to go to the same school if you do choose to be in a relationship. So in a nutshell? You don't need a relationship, but sure, they are nice. If you do choose to get into one, be wise about it, thinking of the future.

Also, just a word of encouragement, the right girls are out there...you can find something meaningful if you choose to do so.

hope it helps some.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,005 Posts
Get used to it. Very few people want to or are capable of having the depth of a relationship that we yearn to have. Honestly, in my past relationships I felt like the only one that went about everything perfectly yet somehow managed to always get screwed in the end despite not making stupid mistakes. :dry:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,553 Posts
Post-secondary education is fantastic for social networking (if not just for the crazy parties).

For the first week of my college career, I was a loner. It wasn't until I found someone I went to high school with before I ended up becoming the figurehead of the geek squadron. For two years I had the college's own techie experts as my minions, and hoo boy, the shenanigans we pulled. ;)

I have faith that you'll find your niche soon. Just give it time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
836 Posts
senior year of high school = carpe diem!
senior year of college = even more carpe diem!

you aren't going to see the majority of people again, so i would highly recommend taking some calculated risks. easier said than done, i know, but its worth it!

good luck :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,704 Posts
It will take a while before you meet someone you really like. They will fall in love with you. They'll try to convince you that you are soul mates. You'll give in. Then you'll meet your Soul Mate. Evacuate Soul.

Something like this: xkcd: Commitment
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thank you everybody for your replies.
It's just a worry I have, and it's just more about having a connection with someone. High school never really helped me find anybody. I'm not talking just about a girlfriend, but friendships as well.
It's a personal disconnect thing I guess
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
428 Posts
Hi Jacob,

I was pretty much a loner when I was in school. But the few friendships I did form were deep and meaningful. I don't think you are too young to be worrying about this. Of course there are many factors to consider in finding the kind of friends you seek. But if you have found people with whom you get along with and want to establish a lifelong friendship with, then it is a matter of giving fully before you receive. Strong bonds of friendships take time and effort to nurture. To have true friends, I have found that it helps to be a good friend first. I hope this helps you somewhat.
 
  • Like
Reactions: QuirkyCouple

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,325 Posts
Mhhh... this is always a toughie. College is the place where I believe you find your life long friends.

It has been my experience that when you stop looking for something, everything sort of falls in place; as strange as that seems. Life long friendships and bonds are a day-to-day thing and a constant work and working things out. It doesn't really occur to you that it's a life long friendship until twenty years has gone by and somehow you're magically still in touch, still talking, still sharing... etc.

I have a handful of life long friends so far, and they all started off so unsure, tumultuous at times, and at others seemed to be the end of the road; but we overcame those obstacles, communication, distance, etc.... and now it's been, 10 - 15 years of still being around.

The only way I can really frame it is, in meeting somebody you connect with.... sometimes the depth and the closeness of the relationship is equal to the time you have spent with one another. To expect that kind of life long connection with someone in the first month is kind of unrealistic I suppose (although I do it sometimes). It's also hard to predict if thing will work out for certain too, but take it day by day, week by week, month by month.

There are friends I've made when I first started college, who we've somehow still manage to keep in touch with... and just looking back, it's hard to imagine that.. 2 years has already gone by! When you stop keeping track, it's a pleasant surprise to see how much time has passed.

So yeah, keep your eyes opened for people you enjoy being around, make a conscious effort to be around those people, and live it moment to moment. You'll be on your way making some strong connections with people.. it's not to say there won't be some duds along the way. The creator of Honda said "Success is 99% failure", so take that into consideration... out of 100 people, the likelihood is that only 1 may become a lifelong friend =]

Get out there! You can do it.
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top