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Welcome to one of the INFJs coomon feelings - the desire to connect in a deeper level, and the loneliness of not getting it. I guess that being a more complex and different type, it makes it harder to find similar people. And then our introversion doesn't help either.

I guess that it's hard to determine if you can connect with a certain someone just by having small talks. Everyone does small talks and they make us seem superficial, thought behind the small talk there can actually be an interesting individual and you might actually click in a lot of things. But it's hard to get past the small talks, unless there are chances to do so.
Honestly, I don't know how to get past the superficial barrier as I'm shy and socially awkward myself lol, but in the past, when I used to talk to my classmates or online friends by the internet, we ended up getting past the barrier pretty easily. I've found it easy to do so online, and we ended up sharing deeper thoughts and feelings.

But when it comes to even deeper level, almost to our INFJ cores... I'm not sure if we can really connect that deep, as it would require someone who is almost identical to ourselves (to feel in identical ways). There will always be some difference even if we can find someone so similar and can share a deeper understanding.

Sometimes, it does feel lonely. When I was young, I used to be very different and independent from other kids, and even when I grown up, I feel that I'm still an odd ball compared to others. Thought what eased my loneliness is that I could identify certain parts of me with the friends I came to meet, and then even thought I'm not fully understood, some still accepted me. And then I've also found beauty in them, and I just like being with my loved ones even if we can't connect at deepest levels. Maybe my Ni is doomed to never be fully known or explored/connected, maybe all humans are doomed to not be able to 100% connect due to each of our uniqueness. Maybe INFJs cares too much about connecting at the deepest levels. But there is beauty in having relationships and interacting with others, and I guess that by time I have found my peace.
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