Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 34 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,750 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Here's the deal: I will be 10x more comfortable around someone if they are a guy rather than a girl. I guess I find it more difficult to connect with girls because instinctively I just know that we are much less likely to have something in common. This isn't them, this is me: I have no 'girly' interests whatsoever -

I don't give a shit about fashion.
I don't give a shit about which celebrity did what.
I especially don't give a shit about which celebrity is dating which (you people are aware that you're obsessing over people exchanging bodily fluids, right???)
I don't have the patience to squeal and act really excited to see someone, even if I do happen to like them.
I don't have the patience for people who squeal nonstop.
I'm not a great hugger.

Overall, I just suck at being a girl. And yes, I know that not every girl is like that, and yes, if I do know we have something in common then the conversation does get easier. However, part of me thinks that I don't try to make friends with girls because I have a history of being fucked over when I have made friends with them; idk, I guess I feel safer when I make friends with a guy than I do a girl (even if they are 'feelers').

Anyone else here feel this way?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
235 Posts
I am a man, but yeah, I do struggle with some girls. I think they're more likely at my age (17) to be really over the top extraverts, which is something I really can't deal with (small talk=ugh)! For some reason, there doesn't seem to be as much pressure on men to act that way, and they are generally easier to deal with; they aren't (on the whole) moody and they don't normally have massive obsessions with emotions.

This isn't backed up, but I theorise that there more ESFx types amongst females than males. I don't know about you, but it can be really hard to deal with that!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Falling Leaves

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,628 Posts
I have had 4 close female friends in my life, and 7 close male friends.

all but 1 of the female friends were before I turned 20 years old.
All but 1 of the male friends have been after I turned 20.

I rarely have more than 1 friend at a time, and rarely for more than a couple years.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
124 Posts
I did always feel better around men, especially once I began to get into middle school and whatnot, but that's only because in elementary school everyone was so big on gender segregation in my class. I wanted to play basketball, and they wouldn't let me, and I wasn't much of a double dutch-er or a cheerleader. I have one best girlfriend, a bevy of female friends and acquiantances and a lot more pretty good guy friends, including a male best friend. So you aren't the only one.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
124 Posts
I'm in a similar position except for reverse gender where I'm spending most of my time with girls rather than guys. Granted, my regular "social" time revolves around volunteering with animals where I'm content to hang out around many F-types and laugh alot as I listen to some of the ridiculous stories.

My close friends (3 maybe?) are from high school and I haven't kept up with anybody from college. Post college I can't say I've made any close friends yet, but recently I've met some more action-oriented people so there isn't alot of chatter, just "hey the conditions are right, let's go do xyz"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,688 Posts
I've always failed at friendships with girls. Guys tend to be more level-headed. Approachable. NORMAL. Girls... my closest friend right now is a girl. She's ESTJ, but a really introverted E, which is one of the reasons we get along. She tolerates even less nonsense than I do.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,264 Posts
It is easier for me to be around males. I wear clothing that I am attracted to and that I find myself attractive in. I do not rely on external stimulus that they do. If I want to wear red jeans, I put them on. I don't hold them in my hands and walk over to another girl and ask, "Should I wear this?"

I was standing around today thinking about how my female friends just aren't intellectually stimulating. They choose not to be. They would rather gossip and do trivial things. I purposely seek out males that are intellectually stimulating.

I see many actions that average people take as thoughtless. For instance I was reading a typed paper in 10 point. I was standing with three friends. It was angled straight on to my position. We were standing at the end of a table. Two friends are on my right. A friend wanted to see what I was reading so she angled it to face the area between us. A third friend slowly angles the paper again. Now it is just slightly to the left of the other friend and facing the area between the third and second friend. She didn't think two minutes ahead to think about what angle a human is capable of reading from. And from what I've known of females, they tend to take action quickly so naturally they will make more decisions action-wise per day than most males. The number of actions combined with their average intelligence can drive me up a wall.
 
  • Like
Reactions: immortalhaldir

·
MOTM Jan 2012
Joined
·
6,514 Posts
I struggle with this all the time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
398 Posts
Since avatar on this thread didn't say it, I'm a guy by the way.

Here's my list for engaging people from most comfortable to least comfortable:

a guy > group of guys > group of guys and girls > group of girls > a girl

wow, now that I look at it, it's very typical! lol.

It's true. Girls are very complex creatures. Even with other girls, they are very cautious. So yes, making friends with them is not simple. But once you're friends with them, they're pretty awesome!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
745 Posts
Good friends are hard to come by, period.

Regardless of gender, if someone accepts me for who I am and we are able to relate to each other, then we can be friends. Of course, I might disappear from your life for months at length, but if you're cool with that....

I think it's easier for me to be accepted into the sphere of a female group than a male group, even if I may find the male group a more comfortable setting once they accept me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,268 Posts
Ditto. I could make friends with girls, I just rather not. Some of them still call me once in a while (don't know why, I never call them), and I barely every answer... I'm pretty anti-social, but they would never know because I have to put on an act in public otherwise they keep asking me stupid questions like "awww what's wrong?? Are you ok??? Is it your boyfriend?? Tell me everything!!!!" so.. I have to act "super psyched!!" and it's exhausting.

I have 2 sisters, one is ISFJ and the other one I think is INFP.

The ISFJ sister I get along with wonderfully. We talk like... once in a few weeks, or once a month, but she's very mellow and she always needs some advice and I love giving advice.. it just clicks, I can talk to her for hours and hours. And then we loose touch for a while again, but it works :)

So if you find an ISFJ girl .... make friends with her! hah.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
715 Posts
Here's the deal: I will be 10x more comfortable around someone if they are a guy rather than a girl. I guess I find it more difficult to connect with girls because instinctively I just know that we are much less likely to have something in common. This isn't them, this is me: I have no 'girly' interests whatsoever -

I don't give a shit about fashion.
I don't give a shit about which celebrity did what.
I especially don't give a shit about which celebrity is dating which (you people are aware that you're obsessing over people exchanging bodily fluids, right???)
I don't have the patience to squeal and act really excited to see someone, even if I do happen to like them.
I don't have the patience for people who squeal nonstop.
I'm not a great hugger.

Overall, I just suck at being a girl. And yes, I know that not every girl is like that, and yes, if I do know we have something in common then the conversation does get easier. However, part of me thinks that I don't try to make friends with girls because I have a history of being fucked over when I have made friends with them; idk, I guess I feel safer when I make friends with a guy than I do a girl (even if they are 'feelers').

Anyone else here feel this way?
yep. absolutely.
but i was lucky and met 2 damn cool women some years ago. they don't talk about fashion or gossip but mechatronics, architecture, programming, swordfighting, rockclimbing, ... simply interesting stuff. all of us have heard "you're not really a women, you're more like a guy with tits." more than once in our life *shrugs*
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,640 Posts
I had this problem a little bit in when I was a kid but it's pretty much gone the opposite direction since I've started hanging out with, almost exclusively, neurodivergent people.
 
  • Like
Reactions: chrisu

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
I don't understand women and I am one. Guys make better friend and are less prone to stab you in the back, in my opinion. My boyfriend and I talk about the this all the time (he's an ESFJ I think).
 
1 - 20 of 34 Posts
Top