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Discussion Starter #1
What would/did you do?
Me, I just suffered and have no clue what to do.
Sneek peek of what I'm in

"Let's end our friendship. Forget what happened betweenus. Don't talk to me. Don't get near me. Don't call me anymore." His voicewas shaking. It made me feel so sad. After what he's been through

When he was young, his life fromages 1-4 have been full of sunshine. At night, he decided to go to his bestfriend's house when he was about five. He was planning to play, but outside hisfriend's house were ambulances, and police cars. He saw a body bag. Since hewas young, he didn't know what was in them. He opened him and because of hisbad luck, he opened a bag that had his best friend in it, butchered. "Hisface expression was him screaming for help, the tear marks ran down his face,his eyes, twisted"

His dad came home one day. He wasgoing to give him the cute "daddy! Welcome home!" greeting. But, when he went to do that, hisdad punched him and was drunk. He lost his job and took it out on his sonfirst. He was thrown around like a rag doll, slammed into walls, passed out acouple times. "He was laughing, that twisted smile on his face, I wantedto kill him, but all I can do was cry," he said. His dad was not amusedwith him so he went upstairs. My friend was lying on the floor and heard ascream from up stairs. He hoisted himself up and saw his dad beating up hismom. With one blow, his dad knocked his mother out. He watched as his dadpassed out on the bed like nothing happened.

He was abused almost daily. He wasan outcast at school. his dad and uncle have a contest on who can kick him thehardest, his dad always won. Whenever his dad left, his uncle and mom would sneakto him and give him food and water. (He was starved)

One day. His dad decided to abandonhim. He took his mother with him. My friend Decided to run away, he didn't knowthat they abandoned him. It's been 4 hours and they haven't returned. He heardthat his parents had died in a train-car collision. "He dragged her to herdeath" he said. I left the house and burned my birth certificates. "Imay be young, but I wasn't stupid." He said. He ran away and ended up inan orphanage. That wasn't really an orphanage, it was hell. They let only thestrongest survive. He fought for his life. They injected Narcotics into hisblood and fought other kids. In that orphanage, a drunken adult was trying to"take his innocence." in self defense, he grabbed a pipe and killed aman. This happened till age 7, and then he got adopted.

He was bullied 'till he met me.The way we met, I tripped him on the bus. When I looked in his eyes, I sawanger and abuse, he was mostly sad though. we ended up dating too. I asked him"why me?" he said "You remind me of my mother" he also hada dream before we started dating. It was a nightmare

Hehad a nightmare of everyone he met, in a white room. They formed a circle. Theycame up one by one, stabbing him. The 1st to come up was his butchered friend.2nd and 3rd were his parents. Annalisacame up and stabbed him in the lower ab section. Fallwyn stabbed him on theright rib, Kathleen on the other. He was stabbed by a lot. I asked him"When did I come up to stab you?" I asked. He said
"You were the last one."
"Where did I stab you?"
"You... Stabbed me on thethroat, and twisted the knife... And killed me." he said. I asked him,crying,
“Why do I have to be the lastone?”
He replied: "You're the nicest personI've met... and.. The person you care about hurts you more."
That made me tear up, and realizedit was a confession 3 weeks after he told me. (I don't catch on fast)
He tried isolating himself inloneliness three times already. We both cried started cryingand became friendsagain the first time. He felt bad the second time. This time, it's only me
he'strying to cut off connection with.
As he told me to forget whathappened between us and all the emotions we felt, he was stuttering. He skippedthe class we had together just to avoid me. My friend saw him on the staircase,looking depressed and angry the day after he told me that
One of my friends asked him: “Whydon't you guys just stay friends. You guys right now are like ‘friends withbenefits’”
“I don't wantto be friends with her. I have to stay away from her to stop liking her” hewhispered.
He's trying to stop himself fromgetting anymore closer to me
I was his first girlfriend, he wasmy first boyfriend. He stole my first kiss and gave me his. We didn't gofarther than that. "hey, what if one day.... We were to bemarried?" he asked.
I told him "Let's see if thathappens first." The more he's getting closer to me, the more he tries not to be emotionally attached
He writes poems to expresshimself. This was the first time he wrote them. All the ones he wrote are about anger, sadness, and suicide. (I'll send you a message of the only llove poems he wrote if you want to read them. They're actually really good.)

Here's a chat with my friends:

Levi the Tiger: sounds like
Me: the one who's dead
Levi the Tiger: u were the firstperson there to befriend him
Me: yep
Levi the Tiger: and was nice tohim
Levi the Tiger: so he was drawn to it
me: he said that too
Levi the Tiger: and becameattracted to u
_______________________________________________________________
DonutArnold | Ari: are you feelingbetter now?
me: sorta
DonutArnold | Ari: well that'sgood that you're feeling better
DonutArnold | Ari: anything elseon your mind?
Me: my friends are telling me that I'mobsessed
Me: but I'm not
DonutArnold | Ari: they're makingwrong kind of conclusions
Me: yes
Me: I loved this person
Me: he told me to stop trying to likehim, or be so nice
Me: I told him "I'm not eventrying"
DonutArnold | Ari: I don't doubtthat you loved him
Me: and my tears are worth only one guy
Me: I've been through a lot as a youngkid
DonutArnold | Ari: and I believethat those other people doesn't understand how to be as hurt as you are
Me: being born in a 3rd world country
Me: seeing many deaths
Me: losing loved ones
Me: losing this guy
Me: ended my happiness

I really love this guy, heart and soul. No matter how he acts. He's been really gentle, but there was a sudden switch in him. He tried cutting off connection with all his friends two times before, but this time, it may be for real. We both cried the 1st time, he felt bad the second time, now... I don't know. Please help a fellow ENFP? I'm suffering... It hurts...
 

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He sounds like he has some serious mental health issues to with through with a professional. As compassionate as you seem to be and as much as you seem to care about him you cannot help him with the obstacles he faces in working through all that residual anger and hurt from his childhood. Don't contact him or see him if you can avoid him. Only time and new friendships can heal a broken heart, sweetie. ::hug::
 

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I don't think people should date until they are 20 or something. Before that, you don't really know who you are, and relationships can be really superficial. There are always exceptions, but still. Between the ages of 18-24, people are still working out who they are, and this is one of the biggest mental changes people will go through.

Your ex doesn't need a girlfriend. He needs a lot of counseling and support. If this is a true story, hes been through a lot. Maybe you can reconsider dating in a few years when hes worked through his issues, but at the moment he needs to focus on himself, and you should focus on your school work.
 

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It's not your job to "save him." As the other two have already suggested, he needs to undergo some therapy and develop better coping skills. I understand what it's like to care about someone that needs "saving" but that doesn't mean your happiness should revolve around how he's feeling. It would really do you well to focus on yourself for a while. I'm all for helping people and being there for them, but there's a fine line between being forgiving and becoming someone's enabler. I don't know you very well, but just from what I've gathered in your post, it seems as if you've been enabling and encouraging his behaviors. Enabling someone is a lot different from being supportive. Being supportive of him means encouraging better health in his life. Enabling him means allowing him to make the same detrimental mistakes he's been making without regard to the fact that he can get better, that is, if he actually really wants to. Keep in mind that you can't help someone who's not willing to help themselves. If he's not willing to take some healthy steps in his life such as agreeing to counseling and establishing healthy boundaries, that's on him... not you. If I were you, I'd back off quite a bit. If he tries to talk to you about some of the shitty things going on in his life, listen to him, but also encourage him in the right direction. Let him know that it doesn't have to be like this. If you're going to be a friend to him, be a real friend. Don't enable him or make excuses for him. Encourage him to have some accountability.
 

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@matryoshkaCAT524 The only advice I know how to give is that you just have to persevere. If you have to, leave him behind. Or, more likely, let yourself get left behind. Trust me. It hurts, but it will end. It took me more than one year to get over my first crush. Eventually, though, I moved on. There will be PLENTY of other guys, and take it from someone else that grew up with an abusive family: it's better if you just go along your way. It will be less traumatic for everyone.

Sometimes you just don't get closure, and it can often be the first time.

I don't think people should date until they are 20 or something.
Wow. You really just don't know what you're talking about. If it weren't for my ex girlfriends, I would still be a pissy little kid. Matter of fact, by now I would have killed myself. They've taught me so much, nd without them I wouldn't have matured.

Yes, relationships are awkward and superficial as teenagers, but it's necessary. If I didn't date anyone until I was 20 and suddenly tried to play the game, I would just fail miserably.
 

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Wow. You really just don't know what you're talking about. If it weren't for my ex girlfriends, I would still be a pissy little kid. Matter of fact, by now I would have killed myself. They've taught me so much, nd without them I wouldn't have matured.

Yes, relationships are awkward and superficial as teenagers, but it's necessary. If I didn't date anyone until I was 20 and suddenly tried to play the game, I would just fail miserably.
The way you're talking, it doesn't sound like you are as mature as you think you are.

The reason for me saying to wait until you're 20, is because relationships bring a lot of drama when you're young and hormonal, and people need to be planning for their futures, working hard in school etc, instead of worrying about the opposite sex. Trust me, the males I were surrounded by as a teenager were complete jerks, I didn't miss anything by not dating one of them.

Anyway, I don't have a problem with you disagreeing with me, it's more the fact that you think your way is the only way, you are disrespectful to other groups in society, and you apparently need a girl for survival! NO! That is so unhealthy, you should be happy with yourself and by yourself before you add another person to the equation.

I have learnt plenty just by being friends with guys and watching my friends, I know what I want now and have good boundaries set up. I think dating is pointless until you are in a stage where you are ready for marriage, otherwise you are just going through a conveyer belt of boyfriends/girlfriends.

I would discuss my thoughts in more detail, but it seems you are not capable of a respectful conversation, you would rather fling poo and make assumptions about things than seek to understand someone's reasoning. I pity you.
 

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The way you're talking, it doesn't sound like you are as mature as you think you are.

The reason for me saying to wait until you're 20, is because relationships bring a lot of drama when you're young and hormonal, and people need to be planning for their futures, working hard in school etc, instead of worrying about the opposite sex. Trust me, the males I were surrounded by as a teenager were complete jerks, I didn't miss anything by not dating one of them.

Anyway, I don't have a problem with you disagreeing with me, it's more the fact that you think your way is the only way, you are disrespectful to other groups in society, and you apparently need a girl for survival! NO! That is so unhealthy, you should be happy with yourself and by yourself before you add another person to the equation.

I have learnt plenty just by being friends with guys and watching my friends, I know what I want now and have good boundaries set up. I think dating is pointless until you are in a stage where you are ready for marriage, otherwise you are just going through a conveyer belt of boyfriends/girlfriends.

I would discuss my thoughts in more detail, but it seems you are not capable of a respectful conversation, you would rather fling poo and make assumptions about things than seek to understand someone's reasoning. I pity you.
I haven't read all of your post; I will finish it later, but I did want to apologize for talking like a jackass. You misunderstand me, though: I don't need girls for survival, what I was trying to say is that relationships really helped me pull out of a downward spiral. I was severely depressed for a large portion of my childhood I could have seen a therapist for it, but between MBTI and intimate relationships, I've worked out a lot of my issues instead.

Again, sorry, that post hit a nerve and I got worked up on my own.
 
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