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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
As an INFP, I find that guys are really attracted to me when they first meet me, but then once they get to know me, they get tired of me, (especially when they find out about the whole writing thing.) It's almost as if I set a first impression that completely contradicts with my true personality without even meaning to- then they learn that I'm nothing like the person they thought I was.
For example, there's this guy who participates in the same outside of school theater program that I do. We're really close friends, and I really like him and feel comfortable around him. I always felt like I could be myself around him, but apparently I was wrong-apparently he thinks I'm a math geek like him or something?
See, one time we were having a conversation and somehow the school subject language arts came up. He's like, "Some girls in my English class are weird. They're all flowery and poetic, and sometimes they write for FUN." and I'm like "Ian, this is funny. I guess you'd have no way of knowing, but I'm one of those 'flowery poetic' people."
And he's like, "Seriously?"
I was just wondering if any INFP girls can relate to this.
 

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I think so. I'm kind of like a chameleon without even meaning to be. So people think I am like they are, or they think I am like they think I am. :confused: When they find out who I really am (which, actually, I don't share on purpose with anybody but my closest friends - very few people), they decide I'm not really who they want to be friends with. Or something. Does this make sense? Is this what you mean?
 

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I've never had a guy be turned off by the whole writing thing, but I guess that's something I don't tell people unless I feel extremely comfortable with them. My ex did berate me for it constantly, saying poetry is stupid and useless, but he was kind of like that about everything I liked.

Something else I get a lot is pure shock or disbelief when guys find out I play video games. I've had some say "No, you're lying. I don't believe you". I guess I really don't come off as someone who would play video games?
 

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I think that if you are a quiet person in general, people project a whole lot of things on you. I talk much less than so many other people, particularly women I know. Some of it is my fault, but it really does bother me that people assume so much about me, based on so little. I really am a strange and mostly boring person inside; nothing 'cool' or novel hidden away. Part of me disdains it... I think "if you knew the real me, you probably wouldn't be so keen to talk to me".

I have gotten 'snobbish' and 'mean' in the past. Also "fragile" and "innocent". People always expect that I am smart too. I really dislike having to live up to that expectation in particular.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Yes! That's EXACTLY what I meant! It makes perfect sense- in seventh grade when I started at a new school, the girls in the popular clique were even friendlier to me than the brainy down to earth girls that I'm best friends with now. Then once it came clear to them that I'm a shy kind of "sweetheart" that is artsy and "insightful enough to see past outside appearance"-(one of them actually described me that way) they didn't reach out to me that much.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I'm sorry your ex didn't respect your interests. That kind of thing would really upset me. :(
Not only are guys kind of turned off by my writing passion, but some of the airheads I've encountered in my life were too. In sixth grade I was hanging out with a boy-crazy group of girls (well I'm boy-crazy too, I just don't show it.) who were discussing crushes. One of them asked me who I liked, a topic that I do not like to share with people like them that I don't trust, but before I could even answer, another one of those girls answers, "Oh don't even bother asking Rachel that question. Rachel doesn't like anyone. She has no interest in love or dating. She's a WRITER." I know right? Ridiculous! I was thinking "Have you ever heard of love poetry, you idiot?" What she didn't know was I certainly thought about it more than SHE did.
 

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People make assumptions about people; it's just what they do. Maybe you remind them of some overly-simplistic and highly-exaggerated stereotype: so to them you embody every characteristic of that stereotype. Or maybe you remind them of someone they once knew. When dealing with crushes and stuff like that (going back to the OP), oftentimes when a person likes someone they instantly assume they possess qualities they view as "ideal;" whether or not they actually do. It's just how the human mind works...and why shit like racism happens.
 

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I've never had a guy be turned off by the whole writing thing, but I guess that's something I don't tell people unless I feel extremely comfortable with them. My ex did berate me for it constantly, saying poetry is stupid and useless, but he was kind of like that about everything I liked.

Something else I get a lot is pure shock or disbelief when guys find out I play video games. I've had some say "No, you're lying. I don't believe you". I guess I really don't come off as someone who would play video games?
I wouldn't be "shocked" that you played video games. More like "pleasantly surprised". Then I would ask you out on a date and take you to an arcade.
 

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I wouldn't be "shocked" that you played video games. More like "pleasantly surprised". Then I would ask you out on a date and take you to an arcade.
I wanna go to an arcade too! I haven't been to one of those since I was a kid!
 

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I'm sorry your ex didn't respect your interests. That kind of thing would really upset me. :(
Not only are guys kind of turned off by my writing passion, but some of the airheads I've encountered in my life were too. In sixth grade I was hanging out with a boy-crazy group of girls (well I'm boy-crazy too, I just don't show it.) who were discussing crushes. One of them asked me who I liked, a topic that I do not like to share with people like them that I don't trust, but before I could even answer, another one of those girls answers, "Oh don't even bother asking Rachel that question. Rachel doesn't like anyone. She has no interest in love or dating. She's a WRITER." I know right? Ridiculous! I was thinking "Have you ever heard of love poetry, you idiot?" What she didn't know was I certainly thought about it more than SHE did.
You and your "friends" are still very young, you will grow up and meet other grown ups to be yourself around with, eventually, and hopefully your friends will grow up too. This doesn't seem to be any first-impression-problem to me, these kids just haven't learned to appreciate good things yet.

I think girls who can write are very attractive, so do most of my male friends. Keep writing, and play video games or whatever you're into.
 

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Most important thing is to just keep being yourself and some time you'll meet someone who will appreciate that...that's the person to stick with. I'm a huge advocate of not "conforming" to what everyone else projects on you. Be who you are because that's the only way you'll ever be happy. =)

and the whole first impression thing, I think that's pretty common for a lot of us NF's because we tend to see beyond the "face value" in social situations and blend in...so everyone just assumes you're just like them...unless you meet another NF and then it's likely they'll see you as different.

Just be the beautiful person that you are. =D and if they don't like it...they're not worth your time! =p
 
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I have been told that I look like I know what I'm doing (i don't lol), intimidating, an intense person, and I tend to scare people off because they can't read me well. One of my friends told me that in the begining of the relationship she thought I didn't like her and that I was difficult to read. I've also been told innocent and cute (personality), edgy (personality), rude (body language), and arrogant (tone of voice)
 

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I think that if you are a quiet person in general, people project a whole lot of things on you.
When you are quiet, people fill the silence with their own assumptions. Believing they’ve got some idea about the people around them is easier than acknowledging how little they know.
 
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