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Discussion Starter #1
im fascinated by the type 5,, i find it amazing how you can be so emotionally detached,, how did you arrive here? :happy:
 

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I had an ok experience as a kid, whenever I wasn't feeling tormented. Parents divorced. Lived with mom and 3 younger brothers. esfj mom had a hard time recognizing potentials in us. It really is remarkable how influential our father was on me, how his absence from age 6-on led me to direct my feelings inwardly, to avoid sharing them with family or anyone else. My mom was very loud, something which makes me tense, freeze up (I attribute it to her emotional rages), so made a case of avoiding her. Part of growing up has been learning to acknowledging the value of speaking with complete strangers, non-family, etc., in a search for truth, advice, bits of knowledge that can help fill the gaps.

Time alone to reflect has, in my experience, been in direct conflict with my need to be around people, interact with, study them.

School was terrible. As a human looking outward in search of others to contact, authenticity is really important to me. Unfortunately, I found it hard to come by (likely due to how direct/obstinate my approach is just as much as others' projections). It still is. I eventually adjusted, and learned to appreciate my ability to think clearly, to cut through the emotional fog, though as an infp, satisfaction is hard to come by when one desires badly to connect, but cannot due to inherent fears (emotional hoarding?).

I taught swimming lessons for about a decade (up until several months ago), and the ability to distance my working mind from the emotions of the moment helped me become one of the better teachers. I envisioned a sort of color code, a bank of emotions when I taught, with specific methods to handle each, with constant adjusting, revising.

I feel that my close ties to/over associating with the darker aspects of life help me to appreciate/savor, give depth, additional meaning to the moments that ought to be.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
What is so amazing about being emotionally detached? Childhood had its ups and downs.
im sorry if i was being insensitive if you see it as a downfall, i was just thinking of a polite way to start thread, i find it amazing as iam someone who lets emotions cloud her judgement which stops me being able to see clearly, im sure there are good and bad things about being able to detach yourself.
 

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My childhood was boring. Emotions were clearly not part of my perception at the time, because I was very sheltered and strong emotions were not called for in any situation. Consider it emotional retardation.
 

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Ohhh, up until 6 or 7 it was GREAT. I was popular, funny, sneaky, tough, had bunches of friends. Then I'm not sure what happened. We moved to Toledo, I and many classmates and I bullied a girl (whose name I oddly still remember) then next year was horrible. I was bullied by a girl who was in a higher grade than me, I beat up a girl for telling a racist joke, teachers screamed at me for making small mistakes. ..

In short, years later I ended up as a quiet, really hypocritical person with emotional problems and almost no friends. So yeah bro; my childhood sucked mostly. :c
 

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The meretricious and crepuscular origins of many were unknown to me. I think an early confusion with how people interact, just a bit, along with a lot of natural inclintations towards certain value sets and philosophies made me the Byzantine I am now.
 

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conformità said:
fives what was your childhood like??
My childhood was great; I enjoyed it very much. I was a happy little girl with many elder siblings to play with and to learn from. I was spoiled far too much, though I grew out of liking the attention and it quickly became unwanted. Both unfortunately as well as fortunately, I had a tendency to be irritable, stubborn and independence minded; when that didn't stop me from having copious amounts of fun, I felt cheerfully free to be quite friendly, imaginative and playful- typically, not in that order. Playing outside meant that an adventure, story or game would always be created out of seemingly nothing or anything I could acquire, as the manner of play could evolve with anyone who was courageous enough to join in with their ideas and energy.

My essential childhood began to end around age 7. I had begun to realize how my behavior had been far too selfish and distastefully, childishly immature. I also realized that I could consciously control to mitigate my response to physical pain through disciplined acknowledgment followed immediately by resisting the urge for dramatic expression, in stark contrast to my earlier ignorance of this ability. I asked my mother how I would go about being able to drive, "Well, honey, you're a bit young to do that, yet." and how I could acquire a car (got the same response again, much to my dismay).

When I wasn't riding a bike around and/or exploring the outside world, I began building cardboard box retreats and seeking out creative spots which I could fashion into hideaways. Ingenuity allowed me to create or modify things in my environment to attain a desired utility, much to my delight. It became an absorbing activity for me to fashion something useful out of objects which suited the purpose at hand. My brother showed me how to record audio with a tape deck and we began to add narrative interjection into books-on-tape for some spontaneous [irreversible] fun born out of parody. My brother had also shown me how to fashion a body sling out of a blanket, similar to a hammock but more like a kangaroo pouch. I paid quite a bit of attention to what people older than me could do so that I could emulate it and improve upon it, myself.

As mentioned, I stopped feeling like a carefree child soon after age 8... Shortly after that (between age 8 and age 9), my emotions became overwhelmingly obtrusive as I developed clinical depression, so I again practiced stabilizing my physical and mental/emotional self, not always achieving a desired result. I began acting more like a mini-adult from then on as I continued to acquire and further employ a sense of objective reasoning alongside of adaptive responsibility. I wanted to be mature enough to be considered as having earned the respect of my elders in order for me to be given more privileges. I became increasingly unconcerned with popular interests and themes of youth in favor of the unconventional as I continued to develop my personal identity.

Socially, I had often been out of sync with the needs of my peers just as they had been out of sync with mine, so, as time passed throughout the rest of the childhood years of everyone else, I gradually became removed from all social circles, not putting forth the effort to maintain relationships nor to seek out new ones. Although this did bother me, introversion had proven to me a reliable outlet in which I was comfortable to rely mostly upon myself from a very young age, whether I had to or had the option to.

im fascinated by the type 5,, i find it amazing how you can be so emotionally detached,, how did you arrive here? :happy:
You must be thinking of someone else.

It is not necessary to read between lines what is right there plain as day within the seemingly cold, impersonal lines of text to properly be perceived as a quite distinct expression of emotional humanity.
 

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I seem emotionally detached because I grew up pretty alone and to be honest, I only truly trust myself. Which is likely where the 'type 5' comes from since I want to be competent and proficient in everything I do so I don't need to rely upon others.

Dad was an angry, angry man (a legacy I now bear). My parents divorced when I was 10-ish (1986-88 or so). Dad moved across the country shortly after, and mom was a single working mother. My sister was a year younger than I and we fought like cats and dogs.

I went to 9 schools from Kindergarten to Grade 12 including switching one in the middle of the year -- during grade 8 I beat up a bully who was well known for terrorizing other kids and leading a small gang. he started picking on me and then finally tried to steal my CD player. In Grade 7 I was falsely accused of sexually assaulting a girl in my class.

There's more stuff, but it all more or less adds up to not trusting anyone else, being instantly suspicious towards others and balling up all the anger as small as I can and keeping a lid on it. While I may appear to be emotionally detached, this is only skin-deep. Scratch me and you'll find seething hatred and furious anger right beneath the surface which I keep a tight hold upon just so avoid ending up like my father.

If you go by these 5 - Enneagram Type Five: The Investigator then I'm probably hovering at Level 7.
 

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Everything went well until age 6. We left my dad since he was abusive to my mom, alcohol/drug addict. ( i found that out way later though) Then my mom would take out her stress, etc. on us, sort of like treat us as her husband. Since she would claim things to us, even though we weren't even responsible for it. Oh, and I'm the youngest of two sisters and a brother. I learned not to express my emotions, or speak my mind. It always ended in a bad situation when i did. That shaped me up for the better though, in my opinion. This makes my mom sound like a bad woman, but she's not. As for my dad, I've never seen him again..the last thing i heard was that he went to jail. :shocked:
 

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...My childhood was wonderful up until I was about seven or eight, and then I found myself caring for a disabled, emotionally unstable, and antidepressant-addicted parent who seemed to grow increasingly resentful of me. It reached a point that I might call emotional abuse but felt guilty about calling emotional abuse because she was so obviously unstable.

Conclusion? I'm highly wary of close relationships because I feel like they're going to degenerate into screaming, insults, and destructive behavior. (Translation: Too much trouble.) So, yeah, I guess I would say that my childhood contributed to my preference for detatchment...or maybe I had the ability to detach myself all along and it saved me; I don't know.

Everything went well until age 6. We left my dad since he was abusive to my mom, alcohol/drug addict. ( i found that out way later though) Then my mom would take out her stress, etc. on us, sort of like treat us as her husband. Since she would claim things to us, even though we weren't even responsible for it. Oh, and I'm the youngest of two sisters and a brother. I learned not to express my emotions, or speak my mind. It always ended in a bad situation when i did. That shaped me up for the better though, in my opinion. This makes my mom sound like a bad woman, but she's not. As for my dad, I've never seen him again..the last thing i heard was that he went to jail. :shocked:
Mmm...I understand that, especially how you learned not to express your emotions or speak your mind. And your mom's habit of taking out her stress on you...I don't think of my own mother as a bad person, either, you know? But it is hard.
 

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I'll consider 13 to be the end of childhood for this post. When I was 5 or so, I was like a normal kid, going out, having social fun, making friends. When I was 6, I was introduced to Pokemon. From then, I only became close to those who shared this obsession, and became cold and distant to anyone else. At 12, it was about Pokemon, Naruto, and sex.
 

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I don't want to say I had a bad childhood... My parents did their best, but dad was gone working allot, and my mother is very damaged and was always depressed. She made at least four suicide attempts in my life two of witch I was a witness too... I don't blame her and try to understand that she just has problems but I think she has everything to do with why I don't really like to show my emotions... She would and still does try to make others responsible for her happiness and I think by the time I was about 12 I was just sick of it and kind of shut down the part of me that gave a damn... Well I tried but only really succeeded in looking like I don't care, and internalizing all of it. :frustrating:
 

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.. just as an aside, every person in this thread that is labelled as Type 5 is also a Myers-Briggs IN, which perhaps isn't so surprising.
Combo-breaker.

Childhood, what is that? Mine ended about the same time my parents divorced at age 4. Up until then (I don't remember, but I've been told), I was really happy and loving.

I don't really remember much prior to age 10. I believe this may be due to dissociative amnesia from a beating I received at a young age. (Of course I don't remember it, but I've seen the pictures and I was bruised from head to toe.) That was the most traumatic event, but not the only one.

My mom got remarried when I was 6. I can't really remember that time, but there's pictures, and I think my mom suffered from an eating disorder. My stepfather and I have never gotten along. He has never accepted me and I've been subject to many insults. My dad remarried when I was 10. My stepmother resented me and mentally and physically abused me for the next 8 years. When I got bigger, she had my dad hold me down while she hit me. Repeatedly molested when I was 14 by someone I trusted. I went to four different elementary schools, two different middle schools, and two different high schools. As soon as I made friends, I was living somewhere else. Those are just some of the highlights. It goes on and on.

Emotionally-detached? It was either that or go psycho.
 

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I know it says I'm a 4, but I'm pretty 50/50 split between 4 and 5. INTJ too. It's like a trifecta of awesomeness.

My childhood was...different. My mom and dad divorced when I was 3; I have two older half brothers, one from each parent. One is 12 years older and the other is 8 years older than me. I didn't grow up or ever really live with either of them. Life was fairly normal until I was about 6 when my mom remarried and we moved. I found out I had this weird (at that time and age) thing called Asperger's Syndrome when I started my new school and they put me in GT classes because I got bored and finished everything before the other kids all the time. When I was around 8, I discovered my mom was bipolar and schizophrenic; she took her meds and was for the most part a decent mom. A few years after this, she got less concientous about taking her meds and episodes would occur. I was her frequent target. Interpret that as you will. When I was 11, she and I moved again for a short time before going back to her then husband.

At 12, we moved back to where I was born, where my father lived and where I lived until I was 6. The school sucked. No GT, AP or accelerated programs barring English and Math. I hated it because I was far ahead of my classmates and became increasingly less concerned with school and started learning things on my own. At that time, my biological father with whom I'd never seen a great deal of, decided that I was an inconvenience (yes, he actually told me that) and I didn't see him again until I was 20...even though he lived in the same town of 3500 people that I did and I went to school with his best friend's daughter that I was friends with. Dear Mom got married again, this time to her HS sweetheart. He is a great man and I consider him to be my father and there's no doubt he is the lone stable parental figure in my life.

As far as how I related and interacted with other kids, I had friends and all but I much preferred to keep my own company. I never could get interested in things they talked about or wanted to do for the most part. I also totally missed out on the social aspect of school. I just didn't get that part and still don't really. When things with my mom would get rough, I retreated into myself and kept things as internal as possible no matter what might show externally. I read a lot and always wanted to learn new things. I promised myself that I would never turn into her or be like her. So far, that's working out well. Btw, I'm 28 now.

Can't really believe I just told all that either.
 

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It's always easier to spill out stuff (pseudo-)anonymously, Redleaf. ;) I feel the same way when I do the same sort of emotional exposures, but at the same time it's always only what I (or you) wish to expose. Which isn't surprising for type 5/INTP/INTJ types ..!

So far everyone seems to be in agreement that it's something that they basically developed into; either from a lack of support from parents or social peers. Didn't get the support from others, so we grew it ourselves.

Kinda reminds me of Lion King; "When the world turns it's back on you, you turn your back on the world!"

Rock on, Timon.
 
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