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Discussion Starter #1
Hey all,

So I haven't been on here for a while, but I appreciate it as a really clever sounding board when I'm having a brain conundrum.
The head always gets involved a little more than it should.

Basically, it's boys. Boy. Singular.

This guy met me through a friend of a friend and added me to Facebook and started talking to me heaps and at first I was super standoffish. I had just gone through some stupid break up and was sick of guys and I got the greatest vibe that he liked me. So I tried to keep it friendly and we bumped into each other once or twice and it was all good. But then we just started talking heaps and heaps (however, online) and I discovered that I really actually liked him. For as little I knew about him I found myself wanting to know more, to see him, to just be a part of everything he was. Except I was really skeptical of myself to want to be in a relationship.

So we went on a date and I pretty much let him down saying I was happy being single, blah blah blah, and he took it well. We decided maybe we should just hang out with other people so it's less pressure to be all couply. Whatever. Worked out. For like, five minutes.

We made plans to see each other again because I developed crazy crazzzzy feelings for him all of a sudden and he basically felt the same and it was all going good, until my head flipped out again and I couldn't make the choice whether I wanted to be with him or not, so I rejected him again. 'Let's just be friends!'

Anyway, it would have been less complicated if we hadn't gotten a little more emotionally or physically involved (what's a girl to do?), but I was still turning the thought over in my head: DO I really want a boyfriend right now? DO I really want to go there again and potentially get burnt? Whaaaatever whatever. The thought kept churning, and he was beginning to reciprocate. Maybe he couldn't be bothered, maybe it wasn't worth it, I couldn't make up my mind.

But I decided, yes. Life is too short. Fuck it. Let's just see what happens, I like you! You like me! We make good faces together! But now he has gone all reclusive and 'I don't know' on me saying things like 'I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to get hurt. I don't know I much I like you and I don't want to lead you on', which is very fair and terribly gentlemanly (which is making me kinda want to be with him more). And now I just feel like everytime I talk to him I am bugging or annoying him because he doesn't really like me that much. But he does. But he's not sure?

Might I add that he talks to me and is perfectly pleasant as he is really just a lovely guy, and I mean, he has super personal insecurity issues about people ditching him, and so I'm wondering if this is a rejection thing. But anyway... I'm being neurotic.

So the dilemma is I just need to get OUT of my head and get some kind other person opinion on whether I am being over-dramatic and pedantic about making everyone like me, whether I should wait and just see what happens (obviously) or just ANY kind of wise word or suggestion to stop me feeling so sorry for myself and remind me that if I really want to be with the guy then it will happen. That if he really wanted to be with me it would happen.

Something. Is all.

Thanks for reading.
A
 
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First of all, reassure him. I'm not sure how you want to do that, but it's a kind thing to do.

Second, do you know his type?

Third I'm terribly sorry you're going through this. :sad:
 

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cbelle your thoughts seem so kind and calm. Thank yooooou!

He's an infj, and I love that. We're opposite in everything. I feel like I'm obsessing a little but I mean... I thought everything was going ok?
 

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This is his way of determining if you're both ready to be in a relationship. If yes, go jump him and share intimate things and insecurities. If not, leave him alone. Love ya!
 

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So should I just reassure him? And confirm where I stand? Try and figure out where he stands?

I'm like a giant ball of insecurities right now. Haha. I am comfort cooking to the max.

Thanks goiys.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
And he is an intj. Not f. Though it's heaps borderline. Oh god... Maybe that makes sense now.
 

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cbelle your thoughts seem so kind and calm. Thank yooooou!

He's an infj, and I love that. We're opposite in everything. I feel like I'm obsessing a little but I mean... I thought everything was going ok?
Ahhh. INFJ. I was in a relationship with one. His personality might explain exactly why he seems so unsure about the relationship.

I can only speak from my experience, but INFJs are very fearful. (Don't tell him this!) They are uncertain, they doubt and they second guess. The one I was with was obsessed with finding "perfect true love." It was cute but it wasn't practical.

K that's all I can write for now....... I've gotta run. I will write more later :) Be calm and don't feel insecure!!
 

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Discussion Starter #9
>>

<<

GET OUT NOW!!! SAVE YOURSELF!!!


>>

<<

Or not. Whatever. :confused:

Tell me about the INTJ beef that everyone has! I read it all over the place but am not too sure why.

And I kinda came to the conclusion tonight that it's not worth my worrying over. I have alot more going on up in here that I didn't realise. I think his problems are a little further down on the priorities list tbh...

I do notice how unsure he is! And incredibly afraid of making some decision. And he's established on a number of ocassions that he is a huge romantic, blah blah blah. Ah well.
 

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Hey all,

So I haven't been on here for a while, but I appreciate it as a really clever sounding board when I'm having a brain conundrum.
The head always gets involved a little more than it should.

Basically, it's boys. Boy. Singular.

This guy met me through a friend of a friend and added me to Facebook and started talking to me heaps and at first I was super standoffish. I had just gone through some stupid break up and was sick of guys and I got the greatest vibe that he liked me. So I tried to keep it friendly and we bumped into each other once or twice and it was all good. But then we just started talking heaps and heaps (however, online) and I discovered that I really actually liked him. For as little I knew about him I found myself wanting to know more, to see him, to just be a part of everything he was. Except I was really skeptical of myself to want to be in a relationship.

So we went on a date and I pretty much let him down saying I was happy being single, blah blah blah, and he took it well. We decided maybe we should just hang out with other people so it's less pressure to be all couply. Whatever. Worked out. For like, five minutes.

We made plans to see each other again because I developed crazy crazzzzy feelings for him all of a sudden and he basically felt the same and it was all going good, until my head flipped out again and I couldn't make the choice whether I wanted to be with him or not, so I rejected him again. 'Let's just be friends!'

Anyway, it would have been less complicated if we hadn't gotten a little more emotionally or physically involved (what's a girl to do?), but I was still turning the thought over in my head: DO I really want a boyfriend right now? DO I really want to go there again and potentially get burnt? Whaaaatever whatever. The thought kept churning, and he was beginning to reciprocate. Maybe he couldn't be bothered, maybe it wasn't worth it, I couldn't make up my mind.

But I decided, yes. Life is too short. Fuck it. Let's just see what happens, I like you! You like me! We make good faces together! But now he has gone all reclusive and 'I don't know' on me saying things like 'I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to get hurt. I don't know I much I like you and I don't want to lead you on', which is very fair and terribly gentlemanly (which is making me kinda want to be with him more). And now I just feel like everytime I talk to him I am bugging or annoying him because he doesn't really like me that much. But he does. But he's not sure?

Might I add that he talks to me and is perfectly pleasant as he is really just a lovely guy, and I mean, he has super personal insecurity issues about people ditching him, and so I'm wondering if this is a rejection thing. But anyway... I'm being neurotic.

So the dilemma is I just need to get OUT of my head and get some kind other person opinion on whether I am being over-dramatic and pedantic about making everyone like me, whether I should wait and just see what happens (obviously) or just ANY kind of wise word or suggestion to stop me feeling so sorry for myself and remind me that if I really want to be with the guy then it will happen. That if he really wanted to be with me it would happen.

Something. Is all.

Thanks for reading.
A

i'd say the best thing for you both to do is to just play it by ear and see what happens. even if you both made the decision to commit to each other things could still change and it is no guarantee that things will work out. better not to pressure him. things will have a much better chance of working when there is no presure.he'll appreciate you alot more if you don't give him any ultimatums.

i know it's hard when he says he isn't sure, i went through the same thing with my istp boyfriend but i realised that is just his way. istp's just find it hard to trust their emotions.(maybe the same is true for intj's?) i knew he loved me becuase of how he would look at me with adoration written all over his face. look out for these kinds of signs: does he prolong his stare when you are talking? does he repeat things you have said to him on a previous occasion? these kinds of clues can tell you alot more than he can. i knew my istp loved me a long time before he realised it.
 
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