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Discussion Starter #1
So something another INFP said on another thread made me wonder how many of you flirt for attention?

I know I have done this accidentally and it makes me feel horrible. I flirted not on purpose, but reflexively gave a person a lot of attention and complimented them and joked around with them and teased them and laughed at their jokes.... and then they liked me. And I turned them down. And I thought of them like a little brother, too, and I didn't realize how he responded meant he liked me like THAT.

The more I think about it, the more I realize I do this and now I'm trying to be really careful not to flirt with someone because I want to be loved, but because I like them that way.

Even worse, when I actually like someone I'm the worst flirt in the world. You have no idea how many times I blew it when I didn't mean to by being nervous and accidentally giving them a discouraging signal. And it's not like I can say out loud "Whoops, I didn't mean that. Let me flirt with you again." >_<

...yeahthatswhyiveneverbeenkissed.

Anyways, have you done this? How do you keep yourself from needing the attention? Because for me, I think I did it because it felt SO HAPPY to be seen as special to someone and getting their attention. *you're horrible, caraez*
 

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I flirt for fun sometimes, but I think I'm pretty careful with who and how far I take it; and I don't start it normally.
I had and ENFJ boss who loved to flirt and we would be sooo un-PC and flirt outrageously at work all the time, but we both knew it was just for fun.
Normally, if I sense the person is interested, or if I am interested I have a ridiculous time flirting!
Yep, all backwards.
 
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Discussion Starter #4
Maybe that's it for me, ForsakenMe, because I didn't think I was flirting. I genuinely liked the kid and like I said, I thought of him as a little brother, so I guess I kinda coddled him like one and I guess he thought it was flirting?

And amanda, I guess I will continue to flirt just for fun but I'll be sure to watch not to take it too far.



Thanks you guys, because that really made me feel better about the whole thing.
 

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I'd ask if I just inspired a thread followed by a starstruck smiley, but luckily I'm not nearly that pretentious!

I think a lot of people just flirt, randomly, with people they don't even necessarily like that much. Often. Just for fun, I mean. Either that or a lot of people out there are blissfully ignorant offence machines. Maybe. In any case I think there are bigger monsters out there than you.

That other thing on the other hand. Oh. My. There was this girl. I was too busy swallowing manually to realize she had made a move, verbally, and I was in my thoughts, thinking how horribly adorable she was, and what I should do, when I answered about as coldly and nonchalantly as you can get it, to her advance. It was first on the bus, on my way home, thinking back to the day that I had had that I realized what she had said. I danced around the house and all, after that, but, still, I haven't been able to get her back on that track. Quite. Like. That. Yet. Ever since.

*sigh*

You can safely say "Whoops, I didn't mean that! Let me flirt with you again!" though. And then explain it. Or. It really depends on the person. But personally, if you ask me, if someone doesn't like you explaining stuff in overtly complicated ways, they're not worth your time. But then on the other hand, you might not agree on that :bored:
 

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I typically flirt with those I am attracted to. I don't do it to lead them on, but just because it feels so natural. Although, I also do enjoy the attention it gets me sometimes

I don't think it's bad to flirt as long as you're not taking advantage of someone or hurting yourself in the process..which will happen if you are really desperate for the attention. You need to try to be aware of when you are flirting and why you're doing it at that time. Is it because you're genuinely attracted to the person or because you want them to be attracted to you?
 

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Not for attention, but for impact. I like to be affect people. So I get a thrill out of getting them hot or making them embarrassed or uncomfortable or whatever it is. Also, I flirt as a way of appreciating people - telling them flat out what I find to be beautiful or impressive about them.

EDIT: Frankly, if someone craves/needs attention, I don't think of them as a "real" INFP - a real INFP would be content being in their own world, and like to be appreciated, but have no basic need or desire for attention (and might even be uncomfortable with it). I think of them instead as being maybe ISFP or ENFP (possibly enneagram 4w3).
 

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I actually don't find flirting enjoyable at all, except with someone i'm really interested in. I don't like leading people on. It means that most of the guys I talk to end up ignoring me at one point, but i'm sorry, i'm not going to flirt just to make you feel good. And no, i'm not interested in many people at all, so i'm not going to flirt with no strings attached, just for "the fun". With me, there are always strings attached, and i'm very careful about who I open up to and show some interest in, because usually when someone gets to know me, they'll want more and expect that i'll just give my attention to them. No. There's a misanthropist in me that finds that horrific.
I don't find it enjoyable to "put out" or brag about sexuality either. It just attracts a certain type of person to you, and I don't have the energy or enthusiasm to deal with these people.

I don't need attention from 99% of humans. Blurg. Flirting involves interacting with people on a certain level and giving and receiving attention from people I have absolutely zero interest in dealing with.
 

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With people I know but am not close enough with yet : When I flirt, it's just for comfort.

With my closest guy friends, at times I had the tendency to show way too much affection which might have accidentally got translated as flirting :confused: But I couldn't help it, I felt close with them.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I'd ask if I just inspired a thread followed by a starstruck smiley, but luckily I'm not nearly that pretentious!

I think a lot of people just flirt, randomly, with people they don't even necessarily like that much. Often. Just for fun, I mean. Either that or a lot of people out there are blissfully ignorant offence machines. Maybe. In any case I think there are bigger monsters out there than you.

That other thing on the other hand. Oh. My. There was this girl. I was too busy swallowing manually to realize she had made a move, verbally, and I was in my thoughts, thinking how horribly adorable she was, and what I should do, when I answered about as coldly and nonchalantly as you can get it, to her advance. It was first on the bus, on my way home, thinking back to the day that I had had that I realized what she had said. I danced around the house and all, after that, but, still, I haven't been able to get her back on that track. Quite. Like. That. Yet. Ever since.

*sigh*

You can safely say "Whoops, I didn't mean that! Let me flirt with you again!" though. And then explain it. Or. It really depends on the person. But personally, if you ask me, if someone doesn't like you explaining stuff in overtly complicated ways, they're not worth your time. But then on the other hand, you might not agree on that :bored:

Sorry, you didn't quite inspire it, but you were relevant!

With this person, I wouldn't really feel comfortable saying something like that, especially since I can never be sure if they were flirting or just being friendly. Plus I didn't realize it until later. I tried to make it up by initiating contact, but he never flirted like that again.

And I don't know they're worth it unless I get to know them. But its a good point. If they give up after one discouragement, they couldn't stand being in a relationship with me - I would drive them crazy.


I typically flirt with those I am attracted to. I don't do it to lead them on, but just because it feels so natural. Although, I also do enjoy the attention it gets me sometimes

I don't think it's bad to flirt as long as you're not taking advantage of someone or hurting yourself in the process..which will happen if you are really desperate for the attention. You need to try to be aware of when you are flirting and why you're doing it at that time. Is it because you're genuinely attracted to the person or because you want them to be attracted to you?
I certainly don't flirt with people I'm totally unattracted too, but I have flirted with people I have no intention to date. It just feels natural at the time, like you said. I definitely flirt for a variety of reasons. Sometimes for fun, sometimes I'm attracted, and occasionally because I know they will respond in a way that makes me feel loved. And that is what I'm trying to avoid.

Not for attention, but for impact. I like to be affect people. So I get a thrill out of getting them hot or making them embarrassed or uncomfortable or whatever it is. Also, I flirt as a way of appreciating people - telling them flat out what I find to be beautiful or impressive about them.

EDIT: Frankly, if someone craves/needs attention, I don't think of them as a "real" INFP - a real INFP would be content being in their own world, and like to be appreciated, but have no basic need or desire for attention (and might even be uncomfortable with it). I think of them instead as being maybe ISFP or ENFP (possibly enneagram 4w3).
Impact: I can relate to that. I've enjoyed confusing a guy or two. ;P ... and then feel bad about it afterwards.

By attention I didn't mean the whole room staring at me or even one person picking me out of several. THAT's uncomfortable. By attention, I meant one person appreciating me and genuinely liking being around me. For me, it might even be a situation where in my head I'd love to be loved and appreciated and then in real life it scares me.

I've done so much research on this, and IN are the two traits I'm most confident that I am so ISFP and ENFP are not options. Also, I know ENFPs and ISFPs so I know I'm different. But thanks for the suggestion.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Whoa, two more posts in the time I wrote that last one. Sorry for double posting.

I actually don't find flirting enjoyable at all, except with someone i'm really interested in. I don't like leading people on. It means that most of the guys I talk to end up ignoring me at one point, but i'm sorry, i'm not going to flirt just to make you feel good. And no, i'm not interested in many people at all, so i'm not going to flirt with no strings attached, just for "the fun". With me, there are always strings attached, and i'm very careful about who I open up to and show some interest in, because usually when someone gets to know me, they'll want more and expect that i'll just give my attention to them. No. There's a misanthropist in me that finds that horrific.
I don't find it enjoyable to "put out" or brag about sexuality either. It just attracts a certain type of person to you, and I don't have the energy or enthusiasm to deal with these people.

I don't need attention from 99% of humans. Blurg. Flirting involves interacting with people on a certain level and giving and receiving attention from people I have absolutely zero interest in dealing with.
I used to be like that about flirting, but lately I've been doing it more for fun. I'm definitely a lot more relaxed and more willing to just have fun than I was. I think its because I've become more comfortable with being myself in public.

As for "putting out" or bragging about sexuality, that's not appealing to me either. And I don't flirt with anyone I have zero interest in. I always have interest in them or enjoy being with them on some level.


With people I know but am not close enough with yet : When I flirt, it's just for comfort.

With my closest guy friends, at times I had the tendency to show way too much affection which might have accidentally got translated as flirting :confused: But I couldn't help it, I felt close with them.
What do you mean by comfort?

I can relate to that. People ask me if I like my closest guy friends all the time. I guess my way of showing love is lavishing attention that can be misinterpreted as flirting.
 

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Impact: I can relate to that. I've enjoyed confusing a guy or two. ;P ... and then feel bad about it afterwards.

By attention I didn't mean the whole room staring at me or even one person picking me out of several. THAT's uncomfortable. By attention, I meant one person appreciating me and genuinely liking being around me. For me, it might even be a situation where in my head I'd love to be loved and appreciated and then in real life it scares me.

I've done so much research on this, and IN are the two traits I'm most confident that I am so ISFP and ENFP are not options. Also, I know ENFPs and ISFPs so I know I'm different. But thanks for the suggestion.
Yeah, but attention-seeking at all doesn't seem particularly INFP to me. I don't know, maybe it's just a quality unique to 4w3 INFPs.
 
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What do you mean by comfort?

I can relate to that. People ask me if I like my closest guy friends all the time. I guess my way of showing love is lavishing attention that can be misinterpreted as flirting.

Sometimes (not always) when I want to feel comforted, I just flirt. At this point of my life, I know when to not get too far though.

However, I only flirt with those I find appealing in some way. I won't flirt with someone I don't even have the smallest connection with :dry:
 

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I flirt all the time whether it be with female friends, older ladies, teachers, or even some random girl that I have to interact with during the day (ie: cashier).

Do I do it for attention? Ehh yes and no. I think it's more-so the act of being memorable and standing out in their eyes. At the same time, I don't really want them bothering me or interacting with me too often. Generally, I like being in a position where I have a unique level of influence over the person I'm with. If I flirt with them a bit then it puts me in better graces at not only that immediate moment, but in future meetings.

On top of that, I do it as a bit of a "pick me up" for the ladies. It's not out of pity, but I think a lot of women are too hard on themselves and sometimes as simple as saying "Hey, I really like that outfit on you" can make their day. Naturally, I only say that if it's the honest truth :p, if not, I'll look for something else -honest- to compliment them about. In my eyes, there is never anything wrong with giving someone a compliment.
 

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I'm rather "flirtarded", so it's not something I would consciously do, or even be able to do :crazy:. I get more accused of being aloof than flirty, so no, I don't see it as a problem for me.
 

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I unintentionally flirt with people, primarily I guess because I am nice to everyone I meet. I honestly don't know if it's true, but it seems like a lot of people seem to assume that people are only nice when they've some ulterior motive.

When I consciously try to flirt it's usually quite comical. I've learned to either be ignorant of what's going on, or to just avoid those situations if I don't want to make a fool of myself. *shrugs* it all works, I spose.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Yeah, but attention-seeking at all doesn't seem particularly INFP to me. I don't know, maybe it's just a quality unique to 4w3 INFPs.
Nah, I'm not much of a three. I'm mostly six or two or four and possibly nine. I'm uncertain, (most likely a 6) but certainly not 3. There are also other reasons why I flirt. *ponders* Maybe its looking for someone who's attracted to me more than wanting attention? Because its on the same lines. I think I might need further self examination to really understand my own motives, but that might make sense. Though looking for appreciation would make sense, with the 2 in me. And it could also make sense with a six, because of looking for other people to affirm their own worth? Not sure on that one.



Also, I'm definitely using the word "flirtarded" in the future XD
 

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Nah, I'm not much of a three. I'm mostly six or two or four and possibly nine. I'm uncertain, (most likely a 6) but certainly not 3. There are also other reasons why I flirt. *ponders* Maybe its looking for someone who's attracted to me more than wanting attention? Because its on the same lines. I think I might need further self examination to really understand my own motives, but that might make sense. Though looking for appreciation would make sense, with the 2 in me. And it could also make sense with a six, because of looking for other people to affirm their own worth? Not sure on that one.
The need to feel loved/appreciated (and social manipulation such as flirting to secure appreciation), is associated with 2.

4 in a relationship would need to connect deeply and emotionally, need it to be a meaningful relationship (I'm guessing).

I think a 6 would need solid affirmation of loyalty and reciprocity within an established relationship more than anything, love-wise.

9 would need a love that would add to calm, harmony, and/or peace in their life.
 
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