[William I am]

Does anyone have a strategy or way to just make their Fe shut up (like an SJ hehe, jk)?
Basically, mine is overactive and I can't help but feel incredible empathy for everyone I talk to, including people who are driving me nuts, endangering my happiness/comfort, or otherwise just unpleasant to be around?
When I think about it as these people stealing the only thing irreplaceable - my time, my life - I have much less problem hating people and ignoring any and all Fe, but it's more of an on/off thing than anything. I'd like to know others' strategies and experiences with this sort of thing.
Cheers

 

[bellisaurius]

I relax my facial muscles. A quick breath out, let those muscles hang off the tendons, imagine an on-off switch, and voila, automaton levels of "not-give-a-shittery". Even works when my family brings the high drama.

 

[Goooseeey]

Turn up the Ti and realize that either you deserve not to be bothered by it or that whatever they're going through really isn't all that important in the big picture.

 

[bigtex1989]

It's actually pretty easy. I agree with @bellisaurius but if his suggestion doesn't work, just remember that the world and everyone on it is probably not even real. Why?

Scenario 1: We are a computer program put together by our descendents because they were curious about their ancestors.
Scenario 2: We are a 3-d hologram produced by diffracting light patterns on a 2-d black hole even horizon.
Scenario 3: We are made up of atoms, and atoms are mostly empty space. So your heart is mostly a big gaping hole. You can't feel with it!

There are many more plausible scenarios that lead one to believe the Earth (and hence everything on it) isn't real. If you don't care about video game NPCs, why care about people? Also, just remember that caring requires effort. Effort you could be using to do something cool, like not caring XD

 

[Psyphon]

Well if you wanna go psycho with the idea the answer would be forced desensitization through direct exposure to increasingly intense psychologically disturbing stimuli. It would result in extreme cases of apathy and completely unconscious rationalization.

Mass doses of personal psychological and physical torture would have a similar result, although the effect on overall behavioral patterns would be different.

Then you could always go to the extreme opposite end of the spectrum and realize that nothing in existence actually matters in the slightest bit, and that feelings can be included in that conclusion. You know ... take a more Cha'an Buddhism style approach.

 

[cue5c]

Remind yourself that since you care so much about these people you may not even like, you want to give them your best. The only way to give them your best is to be emotionally stable and to be emotionally stable you can't care about them. So, it's completely reasonable to tell them to, "Fuck off, I'm helping you!"

On a semi-related note: I constantly have at least a million tabs open. I was looking through them and this one showed up as [ENTP] Flow Control. For a minute there I sat and wondered why in the hell I opened a thread about the menstrual cycle. It was strange.

 

[William I am]

It's actually pretty easy. I agree with @bellisaurius but if his suggestion doesn't work, just remember that the world and everyone on it is probably not even real. Why?

Scenario 1: We are a computer program put together by our descendents because they were curious about their ancestors.
Scenario 2: We are a 3-d hologram produced by diffracting light patterns on a 2-d black hole even horizon.
Scenario 3: We are made up of atoms, and atoms are mostly empty space. So your heart is mostly a big gaping hole. You can't feel with it!

There are many more plausible scenarios that lead one to believe the Earth (and hence everything on it) isn't real. If you don't care about video game NPCs, why care about people? Also, just remember that caring requires effort. Effort you could be using to do something cool, like not caring XD

Would this be a bad time to mention that I have cared about NPC's in the past? Heh...

 

[aef8234]

You could trivialize everything, usually works.

"Oh look that one guy died, but wait, three seconds ago someone else got buttraped, oh and they got it again."

 

[MoonLight]

Well, in general in terms of the theory and what has been written by Jung any type of repression to functions starts to affect you unconsciously but through its ugly head (in different ways) instead of you being consciously aware of it. So usually this is not the best way to go.

I am not an ENTP but I had issues before with overactive Fe and empathizing to the degree of taking on others people's feelings and confuse them with my own, not the most enjoyable of things when it is negative. What I did was partly a change of mentality and behavior. I still empathize with people and try to help them if I can (or wish too) but realize that people can help themselves more and all this empathy will not have any effect on them unless they do something about their situation. So I do what I can if I wish and carry on with my own life.

 

[William I am]

"...empathizing to the degree of taking on others people's feelings and confuse them with my own..."

This is precisely the problem. Feeling like I'm more awesome (and implicitly awesome) than other people helps me care less. I'm not trying to do things like pretend they don't exist. I'd really like to know more about how you dealt with this.

 

[deSouza]

one death is a tragedy, millions statistics

 

[Kuthtuk]

Imagine this, works every time if u cant go serious go funny.

 

[Sonny]

I think the secret is in developing it so it can be accessed without being overwhelming. Same with Si.

If my Si-Fe takes over from the Ne-Ti then I'm exceptionally uncomfortable.

Therefore what Goooseeey suggested about turning up the Ti can be effective, balancing it out. Find, and then remember that space where you are accessing Ne and Ti in a comfortable, productive way and keep hold of that image to return to if things go out of whack. Rather than cutting out the Fe.

Personally I need to return to Ne over Ti for the extroversion factor.

The idea isn't to shut off the empathy but to have control over where you direct it, not have it control you.

You can go the de-sensitise route, there are even tricks you can use like what social workers and the like do in order to keep their emotional distance from dealing with difficult cases all the time, and it may work for you but it's hardly a long term solution imo.

 

[bellisaurius]

I think the secret is in developing it so it can be accessed without being overwhelming. Same with Si.

If my Si-Fe takes over from the Ne-Ti then I'm exceptionally uncomfortable.

Therefore what Goooseeey suggested about turning up the Ti can be effective, balancing it out. Find, and then remember that space where you are accessing Ne and Ti in a comfortable, productive way and keep hold of that image to return to if things go out of whack. Rather than cutting out the Fe.

Personally I need to return to Ne over Ti for the extroversion factor.

The idea isn't to shut off the empathy but to have control over where you direct it, not have it control you.

You can go the de-sensitise route, there are even tricks you can use like what social workers and the like do in order to keep their emotional distance from dealing with difficult cases all the time, and it may work for you but it's hardly a long term solution imo.

That's a good point sonny; eventually we have to grow up and learn to use those lower functions.

 

[MoonLight]

This is precisely the problem. Feeling like I'm more awesome (and implicitly awesome) than other people helps me care less. I'm not trying to do things like pretend they don't exist. I'd really like to know more about how you dealt with this.

For me it was a matter of how I perceived the issue the other person is presenting to me and how I dealt with it. When I used to empathize like this I would relate to the other person with a similar feeling of my own that I have experienced before which in turn would affect me on different levels as if their problem was my own. Yet their problem is not my own, I am separate from them and so are my feelings. I became aware of the process of why I used to have an issue with this and when I changed my way of dealing with it then it stopped happening. There was no need to use another feeling to overcome the present one because my identity is separate from theirs and so is my life. As others have suggested using introverted functions like Ti and Si and an overall balance and development of your functions lessens such things from happening.

 

[the3rdpower]

What I do...

A. Understand and accept feelings - that is the way to master them... one cannot ignore something into oblivion. One must understand it before one can master it. How does one do that? Observing self...

"when I feel like x, y transpires..."

this takes time, experience, and energy but once it happens it's logically fulfilling.

B. Realize one is the reality creator... the only thing one can control is one's self and not other people. Understand that feelings are silient motivators... that which one does not understand about self is that which can be bent and shaped by others around you.

C. Accept that each intersection point of another's experience is based on several factors which serve as a learning opportunity. When one breaks down the pieces of the experience that the other is portraying you can understand the value it has within your reality. Push yourself to do this objectively once you understand the Fe aspects... this give you the ability to remove yourself a bit more from the stimuli and help you understand the value it can play in your experience of the reality.

I am not a machine but I am highly objective before I let things through.

To summarize:

- Understand your feelings and their motivators
- Close the mouth and THINK before letting things out
- Think objectively about the reality experience

Society and other people's experiences is like a huge sales pitch. Other's problems can be a useful for development. Do not blame others for your own inability to master your own self.

 

[William I am]

Imagine this, works every time if u cant go serious go funny.

Hahahaha! This is awesome. Any idea if this is dubbed (hah) over, or real?

To the other people, thanks for the advice. It's similar to what I know is true, but these things often seem to disappear from my mind in the moment. The only way I can really remember them is to pause and step back from the situation. How do you go about doing that?

 

[Juan M]

Understand with Ti the fairness use of your Fe, why and what are you feeling... or wear a sock on your face.

 

[Playful Proxy]

Any advice on this for an INTP? I don't really have much of a problem with empathizing with other people's emotions as much as other people's opinions attempting to affect me emotionally. For instance, even though I love debate, when someone completely destroys me, I get this really weird paralysis of complete shock where I can give no response. Or if someone is saying negative things, Fe just takes over when I need Ti to stay on. It is really annoying. *says witty comment* *person reacts* *Fe turns on due to reaction* Crap.

Also, I can't really turn on Ti completely because that requires some outside stimulation. It is usually on...sort of, but it is different. I know Ti is completely on when there is a concept I just completely 'get'. When given a specific problem involving that concept, I visualize everything working out in a linear manner at ridiculous speeds. It just flies through the problem, gets to the end, and assuming what I had learned was correct, so is the answer. At least, this is how I perceive it....I could be off and different functions are at work.

 

[Psyphon]

Any advice on this for an INTP? I don't really have much of a problem with empathizing with other people's emotions as much as other people's opinions attempting to affect me emotionally. For instance, even though I love debate, when someone completely destroys me, I get this really weird paralysis of complete shock where I can give no response. Or if someone is saying negative things, Fe just takes over when I need Ti to stay on. It is really annoying. *says witty comment* *person reacts* *Fe turns on due to reaction* Crap.

Also, I can't really turn on Ti completely because that requires some outside stimulation. It is usually on...sort of, but it is different. I know Ti is completely on when there is a concept I just completely 'get'. When given a specific problem involving that concept, I visualize everything working out in a linear manner at ridiculous speeds. It just flies through the problem, gets to the end, and assuming what I had learned was correct, so is the answer. At least, this is how I perceive it....I could be off and different functions are at work.

If you find yourself overwhelmed you could try evaluating the current situation on a philosophical level. It'll start breaking up into manageable parts, and then again into sociological math equations. Once it hits that point you're kinda good to go for analyzing it. By that time your brain is going to be so deep into your happy, thinky place that Fe will turn into a distant whisper at best.