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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
i'm writing this like everyone has been biting their fingernails, waiting to know what happened next.... really, i just kind of want to get it out there to people who are like-minded-- well, at least sort of like-minded.

so i told y'all about an ENFJ girl that had a boyfriend but would tell me things like, "i had to draw up such thick lines between us out of respect for my relationship-- but i really like you a lot"-- to lead me on, or to keep me interested i guess. well, i just found out a few things more. (by the way, i know i'm not asking for advice, so no one really has to post anything if you don't want to; again, just sort of getting this out there)

one night we were hanging out, drinking a little bit, and she told me some really messed up things that happened to her when she was younger, then started to tell me how shitty her boyfriend was. so i, like an idiot, tried to comfort her, and just asked her why she would stay with someone that didn't make her happy. she then goes inside, tells one of our friends that i was prying into her personal information, and begs him to stay the night-- begs him to stay so she won't have to be alone with me. next thing i know, i have these two 6 foot, 300 lb. guys following me around, acting all protective when she's around, and i'm completely in the dark as to what's going on. i mean, she flirts with me constantly, even after this happened. and now i find out why these guys were acting so funny. then, i also find out that she eventually tells them off for taking it so seriously. plus, she wouldn't tell her "best friend" about what happened(the INFJ girl that i'll talk about in here later); and i'm guessing she didn't tell her because she knows that the best friend and i are really close, and that info would get leaked to me, and her lies would come out.

two of our friends just split up, they were engaged and had been together for about six years (since they were in high school). they guy in the relationship has always been a dick to the ENFJ, but now all of a sudden she's buddy-buddy with him (because he's reaching out to her, making her feel needed-- and he's only doing so because he knows she an "important piece in the game", like it's chess or something-- he was trying to win back his ex). so this girl (the one that was engaged) and i start hanging out more. we've always been close and everyone was pretty much against her (which is weird, since everyone always told her she should leave her boyfriend, and when she did for the reasons that they stated, they made her into the villian). so we are hanging out, and all of sudden the ENFJ is talking about how inappropriate it is. then later she pulls me aside and says, "now (my name), i just hope that this doesn't ruin anything between us-- i don't want other peoples' problems ruining our friendship-- it really does mean a lot to me". so, was that the reason that she was getting angry at her friend? because she ( the ENFJ) was afraid that i wouldn't be there to pine after her. god, i'm done with this stupid bitch.

ahhhh, there's so much more to tell, but i don't even know where to start... i mean, it all builds on itself. the more i hang out with this group of friends the more i can see how they are. no one does something cause they want to-- it's all veiled-- every action is linked to an ulterior motive. there a one or two that i know i could always be friends with, ones an ESTJ girl, the other an ISTJ guy, plus my INFP aunt (she's like a two years older than i am), and the girl who just broke up with her boyfriend (she's an INFJ). and then the INFJ's boyfriend, an ENTJ, is so manipulative-- and he's not even good at it; i don't see how everyone falls for it-- i mean if you just spend five minutes actually listening and then ask a few questions, you'll catch him up in lies. i'm beginning to think that people on some level realize everything, but to them it's acceptable behavior, which is just scary, and ... well, depressing.

i'm going to confront this girl about everything. if she gets up and walks away (usually what people do when they know they're wrong, or they've been caught-- throw a bitch-fit and get really dramatic) then i'll just calmly let her know that i'm done with her. but even then, her little daughter is in love with me, she's three, and she's such an amazing little kid. i don't want to stop seeing her, and i don't want her to think that i just stopped caring either, since her father just up and left one day. i wonder if there is a way to bring everything up and still be "friends" (now with big ass boundries) so i can still see the people that i care about-- or maybe i should just let this go-- i mean, she'll just turn this around too, then make sure no one talks about it, making me look like an oblivious idiot. if i do let this go, i'll just make it apparent that i'm going to be distant with her, then maybe she'll leave me alone. i'd really like to be manipulative back... i mean, they are so easy to see through, but think they are just the perfect little actors-- i know i could do a lot damage, but i don't think i'd like myself afterwards. and... then again, maybe they are just really fucked up in the head and my "getting back" would just be wrong. i mean, do you brutally beat a puppy for pissing off of the newspaper?

anyhow, that's all for my rant, hope you enjoyed :crazy:
 

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I would say, communication is the best solution in every matter, but do it when you and her are alone and there is no chance of being interrupted or somebody she has there to run to. Tell her everything, how you feel, what bothered you to how she acted, how you really like her daughter and would like to see her no matter what because of the reasons you mentioned and so on. I know it's hard for us to open up about what is bothering us, but it's the best way to stop torturing ourselves. Tell her to make a choice and stick with it, the fact that she opened up, means she trusts you a lot, the fact that she latter regreted it, well, I think it means that she knows that it can get closer with you and her current relationship is making her set some limits. Those 2 guys that were "protecting her" I see it as a "please stop this guy or I don' know what I may end up doing with him". :laughing: The fact that she had problems in her youth, maybe she didn't succed in getting over them so those are still haunting her, maybe she is staying in this relationship (that you describe as being bad) because of what happened before in her past too. Tell her what you feel and want from her and see if she is willing to give, or else, move on, I see this is really frustrating for you and it sucks. :sad:
 
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too complicated :crazy:

The way to a healthy life is to mind things/people that we actually care about. To those peeps who we don't care about, simply smile and let them do their things while we do ours. Stirring things up will only complicate your life with those who you really care about.

A life with less stress is a happier life :laughing:
 
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
to razvan: i'm not at all interested in her anymore. i don't care if she's got some little crush in that crazy ass head of hers. now that i've slept on it, i'm just going to let it pass. the only time i'll bring anything up is when it's new and fresh in everyones' minds-- and even then only if it's really going to help.

to cloudnine: yeah, it's just a little complicated, specially since i typed this out while on excedrin p.m., so reading it is like solving a puzzle with an answer key or something.

thanks for the responses guys. i can see what both of y'all are saying, and i'll just play it by ear. a part of me still wants everyone to see each other how they really are, but that's petty, and i have more important things to worry about right now.
 

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to razvan: i'm not at all interested in her anymore. i don't care if she's got some little crush in that crazy ass head of hers. now that i've slept on it, i'm just going to let it pass. the only time i'll bring anything up is when it's new and fresh in everyones' minds-- and even then only if it's really going to help.

to cloudnine: yeah, it's just a little complicated, specially since i typed this out while on excedrin p.m., so reading it is like solving a puzzle with an answer key or something.

thanks for the responses guys. i can see what both of y'all are saying, and i'll just play it by ear. a part of me still wants everyone to see each other how they really are, but that's petty, and i have more important things to worry about right now.

Well, that's cool then, if your not interested in her anymore and you have more important things on your mind, I guess that's the best solution. That's the whole point, reaching a conclusion and sticking with it, that's where I had problems generally.:happy:
 
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Celticstained,

I agree!!! Don't waste your time with her :) It would likely get worse if you confronted her bc she might not want to hear how tricky she has been :) She might get sensitive with the confrontation, and you might be on her black list for a long time :) You don't want to create trouble and waste your time when she is not even that important to you any more :)

By the way, good decision on your part there!!!! Have a peaceful day, celticstained :)
 
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wow, this all sounds so fucked up, where do you find people like that? scary. the one thing in this whole story that bothers me the most is what will becom of the cute litle three-year-old, growing up in such an environment, dominated by lies and manipulation; makes me shiver imagining what impact it might leave on her future ability of forming relationships with people... so i think it's a wonderful thing you're there for her, so that there's some variety in the models of relationships she sees
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
wow, this all sounds so fucked up, where do you find people like that? scary. the one thing in this whole story that bothers me the most is what will becom of the cute litle three-year-old, growing up in such an environment, dominated by lies and manipulation; makes me shiver imagining what impact it might leave on her future ability of forming relationships with people... so i think it's a wonderful thing you're there for her, so that there's some variety in the models of relationships she sees
yeah, the kid really is amazing. the ENFJ mom really is a good mom for the most part. i mean, it's like she's two different people-- maybe she feels a sense of responsibility or a motherly instinct to put all the crap aside or something. i don't know, it's really complicated, but so far the kid seems to be doing fine, which is good.
 

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ah, i'm glad to hear that.
then again, what i meant was, as the child grows up and becomes more..well, able to make sense of the observations she makes, and gets to see mother acting in a variety of social settings, if the mother really does manifest this large amounts of unhealthy behaviour, the girl might get a distorted view on how people and relationships work, that was what really worries me. but i do hope it will be alright, and there will be some more "normal" role models around for her, so i guess this anxiousness of mine is out of place.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
ah, i'm glad to hear that.
then again, what i meant was, as the child grows up and becomes more..well, able to make sense of the observations she makes, and gets to see mother acting in a variety of social settings, if the mother really does manifest this large amounts of unhealthy behaviour, the girl might get a distorted view on how people and relationships work, that was what really worries me. but i do hope it will be alright, and there will be some more "normal" role models around for her, so i guess this anxiousness of mine is out of place.
no, i get what you're saying saccharomyces. the mom usually talks about making the male influences in her daughters life fewer in number... which could be good i guess-- i mean it shows she's at least thinking about what could impact her daughter.... but yeah, i hope the mom keeps her negative emotional stuff and the raising of her daughter separate (as much as possible).
 
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