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Follow up to "Solutions to dark thoughts and loneliness"

1924 Views 8 Replies 6 Participants Last post by  SpreeFirit
This is a follow up, and my best attempt at some "solutions" to the ENFJ specific dark thoughts and loneliness that I addressed in this post.

Since I wrote that post, I've talked with a therapist about these issues and I've literally never felt more "at peace". Most people here know that as an ENFJ you have uncomfortable thoughts (mostly when you are alone), that have the potential to rip you apart and bring about horrific emotions and feelings. Most of these feelings come from FEAR. Fear of not being enough, fear of being looked down upon, fear of not living up to your and others' standards. The list goes on. ENFJ's truly put their whole heart into the people and things they care about, so not being enough, or good enough is very scary. With this specific issue, we have to realize that people are different. Only give yourself to people and situations that are worth it. Everybody IS NOT awesome. Everybody DOES NOT have potential. But you do, and there are others who do as well, so go out and find them.

This brings me to my next point... emotional and psychological depth. People communicate and feel on different levels. From my experience as an ENFJ, I can conclude that we are very deep and crave a certain level of intimacy in most of our interactions. We make the mistake of believing that everyone is like us when in fact, they aren't. Most people don't communicate as deeply as we do, sometimes because they aren't comfortable, but often because they are unable. At times ENFJ's can be confusing, or upsetting to communicate with either because the other person does not understand the ENFJ's level, or because they are insecure that they cannot communicate in that way. This can cause us to misinterpret and over-think these interactions, blaming ourselves and wondering what WE did wrong.
(Further links and insight on Emotional Intensity and depth: in children, in adults, NYTimes article)

Overall, both of these topics show why ENFJ's are unique, special, and have important core values that they should be proud of. The people who are worth giving your time and commitment too probably already know this about you, which is why they are so drawn to you.
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I think ENFJs need to be constantly reminded of this, though it isn't necessarily a bad thing, there's good intentions there and as long as we keep it in the light it's easier to overcome them.

Those thoughts are a part of a behavioural cycle that we seem to be inherent in our thinking pattern, so, likewise, we must establish a counter-cycle of thought to keep us in check.

Thanks for the thread!
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