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There was an earlier thread that had to do with ISTJ’s need to come to the rescue. I believe this to be a very admirable quality, but perhaps it can have unattended consequences. Since my early childhood my father has always been protective of his kids, and this was especially true for me. This trait has never subsided over the years, lasting all the way through my university years to current day. I’m now twenty four years old. Fore the most part, my father is incredibly good at getting me out of rough corners, so good in fact, that I become dependent on his assistance. Whenever a problem landed on me my first instinct was to call dad, and he was all the more willing to lend a hand. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized how this was negatively impacting me. It was very difficult for me to handle problems on my own, which greatly affected my self reliance. I’m beginning to get a lot better at handling these problems without his help now, but I’m not going to lie, it’s been a process. I respect my fathers since of duty for his family and everyone else who holds this trait, but you guys might need to take a step back and think over of just how protective you want to be with your kids. Sometimes, you may need to fight against this honorable instinct of yours, and see how your kids handle a problem on their own.
All of you have my best regards. :laughing:
 

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I struggle with this immensely. (I have to be careful--I'll give away too much to my daughter, who is now on these forums). In this, I've discovered that SWMBO (the ENFP) balances me quite well. She often reins me in, telling me that this is their struggle and if I take away all obstacles, then they will not have the opportunity to develop their own strengths. I know this academically, but the urge is very strong.

It also strikes me odd that I, being an ISTJ--not warm and fuzzy, struggle with this, while SWMBO, being an ENFP--very warm and fuzzy and always caring about others, does not struggle with this. Sometimes she strikes me as being much more cold and calculating than I am.
:crazy:
 

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It also strikes me odd that I, being an ISTJ--not warm and fuzzy, struggle with this, while SWMBO, being an ENFP--very warm and fuzzy and always caring about others, does not struggle with this. Sometimes she strikes me as being much more cold and calculating than I am.
:crazy:
I think it's more of a J thing than anything else. Judgers like to have control in their lives, to know what's coming, and to be ready for and foresee problems. Perceivers don't worry as much about such things and just let things happen. I can see this translating into parenting and judgers wanting to have more control over what happens to their kids. I don't have kids, but I'm sure that that there are strengths and weaknesses for both aspects...Judgers are probably better at teaching kids rules and discipline, Perceivers are probably better at letting go and letting kids experience things for themselves.

My dad is an ENTJ and he's done similar things for me that 0z8ZZ8z0 referred to. Of course, my mom who is an ISTJ does them even more, so I guess the I and the S also play into it as well. But I always just thought it was a mom thing, since mothers tend to be more protective I would imagine.
 

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i dont think your father is at fault for helping you. i think its just normal to help your kid when they need you and even more when they are starting there "adult life"
and being dependant of him was your fault not his for helping you imagine how your life would be if he never helped you each time you called
 

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I would agree that it's a natural parental tendency to protect your kids. I'm just saying it might me helpful to let them deal with their own problems from time to time.
 

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There was an earlier thread that had to do with ISTJ’s need to come to the rescue. I believe this to be a very admirable quality, but perhaps it can have unattended consequences. Since my early childhood my father has always been protective of his kids, and this was especially true for me. This trait has never subsided over the years, lasting all the way through my university years to current day. I’m now twenty four years old. Fore the most part, my father is incredibly good at getting me out of rough corners, so good in fact, that I become dependent on his assistance. Whenever a problem landed on me my first instinct was to call dad, and he was all the more willing to lend a hand. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized how this was negatively impacting me. It was very difficult for me to handle problems on my own, which greatly affected my self reliance. I’m beginning to get a lot better at handling these problems without his help now, but I’m not going to lie, it’s been a process. I respect my fathers since of duty for his family and everyone else who holds this trait, but you guys might need to take a step back and think over of just how protective you want to be with your kids. Sometimes, you may need to fight against this honorable instinct of yours, and see how your kids handle a problem on their own.
All of you have my best regards. :laughing:
Boy, I sure can relate to your post, especially the bolded part. My mom experienced a lot of abuse so she was even more vigilant about protecting my brother and me. I wish, I wish that I would have been allowed to fail when I was younger. I honestly believe that my transition into adulthood would have been much easier if I hadn't been rescued at each sign of peril. I mean, I know and appreciate that my mom was trying to spare me from pain but growth doesn't occur without overcoming obstacles.

It also strikes me odd that I, being an ISTJ--not warm and fuzzy, struggle with this, while SWMBO, being an ENFP--very warm and fuzzy and always caring about others, does not struggle with this. Sometimes she strikes me as being much more cold and calculating than I am.
:crazy:
I can relate to your wife. I'm not raising kids, I'm raising future adults. My job as a mom is to work myself out of a job; I don't want to be "cleaning up" after them when they're grown. Just as in the real world, there are serious consequences if you don't follow the house rules. My husband has (jokingly) referred to me as Magda Goebbels on more than one occasion. :dry:

I think it's more of a J thing than anything else. Judgers like to have control in their lives, to know what's coming, and to be ready for and foresee problems. Perceivers don't worry as much about such things and just let things happen. I can see this translating into parenting and judgers wanting to have more control over what happens to their kids. I don't have kids, but I'm sure that that there are strengths and weaknesses for both aspects...Judgers are probably better at teaching kids rules and discipline, Perceivers are probably better at letting go and letting kids experience things for themselves.
Teddy, you accurately described how my husband (an INFJ) and I differ in our parenting approach. I know for me personally, I've had to become much more disciplined and structured in order to provide a stable home life for our family.

i dont think your father is at fault for helping you. i think its just normal to help your kid when they need you and even more when they are starting there "adult life"
and being dependant of him was your fault not his for helping you imagine how your life would be if he never helped you each time you called
I respectfully disagree. The role of a parent is to prepare their child to enter adulthood as a fully functional person. Part of being a functional person is knowing how to accept failure, set-backs and disappointments. An overprotective parent (of any MBTI type) will work to eliminate or minimize the impact of those events.
 

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I'm not raising kids, I'm raising future adults. My job as a mom is to work myself out of a job; I don't want to be "cleaning up" after them when they're grown.
Very well put!

I think it's more of a J thing than anything else.
The wife and I are both J's. I find we are constantly reminding the kids of the rules and how they relate in the "real" world.

Part of being a functional person is knowing how to accept failure, set-backs and disappointments.
Exactly. Kids need to learn, early on, from their failures, set-backs and disappointments to readily deal with them when they are adults.

And yes, I do struggle with trying to help too much, especially with my youngest.
 

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lbrb--You're right.

But that doesn't mean I have to like it. :shocked::tongue::crazy::wink::cool:
 

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It's funny. My dad (ISTP) let my siblings and me take our hits and learn from them. Because of him, I wasn't completely unprepared for adult life, because I had realistic expectations. My mom was the overprotective one, and towards me even more, because I am the youngest.

A good example of this happened this past winter. I go to college in a pretty rough downtown. I had a night class that went to 9 pm, and my mom freaked out when she found out. She insisted on driving me to school and picking up on that day.

Me, I was actually kind of amused. I had had night classes before, and I never heard a peep from her. But, I was also annoyed. I said, L (my ISTJ sister, who is the oldest) has had night classes before, and you never demanded to drive her to them. You're only doing this because I'm your "baby". (Baby being said in the most disparaging tone possible; she would always introduce my sister as her daughter, my brother as her son, and me as her baby :dry:).

But I let her have her way, the main reason that it saved me money on gas and parking. But, at the end of the semester, I had to let her down gently, saying she couldn't coddle me anymore, couldn't chauffeur me everywhere. I'm an adult now, and I have to take care of myself. It's really for her sake more than mine. Basically, what I was saying was "cut the umbilical cord, mom". I think she heard me, processed it, understood and accepted it, albeit reluctantly. Sometimes, she can be such a knot head.
 

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I like for people to learn their lessens, and may allow them to baste in their problems a little bit so that it may make an impression and won't happen again. I'm not a fan of learning the hard way, but it must happen at times. The parent didn't allow the message to get across to you well enough and was too nice about the whole thing.

People should use advice to come to the aid of their rescuee and not so much their materials.
 
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