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Discussion Starter #1
I'm just really curious.

What sort of things would a submissive girl want to hear that would make her melt?

I really have no idea- but I'm curious about that perspective and think I could learn from it
 

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I am not truly a submissive.. as in, I am not in a full-on Dom/sub relationship. I'll say that first so that my response isn't misinterpreted. I am, however, submissive by nature, and I do take on a naturally submissive role in relationships, especially with regards to sex.

One of my favorite things to hear is, "You are mine." Quite simply, that is the sexiest thing my man says to me. It makes me feel so happy and special, and I turn into total putty in his hands (in a good way, of course!)

I wouldn't actually be happy if my mate was so jealous that I wasn't allowed to talk to other men, though. Insecurity is also a huge turnoff. It can't be something like, "But you think I'm the sexiest man alive, right?" It must be an assertion:

"I'm the only one who can make you feel this good."
"I'm going to do ______ to you."
^ especially "I'm going to spank you."
"You've been bad."
"You need me." (Sometimes this is phrased as a question, i.e, "You need me, don't you?" But said teasingly while I'm saying YES OH GOD YES)

And, along the more caring edge of things, phrases like, "I'll always take care of you," or, "I'm going to give you the universe," etc etc etc.

Again, I am not a formal submissive, but as a generally submissive woman, I like to hear anything that implies power and control while also implying that I am some kind of treasure to be delicately handled. "You are a beautiful jewel and I am going to own you and protect you." Not all women are the same, of course, not even all submissive women. I don't really go for the whole derogatory thing (being called a slut/whore) but many women do - we're all different, even the ones with similar kinks. :)

Even sexier are the actions, of course, not the words. A man who acts confidently, who seems self-assured, who comes off as powerful (even if he is just a college student) and who is intelligent and capable are all things a submissive woman is keeping her eye out for.

Hope this makes sense. You can always tell when I've been drinking because I come to the Sex & Relationships board.
 

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Listen to her. Do not use information elsewhere to cross reference what she is doing. Do not psycho-analyse her too much though. Work with her. I'm being slowly tamed by another INFP as well at this moment in time and he tried to psycho me out in a INFP v INFP way, which is quite scary. :rolleyes:

I realised that, it is important to know know the person and not go into a relationship with preconceived notion at all. Understand her, and let her show you what she is about, and then slowly protect her and give her a good life. Simple !

Work with each other though. Cos you got to know your own weaknesses as well as strength, so she knows how to be there for you too. If it is one way, it will only lead to resentments...

Sorry, I'm not going to give my secrets away. Everyone to their own. :)
Only the lucky guy will get my secret password and code. ;)
That's the best I can give to him.
 

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@Up and Away

don't tell her what you THINK she wants to hear. Tell her what's on your mind and in your heart.

I would think that that is what a sub perspective would want to hear but I'm more switch to be honest and there is NO fucking way I would sub for just anyone, and so if she trusts you enough to lead the relationship, in all aspects, then, you should have enough faith in her to be honest and direct. otherwise ... you're in not so many terms .. just a sub who isn't leading.

you need to be strong enough to hurt her .. .so you don't cause harm. emotionally too ;)
I know I know. It's so hard to learn both sides of the coin. :p
 
but if you can't keep up, then maybe you shouldn't be leading. ;)
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Listen to her. Do not use information elsewhere to cross reference what she is doing. Do not psycho-analyse her too much though. Work with her. I'm being slowly tamed by another INFP as well at this moment in time and he tried to psycho me out in a INFP v INFP way, which is quite scary. :rolleyes:

I realised that, it is important to know know the person and not go into a relationship with preconceived notion at all. Understand her, and let her show you what she is about, and then slowly protect her and give her a good life. Simple !

Work with each other though. Cos you got to know your own weaknesses as well as strength, so she knows how to be there for you too. If it is one way, it will only lead to resentments...

Sorry, I'm not going to give my secrets away. Everyone to their own. :)
Only the lucky guy will get my secret password and code. ;)
That's the best I can give to him.
I am going to make you give me your secrets. You are a delicate treasure and I'm going to own and protect you :)
@Sun Lips

LOL. Thread funness
 

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I think you need originality to, as u put it, make her melt. Which is to say what's honestly on your mind and in your heart. What you want to do is very much apart of that as with both sides of the coin, I think it's the 'anticipation' that melts the other. Just me I suppose but it's that mental component that matters so, other people's words are going to be at the end of the day, sub par. Not to sound harsh or anything but I've read your prose. You got this. Why are you being a baby about it and grabbing leftover stale suggestions from other people's mouth's ? You're all good. Relax and have fun already. Stop acting so 'subish' :p
 

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Sincerity and perseverance means an AWFUL lot. I was advicing another emo friend today actually. The key is indeed to show and give your heart to a girl who does deserve it and knows how to also handle your heart too. Sometimes you got to also risk yourself and to be honest and open. In that light, I do not think that it can go so wrong...

I always knew an INFP guy would become a charmer finally from this forum. Hurrah ! Gosh... someone's just woken up to their capabilities. What's happening ???! We're all growing up... Gosh. This is scary.
 

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Sexually, "cum for me" sure does the trick, particularly whispered in my ear with additional "mm, yeah, there you go" kinds of words. Also any orders. "Look at me," "kiss me," "get on top."

:blushed:
Not a submissive woman in general, but I am sexually submissive yes. And..how I love it. ;)

I like being told what he's about to do to me. I love it when a guy tells me how sore he's going to make me. That always gets me ;) And yes, I love being ordered/commanded...the deeper the person's natural voice...the better. A harsher tone excites me a lot, but of course it depends on the overall mood. Like: "Come for me" or telling me not to come until he tells me to;) / "Say you're mine/ "Bend over"/ "You're about to get punished"/ "Touch yourself"/ "You've been bad" and more explicit/specific things he wants me to do. ;) Even more than words, what I like is when he physically moves me in whatever position he wants me to be in. I love being flipped over and so on. I, especially, love it when he grabs my hips and places me right where he wants me.

None of this makes my heart melt as much as it makes me wet as fuck. It's arousing and romantic, but it doesn't "melt" my heart. Affection is a totally different beast.

You need to get to know the woman better, and see what she enjoys. Everyone has different preferences. Trial and Error. Communicate well and listen to what she says she likes and how she responds to what you say in bed.
 

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takes time and trust.

Try a few things. Put specific time limits, and other limits. Demand feedback. Demand safeword even if you are just playing around.

there are different motivations for subs, and most do not know what they want, or why they want it.
I am COMPLETELY mentally dominant. I will do a bit of physical dominance further into a relationship, but to start with, it is all mental.

for those who want protection, and dream of being built up and supported,

Some key words worth trying.
Good girl.
You are a beautiful little girl.
I'm proud of you.
I'm proud of what you do.
I appreciate the effort you are putting into xyz activity.

for those who want to unleash the inner slut
you are acting so slutty
be a good slut and do xyz act.
on your knees
a good girl would never do that - look at you.

In either case, make them ask permission to orgasm, and let it build a bit before granting it.
In either case, be VERY careful to say nothing but positives after to reinforce the positives of the experience.

When they misbehave, they need to know the rules. most will try to follow the rules most of the time. rules need to be few, and simple. they will transgress, and a good dom meets the strictness with what the sub wants.

and occasionally they will just frigging break the rules.

Appropriate punishments are actually a really creative thing. go too far, and it gets ugly. not far enough, and they lose respect and lose suspension of disbelief.

Most dom's are wannabees. They tear subs down and bring power to themselves by bringing the other person down.

I simply am. And if a sub desires to spend time with me, it is largely up to her to define the relationship, but I will not tear a sub down as a person.

I will help her overcome inhibitions by taking responsibilities for the actions she is uncomfortable doing without my commands.
 

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I'm just really curious.

What sort of things would a submissive girl want to hear that would make her melt?

I really have no idea- but I'm curious about that perspective and think I could learn from it
To understand you a bit better: Are you really looking for a submissive woman, or is it rather just a bit of bedroom-roleplay we're talking about?

In the grand scheme of things, the exact nomenclature/what you call it doesn't matter (it's not that clear-cut really, not even in the BDSM community), but the behaviour you're looking for --and the way you behave-- does. Because at the moment, I'd agree with what's already been mentioned: You sound like a sub who'd top for their Dom (which isn't a problem either ;)).
 

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Discussion Starter #15
To understand you a bit better: Are you really looking for a submissive woman, or is it rather just a bit of bedroom-roleplay we're talking about?

In the grand scheme of things, the exact nomenclature/what you call it doesn't matter (it's not that clear-cut really, not even in the BDSM community), but the behaviour you're looking for --and the way you behave-- does. Because at the moment, I'd agree with what's already been mentioned: You sound like a sub who'd top for their Dom (which isn't a problem either ;)).
Haha I'm naturally passive- but through extreme martial arts, military, and aggressive real estate development training, I often use aggressiveness as an outlet for success and confidence building, which although isn't necessarily a natural dominant position, it is certainly dominant nonetheless, so I do often enjoy that- as well as the other side of it.
 

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Haha I'm naturally passive- but through extreme martial arts, military, and aggressive real estate development training, I often use aggressiveness as an outlet for success and confidence building, which although isn't necessarily a natural dominant position, it is certainly dominant nonetheless, so I do often enjoy that- as well as the other side of it.
Ok, doesn't quite answer the question, but we're getting there ;)

Maybe rather see it this way:
Are you looking for a more psychological power exchange, or rather just physical dominance (i.e. being the active/giving party), or both?
And what are you looking for in your partner?

Because the above would actually answer what type of "submissive woman" you're looking for: Someone who leans more towards being a sub, or someone who leans more towards being a bottom (or both). They can go hand in hand, but they don't have to. Whilst many subs take on the role of the bottom, it doesn't need to be the case - the sub can actually be the top, and the Dom can also be the bottom (as in the "receiving" party).

A woman who's submissive in the sense of being a bottom can still very much feel the need to be in control. If she actively tells you what she'd like you to do to her, or she steers you by withdrawing and affirming, she's not really submissive. She's the one in control, and you're not really dominant (despite topping).

A woman who's submissive in the sense of being a sub will agree her limits beforehand, but then completely abandon control. And whilst in that position, you'll decide if she e.g. tops or bottoms, what she's allowed to do or not, and she won't question it, neither will she withdraw. And if she does, you might still ignore it because you agreed beforehand that you'll only stop if she e.g. safewords. This might lead to renegotiating limits afterwards.

Just a few things to think about when considering what you're actually looking for. So if you ask: "What does a submissive woman want to hear", I'd say: It depends ;)
 

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Ok, doesn't quite answer the question, but we're getting there ;)

Maybe rather see it this way:
Are you looking for a more psychological power exchange, or rather just physical dominance (i.e. being the active/giving party), or both?
And what are you looking for in your partner?

Because the above would actually answer what type of "submissive woman" you're looking for: Someone who leans more towards being a sub, or someone who leans more towards being a bottom (or both). They can go hand in hand, but they don't have to. Whilst many subs take on the role of the bottom, it doesn't need to be the case - the sub can actually be the top, and the Dom can also be the bottom (as in the "receiving" party).

A woman who's submissive in the sense of being a bottom can still very much feel the need to be in control. If she actively tells you what she'd like you to do to her, or she steers you by withdrawing and affirming, she's not really submissive. She's the one in control, and you're not really dominant (despite topping).

A woman who's submissive in the sense of being a sub will agree her limits beforehand, but then completely abandon control. And whilst in that position, you'll decide if she e.g. tops or bottoms, what she's allowed to do or not, and she won't question it, neither will she withdraw. And if she does, you might still ignore it because you agreed beforehand that you'll only stop if she e.g. safewords. This might lead to renegotiating limits afterwards.

Just a few things to think about when considering what you're actually looking for. So if you ask: "What does a submissive woman want to hear", I'd say: It depends ;)
No no no- id rather a dominant girl. I just meant that i often enjoy taking control. Thats all :D

Thanks for all the info though- I like what you say here "If she actively tells you what she'd like you to do to her, or she steers you by withdrawing and affirming, she's not really submissive. She's the one in control, and you're not really dominant (despite topping)"

That makes a lot of sense
 

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No no no- id rather a dominant girl. I just meant that i often enjoy taking control. Thats all :D

Thanks for all the info though- I like what you say here "If she actively tells you what she'd like you to do to her, or she steers you by withdrawing and affirming, she's not really submissive. She's the one in control, and you're not really dominant (despite topping)"

That makes a lot of sense
Glad to hear that. It's just that these things can cause a lot of misunderstandings if they're not communicated absolutely openly in a relationship. Also, if the needs are not compatible, it's really tricky, because either one or both parties will have to compromise too much to make it work.

I had a very short relationship with a Dom in my 20s. I really liked the guy, but it became clear very quickly that it just wouldn't work without at least one of us trying to be something we were not. I didn't have, and still don't have, problems to be submissive on occasion (in the sense of bottoming), but psychologically, I just can't be a sub. I'm leaning much more towards being dominant, and that ain't working with someone who feels a really deep need to be a Dom.

I think you'll be fine - I'd guess a lot of girls rather enjoy (at least on occasion) what you're after, so just go with the flow. I wouldn't overthink it. If you have a script of what you think she wants to hear, it'll probably just feel awkward. These things usually develop their own dynamics when you start trusting each other, so as long as you're not going for the sledgehammer-method, you'll probably be alright ;)
 
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