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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I wrote this a couple nights ago. I was going to post it in the "Tell a Personality Cafe Member What You Think of Them" thread, but it spiraled out of control and became something completely different.

It's sort of about how...you have these longings but you dismiss them, when actually you should take those longings and imagine them being fulfilled. And how this process of fantasizing brings about wholeness.

****


**Sensitivity is Beautiful**

You feel ugly because you are groundless and lost, while everybody else seems to be found and firmly planted. You feel separate, distinct, isolated. And you may be all of those things, but you are still not ugly.

When I see you, I see an intelligent, sensitive, creative, caring, conscientious, all-around amazing person. You have high expectations. And you are so determined to achieve them, to become this better person, that you feel ... it is worth the shame, the pain, the estrangement, the sense of being all by yourself ... but not even having that self which you can turn to, because everything is unstable, uncontrollable, and anxious.

I want you to recognize that there is nothing wrong with you. You want to believe this, but the rest of the world seems to suggest that you are inferior, hypersensitive, unrealistic, too emotional, too melancholic, too serious -- too everything, and not enough of everything else. Does that sound familiar? :happy:

This is not your final incarnation. Those who say you have a long ways to go and much to improve on (even if it's only you who says this) are right. However, it is not because you are deficient compared to the average person. It is because your uniqueness gives you the potential to outstrip the ordinary and become something extraordinary.

If these words sound hollow and empty, and like they were directed at someone better than you, then take comfort in the fact that I feel the same even as I'm writing these words. "I'm in no position to inspire or be inspired...this doesn't work for me." If what I'm writing now is useless, just be honest and say it didn't help, so I can feel worthless and come crying to all of you next! :laughing:

See yourself as others actually see you. Your sensitivity is beautiful. Your willingness and drive to share yourself is borne out of a personal need, but the end result is inspiring to others, and very lovely. I get great joy out of looking on here, finding all of these sad/depressed/lonely NF's, and being able to give them virtual hugs. :happy: When I don't have the first clue how to help you, I still feel better connected to you, like you're more real, and like you matter to me. And that's a feeling which I wish I had more in real life. I wish I could see through people, because then I couldn't help but love everyone. When people put up their masks and I don't see things the way that they do, that is when I have trouble relating to a person.

(Well, there are people who really piss me off who I dislike the more I get to know them. But if I could only see things through their eyes, everything would be better.)

When you are confused, deficient, and sad ... hug yourself, or get someone else to hug you. Because you deserve it. All of you seekers wandering about ... when do you rest? When do you let someone tell you, "I really like who you are, and the more I get to know you, the more it makes sense. You have your reasons for feeling as you do."

You behave as any person in your situation would.


**Visualizing Your Protector**

When you feel lonely and abandoned, may you be cherished, loved, and comforted. I hope someone puts their arms around you and touches you with such delicateness and care -- like they were tending to a sick child of polishing a beautiful crystal -- that the depth of their tenderness and warmth makes you break down into tears. :happy: And then they will wipe your tears and feel touched that they were able to have an impact, and just feel that much more convinced that you are a person worth loving.

Isn't that the ultimate fantasy? When we seek love, it's not Prince Charming or the blonde bombshell. It's an angel who floats beside us at all times, and when we are hurt ... blankets us in its wings and makes us feel beautiful. Someone who, every time you look up, looks back with soft eyes, a soft smile, everything soft and gentle. Someone who, no matter how deep you sink, is there smiling lightly, listening and watching.

I hope you find the people who treasure your fragility -- who view it not as a weakness, but just an indication that the more valuable and precious things in this world require extra care and gentleness... [hug]


**Q&A**

1. When will I ever find someone like that?

You are that person. If you were able to imagine that angel, then for that moment, you were being healed by some part of you which, although part of a fantasy, was still your real creation. Notice how, when you imagine this perfect person, sometimes you take on their perspective...you see yourself from the eyes of the person who is healing you. You are this person--who else could this angel possibly be when it's only your imagination and nobody else's?

2. It only makes me sadder, more desperate, and more anxious to think about what I will never have. There is nobody like that in this world.

If your sadness deepens, then so can your care for yourself. Taking care of yourself and taking personal responsibility for your own suffering and being slightly more independent does not mean "sucking it up" and trying to play the tough guy. That is what people usually mean when they tell someone to cheer up...stifling your feelings. I'm saying that healing yourself actually requires the opposite approach. You need to get into even deeper touch with your feelings, encountering yourself in solitude and breaking through the barriers which other people create, opening up to yourself. And, like an angel ... embracing, caring for, and feeling empathy and compassion towards yourself. When you see yourself as this weak, feeble, innocent, naked infant crawling around and crying desperately for help...it means cradling and nurturing that weak self that you find. <3

I'm basically saying, try to put all of that sensitivity and emotionality and heavy-heartedness to some good. You deserve everything that you wish for. :happy:

3. But it's like, I see this angel in the fantasy, and then I realize, "It's just a fantasy," and I awaken to the cold, cruel reality of a world in which I am by myself, and there are no guardians or protectors. I'm stranded, and this imaginary vision only heightens my longing and anguish...because I know it can never be real, even though I will never feel complete until I find someone like that. If only someone could do that...

Actually, your fantasies are very real. They are as real as your dreams. You are experiencing them, and you are perceiving and feeling them as if they were real. This is not about escapism or denying reality. It is about you looking inside yourself, retreating into your interior temporarily, and finding refuge in your thoughts. Then, when you are refreshed, relaxed, and feeling okay, you return to the world. And yet, you've never really left the world.

Is this imaginary vision so different from all the countless visualization practices or prayers in different religions? Are the romantic poets escapists because they transform their deepest yearnings and fantasies into works of art? No -- your imagination is very real, and you should use it to your advantage. It could be argued that the real world only exists the way that it does because of your imagination filling in different details, linking together pieces, creating connections, and practically filling in the world like a child drawing in a coloring book.

The point is that, by imagining yourself a certain way, you actually are that way in the moment, and it creates the conditions for you becoming that more often in the future without even trying.

****

I haven't ever read a self-help book, or religious text, or philosophical treatise, or meditation manual which seemed like it was specifically tailored for me. So, I have had to improvise by looking at what I'm naturally darwn to and seeing if there's anything I can draw out of that. You'll have to figure out what works for you and create your own personal practice designed for someone with your needs and idiosyncrasies.

I've had this kind of fantasy for a while--about this sort of angelic protector being spreading its wings and comforting me, but I never actually used it to my advantage. But it seems very good...using one's very weaknesses as the main force driving your growth and healing.

****

Even if another person rejects you, it isn't that person's acceptance which you're seeking. It's acceptance, harmony, and wholeness in general. The feeling of absence originates from you, not from the person who rejects you. Which is why less sensitive people, who are not as dependent on others for a sense of self-worth, are not as devastated or unsettled by the same kinds of things (criticism, conflict, etc.).

The typical solution proposed to sensitive people for dealing with the world is to try to become one of those less sensitive people, and to eradicate who you are. I feel that this is completely wrong. Even if becoming less sensitive were something worth striving for, you would not succeed by trying to wipe out or erase your feelings. You can only move past a fixation by moving through it, not away from it. You put yourself in the middle of it, come to terms with it, and then spontaneously let go of it after you've had enough of it. But anyways, sensitivity is not something to let go of.

****

For those who say that fantasy is distinct from reality, I disagree. I believe that fantasy is the cause of many problems which seem to be real. We have myths about ourselves, and all that I'm doing is providing some different myths which may serve to counteract the old ones.

When you are lonely, you are not in touch with reality directly. You are actually engaging with an imaginary self. You probably have this image of your lonely self and some other pictures in your head. Maybe, you're recalling past times when you were lonely, or other lonely people you've seen in the past, movies, books, etc. You're superimposing all of that unreal material on top of the existing reality. It's only real insofar as you see it, it affects you, and it seems like that's how things really are.

But there are other possible imaginations, other possible cognitions, and other possible emotional responses. You were just likely enough to have arrived at whatever interpretation of things you have right now. Don't discredit the way you view things too much, because it's undeniably your present reality. But, recognize that you don't always have to view things that way, and you might see things differently in the future.
 

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You are that person. If you were able to imagine that angel, then for that moment, you were being healed by some part of you which, although part of a fantasy, was still your real creation. Notice how, when you imagine this perfect person, sometimes you take on their perspective...you see yourself from the eyes of the person who is healing you. You are this person--who else could this angel possibly be when it's only your imagination and nobody else's?
I found this part particularly insightful. Since your imagination is a part of yourself, when you create a character that has wonderful qualities, these qualities are also a part of yourself and that is why you see them so clearly.


No -- your imagination is very real, and you should use it to your advantage. It could be argued that the real world only exists the way that it does because of your imagination filling in different details, linking together pieces, creating connections, and practically filling in the world like a child drawing in a coloring book.
This touches a bit on idealism, of which there are several forms, but the basic thought is that everything started as an idea. Absolutely everything in the physical world started in someone's mind, so this means thoughts, ideas, fantasies are extremely valuable, and in a sense, the most real thing there is, because they serve as the foundation for future realities.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Hey, thanks for replying...I forgot about this, because I [mistakenly] got myself involved in a religious debate. :D

I found this part particularly insightful. Since your imagination is a part of yourself, when you create a character that has wonderful qualities, these qualities are also a part of yourself and that is why you see them so clearly.
:D [claps hands] That's a good way of putting it. But it was like...as I was imagining this person, my actual perspective would sort of shift. At one moment, I would be my weak self. And then in the next moment, I'd be the person that was comforting my weak self, and I'd be the one generating all of those positive, nurturing thoughts/feelings. It was interesting.


This touches a bit on idealism, of which there are several forms, but the basic thought is that everything started as an idea. Absolutely everything in the physical world started in someone's mind, so this means thoughts, ideas, fantasies are extremely valuable, and in a sense, the most real thing there is, because they serve as the foundation for future realities.
Eh...I'm not in the same state of mind as when I wrote this. More of a...logical, argumentative state of mind...because of the debate. :) I don't like it at all! I was so relaxed before, and now I'm all tense and caught up in making sure that my ideas are in sync and defending myself and all of that jazz... I need to loosen up and stay the hell away from that "Unity of Religions" thread. :laughing:

I guess the sort of idealism I was talking about was that...physical objects which we perceive are not well-defined as separate things until we apply an organizing schema and label them. What I actually see is not a "computer monitor" as its own object segmented away from everything else. It's some black lines, some bright colors, and...there isn't even a complete rectangle for the outside frame of the monitor. The object which I separately define as "speaker" is blocking part of the rectangle.

But I guess the more useful application of this idea that we label things would be to look at how we say things are good and b--

Er, this doesn't interest me. I'm approaching it too mechanically. Like I said, I'm not in a very good state of mind...or at least not one that I like to be in. When I'm this way, I become argumentative, and I carry a lot of negative energy. I argue about stuff which isn't that important and doesn't help me at all. :) Sorry.
 

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I don't think I ever want to be alone again... I don't have your angel, dear one. I have the void, the darkness, the unfair, the unjust, the meaningless cold to comfort me. I get sucked in to such a point where nothing seems to matter anymore. And then an inner ray of hope creates a catharsis that gives me enough strength to stand and fight back. Hope drives back the darkness, and makes everything okay.

You are that hope right now, you create the light through words, but focused externally, towards everyone who may read it, and even towards those that may never have the chance. Your hope is hopeful by itself; it perpetuates a light that will resonate off the innermost chambers of the souls it touches. It is eternal in its effect on others. It has changed the world, and it is only the smallest of testaments towards your beauty and wonder as a human being. To simply once be the source of such hope would validate your worth beyond compare. To live as a continuous source of hope... It's as unimaginably great and wondrous as the very universe itself.

I thank you, and thank all those who read and believe in your words.

I feel this loneliness of which you speak. And the hope of which you speak is all that keeps me going, and is all that has kept me going. My very life is a testament to the power of hope and how healing it can be. I don't know if my life matters, but I'm sure it matters to others. And I live my life with the hope that my life does matter, and with the hope that I may be a comfort for those who believe it matters. So I thank you for giving me a chance to express that.

I believe people are always worthwhile. And that's why it is so important for one to believe in one's own worth. Fantasies can be the best coping mechanisms out there. But fantasies can only go so far if you don't believe in yourself. You should always be the hero or the saved in your own fantasies (even if it's incredibly tragic). Once you're worth the time in your own fantasies, then you'll find you're worth it all the time. And I'm sure even the loneliest person in the world has someone out there to care for him/her.

Even if one was the last person left alive, there would still be someone to care for him/her.
 

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You are that hope right now, you create the light through words, but focused externally, towards everyone who may read it, and even towards those that may never have the chance. Your hope is hopeful by itself; it perpetuates a light that will resonate off the innermost chambers of the souls it touches. It is eternal in its effect on others. It has changed the world, and it is only the smallest of testaments towards your beauty and wonder as a human being. To simply once be the source of such hope would validate your worth beyond compare. To live as a continuous source of hope... It's as unimaginably great and wondrous as the very universe itself.
Just wanted to point out that you too are this hope EvilByte, just look at the responses to your blog. Even in this short time since you've joined the forum, your words too have sparked and resonated with many, and I think it really is a two way street- no interaction leaves us unchanged. Let that strengthen you as well, though more often than not we have no idea the significance or extent of our interactions, as you say the effect is eternal. Perhaps the greater the emptiness the greater the path of return, but as you go those sparks of light do return, and strengthen and encourage the continued journey. It does get easier, as the flow connects, and flows.

You all are so incredibly eloquent, thank you, and thanks Selene for starting this thread. the power of our idealistic creative imagination is not to be underestimated! and the better we learn to use it, well, the better! :proud:
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
...I really like you, EvilByte. :laughing::laughing:

I don't think I ever want to be alone again... I don't have your angel, dear one. I have the void, the darkness, the unfair, the unjust, the meaningless cold to comfort me. I get sucked in to such a point where nothing seems to matter anymore. And then an inner ray of hope creates a catharsis that gives me enough strength to stand and fight back. Hope drives back the darkness, and makes everything okay.
Your angel is your vision of wholeness or happiness, as you imagine it, and as you long for. For me, it is that person who perfectly understands me, and loves me as I am, whatever I may be.

I hope that you continue to chronicle your darkness. A lot of people could benefit from reading it. An isolated person reading about another person's identical isolation is no longer isolated.

I have a feeling that the deeper you got sucked in, the more I would adore and respect you just for living through that. :happy: Not that I'm inviting negative things upon you as a condition for my love... :p

You are that hope right now, you create the light through words, but focused externally, towards everyone who may read it, and even towards those that may never have the chance. Your hope is hopeful by itself; it perpetuates a light that will resonate off the innermost chambers of the souls it touches. It is eternal in its effect on others. It has changed the world, and it is only the smallest of testaments towards your beauty and wonder as a human being. To simply once be the source of such hope would validate your worth beyond compare. To live as a continuous source of hope... It's as unimaginably great and wondrous as the very universe itself.

I thank you, and thank all those who read and believe in your words.

I feel this loneliness of which you speak. And the hope of which you speak is all that keeps me going, and is all that has kept me going. My very life is a testament to the power of hope and how healing it can be. I don't know if my life matters, but I'm sure it matters to others. And I live my life with the hope that my life does matter, and with the hope that I may be a comfort for those who believe it matters. So I thank you for giving me a chance to express that.
It is immense, powerful affirmations like yours which make sharing my thoughts so joyful...so if I'm any of the things you've said, it's because of people like you. You give me meaning.

I believe people are always worthwhile. And that's why it is so important for one to believe in one's own worth. Fantasies can be the best coping mechanisms out there. But fantasies can only go so far if you don't believe in yourself. You should always be the hero or the saved in your own fantasies (even if it's incredibly tragic). Once you're worth the time in your own fantasies, then you'll find you're worth it all the time. And I'm sure even the loneliest person in the world has someone out there to care for him/her.

Even if one was the last person left alive, there would still be someone to care for him/her.
:happy::happy::happy:

"Once you're worth the time in your own fantasies, then you'll find you're worth it all the time."

[nod] It took me a bit of outside affirmation before I was able to affirm my own worthiness. Just someone observing me as I am and saying something like, "Your way of processing your experiences is not worthless--it's quite beautiful and inspiring to see you struggle, and I really feel for you." Then, I started to internalize that, and now I can summon loving figures from within myself...

***

"In addition to my numerous other acquaintances I have still one more intimate friend—my melancholy. In the midst of pleasure, in the midst of work, he beckons to me, calls me aside, even though I remain present bodily. My melancholy is the most faithful sweetheart I have had—no wonder that I return the love!" -Soren Kierkegaard
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Just wanted to point out that you too are this hope EvilByte, just look at the responses to your blog. Even in this short time since you've joined the forum, your words too have sparked and resonated with many, and I think it really is a two way street- no interaction leaves us unchanged. Let that strengthen you as well, though more often than not we have no idea the significance or extent of our interactions, as you say the effect is eternal. Perhaps the greater the emptiness the greater the path of return, but as you go those sparks of light do return, and strengthen and encourage the continued journey. It does get easier, as the flow connects, and flows.

You all are so incredibly eloquent, thank you, and thanks Selene for starting this thread. the power of our idealistic creative imagination is not to be underestimated! and the better we learn to use it, well, the better! :proud:
There's too much goodness! It's coming from all directions...we're trapped! There's no escape! :shocked:

:laughing: Thanks, Peace&Quiet, for being a model person.
 

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Eh...I'm not in the same state of mind as when I wrote this. More of a...logical, argumentative state of mind...because of the debate. :) I don't like it at all! I was so relaxed before, and now I'm all tense and caught up in making sure that my ideas are in sync and defending myself and all of that jazz... I need to loosen up and stay the hell away from that "Unity of Religions" thread. :laughing:

I guess the sort of idealism I was talking about was that...physical objects which we perceive are not well-defined as separate things until we apply an organizing schema and label them. What I actually see is not a "computer monitor" as its own object segmented away from everything else. It's some black lines, some bright colors, and...there isn't even a complete rectangle for the outside frame of the monitor. The object which I separately define as "speaker" is blocking part of the rectangle.

But I guess the more useful application of this idea that we label things would be to look at how we say things are good and b--

Er, this doesn't interest me. I'm approaching it too mechanically. Like I said, I'm not in a very good state of mind...or at least not one that I like to be in. When I'm this way, I become argumentative, and I carry a lot of negative energy. I argue about stuff which isn't that important and doesn't help me at all. :) Sorry.
I wasn't making a direct correlation or putting words in your mouth, it just reminded me vaguely of the philosophy (of which there are sooo many branches, many not religious at all). I understand what you are saying here to mean the mind is what assigns meaning/significance to external things. It reminds me of: "If a tree falls in a forest with no one to hear it, then does it make a sound?". Without a mind to perceive it and identify it, then it essentially does not exist.

Anyway, as an intuitive, I suppose idealism always interested me because it places less emphasis on the physical world of sensing.

/tangent
 

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There's too much goodness! It's coming from all directions...we're trapped! There's no escape! :shocked:
*heart esplode* lol :happy: reminds me of the idea of pronoia- the universe is conspiring to fill your life with beautiful abundance, health, and joy! oh no!!

Free Will Astrology : Pronoia Therapy
 

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...I really like you, EvilByte. :laughing::laughing:

Your angel is your vision of wholeness or happiness, as you imagine it, and as you long for. For me, it is that person who perfectly understands me, and loves me as I am, whatever I may be.

I hope that you continue to chronicle your darkness. A lot of people could benefit from reading it. An isolated person reading about another person's identical isolation is no longer isolated.

I have a feeling that the deeper you got sucked in, the more I would adore and respect you just for living through that. :happy: Not that I'm inviting negative things upon you as a condition for my love... :p

It is immense, powerful affirmations like yours which make sharing my thoughts so joyful...so if I'm any of the things you've said, it's because of people like you. You give me meaning.

:happy::happy::happy:

"Once you're worth the time in your own fantasies, then you'll find you're worth it all the time."

[nod] It took me a bit of outside affirmation before I was able to affirm my own worthiness. Just someone observing me as I am and saying something like, "Your way of processing your experiences is not worthless--it's quite beautiful and inspiring to see you struggle, and I really feel for you." Then, I started to internalize that, and now I can summon loving figures from within myself...

***

"In addition to my numerous other acquaintances I have still one more intimate friend—my melancholy. In the midst of pleasure, in the midst of work, he beckons to me, calls me aside, even though I remain present bodily. My melancholy is the most faithful sweetheart I have had—no wonder that I return the love!" -Soren Kierkegaard
<3 Please never stop sharing your thoughts and feelings. Even if I'm not around to see them, it will give me peace at night to know you are out there in the world, being all you. If you believe my affirmation gives you purpose, then you can safely live your entire life with the absolute knowledge that you are a meaningful person.




Random awesome stuff full of love and win. :proud:
I see you have some kind of award there.. Let's see, a *friendship* medal! Oh I can't imagine why...

Maybe it's because you're magnificent at *being*. I love you how you are. I think you are the culmination of warm and fuzziness in a human being. <3 You make me remember how a smile created from the warmth of another feels.
 

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if fuzzy wuzzy wuz a person... lol. much love to you too evilbyte! i love everybody! i really wish everyone could really know that!! :proud: i suppose one must just trust in the resonance of a loving heart. cheers! love! *heart esplode* (again)
 

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I am grateful for everything that was said in the opening post. It was useful to me. I had a difficult day, a panic attack this morning that bled over into my online expressions in an uncharacteristically hostile way, but this thread came at just the right time to help me find peace again.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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I sometimes take the sensitive for granted in some moments and I wish I could change and improve myself on this. I must say that sometimes I roll my eyes when it gets too sensitive to emotional and then i must remember myself that what Im lacking others bring and that should be cherished as much as my own perspective.
 

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"The point is that, by imagining yourself a certain way, you actually are that way in the moment, and it creates the conditions for you becoming that more often in the future without even trying."


I'll definitely believe this and will remember it. Your post has been very inspiration for an ENFJ just coming out of a bad relationship and feeling down and lonely. Thanks so much for sharing.
 

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I love the post and the idea's selene. But I want to make sure I am clear on something....do you think that what we think we are...we are? If i begin to think that I am ____then I am ____?
 
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