[Promethea]

I'm curious about those who have both 5 and 8 in their tritype. Specifically, I am interested in what your childhood was like.

Were your parents absent, ignore you, neglect you? Were they incompetent, abusive.. other? Did they understand you/appreciate you? Did you look up to anyone as a child? Were you an only child, or did you have siblings (what was interaction like with your siblings - and how did your parents treat you differently)? Did you feel like you could count on your parents when you needed them for support (emotionally, mentally financially)?

Did they fail as parents in ways -- how? How were they good parents?

(Also, state your tritype when you respond)

 

[IncredibleMouse]

I’m 5w4 with an 8 as well. That's an interesting topic for me, since I had to "find" my way through youth, without any assistance, guidance or friendship.

I was the oddball out of my three other brothers. I was reclusive, quiet, introverted, and was generally and mildly ignored. I'm not saying I was purposefully or willfully ignored as a means of torment, I was generally treated as invisible and uninteresting. My father never has talked much, and my mother was never very involved; busy making a living to feed 4 boys who could go through a gallon of milk per day. Feelings were never discussed, through-out the family. Everyone was busy doing their own thing. I never had "that talk" with my parents. I was never guided by my parents. Everything I learned, I learned by watching or doing myself.

I wouldn't say I had a bad childhood, since I was able to find activities of interest that I could do alone. I'm glad I was able to find my own means of enjoyment, since I was ignored and ostracized as a nerd in school as well. I did have one friend in 7th grade that lasted a school year until we moved again. We moved often, in fact I lived in about 20 different houses and school districts between middle and high-school.

Obviously, given my introversion, I probably brought this upon myself. My family didn't make it any easier though, that’s for sure. As an adult now it bothers me to think about it, but I also know that there are lots of others who had it much worse, maybe they were beaten or had alcoholic parents, who knows. So I brush it off. I care for my family, but I've never felt really connected to any of them.

Good topic, Prom.

Edit: I think it's important to note this as well. I am the only member of my family (brothers and parents) who graduated high-school on stage. In fact, I was shocked to be one of two students to come on stage and receive the American Legion Award, which is awarded by teacher vote. That's not a massive achievement, however, what's interesting about this event is that not one member of my family was there. I went to my graduation alone.

 

[Promethea]

Thanks for sharing that, mouse. I'll share mine at some point in this thread. I can see some similarities in ours, also.

 

[Scruffy]

5 and 8 are sort of in the latter of my tri, but the parts poke at my insides.

I was raised in a poor single parent house (no father), my mother is sort of a caring, naive, and floaty person. Things were never strict, she sort of let my sister and I test out and explore on our own. I had to learn a lot for myself, as I rarely was taught.

The punishment was constant guilt-tripping.

Expectations were not enforced, it was more of a "well my kids are awesome and can do anything", any achievement I had was tossed off to the side because "well duh you are good". We lost more money as I started to get older, my sister was more spoiled than I was (younger kids are easier to please, older sister needed more). I doesn't bother me, but my sister can't seem to handle much.

I don't recall ever talking about feelings or thoughts really, my mother is heavily introverted.


I could never count on her financially, she counts on me.

 

[Thrifty Walrus]

I am a 5w6, I don't really believe in tri types but I thought I was an 8w9 for a while, and as we all know 5 disintegrates into 8 so here we go:

Moved a lot, parents divorced when I was 11-12. I don't see my mom, pretty much no attachment to my biological dad, he was a trucker till I was 7-8 or so so I consider to be raised purely by my mom. I remember when the divorce happened, I was the one comforting my mom, not the other way around. She had to work too when I was younger so I spent a lot of time by myself. That is probably where my independence comes from, I was an only child (mom remarried when I was 14ish, now I have 2 step siblings) so I was a little spoiled, well, we were poor so I suppose I was only spoiled in the sense I got all the attention from my mom. She encouraged me to learn and what not, so that's probly where the 5ness came from.

 

[IncredibleMouse]

I've already responded to the initial discussion, however, I wanted to add some thoughts. However, it may be a divergent extension of an apparent theme thus far, yet still related.

A user on this forum ( Expat in Japan ) had recommended a book "The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child", that I read completely as soon as it arrived yesterday. One key point in it that seemed very relevant was the idea that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Several of us had mentioned basically being left to "find" our own way. However, being an introvert has the potential to bring this upon ourselves, especially if you had extraverted siblings. Parents, and teachers alike, will often handle and give attention to the extraverted squeaky children. The introverted child, who thinks before they speak, controls their outward emotions, and has enough will power to be quite independent, will "appear" as though they need nothing. Sad, but true. I'm not saying this is an excuse or the whole of any fulfilling answer or reason, however, it seems quite logical enough to be a considered a significant factor.

 

[SuperunknownVortex]

I'm curious about those who have both 5 and 8 in their tritype. Specifically, I am interested in what your childhood was like.

Were your parents absent, ignore you, neglect you? Were they incompetent, abusive.. other? Did they understand you/appreciate you? Did you look up to anyone as a child? Were you an only child, or did you have siblings (what was interaction like with your siblings - and how did your parents treat you differently)? Did you feel like you could count on your parents when you needed them for support (emotionally, mentally financially)?

Did they fail as parents in ways -- how? How were they good parents?

(Also, state your tritype when you respond)

My tri-type: I would guesstimate that it is 8-5-3 or 5-8-3.

My childhood: My mother was diagnosed with a personality disorder. She had a cycle of, first, abandoning me and my family and then returning if she felt remorse or 'needed' something...but only for a short time. She also would cycle through emotions too quickly and was often abusive and manipulative to me, one of my siblings and my father. She eventually died before I reached high-school.

My father was a contradiction. He was a physically strong and intimidating who was also could be very loving and affectionate. He also worked as a fireman and an EMT. He also had and has a Messiah-complex and is co-dependent. For someone who 'knew' psychology so well, he was not at all good at applying it for betterment of himself, me or my siblings lives. As a child my father left me alone unless he felt he needed to 'push' me to do well wherever I was. I don't feel my father ever understood me well because being a slightly narcissist he only 'saw' me as an extension of himself and thus projected upon me. If he loved himself at the time, he loved me. If he didn't like himself, he wouldn't be as loving. I felt and feel ambivalent about my father for the longest time even though I do love him (but don't necessarily like all the time).

For the first half of my life, I wasn't appreciated. In fact, I was seen as a problem. I felt I was weak and thoroughly stupid because I would be picked on for not being able to do math or read or play athletics. No one looked forward to seeing me. No one seemed to want to be around me other than those who were like my mother or my father. So, I became furious and had enough of it and slowly began to succeed more. And that meant becoming not only assertive and even aggressive but also intelligent to the point of esoteric (because I wanted to protect myself with the knowledge of how the world 'was'). I stopped being 'sensitive' and became hardened as best as I could be. Suddenly I wasn't a problem anymore. I became this paragon for my siblings. I became worthwhile...unless I deviated from 'success'.

My grandparents adopted and raised me and my siblings. My grandfather succeeded as a parent (but it took years for me to admit this as he died a while ago), and my other 'parental' figures were either iffy. My mother, however, was a failure in the purest sense of the word. I can count of my father and my grandmother for more practical matters, but I don't count on them for other sort of support.