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Discussion Starter #1
this is a seemingly simple but hard phrase. and i've come to learn how important it is for the infj to forgive. i went through a rough year, and until today, i've been feeling frustrated and angry (see previous threads on toxic "friend"ships, manipulative people, etc).

After acknowledging i was angry and that i had every right to be, I felt a lot more better. And in the last few days, i've been able to forgive some people who wronged me this past year. In fact, I've never felt freer than before. I'm free from my own feelings of being stuck in a rut. and i'm even more freer because i realize that i learned a difficult lesson and because of this lesson, I am now away from some people who do not deserve my friendship.

i feel really happy today. :) even a few moments ago, i was feeling stressed, but when i acknowledged my feelings, and my forgiveness towards these people, i had a cathartic moment. Usually, i find myself running from my problems/feelings, especially if they have to do with broken relationships and friendships. But this year, I looked them squarely in the eye, acknowledged that the world is full of imperfect people (but not necessarily bad people), and accepted myself as someone who would still continue to give others a chance and a benefit of doubt.

today, i feel more open and ready to trust others again. I won't forget this experience, and I'll keep a better eye out on how others carry themselves and generally potential behavior I should distance, but for now, here's to another beautiful day! i just wanted to share this with my fellow I.N.F.J.s!. :) If you relate to the quote above or had any similar experiences or moments, POST!
 

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I find that the more you understand a person, or why they did something, the easier it is to forgive them. Doesn't mean you'll forget, or trust them. But it means you can be free.

I agree that forgiving someone is setting yourself free. I don't know how to explain it. But it does.

It's great that you've forgiven the people who've done wrong to you. It means you'll be able to move on in the future.
 

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Until you can learn to forgive someone who has wronged you that person has a certain level of control over you life and your relationship with others. Forgiveness does not mean aproval of what someone has done. It does mean releasing the control that tey have over you psychological and spiritually. This is why Jesus had so much to say about it.
 

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I am now away from some people who do not deserve my friendship.
Ugh, so true. At least in my experience it is easy for me to be "friends" with a wide variety of people, but not necessarily rewarding. If there's some reason that you are obligated to spend time with them (as I was), it can be a real drain without you even realizing it. Glad to hear you are away from all of that.
 

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I'm glad for you! ^^

I have heard that phrase criticized as being essentially the same as saying "forgive, but don't forgive". I'm not sure what I think about that, but I do feel that things I really have forgiven people for just don't come up in my mind. If you can trust someone again, then I suppose you aren't thinking about whatever you previously held against them.

I heard on a TV show some time ago someone say that when they are feeling angry at someone, to say to themselves something like, "I give up forever the right to punish this person." I really liked it, and use it to this day when I feel resentment toward someone.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
^ If you forgive someone, you are releasing the control the person (wrong do-er) has over you, like Boroos said. this is because you are able to feel free in the sense that you are not constantly thinking about and contemplating about how they wronged you.

IMO, though, it's also important to not forget what happened, because it's a life lesson that offers us insight. I'm not saying one should dwell on it (after all, when you truly forgive someone, you don't feel the need to constantly dwell on what happened anymore). I just think it's important to retain this experience as a part of our life's event, as a hurtful, but wisdom-giving experience. I hope that sort of better explains that phrase? :)
 

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^ If you forgive someone, you are releasing the control the person (wrong do-er) has over you, like Boroos said. this is because you are able to feel free in the sense that you are not constantly thinking about and contemplating about how they wronged you.
something i'll think about :happy: thanks!
it's something that i'll always have to work on regarding certain people in my life but your right.
 

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^ If you forgive someone, you are releasing the control the person (wrong do-er) has over you, like Boroos said. this is because you are able to feel free in the sense that you are not constantly thinking about and contemplating about how they wronged you.

IMO, though, it's also important to not forget what happened, because it's a life lesson that offers us insight. I'm not saying one should dwell on it (after all, when you truly forgive someone, you don't feel the need to constantly dwell on what happened anymore). I just think it's important to retain this experience as a part of our life's event, as a hurtful, but wisdom-giving experience. I hope that sort of better explains that phrase? :)
I've been struggling with a few things recently and really needed to hear/read this...thx so much :happy:
 

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I forgive and forget, there are much important things in life than remembering what people did wrong to me, especially when they tend to do it all the time. Remembering why you shouldn't like someone usually makes you forget why you like them in the first place and lead to an unnecessary conflict. People already did this 'mistake' lots of times and it won't fit me anymore. This is one of the reasons why some introverted are reluctant to meet people, they only think how they are going to get hurt but not what they receive, and this should be kept in mind rather that who what did wrong in the past.
 

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This is something it took me forever to learn. I used to think that if I really forgave someone, it meant that I had to pretend they had never hurt me. But now I realize that the only way to salvage a relationship once I've been hurt is to let go of the pain, but remember the events that caused the pain. If I do that, then I can take measures to prevent my being hurt again in the future. Protecting myself keeps me from being hurt and then getting angry, and since often people don't understand how they hurt me, not allowing myself to get angry protects our relationship.

Forgetting is masochism.
 

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^ If you forgive someone, you are releasing the control the person (wrong do-er) has over you, like Boroos said. this is because you are able to feel free in the sense that you are not constantly thinking about and contemplating about how they wronged you.

IMO, though, it's also important to not forget what happened, because it's a life lesson that offers us insight. I'm not saying one should dwell on it (after all, when you truly forgive someone, you don't feel the need to constantly dwell on what happened anymore). I just think it's important to retain this experience as a part of our life's event, as a hurtful, but wisdom-giving experience. I hope that sort of better explains that phrase? :)
Sure. No one can or should be expected to intentionally forget anything, especially not something that clearly affected you so much. You would want to be able to remember it so you can relate to the experiences and feelings of others ... so you know what it is like to be human ... I mean only that you have come to terms with it enough that you don't take it personally enough anymore you are unwilling to see it from another's perspective, and how, even though what happened to you was deeply to the person, it is still a human dynamic that occured. This just MEANS it is capable of being shared and related. It just MEANS you have healed and have detached (forgotten) from it the particular subjects ... that it is neither yours nor the person's who hurt you, but that it belongs to humanity. That it neither represents nor defines either of you.
 

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I've lived by the "forgive but don't forget" mantra since my highschool years. History is meant to be remembered in order to prevent us from repeating our mistakes. Don't live in the past, but don't forget it either. Learn from it, and move on.

In the same breadth, I like the saying "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" :laughing: Although lately I think I follow the "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, that makes two; fool me three times, shame on me". I believe everyone deserves a second chance. I've gotten softer over the years lol
 
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Discussion Starter #13
Recently I ran into someone I forgave, and she had a really nasty attitude towards me. Perhaps even in the summer, this would have fazed me, but it didn't bother me at all. I felt calmer than ever, and I shrugged it off. It just struck me today... that some people will continue to revel in whatever negatively charged emotion they have towards you. Even if they were the one that wronged you in the first place... they just have too big of a chip in their shoulder to suck it up and take responsibility for what they did. Instead, they take on an nasty attitude towards you, making you out as a scapegoat. It makes them feel better, I suppose. But those feelings won't last. One day, they'll have to face the music.
 

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I remember my Psychology teacher telling me to forgive one must forget. All I could think was you are full of shiit, turned out she was.
 

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"Time heals all wounds" and I just tend to forget people and what they did to me eventually. I don't forgive, but eventually I sort of forget what it was that I would have been forgiving about so it all works out. I guess?

more better
I do not forgive double comparatives D:<
 

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"Time heals all wounds" and I just tend to forget people and what they did to me eventually. I don't forgive, but eventually I sort of forget what it was that I would have been forgiving about so it all works out. I guess?



I do not forgive double comparatives D:<
Eh, maybe Im a bad INFJ, but all this forgiving milarkey seems to be an awful lot of mental gymnastics and reframing to feel better about something thats been done to you.
I dont forgive, or forget. In time I may just not really care as much, or be hurt anymore by something that someone siad of did eons ago, especially if they are out of my life, but forgiveness feels like defeat to me. I feel the need for justice, or at least to not downplay what happened, so no, Forgiveness is not something I scramble my brain with, in the effort to feel better about a bad thing.
G. x
 

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Sometimes it's hard for me to let go of something.

I think it's better if I actually say something to a person about it. If we can reconcile our differences, then I feel better.

Just keeping it to myself is not enough for me. I've grown increasingly tired of fantasy world. I need to do stuff instead of just thinking about doing stuff inorder to be content. Unfortunatley, I do have to mull over things in my mind before I act. Sometimes I get annoyed by having to reacharge the battery.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
"Time heals all wounds" and I just tend to forget people and what they did to me eventually. I don't forgive, but eventually I sort of forget what it was that I would have been forgiving about so it all works out. I guess?



I do not forgive double comparatives D:<


LOL. Woops.... I didn't even catch that. Well, over time.... i guess you'll forget about the dc in this post :tongue:
 
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