Fours with inferior sexual instinct and fantasizing about relationships

Hmm, this is odd because.. I'm an so/sx and yet I completely relate to everything said on here. Many times, especially lately, I realized that I could be perfectly content not actually pursuing a relationship and instead living one in my own head. I do have this urge to pursue it, but I don't give into it, because part of me enjoys the pain of wanting something I could never have, and part of me knows it won't be as good as I think it is. It's kind of a defense mechanism, because I know any relationship I'd get into isn't going to be nearly as perfect and romantic as the one I construct in my mind. It's the same for sex, really. I have such intense, detailed and elaborate fantasies, but I have no problem going through life without applying them because again, it's so idealized reality HAS to disappoint me somehow.

I don't think it has to do with my variants though, but with my MBTI type. I'm an INFP, so basically, everything in my head is so much better than in reality.

I can relate to this somewhat, being sp first. I fear being swallowed up by someone & not having my needs met as a result. I certainly feel a burden too (this is probably more common with 5 wingers than 3 wingers), like real relationships require what I just don't have the energy to give. I've won this struggle though. The desire to connect wins out over the potential shame & drain that real relationships can bring.

Presently, I don't have the common so fantasy of being in some clique that validates my identity; I can't equate that with a real "connection" to others, & it's interesting to me how some do. I fear social embarrassment more than the potential humiliation from more intimate connections. With so being my blind spot, that fear often comes true & just reinforces my tendency to ignore that area.

I had the "glamorous clique" fantasy a bit when I was younger, but not as much as the "best friend" & "partner in crime" fixations (in addition to the tragic lone wolf idealization). I think my sx instinct began to influence me more heavily with age, so that by my 20s I began to coyly place myself in situations to be pursued romantically, as I still don't initiate with people. When you're a woman, you have such a luxury also (although I wait around more than most woman).

I don't think a lot of 4s pursue - we want too badly to get the validation that comes from being the one who is pursued - so many will indulge in fantasy while they wait for someone to notice how speshial they are. Maybe sx first & extroverted 4s are driven to openly pursue more though, IDK.

I honestly will probably never know my "instinctual variant", unless someone tells me what they are, plus I think it changes for women depending on who we're talking to, what part of the moon/menstrual cycle we're on, etc. It matters. But basically, yeah, I definitely fantasize. A lot. It got to the point where I would fall in love with other people while I had a boyfriend, and trust me, no one wants that in a relationship. I fall in love with the most unreachable of the bunch, and then convince myself that if it's meant to be, then life will reunite us at some point in the distant future, and we'll live happily ever after in a shack in the woods, or on the beach, whatever I'm feeling in the moment, depending on the weather and my idealism. It's so sad that movies and fairy tales have shaped me to think this way, yes, but at the same time, people DO find true love. I'm not saying I want the perfect person, I just want someone who GETS ME, and is able to fulfill my desires of thrill and adventure. I guess it's a lot to ask for, but it can be disappointing to know that it's definitely not mutual, but you in fact know that "we'd be perfect together". It's not that the fantasizing stops. The fantasies just become more realistic, and I convince myself that it'll never be anyway until I meet someone else. I read a lot of romance novels when I was a preteen, and wrote in my diaries about the boys I had crushes on. I don't know, who cares about those nerds, anyway. I just want to be swept away by someone who appreciates me, I guess.