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Discussion Starter #1
I'm not doing enough with my life, I think. My job of 10 years is obviously not my world like it is for others, but my home life can't be my world either because that is not healthy. I feel like my life could be spent better than watching the clock, but at the same time I know I need my comforts, which is why I have been here so long. I can literally do the most minimal amount in my work and be thought of amazing - which has its perks (why do I take being appreciated for granted?), but to me means that I am not pushing myself hard enough. Ugh.

It is the 6 Type fear that is killing me. I am so fraught with fear every day that I'm so scared to try to do anything differently. Like, seriously paralyzed. I just can't bring myself to job hunt or leave this place because I don't want to get a job that is worse than I have it now. And, what I have now isn't bad - it's just not always... stimulating. But wait, why would I want to work somewhere that is difficult for me? I guess it's because who stays at the same low level job for 10 years. "If it's working for you, then stay - if it's not, leave." "Be grateful!" I know!! Wah. I'm overqualified for the actual work and feel seriously under-qualified for existing in the corporate world.

Pros - Stability, familiarity, appreciation, reasonable pay, vacation time, seniority, close to home.

Cons - Bored out of my mind SOME days, not mentally challenging, emotionally taxing sometimes, corporate bs I can't take seriously, could be doing something different with my life, skills, talents (?).

A girl I used to work with just applied for a new job and listed one of my coworkers as her reference - and, the first thing I felt was some kind of envy - wishing I was the one applying for a new job. See?! That can't be normal! I know plenty of people who would be so grateful (thrilled even!) to have my job.

I know I need to take the reins of my own life. WHY IS THIS SO HARD?! I just, I can't tell what the right thing to do is, which is why... thus far... I do nothing.

Any suggestions for working through my angst? Should I just quit? Lol. Nothing like a little extra fear to motivate the change.

Sorry for the rant. I feel better now. I :love_heart: INFPs.
 

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It sounds like you are suffering from something called FOMO. The Fear of Missing Out. Like there is so much going o out there maybe it's all passing you by, you could be doing so much more with you life.

Idk if that's the case just speculating.

I would say, don't jump off a cliff if that's what you are thinking. Add something new to your week that's stimulating, let that thing be the place where you sort out your fears in a controlled space that doesn't have HUGE consequences like losing your job and HUGE pressures like expecting that new hobby/thing to pay for your living.

I'm in your situation where I just started an office job and it's very unstimulating lol. But I work on a video game when I get home to explore what my creative capabilities are and the possible outcomes of those capabilities without relying on them to pay for my living. You can pace yourself with this, you don't need to destroy and rebuild for dramatic effect to get you going.

I would just add a new activity to your week. Some place you can focus your stimulation.
 

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MOTM Dec 2011
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You can be grateful for your current job and still look for a new one. Knowing what you like and don’t like about it can help you define what you want next.

Your situation is actually ideal for job hunting. It sounds secure, which gives you an upper hand. You can take your sweet time looking for something else that really suits you.

On the other hand, if you have time, why not focus your energy on something that’s not a job? There’s a lot more to life than paid work or homemaking. What hobbies do you have?

My job is not very challenging for me and I find myself bored (even though many would think my work is pretty fun since it’s sometimes creative)....but the low stress and choosing to work part time let’s me focus my time and energy on my volunteer work, which is important to me and which gives me some fulfillment. It didn’t happen immediately, but I actually earn more money at this part time job than I made at a full time job.

Im keeping my eye out for something remote now, so I can be location independent. My ideal is that plus being project based, not having my time tracked. And of course it must be creative. It can be progressive steps to creating that ideal work situation, is what I’m saying.

Having a job gives you that luxury of being picky about who you work for next. You have the power to turn a job down! This can oddly make you more attractive to potential employers too. So definitely don’t quit, but why not check out job listings, update your resume, etc. Take some interviews for practice. Get the wheels turning.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
@Lord Pixel

Lol. How do you always know my way? :violin:

don't jump off a cliff if that's what you are thinking.
Yep, from one tiny little crack in the feelings to... MY LIFE IS OVER! Transitions so quickly. Lol.

-- a new activity to my week -- Hmm, less pressure. Approved. I like. Will I do it? I will try. Now I just need to think of the activity...
 

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@OrangeAppled

Thank you so much for your positive to my negative.

That's what my ISTP is always telling me. "Why don't you learn another language while you're at work?" There is an element of lazy to me, that's why.

the low stress and choosing to work part time let’s me focus my time and energy on my
THIS. This totally is why I do like my job. Thing is, I feel like my time and energy doesn't have anywhere to go and that makes me feel worthless which starts the cycle of crazy. If I could justify my job with my passions outside of work, then that would make sense to me. The sad truth is, I don't think I have any hobbies. I don't draw, I don't write, I don't do anything. I used to act and sing, but I only did that to meet people, and it doesn't make me come alive or anything like that.

I have a wonderful ISTP, and I love to invest in that relationship, but he can't BE my life, obviously. I enjoy funny, deep relationships and feeling helpful. How does this translate into hobbies? I don't know.

It is the age old question of what do I want to do with my life? I don't know where to go with the bit of creativity I do know that I have. I have literally sat at the piano for hours and hours, plunked out a few chords only to realize I have no words for any songs that I might attempt to write. Then I'm like okay, I should just get better at this. Watch a few YouTube videos, learn a song or two, still know I'm not good enough. Give up. Cycle, cycle. And, not really in LOVE with the idea in the first place.

Do you think people are created to do something specific? No one on earth is exactly like me, right? So, what is IT I am supposed to be doing? (No obligation to answer as I mull out loud...)
 

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@OrangeAppled

There is an element of lazy to me, that's why.
Yes! This! I know this too well, that's why it's best to pick something that you are lazy enough to do lol. Then once you get inspired you won't worry about the laziness as much because you're too busy being excited doing what you are doing.

The wrong way to go is, "I have to stop being lazy than I can do all this things." ERNT! WRONG, you'll never stop being lazy that way, trust me I HAVE TRIED!

But I worked for 3 days straight when I started the video game, and I asked "Where did lazy me go?". Lazy me took a nap while productive me was too excited to sit still and go to sleep or eve eat for that matter.

Whatever you chose to do, know that it should be something you like and not anything you HAVE to do. This is the one place where you can just slowly at your own pace try something that you are curious about.

Do you think people are created to do something specific? No one on earth is exactly like me, right? So, what is IT I am supposed to be doing? (No obligation to answer as I mull out loud...)
Usually, this answer is found in what you fear. What's something you would do if you weren't afraid of failure or loss of stability?
 

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Do you think people are created to do something specific?

In short, no.

But I have a very different feeling about these things... I'm very comfortable with grey areas (sometimes too comfortable, a different way to get stuck in indecision). I can explore things without commitment, but not being fully dedicated sometimes robs me of what I need for better results. That's sometimes what happens with my hobbies too - I get started and then lose interest. I totally relate to the frustration with personal, creative endeavors in that sense.

But I have never deeply worried about figuring out what I want to do in my life or having a specific purpose or a dream or goals or whatever. I've always just kind of pursued what interests me now and seems to have potential to fulfill general things I value (i.e. creativity, autonomy, altrusim and spirituality are a few of those). In doing my volunteer work, I am learning another language, traveling more, helping people grow spiritually etc. The work itself doesn't give me any surge of joy as I do it...but it aligns with my values and that gives me a general sense of contentment. I don't expect I will do it forever. And I did not seek it out...it kind of found me and I decided to take the chance, even though it was not something I had previously dreamed about.

So maybe try exploring things without needing to make a big decision that "this is it!". It doesn't hurt to experiment. Instead of puzzling it out mentally, actually go out and do things. To me, Ne is about pursuing ideas and cultivating potential in real time. When I am in that mode, it is energizing, but it's also not sustainable as you get burn out. Dealing with the lulls is another challenge, which is why I remind myself that almost nothing is permanent, as well as making sure things align with my values (so I have reason to see it through).
 
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I know I need to take the reins of my own life. WHY IS THIS SO HARD?! I just, I can't tell what the right thing to do is, which is why... thus far... I do nothing.
Take a leap of faith! You could boggle yourself down forever trying to feel out what fits best. If you're unhappy now, do the opposite. IMO, the fact that you 'want' another job says enough to me. You just have to spend the time researching new opportunities and figuring out your talents / passions, and going on from there. I see a lot of suggestions to get new hobbies, and I would do so, just not randomly if you can help it! Act intentionally. Write down your motivations for living, and branch out from there. Do you like working with people? How so? Teaching them? Counseling them? Helping them better themselves? (<-- just examples of questions to get into the 'why' behind the situation).

Any suggestions for working through my angst? Should I just quit? Lol. Nothing like a little extra fear to motivate the change.
To be blunt, yes. :cool: Your purpose is calling. :tongue:
 

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I know I need to take the reins of my own life. WHY IS THIS SO HARD?! I just, I can't tell what the right thing to do is, which is why... thus far... I do nothing.

Any suggestions for working through my angst? Should I just quit? Lol. Nothing like a little extra fear to motivate the change.

Sorry for the rant. I feel better now. I :love_heart: INFPs.
I've posted about this before on PerC. One of the biggest life habits I acquired that has helped me in myriad ways, including motivation, fear reduction, stress tolerance, and other topical benefits, is taking cold showers every day. As cold as you can go. These days I don't even take hot showers at all. If it's not cold it just feels unnatural to me. I love them cold.

That to me is the ideal "new stimulating thing" in your week that Lord Pixel mentioned that you could do, except you could potentially do it every day. If you want a complete list of the benefits of cold showers, people's testimonies of their lives improving by getting into this routine, check here. I feel like accepting some initial discomfort with icy water could be the stepping stone for you, to accept larger flights out of your comfort zone, and maybe into a more fulfilling job, or some other excellent life change. I don't recommend quitting on the spot though UNLESS you have enough in savings to last you a while.
 

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@twirler:

Do you know what you'd love to do, or what you're really good at? Both can lead to skills+passion. Your challenge lies in taking action it seems. That smells like inferior Te thing, and when it comes to inferiors, I personally recommend developing in a playful no strings attached way. Is there a way to try out things as a sort of hobby?
 

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You sound sane to me, your spirit is clearly screaming for your highest potential which hasn't been realized lately, as you don't even feel challenged enough or excited enough.

I agree with what others in the thread have said.
And I find something very interesting: When someone suggested that you use your extra time to pursue a hobby, you mentioned laziness, and that you don't think you have hobbies, like you don't have passions.
This info is super valuable to understand the situation to make good choices, imo, because if nothing makes you light up and get super excited hobbies-wise, then nothing will job-wise.

If I were you (and I've been you in the past, a few times actually) I wouldn't quit the job, sounds like a good one. I would invest my time and energy to explore what sparks the excitement, interest. Getting involved in little projects for free and seeing how you like it is the best way to go I think. Don't quit something good for the blurry potential of something invisible. Well, at least I wouldn't. I'd take the route of exploring why your spirit is screaming, what does it want, and following what it's saying, as a hobby first. Like for example let's imagine that you get this idea that you suddenly want to work at a bookstore for some reason. Instead of quitting my job to go apply to bookstores, I would make myself a reading schedule and start reading books everyday in my free time, and I would set up a blog and write reviews to myself (nobody would need to read this imo), and I would watch booktube, and I would go to bookstores every weekend and browse for hours and observe the workers and pay attention to what they do, and I would start talking about books with everyone as much as possible... If I felt too lazy to read books, then I wouldn't even need to apply to work there, because your job if you were to work there would be to read as much as possible and always be as knowledgable as possible about both classics and new releases, and you would have to give feedback to clients whenever they'd ask you to recommend them something.
I know this because I was a librarian for 6 years and every single day I had people come in "I'm so bored I don't know what to read anymore, recommend me something please" and I would spend my days suggesting books to people. And ofc in order to do that, I had to have been an avid reader for many years, and continue to stay up to date with new releases weekly. And I had to read children's books as well, not just adult stuff. Because you cater to a wide variety of clients. If I hated having to do a lot of reading outside of work, I wouldn't be able to work there.
Same applied to other careers. If I suddenly wanted to be a graphic designer and get a degree, but I have zero interest in everything that goes with it, and I hate color theory and coding and drawing and stuff... then it's not going anywhere and I'll be miserable.
I say start doing most of the work, whatever it is, as a hobby, to know yourself and what you like or dislike. Maybe it's swimming teacher or musician or math teacher... whatever.

So maybe challenge yourself with little things that actually interest you. Like whenever I didn't feel like reading, I challenged myself to read more. The thing is I didn't dislike reading, I was just feeling lazy at times. But I would challenge myself, make myself a schedule and reward myself whenever I achieved X amount of pages. That kind of thing totally worked for me. So you have to find a formula that works for you :)
 

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Discussion Starter #12
@Lord Pixel -- Glorious preoccupation-- I did once make a parody rap video which kept me intensely busy for a bit there. But, I probably wouldn't repeat as it is old to me now. @OrangeAppled said "lull," and I think that sums it. The second a lull hits, I usually freak out (What am I doing? UGH. I have no purpose! I have no creative thoughts!! This is ALL meaningless!!). I HAVE kind of have taught myself not to get all lullified and to just wait it out - but, this so-called LULL has been a long one.

I really do like what you @OrangeAppled) said about the mysterious IT finding you. That is kind of how I have always operated and how I know what to do. I sort of run into things like I ran into my job 10 years ago. And, maybe it has now run its course. It is not that I never try to make things happen for myself, but it is rare and only when I know for sure it is something I want or need. But... nothing seems to be FINDING ME now?

My advocates always say, "You can do anything!!" But... what? It seems like I have so much time to do what I want, but I don't know what it is I want to do. I can literally lay on my bed and stare at my ceiling for hours - thinking, processing, feeling, trying to rest in the stinkin' lull and NOTHING comes to me. Like you suggested, I did finally come to the conclusion to just MOVE without pressure. Difficult for me because of the fear, but less so because of the lack of pressure. I am currently trying to do that more (move, that is). But, so far, it's kind of unfulfilling? Seems about as fruitless as my ceiling stare... but it is something... and at least I am trying to get out in the world instead of work-home-work-home-work-home.

The 6 blank is real, my friends. The fear does trap me somewhat, but I know if I were sure of something or really into it, that would not matter. I'd be like the dog with the collar running for the deer through the electric fence or something. Who cares if I get shocked if it matters to me, you know? I envy both of your knowing and confidence in the pursuit of your interests.

My problem is the not knowing (plus the fear). And, the lull. I find it hard to enjoy.
@HumanBeing

Do you know what you'd love to do, or what you're really good at? Both can lead to skills+passion. Your challenge lies in taking action it seems. That smells like inferior Te thing, and when it comes to inferiors, I personally recommend developing in a playful no strings attached way. Is there a way to try out things as a sort of hobby?
I like the no strings attached, yes. That is what I am thinking I should do too. Same as the getting out there and doing and the moving. When I first joined a theater group, I thought my talents might push me into something that I was in love with, but it turns out that everyone else was passionate about it but me.

I like feeling helpful. I think I am good at being a support person - cheering on those that I feel are downtrodden or being mistreated, although my energy has its limits. I think I am a good friend. Good at BEING loyal, BEING me. I have a hard time translating this being into doing or hobbying or working though.

I probably just need to do some stuff, even thought I don't care about it. That is usually what I come to. I think I am just burned from my last DOING of stuff (the theater thing) where it kept me busy, but ended up nowhere.
 

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@entheos

If I could like your post twice, I would. Thank you so much for your wisdom. I think I agree with you: "if nothing makes you light up and get super excited hobbies-wise, then nothing will job-wise." I just have a difficult time wading through my fear. It's hard for me to tell if I'm just not pushing myself enough to find what is more for me OR if the issue is just being discontent when I have it all (or enough) at work already. And, of course, the best way to move - whether outside of my job or not.

"Don't quit something good for the blurry potential of something invisible." This is so helpful to me. Maybe I am just looking for someone to tell me that it is okay for me to stay at my job. Because this did make me feel relieved. Lol.

I think you are right. My real issue is not knowing what would awaken my spirit. There is a serious not knowing within me, and I see so many people finding that fulfillment in their work, that I have been wondering if that is the way I need to go to find it since that is the way many people do (same with starting a family, etc. - so many standard ways of finding true happiness...). BUT, that probably is not the way for me. At least as you said, not in the standard way of finding it.

I'd take the route of exploring why your spirit is screaming, what does it want, and following what it's saying, as a hobby first.

From an NF perspective, what do you think is the best way to start this process since I do not have a good idea of what I want to do? Seriously, I feel like I need to start at square one. I loved your bookstore example, but I really feel like I have nothing concrete to move towards yet. I think I have just been waiting for Ne is hit me. And, when it comes (although it hasn't in this arena) - the thing is, it is so fleeting. My job is so constant. I think what I really want is a constant flow of THIS IS IT. I think I just need to find the start of the thread, whatever that is. How?
 
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U know, I totally relate to your situation, because although our details are different, there are many similarities. I've been on a journey to finding my "ideal job" for three years more or less, and still haven't found it. But! While in the first couple of years of my search, my goal seemed super blurry and it gave me severe anxiety to think of this misty invisible future, it's been in the last 10 months that my feelings have shifted. My anxiety has decreased in half, and I just have this feeling that I'm closer and closer to getting an answer to my prayers. It's just a feeling, an intuition, something very pregnant, and ofc people will think I'm crazy if I speak of intuitions because they want something concrete that they can believe. So I keep it all to myself, but I just know that I'm closer, like my ideal job is inevitable.
So... this relates to the following:

From an NF perspective, what do you think is the best way to start this process since I do not have a good idea of what I want to do? Seriously, I feel like I need to start at square one. I loved your bookstore example, but I really feel like I have nothing concrete to move towards yet. I think I have just been waiting for Ne is hit me. And, when it comes (although it hasn't in this arena) - the thing is, it is so fleeting. My job is so constant. I think what I really want is a constant flow of THIS IS IT. I think I just need to find the start of the thread, whatever that is. How?
I can only speak of what I've done to go from a completely obscure place with no destination (where you seem to be at), to an intuition of "inevitability", of "it's coming", having a deep knowing. I have no tangible proof yet of anything, at least not according to normal people's standards of productivity, but if it's of any help...
The number one tool was/is journaling. I'm on my 12th notebook as of today, and there's been an evolution in the contents. Just start writing as if it's a conversation with yourself, and state where you're at, what your fears are, what your hopes are, and what your goals is, what you want to achieve with your self-exploration. Deconstruct your psyche with stream of consciousness.
Then you can do some research about anything in your writing that strikes as interesting. For example, whenever I realised that I had a deep fear of something, I would go watch youtube videos about that specific thing, try to understand my own self, and also do guided meditations about a variety of topics. I also read countless self-help & psychology books.
On days when I felt super bored with my life, I did meditations to confront and heal my apathy. On days where I felt unworthy of being happy, I worked on that unworthiness. Every day was different, because every day a different demon would show up.

When you have nothing concrete to work with, so no action plan, I think the best thing is to just work with your own feelings. There's two sides to feelings:
1. The ones you have right now about the whole situation (could be boredom, or frustration, or longing, or a mix of a bunch of things, whatever).
2. The feelings you want to have. The whole reason why we desire things is because we want to feel a certain way. So you have to explore and define what feelings are your goals. Because really when you want to be a painter, your goal isn't actually to be a painter, your true goal is to feel creative. And the way you feel at your most creative is when you are painting -this is a made-up example.

After journaling, researching and meditating on one's own psyche and getting clear about feelings, then I would pursue action (my previous post with the bookstore example). And those actions will teach things. Like since I got super clear about what my goals are feelings-wise, I've worked a variety of jobs, I've done a ton of job interviews (and never got hired), joined a few classes, did some projects, networked, volunteered... you name it. And all of that taught me this: "Nope, my path is not over here, I'm miserable here". So I continued to take action toward other paths. My theory is that by trying a bunch of things I will eventually hit target. But action is not blind action, it's based on the self-knowledge gained during all that time invested in the inner work.

Hope this makes a bit of sense xD Sounds a bit complicated the way I explain it. It's more simple that it sounds really.
 
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