Does anyone else freeze whenever they have to make a big decision?
Right now, I'm in my last semester of college. I had originally intended to apply to graduate programs in the fall. But then it was like I just froze. I couldn't make a decision. I couldn't even decide if I wanted to go to grad school. That time also happened to correspond with mood swings so severe I was diagnosed as bipolar. Now I'm on medication, and I feel a lot better in general.
But now it has come time to decide whether or not I want to take a year off and then go to grad school. I figured by now the medication would be helping and I wouldn't be having these roller coaster mood swings that cause me to freeze. But here I am again, exactly where I was last semester. I stare at the lists of graduate programs, and it's like there's a battle between my logical side and my emotional side. My logical side says I should go to graduate school, that I should apply to as many programs as possible. However, my emotional and intuitive side says grad school isn't right for me. Adding another complication, my Fe wants to please everybody, especially my parents, and I know choosing not to go to grad school won't please them.
What I really want to do in life is become a successful novelist, which has nothing to do with my course of study (Economics). However, I know this is a path that depends on so many external factors and a great deal of chance. But it's also the only thing I've ever loved doing. Because of this, there's another part of me that says I'd be happy working any old job as long as I can write. But at the same time, my happiness also depends on the happiness of others, and I know this decision won't make others happy.
tl;dr What can I do to keep myself from freezing when I have to make major decisions? How do I manage the battle between my emotional side and my logical side? Should I do what others want me to do and make them happy, or should I do what I want to do regardless of the feelings of others?
Right now, I'm in my last semester of college. I had originally intended to apply to graduate programs in the fall. But then it was like I just froze. I couldn't make a decision. I couldn't even decide if I wanted to go to grad school. That time also happened to correspond with mood swings so severe I was diagnosed as bipolar. Now I'm on medication, and I feel a lot better in general.
But now it has come time to decide whether or not I want to take a year off and then go to grad school. I figured by now the medication would be helping and I wouldn't be having these roller coaster mood swings that cause me to freeze. But here I am again, exactly where I was last semester. I stare at the lists of graduate programs, and it's like there's a battle between my logical side and my emotional side. My logical side says I should go to graduate school, that I should apply to as many programs as possible. However, my emotional and intuitive side says grad school isn't right for me. Adding another complication, my Fe wants to please everybody, especially my parents, and I know choosing not to go to grad school won't please them.
What I really want to do in life is become a successful novelist, which has nothing to do with my course of study (Economics). However, I know this is a path that depends on so many external factors and a great deal of chance. But it's also the only thing I've ever loved doing. Because of this, there's another part of me that says I'd be happy working any old job as long as I can write. But at the same time, my happiness also depends on the happiness of others, and I know this decision won't make others happy.
tl;dr What can I do to keep myself from freezing when I have to make major decisions? How do I manage the battle between my emotional side and my logical side? Should I do what others want me to do and make them happy, or should I do what I want to do regardless of the feelings of others?