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Hi everyone. I haven't posted here in a long time, but this seemed like the only place I could talk about something like this. I have a friend. It's one of those really close best friend types of people. You know, one of the few people you really care about a lot and feel like you can sort of trust them more than others. I've been friends with him for around 5 or 6 years. Recently he's told me he wants to join the Marines.

My first reaction was surprise. Right away I thought, "No way." He had mentioned it a few times in the past but then moved on to other interests for his future. To be honest... I don't want him to join. I feel like a parent who's child just said they wanted to join the army. I care about him so much and don't want him to get hurt, or actually die out there in a war he didn't choose to start. He never seemed like the overly patriotic type so I'm not sure what his motivation would be; I still have to ask him that.

He's an ISTP, if that matters. As you could probably guess, he's not much of the emotional type. I don't want to bombard him with all of my concerns, but since he told me it's all I could think about. Even if he was ok, I'm worried about him changing personally. When he came back from training and all he might not be the person I knew...

On the other hand, I'm supposed to be his friend. I don't want to make him feel guilty about it if this is really what he wants to do. The only problem is I can't figure out if he really wants to do this or if it's just for money/etc. I don't want to see him get trapped in a system he doesn't want to be in. Once he signs a contract it's too late. He hasn't done much research as far as I can tell. If he does ultimately do this... I want to make sure he's prepared. He's usually not the kind of person to think things through very carefully, and I'm genuinely worried about him making a terrible mistake...

Have any of you been in a similar situation? What should I do? I feel so pathetic being a total wreck after one small comment my friend made, but he's the closest friend I have.
 

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. Recently he's told me he wants to join the Marines.

I'm genuinely worried about him making a terrible mistake...
I am having a hard understanding if somebody wants join the military being a terrible mistake.

Are you sure your not worried about possibly losing a best friend in one way or another.
 

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@myjazz I think he's worried that his friend hasn't thought this completely through, and that being the terrible mistake.

I don't have THAT much experience in this, but I've never had any of my friends regret having gone to the military. They all loved it and even when they come back with a ton of medical conditions (physical and/or mental/emotional) they still say they wouldn't have changed a thing. With that said, I also do have a friend who was a ranger, but through a turn of some crazy events, all records of his service have been destroyed and he couldn't be happier.

You shouldn't feel pathetic, you say he's your best friend, I would be just as worried. The best advice I have is talk it through with him and let him know your concerns. If he's as good a friend as you say, he should be affected in someway and feel a need to really think this through.
 

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I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your friend will likely change ALOT once he comes back from the marines. I have never met a single person who goes in and is ever the same again. Either for better or worse they always change. I know b/c of several people I know has come back changed...
 

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This person seems to have thought about joining the military it's not like he walked by a recruiters office one day and said you know what I think I will join the Marine Corp.
He has thought about this in the past and has came to an conclusion that this is what he wants to do with his life. And he is telling his friends and I suppose family that this is what he wants to do which counts for even more thinking it through.

The reason I stated that it seems that Mononoke is more concerned about not wanting him to join and looking for reason to justify those reason's is that he has mentioned several times in one way or another that he doesn't want him to join.

Be supportive of his decision but that doesn't mean you can't let him know that you are concerned for him. But try not to let your concern over rule his support from a friend.
It is natural to be concerned this is a big decision to make and a valiant one.
 

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You should support your friend. If he really wants to do it, he will. When it comes to it, what he wants to know is that the people back home, especially those he cares about, support his decision and what he is doing and haven't forgotten him and the sacrifice he's prepared to make. Your friend wants to join the honour roll of US servicemen. You should give him your support, not your concern.
 

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Being a good friend means warning a friend if you think something is a bad idea. I would advise any friend or family member of mine not to do it, as people in the military are dying everyday in the Middle East. I very much respect and am thankful for those who have and are serving our country, but I couldn't take losing a friend or family member that way, being shoot up, blown up or kidnapped and tortured. :sad:
 

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I don't want to bombard him with all of my concerns, but since he told me it's all I could think about. Even if he was ok, I'm worried about him changing personally. When he came back from training and all he might not be the person I knew.
I served in the military and many of my family did as well. We have an all volunteer service which is very good because it means that people are choosing to serve their country out of their own conscience.

You are right to be concerned for your friend and to want him to make the best decision. Ultimately he must choose for himself. Your concern is legitimate and his desire to serve is also. Yes there are consequences. You may not see him for a while. It will certainly transform part of him. And yes you could lose him. But this is part of the sacrifice that we make. I lost one of my friends from my graduating class in the Coast Guard and my brother in law was killed in Iraq 3 years ago. This unfortunately is reality and while the chances that you will lose a friend are slim they are real. But this is the very real risk that is taken by those who serve.

Your love and concern for your friend is real. His desire to serve is real. He will consider your opinion, but the choice is his.
 
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