Well now that we established your criteria for romance which separates romantic interests from friends, the next step to ensure you don't end up on the floor is to have another set of criteria for romantic interests alone. You probably need to look at them objectively and maybe seek opinions from your close friends if you have reached the stage where you have trouble staying objective. If your romantic interest can pass this 2nd round, then it should reduce your chances of ending up on the floor. That way, you can have your cake (guys who arouse those feelings in you) and eat it.
That's a really good tip! I tend to 'develop' romantic interests after establishing some basic ground rules like "do we share the same values, morals, similar lifestyle perhaps?" and if the ground rule are established that's when I'll usually accept a relationship but I feel I do need that 2nd round of criterias.
I just find it strange that my friends stick around longer than my romantic relationships. Looking at the longevity of my friendships vs. relationships I wished it was swapped. I guess I haven't figured out that secret formula for a long lasting relationship. I see it in my friends, but so far the lovers arena is a total bust.
I'm just trying to strategize in a different way I suppose. I'll think about this some more. There's gotta be something I'm forgetting to look at that is contributing to the problem :crazy:
Most of your guy friends are simply friends because you never saw them as more than that in the first place. If you wanted to make a friend into a lover, it would be like trying to trick yourself. Unless you secretly wanted to be lovers when you befriended them, then you probably won't ever make the switch.
That's exactly how I feel.... the whole "trying to trick myself". That's how it's always felt. I've TRIED to develop romantic feelings for friends, but it feels like a fraud. But yeah, I'll refer the rest of my comment to the response above ^---- I'm trying to strategize a different approach.
I had a friend that admitted to liking me. I felt bad for him because it wasn't mutual. He was like a brother to me. We're still friends now though, which is good. I was scared that he was gonna run off because I had made him feel stupid or something but I was quick to tell him that it was ok and that nothing's changed between us.
Oh man, poor guy :crazy: Yeah, I've matured alot over the years. As a kid, I would be so grossed out. I've had friendships end over that before LOL Then I grew up and realized it's not a big deal, and we should remain friends. I'm not going to get into a long story about it but I think after awhile... he'll eventually lose those feelings. Cause I have a good long time friend with similar circumstances.
I actually tried to help the process speed up by making myself appear less attractive and more sisterly? I don't even know if that makes sense. I would say funny/silly things about myself, to help them see me in a different light. Don't know if that'll help you.. but it has worked for me to help kill those feelings in a guy :crazy:
This club sucks....i want to join the other one over there, the "I got a girlfriend club" but all the girls i meet make me their friend forever or brother:sad: i can't just walk up to a girl and ask them out since i fumble with my words way too much.
Well I speak for most girls when I say this, and not for myself (because my taste in men are different from the norm; in that I actually prefer quiet men)... I think sometimes when guys come off 'too friendly', it helps peg them in the 'friends' club quicker. For some reason, when a girl does this it has the opposite result.
I tend to think INFJ's make great actors. We know enough of the nuances in personas that I feel we can immitate it fairly well. I mean I could spend a day just people watching because it's pretty fascinating. In any case, my suggestion for getting out of the friends club is observe a guy that's popular with the ladies. Not so much what he says, but how he says it, his body language, etc.... and practice infront of a mirror? :crazy: It sounds silly I know...
Think of it as an exercise for a play or something. I'm not suggesting that you try and be something that you're not, I'm just saying.. what's the harm in using the tools God's given you to gain some leverage on somebody you love? Since you are obviously not a jerk, and I'm pretty sure you'll take good care of your future GF... I see no harm in trying to gain her interest this way.
I dunno, maybe some INFJ's will feel that it's me asking you to be something you are not... I see it more like asking you to try a different approach to get the woman you want. Sometimes the inflections you put on a sentence can change the whole context and subsequently it's effect on the person whom you are speaking to. There are other ways to communicate your interest in a woman than just outright saying it, if you make these hints clear from the beginning as well as messages of "I'm clearly a good catch" (confidence not cockiness) she'll get the hint and perhaps bite.
