[blueroo27]

So, lately I've been wondering do any of you ENFP's have real good friends? Like, people that you can call up and hang out with? And they can do that to you too? I mean not just acquaintances or people that are sort of friends. But do you have a set group of people or one other person who you can definitely call a friend? Because I feel as if I consider lots of people close friends but then when I see them go out with others and stuff and not invite me or they have a whole other group of friends then I start to wonder if we really have that friend relationship or if we are just coworkers or whatever and then it makes me all sad cause I don't know if I will be able to keep in touch wth some of these people later on.
I'm going on my 5th yr. of college and lots of my friends graduated and are moving on. I work with people and we've become really close but now that they are going to move on within a month or two I wonder if we will keep in touch or if we were just coworkers and stuff... T_T yeah I don't really know how to explain this.

Anyone have any insights on friends vs acquaintances and stuff? I don't know the difference and I never really thought about it until someone I know brought it up and had to categorize things, which made me think about it over and over and then yeah sometimes I don't like my conclusions... Help!!

 

[Shurikun]

Ahahaha, I can't tell you how much of my own problems I saw in your post.

Yeah, it can really suck when someone who you thought was a close friend didn't care as much about you as they thought. It's like you gave them a priceless diamond made up of the core of your being, and they just smashed it against the wall.

After this happened a few times, I usually stopped taking initiative in inviting people places, and simply talked to them and considered them acquaintances until they asked me to hang out with them. From experience, if they search you out on their own, it means they like you enough to be a loyal friend.

I'm not saying let everyone else start any social thing. Keep on talking to people and being your cheery ENFP self when out in public. C:

And yeah, I don't really have a close group of friends, but I have one or two people I feel quite close to and talk to on a near daily basis.

Not saying this is the best advice, but it worked decently enough for me.

 

[dahling]

I can honestly say that I've never had a best friend.

Those I surround myself with are NOT acquaintances, but they are not my friends, either. Us ENFPs can get people to open up easily, and I know far too much about these people to label them as acquaintances. Still, I lack a connection with those I choose to hang out with. Obviously, I enjoy their company, and they enjoy mine, but at the end of the day, they aren't my friends.

I want a friend that I can have that effortless rapport with. As an ENFP, I have become EXCELLENT at faking it and creating the illusion of one between myself and another. Still though, I am straining my mind as to, "What are the right things to say?", or "How can I get them to laugh/open up?" I don't want to have to think about it, I want it to be natural.

It feels as though everyone else in the world has been born with this innate ability to make friends quite easily. I'm wondering if I ever will make that connection with someone else. It does get lonely.

 

[amanda32]

Hm...I read that INFP's and ENFP's are supposed to be "best friend" types. I've found that to be the case with my best friends. The connection I have with ENFP's is INCREDIBLE. It's deep yet fun and I admire them so much -- they're definitely up on that INFP proverbial "pedestal". Even distance hasn't made our friendships fade.

So...ENFP's -- find yourself some INFP friends, is my advice. We'll appreciate the hell out of you and have that "connection" that you're looking for. At least, that's what I've found.

 

[Inverse]

I haven't had "friends" since I was a teenager. Being in the military, I've been cursed to saying hello and goodbye to amazing people in the last ten years of my life. Either they get sent away, or they're taken away~ I can't expect to know them forever.

I miss it. Dearly, to the point I'll do stupid things just to meet people. Get in scenes that don't fit me, enter communities I don't fit in. Grow affectionate for people I couldn't ever truly sustain emotion for~ but I'm beginning to feel they're just not out there.

It sucks because I begin to assault myself on these issues~ I mean, I thought myself a good friend, approachable, etc~ being told I'm sweet, caring... etc. Yet none of these relationships stick, and I find myself being the one putting forth all the effort in nearly every connection I make. I miss people tossing rocks at my window to wake me up in the morning, because the day seemed better with me in it for them.

 

[Kitten]

For me, I hardly have any "acquaintances" - I usually just consider them "friends". :tongue: So yeah, I was definitely able to relate with a lot of what you were saying. ^^;;

I can full admit right now that I have no IRL "best friend". I have CLOSE friends, but I have no certain one or two people that I can tell absolutely everything to, and go over to their house every other day without it being a problem, or anything like that. I had a best friend in elementary school, but starting sometime in middle school, all of that stopped, sadly. =\ I do miss it... but then again, my life has now been full of so many secrets, I wonder if it could even be possible anymore. Because part of being best friends with somebody is being able to confide in them about anything.

But anyways, I know I do have some close friends in the midst of the very large mass of people I loosely consider "friends" - the people I know I'll be able to stay in contact with are the people I hang out with outside of school. <3 They're the people I go on adventures with outside of school, and hang out at their houses, and just in general have a fun time together! ^^

But the people I'm friends with that I hang out with frequently in school, but almost never outside of school, I do fear that once I've graduated from high school, contact with them will probably cease. =\ It's sad.

 

[energeticelephant]

My "best friends" have historically been significant others or guys. I've always dreamt of having a best girl friend, but I just haven't really made that kind of connection with another female.

Also, I have this little habit of randomly moving to different places over the years, which is terrible for keeping and cultivating deep friendships. I tend to find people feel a deeper connection with me than I do with them so although I'm sure there are people out there who would say they're my best friend, it's not necessarily mutual.

I know that sounds awful, but it's the honest-to-god truth!

I don't let people in very easily. I let them into the shallow end no problem, but the deep end is generally off-limits.

 

[Coco]

For me, I hardly have any "acquaintances" - I usually just consider them "friends". :tongue: So yeah, I was definitely able to relate with a lot of what you were saying. ^^;;

I can full admit right now that I have no IRL "best friend". I have CLOSE friends, but I have no certain one or two people that I can tell absolutely everything to, and go over to their house every other day without it being a problem, or anything like that. I had a best friend in elementary school, but starting sometime in middle school, all of that stopped, sadly. =\ I do miss it... but then again, my life has now been full of so many secrets, I wonder if it could even be possible anymore. Because part of being best friends with somebody is being able to confide in them about anything.

Same thing for me.

I also have a few close friends, but no best friend of the world forever and ever. I'm not sure if I really want one tough... It really seems good, but it seems kind of unfair towards the other friends. Maybe it's not but I would feel bad =s

 

[Tridentus]

my best friends "tend" to be ENFPs and INFPs. INFJs are amazing when i meet them, and some NTs.

 

[ndenfp]

I want to reply to this post but I'm not sure if I know how to answer, so I'll tell my story. When I was younger, I had close friends that were always around. In high school they would come over without calling and we hung out almost every day. They were like family and now, even though I'm away at college, some of them visit my parents. After high school I moved 2000 miles away for school. I have a lot of friends, but I don't have any really close friends. I know I can call people whenever and find something to do, but there is not one or two people I can always go to. I'm in my senior year now and I can say since moving out here I've only had 3 really close friends like that, but they only lasted a short time and we drifted apart or they moved away. Sometimes this aggravates me because I don't have anyone here that I can really depend on.

However, I don't mind only having a lot of acquaintances. It is actually what I wanted when I moved. Don't get me wrong, I miss having the close friends sometimes but I felt claustrophobic. It's like they were always around. They really limited my ability to have friends of my own and contributed to all my relationships dying quickly. Also, always being a part of the group made me feel like I had no identity. I still love those friends and when I visit it feels like I never left, we hang out the whole trip. When I'm with them, I realize how much I miss the camaraderie and loyalty, but I worry that if I move back when I graduate that I will feel trapped again.

So I guess the answer to the question is yes and no. There's nothing wrong with only having a bunch of acquaintances, it's just another way of living.

 

[Caelum]

I haven't had "friends" since I was a teenager. Being in the military, I've been cursed to saying hello and goodbye to amazing people in the last ten years of my life. Either they get sent away, or they're taken away~ I can't expect to know them forever.

I miss it. Dearly, to the point I'll do stupid things just to meet people. Get in scenes that don't fit me, enter communities I don't fit in. Grow affectionate for people I couldn't ever truly sustain emotion for~ but I'm beginning to feel they're just not out there.

It sucks because I begin to assault myself on these issues~ I mean, I thought myself a good friend, approachable, etc~ being told I'm sweet, caring... etc. Yet none of these relationships stick, and I find myself being the one putting forth all the effort in nearly every connection I make. I miss people tossing rocks at my window to wake me up in the morning, because the day seemed better with me in it for them.

Your post made me sad...

Perhaps the most saddest thing in the world is when we're robbed of the things we've earned, and even after trying to earn those things back, the world won't give it to us.

You are a good person, and a good friend I imagine. I know exactly how you feel when you say your efforts seem to yield nothing. I also feel like there is no one else out there who is willing to fight for my friendship. People miss out on these bonds, and I say it's their loss. What you think you're missing out on definitely does not match up to what said people miss out on--and that's a good friend like you.

 

[Sweetish]

My "best friends" have historically been significant others or guys. I've always dreamt of having a best girl friend, but I just haven't really made that kind of connection with another female.

and

I don't let people in very easily. I let them into the shallow end no problem, but the deep end is generally off-limits.

I feel the same way. My goal is to find a female friend whom I can visit regularly to do something fun, healthy, positive, productive with- some shared hobby or stress-free activity. I'm trying to give myself another shot at forming bonds which I didn't know how to maintain when I was a child. For my needs, it has to be face-to-face, honest and long term, though.

 

[teabiscits]

i feel like that too. i have one good entj female friend and a good infp male friend. the rest are freinds but they rarely call me up to do anything. is it me? or them? it's hard to know. i remember talking about this to a boyfriend before and he said the reason people didn't call me was because they were under the impression i was strong and didn't need to be contacted all the time. i made a point of letting people know i am not that strong and feel really hurt to be left out of things but nobody gives a shit.

 

[crzysttchr]

sad

there were a few painful posts I read here today, and this is another one. :sad:

I never truly had a great friend and I still don't @ 50 yrs old. I find it hard to maintain friendships as I never felt anyone "got" me. the newest twist in my life is that I have a best friend who has decided that I am going down a dark path (her term) for some of my lifestyle choices... (not hurting anyone!) and we disagreed... we stopped talking for 2 weeks and guess what? i did not miss her. I thought we had more going for us than her judging of me... guess I was wrong. I finally bellied up and called her and guess what???? NO mention at all about the previous crap.. but i am sure it will come up. I have decided that maybe my ""ability to be forthcoming of all aspects of my life"" has GOT to change lol.

I wonder if I just met and married too young and was pretty much isolated and controlled by him to the point of not being my true self; not standing up for myself; not BEING myself.. that hindered me.

NOW I AM myself and BEING who I want to be... I am starting to meet new people and make new friends..not sure how it will work out.. It is all so new to me, but being the outgoing type that we are? I have TONS of acquaintances :crazy:

 

[kaycee]

Agreed with everyone who said this is a sad topic.


As for my experience, I've had a lot of great best friends, but they were always only temporary. In high school, I had close friends but they were sort of non-traditional friendships. I lived a good distance from the private school I went to, so I would talk to them on the phone and we would have deep and funny conversations, but we wouldn't hang out. It was depressing to hearing about them having fun with other people.

Right before I left high school, I met a girl at work who became my best friend. We are still friends today, but I hardly ever see her or talk to her cause she has a grown up job and a long term boyfriend, and I'm still getting my shit together. When I was using drugs, my best friends were my boyfriend and his sister, but once I got too deep, they split cause I was a liability. Now, my best friend is a girl I met in a rehab. We were close at the beginning of 2008 and stopped talking. We recently (like the beginning of this year) started talking again.

So, basically, I've been through like 8 best friends so far in my 23 years. In one way, it is awesome, because I've had connections with many people and have met many awesome people, but I've always wanted someone who being with them and their family was like being with your own. Just completely comfortable. They would pick you up at 3 am if you called and you would do the same. You know?

 

[Vanilambrozja]

Hi

My family are my best friends!!

I have one best friend from school

I love my acquaintances becouse i don't like comittments-but I can't depend on them like on my best friend and they can't depend on me too (means not always)

I had some false friends in past

I love my friends from forums which i really consider to be my real friends ( we want go together to trip)

I love people at all!!