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You'll find relationships to be much more rewarding when you can learn to change and be changed.

I never said ENFP's and INTJ's were opposites. I was pointing to the relation of attraction between those who aren't identical; there's a reason for that.
Well yeah, I change and grow on my own terms...not because someone else wants me to.
 

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Well yeah, I change and grow on my own terms...not because someone else wants me to.
I think you're splitting hairs my dear, with an emphasis in the wrong area. If your partner didn't want you to change, and didn't want to change himself, wouldn't the relationship reach a stalemate? And isn't that exactly what you don't want? What defines a healthy relationship?
 

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I think you're splitting hairs my dear, with an emphasis in the wrong area. If your partner didn't want you to change, and didn't want to change himself, wouldn't the relationship reach a stalemate? And isn't that exactly what you don't want? What defines a healthy relationship?
He'd wants me to change and grow, but for the right reasons...If I changed for him, that would be the wrong reason. He would want me to change for my own reasons, to grow for own reasons...He'd never change me himself because he loves to person I am, but he wants me to grow as a person...just like I want him to grow. We'll grow together. If I'm not making sense, let me know but I'm trying to explain.
 

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In my own personal opinion, if someone wants someone to change for them then they don't truly love the person.

I see it a lot these days as well where one partner will leave the relationship/marriage because they aren't the same person they fell in love with. Right, they're not the same person...because people are constantly growing, constantly changing, and self-improving.

I think this says it all...

 

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Discussion Starter #46
In my own personal opinion, if someone wants someone to change for them then they don't truly love the person.

I see it a lot these days as well where one partner will leave the relationship/marriage because they aren't the same person they fell in love with. Right, they're not the same person...because people are constantly growing, constantly changing, and self-improving.

I think this says it all...

Lol, if I had a dollar for everytime I was told either that I'm evil and should be "nicer" or that my life is on a computer/internet and I should be more "social" :p.
I usually just reply "Great, I think my life is better than yours: on the street, picking up customers at the red light" and moved on.
I still can't figure out this need to change the other stuff. I mean I think it's absolutely normal in parents, but not in lovers nor friends.
 

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Discussion Starter #48
Btw I also forgot to mention this but the drawing is pretty relevant. Its like girls or maybe ENFPs are doing everything they canto destroy the relationship. Notice that shes leading the idiot to do stuff that will eventually break him :):):). Whats the answer to this manipulation or lack of foresight ?:)
 

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Discussion Starter #49
I find that a lot of my high school allumni feel or have felt that a FWB relationship with me would be a good idea at some point.
And did you? If no why not?:)
 

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Discussion Starter #51
hmmm friends with benefits?
Tada, so who the hell is honest in this? See feelers just think it's a relationship, it's not :). If you want to be honest they feel offended although they know they're wrong:p.
So, yeah, anyways, I have to try out craiglist and plentyoffish hopefully to find someone honest enough :p.
 

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one partner will leave the relationship/marriage because they aren't the same person they fell in love with. Right, they're not the same person...because people are constantly growing, constantly changing, and self-improving.
I dunno. I think a lot of people also put on a persona which gives the other person genuine 'false' expectations. False in quotes because it's not entirely the other person's fault. Under those circumstances, damn straight I'd break up with someone if they turned out to be someone different from whoever they'd presented themselves to be.

The difficulty of course is that most people don't lie intentionally about who they are. They're just naively optimistic about how much they can change permanently about themselves. It takes a long time and some bruises before you really start to pick up a sense of what your real unalterable self is, the one that's still going to be there when all the sparkle dust fades.
 

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No, really, I'm not against that type of change, but it's like why would you want to do something counter-intuitive for you for someone that has a track-record of "oops, i'm sorry, i didn't think of that". My only mistake was I let the guard down before any of them did obviously and that's exactly what's gonna change.
The attraction is purely physical in my case most of the times. I yet have to find one that impresses me through intellect. I can only say that they impress me negatively by attitude.
I'm gonna wade in on this . . . for what that's worth.

I don't see how your previous history has anything to do with what you've decided you're looking for now. Whatever your reasons for it, you've figured out that this is what you want/can deal with right now in your life. So long as you don't go about it in a deceptive or covert way that makes you an asshole to someone else, I see no problem with that. Not that you asked what I think, of course ;-) Back in the day I might have gotten all up some private ideological tree and written out some long screed of 'helpful' Rules To Live By, According To Me, but meh. By this point in my life it just seems pretty straightforward and honest, to me.

Where you would find such friends, I have no thoughts on. In general - again fwiw because I do realise this is unasked-for advice - I'd only suggest that maybe think in a little more detail about what kind of FWB you a) want for yourself and b) are willing to offer to someone else. It seems to me like they come in a really wide spectrum of flavours, unlike relationships which are pretty much binary - you are or you aren't. There's everything from lite on the friends side, i.e. 'no interest whatsoever in you as a person; pure booty call' to heavy on the same thing. 'I like you and get along with you so well that . . . .well, hey - if you're up for it too, why not?' I don't see a problem with any of it, so long as good ol' Dr Ruth's caveat is observed. Consenting adults, informed consent, and all that.

Nothing useful to say about your original question, still. Just thought I'd wade in with another two cents.
 
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