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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello.

I'm in a group of three friends. A lot of the time they make me feel very self conscious. One of them(lets call her x for now) criticizes the things I like and not in the teasing way but in a more belittling sort of way. And, sometimes she and my other friend(y) will laugh at my jokes, but in a way that feels like they're laughing at me rather than the joke. They'll whisper to each other and just randomly run away. I feel like I'm constantly walking on egg shells around them.

I know it's not the most healthy or ideal friendship, but sometimes we genuinely have fun, and they're nice which makes me feel like maybe I'm over reacting. Our friendship isn't that deep either. It's always just jokes and laughs and not the kind where you can get deep for a minute without things getting awkward. And besides, when all of us are not together, and I'm only hanging out with one of them, they're nice.

The thing I dislike the most is that I feel like the friendship is just making me a worse person. When my friends laugh at people, I feel like I have to laugh with them so that I don't become the person they're laughing at, and stuff like that just goes against everything I stand for. But, I honestly don't know what to do. I also feel like I'm putting too much of myself into it. I always stand up for them and support them, and I just don't get that back in return.

Cutting off the friendship will just create unnecessary drama and gossip that will spread like wildfire in our school. A lot of peopel idealize these girls and I'll be seen as the overly sensitive loser who couldn't take a joke. Talking to them won't work because they don't even think what they're doing is wrong.

I just want to know what my best option is and what I should do if I should even do anything. School will end in a few years and I won't ever see these people again so maybe I should just hang on till then?

Thanks.
 

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@phylum5sos,

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. My daughter went through something similar in high school but didn' tell me about it until I announced to her that we were moving to another part of town and that she would have to change school. I thought she would be upset but to my surprise not only was she thrilled but she also told me about the drama she was having with her so-called friends.

Have you spoken to your parents about it? I would start by slowly withdrawing myself from their company but in subtle ways so that they're not even aware that it's happening. Make yourself less available when they want you to hang out with them. They don't really appreciate you or respect you as their friend and you're better off without them. Hopefully, by the next school year you can start off with a new slate and make better friends who sees the value in you.

Hope that helps.:wink:
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thank you. :happy:

I'll follow your advice about making myself less available and see where things go.
 

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I agree with the above. If it were a larger group, I might suggest taking one that you're closer to aside and just casually mentioning you don't like the jesting to test the waters, however, with a smaller group it can be very precarious - you can wind up further alienating yourself. Besides, if they're being immature jackasses already, I doubt the mature approach will register. I think you're right to recognize the honest talk approach won't be the most succesful.

Do you sit next to anyone else you get along with in class? Are you part of any groups? Do you want to join any groups? I think finding new friends - or at least people to hang around with - might be a good start. That way, you can simply chalk your disassociation up as you drifting apart, rather than as some dramatic, overblown thing.

You don't even have to stop outright talking to them, all you have to do is cut them out to the extent they can't do that crap. People like that feed off the fact you are their friend, therefore, are stuck keeping up the charade whilst they continue on with their little power kicks (trust me, I've been in a similar situation). Once you have other people to fall back on and don't 'need' them anymore? Well, they can try and be disparaging, and you can raise one eyebrow as you walk straight on by.

I think once they no longer have that position of power over you they will stop.
 

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Hello.

I'm in a group of three friends. A lot of the time they make me feel very self conscious. One of them(lets call her x for now) criticizes the things I like and not in the teasing way but in a more belittling sort of way. And, sometimes she and my other friend(y) will laugh at my jokes, but in a way that feels like they're laughing at me rather than the joke. They'll whisper to each other and just randomly run away. I feel like I'm constantly walking on egg shells around them.

I know it's not the most healthy or ideal friendship, but sometimes we genuinely have fun, and they're nice which makes me feel like maybe I'm over reacting. Our friendship isn't that deep either. It's always just jokes and laughs and not the kind where you can get deep for a minute without things getting awkward. And besides, when all of us are not together, and I'm only hanging out with one of them, they're nice.

The thing I dislike the most is that I feel like the friendship is just making me a worse person. When my friends laugh at people, I feel like I have to laugh with them so that I don't become the person they're laughing at, and stuff like that just goes against everything I stand for. But, I honestly don't know what to do. I also feel like I'm putting too much of myself into it. I always stand up for them and support them, and I just don't get that back in return.

Cutting off the friendship will just create unnecessary drama and gossip that will spread like wildfire in our school. A lot of peopel idealize these girls and I'll be seen as the overly sensitive loser who couldn't take a joke. Talking to them won't work because they don't even think what they're doing is wrong.

I just want to know what my best option is and what I should do if I should even do anything. School will end in a few years and I won't ever see these people again so maybe I should just hang on till then?

Thanks.
The thing I enjoyed about your post the most is how self-aware it is. You KNOW what the situation is. I think you are just seeking confirmation from outside sources.

The best types of friendship build us up. Inspire us to be better. They respect us and help us to show respect and value for the world around us.

These girls are bullies. They are nice when not having the power of numbers. But, when they feel in control they treat others shoddily.

I am glad you realize how small these years are in the scheme of things. However, I still wish this experience to be positive and fun for you. If you can organically pull away as much as possible from the toxic element you may avoid more heart-ache then is possible to even foretell at this point.
 
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