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I came across this on the net and thought it was worth sharing:

"Friendship is difficult for INFJ for several reasons, the first being that we are Introverts and live inside our heads. Most people are Extroverts who live in the outside world of people, places and things. Most of these Extroverts are also Sensing people, which means they can only relate to that which they can see or feel.

This is the exact opposite of INFJs, who first relate to what is happening in their inner world. As Introverted Intuitive, they "know" things by their Intuition, not thru what they see in front of them. This makes communication very difficult because we can't easily explain what we feel or know to people that only understand what they see.

To make matters worse, the function that we INFJ's use to Extrovert is our Feeling side. The rest of the world can sense how we feel, but not how we understand things. They also do not understand how we deal with our Thinking side, which is also Introverted. One minute we are sharing praise or comforting people and the next minute we are critical. We are usually very honest in projecting our Feelings, but this confuses and often scares Sensing types. Holding our tongues doesn't always help because we just can't hide how we feel.

For some reason, INTJ's seem to have a little easier time dealing with the world, mainly because their Feeling function is Introverted and their Thinking function is Extroverted. They may be a little bossier than an INFJ, and a lot colder, but they don't scare people because their Feeling side is Introverted and far less dominant. They tend to appear (key word here is appear) more stable and more in control because their Extroverted Thinking makes decisions based on logic and reason. This does not imply better decisions. They do often see only on side of the issue and this appeals to Sensing types, who may disagree but don't take it personally. People always take what an INFJ says personally.

INFJ's usually see and often vocalize both sides of every issue. They may be conservative on one issue and liberal on another. This confuses people who like to know what others are thinking, but can't (since only INFJ's and INFP's can do this and they are very rare)."

--- "So what can you do? I would suggest making an effort to better explain what you are thinking not just what you are feeling. I would suggest trying to understand not only yourself, but other personality types as well. Generally speaking, people don't hurt us because they are mean. They hurt us because they either don't understand us or they don't understand themselves. As INFJ's and INFP's we are blessed with a far greater ability to understand. We should use that ability to improve our lives as well as those around us. The easiest way to do this is to RELAX. Don't take everything so seriously. Save your energy for that which is truly important. Demand a little better from everyone, and a lot less from yourself. People will see the real you and eventually, they will be your friend."

--- DAVID DeVAUGHN ON FRIENDSHIP
 

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I came across this on the net and thought it was worth sharing:

"Friendship is difficult for INFJ for several reasons, the first being that we are Introverts and live inside our heads. Most people are Extroverts who live in the outside world of people, places and things. Most of these Extroverts are also Sensing people, which means they can only relate to that which they can see or feel.

This is the exact opposite of INFJs, who first relate to what is happening in their inner world. As Introverted Intuitive, they "know" things by their Intuition, not thru what they see in front of them. This makes communication very difficult because we can't easily explain what we feel or know to people that only understand what they see.

To make matters worse, the function that we INFJ's use to Extrovert is our Feeling side. The rest of the world can sense how we feel, but not how we understand things. They also do not understand how we deal with our Thinking side, which is also Introverted. One minute we are sharing praise or comforting people and the next minute we are critical. We are usually very honest in projecting our Feelings, but this confuses and often scares Sensing types. Holding our tongues doesn't always help because we just can't hide how we feel.

For some reason, INTJ's seem to have a little easier time dealing with the world, mainly because their Feeling function is Introverted and their Thinking function is Extroverted. They may be a little bossier than an INFJ, and a lot colder, but they don't scare people because their Feeling side is Introverted and far less dominant. They tend to appear (key word here is appear) more stable and more in control because their Extroverted Thinking makes decisions based on logic and reason. This does not imply better decisions. They do often see only on side of the issue and this appeals to Sensing types, who may disagree but don't take it personally. People always take what an INFJ says personally.

INFJ's usually see and often vocalize both sides of every issue. They may be conservative on one issue and liberal on another. This confuses people who like to know what others are thinking, but can't (since only INFJ's and INFP's can do this and they are very rare)."

--- "So what can you do? I would suggest making an effort to better explain what you are thinking not just what you are feeling. I would suggest trying to understand not only yourself, but other personality types as well. Generally speaking, people don't hurt us because they are mean. They hurt us because they either don't understand us or they don't understand themselves. As INFJ's and INFP's we are blessed with a far greater ability to understand. We should use that ability to improve our lives as well as those around us. The easiest way to do this is to RELAX. Don't take everything so seriously. Save your energy for that which is truly important. Demand a little better from everyone, and a lot less from yourself. People will see the real you and eventually, they will be your friend."

--- DAVID DeVAUGHN ON FRIENDSHIP
That was Awesome WATER!!!! You know me like a book!!!!!
 

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I agree with this... I don't keep friends without trying it seems like, well more so maintaining closeness. But this year I'm making a few new friends and joined a band.
 

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I'm trying to do exactly as you suggest at the moment. . trying to explain my feelings to friends if they hurt my feelings. and I'm trying to understand why they get upset at me or something whenever i say certain things and stuff.

Hoping that I'll be able to patch up some relationships by doing this ^^
Wishful thinking, ne?
 

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I came across this on the net and thought it was worth sharing:

"Friendship is difficult for INFJ for several reasons, the first being that we are Introverts and live inside our heads. Most people are Extroverts who live in the outside world of people, places and things. Most of these Extroverts are also Sensing people, which means they can only relate to that which they can see or feel.

This is the exact opposite of INFJs, who first relate to what is happening in their inner world. As Introverted Intuitive, they "know" things by their Intuition, not thru what they see in front of them. This makes communication very difficult because we can't easily explain what we feel or know to people that only understand what they see.

To make matters worse, the function that we INFJ's use to Extrovert is our Feeling side. The rest of the world can sense how we feel, but not how we understand things. They also do not understand how we deal with our Thinking side, which is also Introverted. One minute we are sharing praise or comforting people and the next minute we are critical. We are usually very honest in projecting our Feelings, but this confuses and often scares Sensing types. Holding our tongues doesn't always help because we just can't hide how we feel.

For some reason, INTJ's seem to have a little easier time dealing with the world, mainly because their Feeling function is Introverted and their Thinking function is Extroverted. They may be a little bossier than an INFJ, and a lot colder, but they don't scare people because their Feeling side is Introverted and far less dominant. They tend to appear (key word here is appear) more stable and more in control because their Extroverted Thinking makes decisions based on logic and reason. This does not imply better decisions. They do often see only on side of the issue and this appeals to Sensing types, who may disagree but don't take it personally. People always take what an INFJ says personally.

INFJ's usually see and often vocalize both sides of every issue. They may be conservative on one issue and liberal on another. This confuses people who like to know what others are thinking, but can't (since only INFJ's and INFP's can do this and they are very rare)."

--- "So what can you do? I would suggest making an effort to better explain what you are thinking not just what you are feeling. I would suggest trying to understand not only yourself, but other personality types as well. Generally speaking, people don't hurt us because they are mean. They hurt us because they either don't understand us or they don't understand themselves. As INFJ's and INFP's we are blessed with a far greater ability to understand. We should use that ability to improve our lives as well as those around us. The easiest way to do this is to RELAX. Don't take everything so seriously. Save your energy for that which is truly important. Demand a little better from everyone, and a lot less from yourself. People will see the real you and eventually, they will be your friend."

--- DAVID DeVAUGHN ON FRIENDSHIP
Wow, this is great, and makes so much sense. The problem with explaining what I am thinking rather than what I am feeling, is that my thoughts and feelings become so intricately woven with each other that I usually can't tell which is which! : ) I will have to think about this some more and then decide how I feel. haha ;) Thanks for sharing!!
 

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Te makes one want to compete based on some outside standard. In INTJs Te being their auxiliary will make them want to be competitive early on in life and perform well to meet society's standards. If you visit INFP forums, to the contrary, their Te gives them a lot of trouble being their inferior function. There are many threads posted there about how they are not competitive enough but at the same time questioning whether it is really the right way to go.

But INFJ's auxiliary harmonizing Fe function isn't really valued in society as society tends to value thinker functions over feeler ones. Only later on in life does INFJ develop Ti. This function makes us want to live up and be competitive to meet our own internal standard, unlike Te which requires outside standards. Problem with that is that our internal standards can be way way high (probably has something to do with dominant intuition). Being tertiary underdeveloped function Ti may come out all crooked and make INFJs very self-critical and self-depricating, having an internal ideal but never feeling like we are living up to it i.e. it can only make things worse for an INFJ. However a well-formed Ti also makes INFJ more competitive, more confident, less susceptible to criticism. What is interesting is that at the same time as we are developing our Ti, the INTJs are developing their tertiary Fi and they start getting all moody over it lol >.<

This Te/Ti difference is further described in this article: INFJ profile - Typology Central
 

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I agree with a lot that was said in the post, I find myself often feeling like a “bad” friend and it is often due to the fact that I am unable to explain exactly what it is I am going through, I guess it’s an inability to describe to my friends why sometimes they don’t take priority. Perhaps it just my own high standards?

Either way, I have noticed that once a strong friendship has formed in my life, it is never lost. I have few friends, all of which I’d die for.
 
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