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If, say, two friends who have known each other for a few years decided to fool around as a one time thing, the next time they hang out alone, is the event likely to repeat itself because of sexual tension being an unstoppable force? Or can sexual tension dissipate, just like that?

Please let me know your own experiences and your take on the situation of FWBs and sexual tension.
 

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If, say, two friends who have known each other for a few years decided to fool around as a one time thing, the next time they hang out alone, is the event likely to repeat itself because of sexual tension being an unstoppable force? Or can sexual tension dissipate, just like that?

Please let me know your own experiences and your take on the situation of FWBs and sexual tension.
Well, that really depends on the relationship but IME, no the tension never goes away which is why most people are very reluctant to get into a FWB with someone who was just a friend before, because unless the experience was so bad that both parties don't want to try again, there will almost always be some tension from one or both.

So it's usually:

Friends -> FWB -> End or Relationship -> End or Steady relationship -> And so on.
Friends -> FWB -> End -> Not seeing one another for a while -> (Maybe) back to being friends.

I've been with a few women several years ago where our friendship turned physical but once the physical part was over, we drifted apart, pretty much every time. So if I were hypothetically single, I would not want to be FWB with someone I wouldn't want to possibly lose the friendship over.
 

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Not really, but more from a human need standpoint.

Not many people who are single have a healthy outlet for sex, so when you find one, your brain is going to associate that person with that need. It's harder to kick that need, because you likely still have it after, whether you like to admit it or not.

I've had more success turning relationships into friendships or FWB, personally.

Because at least with a relationship you're starting from the standpoint of a regular routine that you were probably getting sex from, you likely have less of a need for it after for awhile. Unlike the occasional hookup with a FWB, where you might want it more, because you only got a taste.
 

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I mean...I don't think it would have to go that way.

People also might discover they don't have sexual chemistry or perhaps they thought the sex would be better than it was. It's common for people to also experience that. People aren't that great at predicting how much they will enjoy something.

The only time I've ever had a relationship that's "friends with benefits" was my very first "love" (I mean...I thought I was in love, I was a teenager).

And really what it was was I was in love with him, he was like "uh...this girl isn't really in my future but..." We didn't have actual sex, but we did do sexual things, which is why I consider it a fwb thing.

It sucked. I decided not to do that again. Haven't done it again. Sure I've had friendships with sexual tension, but I see a difference between consummating and just having sexual tension. A friend with benefits relationship imo is one in which both people consummate that.
 

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I don't know, I've never really tried.

I'm on good terms with an ex, but we never have even seen each other's genitalia (dated at like 16 and was very religious).

I've never really actually just hooked up with a friend. I've kissed a couple on dares (again mostly when a lot younger) does that count?

I'm not judging or anything, i don't really care what consenting adults do, but.... Is hooking up with friends "normal"? Is that common? Do regular people actually do that?
 

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Best example of this for me is hooking up with a friend a couple times.
We were both single, and I sensed that it would be ok to bring up.
It was fun, and I wouldn't have minded doing that some more, but it didn't happen.
That was perfectly fine with both of us, and we continued to be friends after that, with no problem (that I'm aware of).
 

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Generally speaking, there is an individual sexual tension that is physically there whether it is conscious or not. It's like suddenly realizing your are hungry when you weren't before. At the same time, internal sexual desire needs a real imagined outlet. Just because one is hungry doesn't mean we would want to eat cardboard or grass or nails. Same with sexual release.

You want a personal experience? I recall no matter how horny I was I never had the sexual desire satisfy my urges with the blank white painted wall of my apartment! Was I missing something? No. That wall never turned me on no matter how much I wished to get some release.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Generally speaking, there is an individual sexual tension that is physically there whether it is conscious or not. It's like suddenly realizing your are hungry when you weren't before. At the same time, internal sexual desire needs a real imagined outlet. Just because one is hungry doesn't mean we would want to eat cardboard or grass or nails. Same with sexual release.

You want a personal experience? I recall no matter how horny I was I never had the sexual desire satisfy my urges with the blank white painted wall of my apartment! Was I missing something? No. That wall never turned me on no matter how much I wished to get some release.
Well the thing about that is, we've both admitted to finding the other attractive.
 
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Strangely this is just one area I don’t do ‘grey’.

Almost all other stuff in my life I have a ‘grey’ view. Not this.

FWB to me, is like eating a stale cookie because you’re hungry. Satisfies a hunger, but doesn’t taste the greatest.

You do you. Alotta people like FWB.

I’d rather have an uncomplicated fling and never see the person again. Or by contrast entertain the idea of dating them and see if romance evolves (one or the other).

As for the tension. Probably depends on the chemistry in the situation.
 

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I don't see this "friends with benefits" as being so simple. The desire for sexual release is the simple part. The friends part is not. What kind of friendship? How well does one know what one wants in a friend? It helps to know oneself. There is a difference between a friendship where the benefit is non-sexual and one values that and the value of that is so great one doesn't want it interfered with and a friendship where the deal is "we are not really friends but we both agree the mutual sexual release is a good deal."

Never mind the stale cookie. The cookie could be a delicious one, but stolen and meant for others only. So I meet someone who by mutual hook and crook can steal a whole bunch of cookies with me. We have a cookie-type friendship.

I once had a girlfriend where the sex was terrific but the girl was ... well we just had nothing in common but the sex. I took her as a sex-friend because I couldn't do better at the time. Then a really intriguing gal came along where sex was there but was nothing to write home about. I betrayed the sex-friend in favor of the new gal. I think the sex-friend knew it couldn't last.
 

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If, say, two friends who have known each other for a few years decided to fool around as a one time thing, the next time they hang out alone, is the event likely to repeat itself because of sexual tension being an unstoppable force? Or can sexual tension dissipate, just like that?

Please let me know your own experiences and your take on the situation of FWBs and sexual tension.
Sure it can go away. The other person simply has to do something that disgusts you. But that's an exceptional case. I don't think that's ever happened to me.

In most cases, however, no : the sexual tension, while not an unstoppable force, will not "dissipate, just like that". What you have to ask yourself is : is there any good reason for the sex to stop ? It's important because you both fooled around once out of a need for release/pleasure, so you know there's enough tension. So what prevents you from acting on that ? Sex is a powerful bonding act, all participants get a high of endorphin and oxytocin for like 1-2 days after, so it becomes a challenge the next times you see each other and don't have sex, particularly if the need is still there.

As for my experience with that sort of situation, there have been times when I was an idiot and failed to (re-)negotiate "casual" relationships (which meant they wanted the benefits, both of being in a serious relationship, and of not being in one (which means we'd have to go on dates —in which I'd most likely pay—, and only have sex on their terms ; which isn't a good deal for me overall). So I messed up a couple of times. Each of those times, the tension never really dissipated, however we didn't stay friends either. I have nothing against them, simply, we're not having sex, and we're not in a relationship, so we see no reason to keep frequenting each other anymore.
There also have been times when there was no need to re-negotiate and things happened organically. We had sex once, and then every time we met after that, never mind that there were people either in the room next to us or in the same room. No real reason to refrain, so it happened. Since then it has stopped because either I got into a serious relationship, or they got into one. When either one is in a serious relationship our interactions are very minimal, aka mostly non-existent. I'm sure when everyone is single at the same time again we'll be back to business.

Overall I don't do one time flings, I don't see the point of not making it regular.
 
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