Sweetie.. I know exactly how you feel x.x Being ostracized, places that should feel safe just feel scary and full of pressure, you want to run but have no idea where to run to. It can be awful..
I kind of satiated my need to escape that cruel world with alcohol and adventures with a bunch of crazy friends for a year or so. A lot of soul searching went on, I had many unrequited loves, I went to some dark places in my mind and heart and experienced emotional pain that I literally thought could kill me. Things can be complicated for LGBTQ folk... but, the good news is we're usually here for eachother ^_^ even if you can't find anyone like you nearby who can comfort you, you can at least find an empathetic gay soul online ;P
I would absolutely LOVE to fall in love~! But, in this small town area, literally, just a bunch of towns in this county that are really small, fairly closed minded, and pretty devoid of lesbians, so much so that I've started just referring to them as Unicorns. So, I had to get over it, ya know? I've been single for over 2 years now. I've only ever really dated 1 girl. The other girl doesn't really count for me because... she kind of caught me at a really vulnerable time when I was rebounding and learning to live life sober. She was the only other lesbian I'd ever really known, I figured I'd never have another chance.
But you know.. Life may be short, but it can be kind of long in some ways too; these 2 years have been great character development and I know this love-life drought can't last forever~! I'll find a lovely lady who will sweep me off my feet one day, I'm sure of it ^_^
Until then, I'm pretty damn happy all by myself. I can read, paint, and do whatever I want whenever I want, I only have to worry about my own time management, self improvement. All I have to do is enjoy my own company lol. Once you learn to truly love yourself, things get so much better, the sky looks so much prettier, everything looks like it's dancing when the breeze blows by, and the sounds of life start to sound like a song.
You'll be out of that dark place one day, I assure you. Just be proud of who you are, gay and all