Hmm...not really to the dark fortress thing, although I'm not sure if I could have a relationship now, I feel rather too distant for that....the last was when I was 15, three years ago, and in the end I felt a bit sick whenever he tried to touch me, although I don't think this was because he is a boy. I'm attracted to both genders (gah! what a phrase), but I let go of the idea of 'bisexual/gay/whatever', 'girlfriend/boyfriend' a long time ago. I don't see people as so tied to gender any more...that's not to say that I at all understand transgender people, that'll take some time. I am attracted to people, that's it, let's just be a bit freer about everything. At the moment I like a boy, as in, he gives me butterflies when I see him, and it's fun flirting with him. But I'm still head over heels for the girl I met five years ago. She is an INFJ, if that counts at all!
Gay and INFP...help!
1 - 20 of 29 Posts
Sweetie.. I know exactly how you feel x.x Being ostracized, places that should feel safe just feel scary and full of pressure, you want to run but have no idea where to run to. It can be awful..
I kind of satiated my need to escape that cruel world with alcohol and adventures with a bunch of crazy friends for a year or so. A lot of soul searching went on, I had many unrequited loves, I went to some dark places in my mind and heart and experienced emotional pain that I literally thought could kill me. Things can be complicated for LGBTQ folk... but, the good news is we're usually here for eachother ^_^ even if you can't find anyone like you nearby who can comfort you, you can at least find an empathetic gay soul online ;P
I would absolutely LOVE to fall in love~! But, in this small town area, literally, just a bunch of towns in this county that are really small, fairly closed minded, and pretty devoid of lesbians, so much so that I've started just referring to them as Unicorns. So, I had to get over it, ya know? I've been single for over 2 years now. I've only ever really dated 1 girl. The other girl doesn't really count for me because... she kind of caught me at a really vulnerable time when I was rebounding and learning to live life sober. She was the only other lesbian I'd ever really known, I figured I'd never have another chance.
But you know.. Life may be short, but it can be kind of long in some ways too; these 2 years have been great character development and I know this love-life drought can't last forever~! I'll find a lovely lady who will sweep me off my feet one day, I'm sure of it ^_^
Until then, I'm pretty damn happy all by myself. I can read, paint, and do whatever I want whenever I want, I only have to worry about my own time management, self improvement. All I have to do is enjoy my own company lol. Once you learn to truly love yourself, things get so much better, the sky looks so much prettier, everything looks like it's dancing when the breeze blows by, and the sounds of life start to sound like a song.
You'll be out of that dark place one day, I assure you. Just be proud of who you are, gay and all
I kind of satiated my need to escape that cruel world with alcohol and adventures with a bunch of crazy friends for a year or so. A lot of soul searching went on, I had many unrequited loves, I went to some dark places in my mind and heart and experienced emotional pain that I literally thought could kill me. Things can be complicated for LGBTQ folk... but, the good news is we're usually here for eachother ^_^ even if you can't find anyone like you nearby who can comfort you, you can at least find an empathetic gay soul online ;P
I would absolutely LOVE to fall in love~! But, in this small town area, literally, just a bunch of towns in this county that are really small, fairly closed minded, and pretty devoid of lesbians, so much so that I've started just referring to them as Unicorns. So, I had to get over it, ya know? I've been single for over 2 years now. I've only ever really dated 1 girl. The other girl doesn't really count for me because... she kind of caught me at a really vulnerable time when I was rebounding and learning to live life sober. She was the only other lesbian I'd ever really known, I figured I'd never have another chance.
But you know.. Life may be short, but it can be kind of long in some ways too; these 2 years have been great character development and I know this love-life drought can't last forever~! I'll find a lovely lady who will sweep me off my feet one day, I'm sure of it ^_^
Until then, I'm pretty damn happy all by myself. I can read, paint, and do whatever I want whenever I want, I only have to worry about my own time management, self improvement. All I have to do is enjoy my own company lol. Once you learn to truly love yourself, things get so much better, the sky looks so much prettier, everything looks like it's dancing when the breeze blows by, and the sounds of life start to sound like a song.
You'll be out of that dark place one day, I assure you. Just be proud of who you are, gay and all
lol yes, I have felt abandoned by God. Gay, ghetto raised, disowned, abused, trapped with no hope for future in sight; that was my past. I gave up on God. That's okay though! ^_^ Buddha says that pain is like a poison arrow, we all have one stuck deep in us, looking for god, hoping it will be removed but the poison just keeps spreading and the arrow doesn't go away that way: we need to remove the arrow by ourselves, we have the ability to do so. Buddha says take care of the arrow and THEN you can think about God if you really want to.
I ended up finding "God" on my own, sort of accidentally. It's more of an experience that can't be sought, can't be thought, can't really be felt... but.. you just.. when you "feel" the presence, you just know. It's hard to explain.
Look into Animism, the belief that everything has a soul. Every rock, penny, plant, animal, person, or spoon. It doesn't matter what it is. This belief led me to respect everything in life very much. Respect is like gratitude, gratitude helps us to open our hearts to the possibility of love and self love.
hope that helps.
I'm looking forward to falling in love someday too, especially since I spent so long believing it would never be possible. What's interesting is when I finally allowed myself to believe it may happen some day, I began placing all my hope for happiness into that rather than truely being at peace with myself, like you've described so beautifully. I hope you meet the right Unicorn someday too...Sweetie.. I know exactly how you feel x.x Being ostracized, places that should feel safe just feel scary and full of pressure, you want to run but have no idea where to run to. It can be awful..
I kind of satiated my need to escape that cruel world with alcohol and adventures with a bunch of crazy friends for a year or so. A lot of soul searching went on, I had many unrequited loves, I went to some dark places in my mind and heart and experienced emotional pain that I literally thought could kill me. Things can be complicated for LGBTQ folk... but, the good news is we're usually here for eachother ^_^ even if you can't find anyone like you nearby who can comfort you, you can at least find an empathetic gay soul online ;P
I would absolutely LOVE to fall in love~! But, in this small town area, literally, just a bunch of towns in this county that are really small, fairly closed minded, and pretty devoid of lesbians, so much so that I've started just referring to them as Unicorns. So, I had to get over it, ya know? I've been single for over 2 years now. I've only ever really dated 1 girl. The other girl doesn't really count for me because... she kind of caught me at a really vulnerable time when I was rebounding and learning to live life sober. She was the only other lesbian I'd ever really known, I figured I'd never have another chance.
But you know.. Life may be short, but it can be kind of long in some ways too; these 2 years have been great character development and I know this love-life drought can't last forever~! I'll find a lovely lady who will sweep me off my feet one day, I'm sure of it ^_^
Until then, I'm pretty damn happy all by myself. I can read, paint, and do whatever I want whenever I want, I only have to worry about my own time management, self improvement. All I have to do is enjoy my own company lol. Once you learn to truly love yourself, things get so much better, the sky looks so much prettier, everything looks like it's dancing when the breeze blows by, and the sounds of life start to sound like a song.
You'll be out of that dark place one day, I assure you. Just be proud of who you are, gay and all
Your post sounds a lot like something I would have written, say, 5 years ago. I'm 21 now, in a happier state of mind, much more accepting of myself than I had ever been my whole life. I think that was the first hurdle I had to overcome, accepting who I really am, remaining true to that and not letting other irrelevant people's opinions get to me. So go you!! For realizing that yes, you NEED to take care of yourself. Please don't ever deny yourself because in the end, you'll only have yourself to blame for that. Being true to yourself will also attract the right people in your life. People who will love and accept you for who you are. It hasn't always been easy of course but I'm very blessed to have my immediate family's support. I grew up in somewhat conservative and traditional institutions so I used to think I was just going through a phase lol except it never went away so o'kay, gotcha, I'm gay alright.
I don't subscribe to the idea that there's an "intrinsic disorder" in homosexuals or LGBT people for the matter so no, I've never felt that God has abandoned me. In fact, being true to who I am has only made my faith so much stronger. The history of it is kind of fuzzy. I don't even remember trying to find Him, He was just always there so I guess you could say He found me first lol which sort of makes sense spiritually speaking if you get what I mean. Anyway, it pisses me how my mind has been conditioned to think that my sexuality is something I can "fix" over time through prayer or whatever. It's ridiculous too how they can narrow everything down to "choice" like they can deprive me of what makes life beautiful in the first place. It's sickening and I. am. ranting. Sorry!
As for being a gay INFP though, I think it fits. I love the idea of love way too much and I do see past gender/race. We are all just human after all, wanting the same things such as love, intimacy, security etc. I can understand too if there are people who just simply cannot reach certain perspectives but really, is respect so far out of reach? I just try not take offense in ignorance anymore because boy, do we know that the world is full of that magic kool-aid.
I know a virtual promise won't account for much but I promise you that beyond that fortress you built is something so very wonderful and beautiful that it IS worth getting hurt for. I don't date much and I've had two serious relationships end already (both which I pursued, an ESFP and an INTJ respectively) but hey, I'm still here, scratches and stitches. We're both still very young OP, so I can only imagine the kind of adventure that's in store for us
I don't subscribe to the idea that there's an "intrinsic disorder" in homosexuals or LGBT people for the matter so no, I've never felt that God has abandoned me. In fact, being true to who I am has only made my faith so much stronger. The history of it is kind of fuzzy. I don't even remember trying to find Him, He was just always there so I guess you could say He found me first lol which sort of makes sense spiritually speaking if you get what I mean. Anyway, it pisses me how my mind has been conditioned to think that my sexuality is something I can "fix" over time through prayer or whatever. It's ridiculous too how they can narrow everything down to "choice" like they can deprive me of what makes life beautiful in the first place. It's sickening and I. am. ranting. Sorry!
As for being a gay INFP though, I think it fits. I love the idea of love way too much and I do see past gender/race. We are all just human after all, wanting the same things such as love, intimacy, security etc. I can understand too if there are people who just simply cannot reach certain perspectives but really, is respect so far out of reach? I just try not take offense in ignorance anymore because boy, do we know that the world is full of that magic kool-aid.
I know a virtual promise won't account for much but I promise you that beyond that fortress you built is something so very wonderful and beautiful that it IS worth getting hurt for. I don't date much and I've had two serious relationships end already (both which I pursued, an ESFP and an INTJ respectively) but hey, I'm still here, scratches and stitches. We're both still very young OP, so I can only imagine the kind of adventure that's in store for us
Actually, that promise helps me more than you know, thank you. I too hate the way I've been conditioned to veiw the world, like a series of right and wrong choices, all black and white, good or bad, with no room to grow or be myself...I hate it. Your promise helps because I've begun to open my eyes to the possibility of finding inner peace and happiness someday, in spite of how suffocating it feels at times. Thank you.Your post sounds a lot like something I would have written, say, 5 years ago. I'm 21 now, in a happier state of mind, much more accepting of myself than I had ever been my whole life. I think that was the first hurdle I had to overcome, accepting who I really am, remaining true to that and not letting other irrelevant people's opinions get to me. So go you!! For realizing that yes, you NEED to take care of yourself. Please don't ever deny yourself because in the end, you'll only have yourself to blame for that. Being true to yourself will also attract the right people in your life. People who will love and accept you for who you are. It hasn't always been easy of course but I'm very blessed to have my immediate family's support. I grew up in somewhat conservative and traditional institutions so I used to think I was just going through a phase lol except it never went away so o'kay, gotcha, I'm gay alright.
I don't subscribe to the idea that there's an "intrinsic disorder" in homosexuals or LGBT people for the matter so no, I've never felt that God has abandoned me. In fact, being true to who I am has only made my faith so much stronger. The history of it is kind of fuzzy. I don't even remember trying to find Him, He was just always there so I guess you could say He found me first lol which sort of makes sense spiritually speaking if you get what I mean. Anyway, it pisses me how my mind has been conditioned to think that my sexuality is something I can "fix" over time through prayer or whatever. It's ridiculous too how they can narrow everything down to "choice" like they can deprive me of what makes life beautiful in the first place. It's sickening and I. am. ranting. Sorry!
As for being a gay INFP though, I think it fits. I love the idea of love way too much and I do see past gender/race. We are all just human after all, wanting the same things such as love, intimacy, security etc. I can understand too if there are people who just simply cannot reach certain perspectives but really, is respect so far out of reach? I just try not take offense in ignorance anymore because boy, do we know that the world is full of that magic kool-aid.
I know a virtual promise won't account for much but I promise you that beyond that fortress you built is something so very wonderful and beautiful that it IS worth getting hurt for. I don't date much and I've had two serious relationships end already (both which I pursued, an ESFP and an INTJ respectively) but hey, I'm still here, scratches and stitches. We're both still very young OP, so I can only imagine the kind of adventure that's in store for us
1 - 20 of 29 Posts
