[rosa]

I'm finally moving from my parent's house and I think it's great! I've always wanted to live by my own, have all the freedoom I need and it's a plus I'm going to a city I love.
I can't afford living alone so I'll share a flat. I haven't met my future flatmates yet and I'll move in the beginning of September. I just know they are older than me, a couple and a boy, all of them work while I'm a student. Ah, and there was still a empty room when I choose mine so maybe there's anyone else.

I like the idea but I'm not sure I will know how to start a conversation with them... I want to get along, not to be always in my room. But I'm not that good at small talk, and I guess I will need at least in the beginning. I usually I'm more open and social with strangers... when I don't know that I'll see them again or when they're are my friends's friends. But now it's a different story because I want to give a nice, but truthful, impression, because I will be with them all the year long, and I don't know what I could have in common with them.

When I was in the living room I saw a poster of the 'Control' movie, so I've thought about saying something about that and maybe starting talking about music and so on. But I'm still a bit lost and anxious.

I would appreciate any tips about small talk, any stories and experiencies about flatmates or something you want to say.

 

[hood]

Have a good sense of humor... ask them lots of questions, assuming you'll be naturally interested in their lives anyway.

 

[infpblog]

I moved out at 19 and was a complete introvert then but I moved in with friends so they understood. I spent most of my time in my room.

My tips are these. If you have shared space, have no presence in that space. Wash plates immediately, keep your stuff in your room. I found this reduces the friction with day-to-day living.

As for the conversation stuff, if you're interested, ask them about it and let them do the talking. If they ask you about you, be willing to share, otherwise just let them do the talking.

Like I said, I use to be an extreme introvert so I learned the Myers-Briggs as a way to get along with other types.

 

[clear umbrella]

One thing that can reduce understandings is to be upfront about yourself. It helps me a great deal when I tell new roommates, "Look, if I'm being quiet or take awhile to respond, it's not because I'm not interested in you or something. I'm just need time to think." Try to think of traits that other people have misinterpreted in the past and use that to help you decide what to reveal from the get-go so that there are less misunderstandings.

I second infpblog's advice about cleaning up after yourself right away.

 

[refugee]

One thing that can reduce understandings is to be upfront about yourself. It helps me a great deal when I tell new roommates, "Look, if I'm being quiet or take awhile to respond, it's not because I'm not interested in you or something. I'm just need time to think." Try to think of traits that other people have misinterpreted in the past and use that to help you decide what to reveal from the get-go so that there are less misunderstandings.

I second infpblog's advice about cleaning up after yourself right away.

wow that's really good advice!

 

[starflower]

I was 17 when I moved out and had a real problem cleaning up after myself. I just didn't notice. I did plan to eventually get around to it, but it drove everybody else crazy. I moved in with two sisters and their cousin. I totally didn't fit in. Not a pleasant experience for any of us. I moved a few months later, and got along better with my new roommates. I was more careful to clean up after myself (but my private space was still extremely cluttered). So, yeah, cleaning up after yourself right away is really good advice. I wish that had occurred to me at the time, but I did learn, eventually. Years and years later, maybe that's a lesson I need to relearn...

 

[Pachacutie]

This seems to be all good advice, but also just because they live with you doesn't mean you have to be best friends or anything. Just be yourself and be polite. I'm sure eventually you'll get comfortable enough with them to have good conversations. :happy:

 

[cappuccinocool]

Look, you're thinking too much. Just draw a line from your room to the kitchen and tell them if anyone crosses that line there's going to be trouble.

 

[kanhje]

I've had some awful roommate experiences, so I would suggest learning/implementing guidelines and disclosing any information you think might be relevant. Make sure there is some sort of agreement about cleaning, trash disposal, etc. when you first move in. That can be a good small talk idea, to ask how they do things or when certain things get done. I always tell people that I can be a little messy and tend to stay up late but if I'm doing anything that bothers them, they should let me know because I wouldn't want to bother anyone (typical INFP people pleaser here). Understand that most people will not be as courteous as you, and try to communicate early despite disliking confrontation. Pick your battles wisely and decide what's really important to you being able to function and live.

I always enjoyed living with people because I find it easier to make friends in a living situation. There are lots of small moments you can have, like watching TV or cooking, where the situation makes it easy to initiate small talk. Everyone likes to think they are interesting, so most people enjoy having questions asked about them. Don't worry too much - enjoy your new place and know that despite being a little disorganized, I feel like most people will agree that INFPs making very caring and courteous roommates.