[shoeless]

okay, i put this in the ENFP forum because A) i may or may not be an ENFP (but i could also possibly be an ENTP or even an introvert, i haven't properly decided) and b) this is a trait i've always read about being commonly applicable to the ENFP stereotype. so i thought you guys might know a thing or two.

every few months to a year, i get this really horrible craving for a radical change in my life. i just get so... bored. it's even a physical feeling, like something in my chest, sort of like anxiety that won't go away until i fuck shit up. sort of like a cigarette craving. anyway.

lately this feeling has been manifesting in the form of fantasizing about completely changing my relationships. i have been with my boyfriend for about six months now, and i love him to bits, but i keep just... wandering around in my mind, wondering what would happen if i left him, wondering what would happen if something else happened and i got together with somebody else, blah blah blah. i don't want to leave him, but it's still something i think about, to entertain that craving. i feel horribly guilty about it, but at the same time, i find it intriguing.

the problem arises when i think of actually acting on it. i'm a rather impulsive person, and i sort of have a history of, essentially, abandoning my friends in favor of something new. it's complicated, but it's happened before, and even though i'm not proud of it, it's part of my personality. i don't want to do that this time.

do you guys ever get this? if so, what do you do about it? what other ways are there to satisfy the urge to turn your life completely upside down?
i don't want to be a bad person. i wish i could make everyone happy. i wish i could do everything, but alas, you have to pick and choose sometimes.
sorry if i rambled. your thoughts are appreciated.

 

[ENFPie]

Morning Shoeless,

You sound more fustrated than bored (perhaps its the same thing). But I know how you mean about the anxiety, I'm not sure why i get that, but now Im conciously aware that my stress level is rising I am able say 'RELAX' and calm down a little!

Could it be that you're overthinking? ENFP are motivated by action. Perhaps you're spending too much time thinking about what could be and therefore not living in the presence. I could of course be completely wrong as I am guessing as much as a Newbie would but this is something Ive discovered about myself in the last 24 hours....I overthink, I live in the future and not enoguh in the present day, which is fine but some things, I have no control over and so try not to think about these things so much. A creative outlet is suppose to be very good for your soul (*puts on her preacher voice* lol) perhaps invest a little uninterrupted time thinking about what you could do and strive to dedicate time to that every once in a while, but you will need to be persistant with yourself.

Hope that helps in someway, no doubt there will be other more seasoned ENFP's that come to your aid....I am merely beginning my journey - It really helps to know yourself...I know that for certain.

Luv Pie xx

 

[Tridentus]

hey great post.
i think this is probably my biggest problem in life- the grass is always greener. there have been times in my life where everything was perfect, but those situations never lasted long. i was always moving on, and lately i always want to move on after a while. all of my friendships recently feel like this, i outgrow them after a few months, and don't even get me started on people i start dating because my track record is horrific on getting bored too quickly.

friendships in particular are like this, which is why i need so many, and i can't imagine what i'd feel like in a long term relationship since i've never come close to getting to that stage, but i know i'd feel the same about that too. hell i'm going to australia for a year- why? because i'm bored of england if i'm being truthful. i'm planning on living in america next, then holland. maybe ill find that settled feeling in moving around a lot, who knows, that's what i want to find out.

in the end i guess living in several different countries and having a whole bunch of different experiences wouldn't be a life you'd look back on with regret, but deep down i have this nagging doubt that ill never find contentment with what i have like everyone else- which is what i really want.

sorry i've just gone over my own problems rather than answered your questions, but the feeling is one i can empathise with.

 

[Tsahaylu]

Shoeless, maybe you can ask yourself why you feel bored, find the root of your problem instead of the focusing on the desire to change things.
I know I am rash, and I get bored easily, but I have to be honest with myself of why I am driving myself away. Is the outcome better to be with or without that person. I normally find without because the reasons why I want to move on. But better to know the reason and then act out of that then to just act out of rashness.
Hope this helps.

 

[Wicked game x]

I'm gonna be short-if u r ENFP all things that u said are ( sadly ) normal.

Only cure is to live in present and try not to think about future. ( and that's ours biggest problem ):bored:

 

[Filigeedreamer]

Are you bored in general, or just bored with the relationship?

If you genuinely still like this guy, but are starting to feel life is getting stale, why not do exciting or new things that don't involve destroying your relationship? (in general, why not do that rather than switch people or important things like jobs?)

With my ex, I resisted creating some sort of long term future for us in my head. I told myself I was happy now, and that absolutely anything might happen later on...we might get married and live happily ever after, get married and divorce, break up and stay friends, break up and not stay friends, one of us might meet our one true love and go off with them, one of us might die, both of us might die, what if I become paralysed?...and there is a heck of a lot of variation on that...so much so, there is no point dwelling on it. Knowing that keeps the sense of possibility and freedom in the relationship. I mean I could dump him or he me at any time...but I liked him, so I chose not to (for two years anyway)

I need to feel I have a choice of options, otherwise I get tense and frustrated, I want to break out...escape the fixed routes I perceive around me. It helps to remind myself there is a whole world full of possibility out there, all you have to do is open your front door and walk out into it. You could do it right now, get a ticket for a train or bus and go somewhere you have never been before. You can do anything you like...it wont always end well, but you can. I find knowing I have other options, means it's easier to accept that I am making the right choices by limiting my impulsiveness and going in certain directions which before seemed fixed.

You can break laws, have affairs, strip off all your clothes and run through the streets...you are only limited by your imagination and what is physically possible....but there are these things called consequences...so I chose, not to do things that have bad consequences attached. I chose to stay with my current partner, or in my current job...rather than just disappearing off into the night because I feel trapped by an imaginary cage.

Still feeling life is boring? Well go do some crazy (but non-dangerous/illegal) stuff...wake your boyfriend up at 3am and go explore some woods, or go ghost hunting, or decide you are going to learn to dance, take up an instrument you will drop after a week (mine was the electric violin), come up with projects together you are unlikely to complete, like making your own clothes, or learning to oil paint...say, I wanna go to this city, and eat cotton candy, just because I've never done that before...go to Venice for a while...and then come home knowing your good friends ect are still there for you, and so is your job. You can even do crazy stuff together, to increase those bonds.

But remember if you really feel deeply unfulfilled in life or your relationship, this type of thing will just add a cheerful veneer over the ever throbbing ache inside you. If you’re feeling like that it's time to talk/write out how you feel and spend some alone time in your head (the horror!) so you can work out what is wrong...otherwise you wont be able to fix it.

What fixed things for me was regular reflection, journals (which I keep super sporadiclly), and just feeling a true connection to something...in my teens I felt really unconnected from the world and all my friends, I was always looking for a place I could belong, and people I could belong to..I wanted to move schools as I felt there had to be something better out there than what existed. This stopped when I made deeper friendships and shared less of the outer fluff/I’m a happy happy sunbeam, let me do my Gollum impression..and more of the stuff under neither, which wasn’t all rainbows, with a select few people.

(If you are just bored of your boyfriend, then maybe you need to seriousely revaluate the relationship)

Hope this helps a bit...

 

[shoeless]

i'm definitely not just bored with my boyfriend. i don't know a lot of things for certain, but that's one of them. he's amazing and i definitely don't want to lose him.

i don't know, all my life i've been conditioned to expect a major change every couple years or so. i grew up a military brat, so we would move to a different state/country all the time. i've never been settled once in my life.
as much of a pain in the ass as it is, i still crave that change.

i guess the best thing i can do is be patient. i finish high school in june. that's a pretty damn big change. probably leaving germany and moving back to texas for college. or something.
but i still just feel restless right now.
also i realized last night that i'm a lot more depressed than i really let on to people, since yeah, i'm one of those must-always-seem-happy! types. but i talked to my boyfriend about it. he's very understanding, so that's helpful. hopefully we can figure out what to do together. the worst thing in the world is dealing with shit like this alone.

but anyway, thanks everyone for your input. i still have a lot to think about.

 

[Wicked game x]

Yoga and meditation,that things helps for sure if u wanna become patient.:wink: