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In my relationships and in life there are many times where I have irrational emotional responses or anxiety as a result of certain situations even when I should be able to reason my way through them

this reason doesn't ever seem to help the way that it should (or the way i think it should)

do you feel its possible to overcome these emotions with logic and rationality? or do you feel that we're just at the mercy of our emotions and need to let them pass like a storm?
 

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Pause for a moment.

That lets the rational mind get a momentary grip.

In many cases, simply saying "classy" in a dry or slightly understated sarcastic tone is about all the response that is needed.
 
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Emotion isn't irrational. It is a realistic necessity of being human. It is irrational not to embrace emotion as it stands and, while not impossible to do, rather unhealthy.

That said, I'm with you in finding it difficult to manage emotion. I used to think all INTJ were either secretly very emotional and try to compensate with what they call "logic," or actually just like the stereotype, and simply not particularly emotional by nature. Neither of those are a common trait - some INTJ are emotionally intense, others are not. Personally, I have moments of combusting into a reflective fugue that come and go very quickly and privately. It almost never happens during an event, but rather on a lonely walk with music, in response to some image or turn of phrase that evokes a symbol, usually tied to a personal event or memory. I rarely just look at someone and feel sorry for them. It has to be upon reflection - but then, I crumble to pieces.

What you find with this sort of thing is that in tiding up your emotions, you are being dishonest. You are attempting to cheat the human condition, and therefore yourself - not because emotions really are chaos, weakness, or irrationality - because you fear them. For INTJ who are not particularly emotional by nature, it is urgent to get in touch with your heart to understand why you are blocking a normal human mechanism out of your life. For INTJ who are emotional and feel the need to "cope," it is urgent to understand that there is nothing wrong with being passionate in nature, and that your emotions, however wild, can inform your logical frameworks in ways they would not be able to do on their own.
 

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this reason doesn't ever seem to help the way that it should (or the way i think it should)
Doesn't help me much either, but it's very frustrating when you're caught between the two states. I actually grew up with with other people trying to suppress, redirect or deny my emotional reactions to almost everything, to such an extent that it was a major liberation to hit my fuck-that-shit point and start insisting on emotion in the teeth of all the so-called 'logic'.

I went around for a long time reciting a favourite mantra I discovered later from Dr Samuel Johnson (I think it was him). "Love and a cough cannot be hid.' I still think it was a terrific quote. You can build up detours to take you round emotional stuff, but if the emotion is strong or persistent enough that you have to deploy a whole logic army to try and quell it, then it's rarely worth it. It finds its way out in the long run anyway; and what's more, if you stop and pay proper attention to them - just ignoring the whole 'logic' loop - they can give you enormous amounts of information you wouldn't pick up on the logic circuits. My life actually took an abrupt turn back onto the tracks when I started giving credence to the so-called 'irrational' emotional side.

There's nothing 'irrational' about emotion. What you feel is just as factual in its own right as anything else. It used to really confuse me that I'm supposedly so rational and cerebral, and yet . . . still prey to all these internal firestorms that don't seem to belong. But why not? Just because a doctor knows chapter and verse of the whole clinical side of appendicitis, there's nothing 'irrational' or 'contradictory' in the fact that if you gave him a good solid dose of it, he'd curl up and sweat blood just like anyone else.
 

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Sorry bud, but you can't rationalize emotions. Simply stated emotions don't make sense and really they aren't supposed to. The best thing you can do is calm down and really reflect on the cause of your emotions, if you are the one at fault make sure you don't take it out on your loved ones, if its someone elses fault make that clear as well.
 

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No. I would say not, but I think if the rationalization is healthy it can help the emotions and vice versa. You need to keep the aspects balanced. I do my best, but somedays I can be so rigid and logical for people.
 

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I really appreciate this question because this is something that I am struggling with in my life right now. I have no answers but I know that it is a lot easier seeing situations from the outside looking in rather than the inside looking out. When you are on the outside of the situation, you are able to assess the situation based on facts and observations. When you are on the inside, you also have thoughts and emotions to take into consideration.
 

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For INTJ who are emotional and feel the need to "cope," it is urgent to understand that there is nothing wrong with being passionate in nature, and that your emotions, however wild, can inform your logical frameworks in ways they would not be able to do on their own.
This. My emotions were always impromptu and I always appeared excessively sensitive, quick to overreact and defend myself. I guess being bullied for years can do that.

Currently, after a literal mind war, I've been gaining control of myself. However, I still lash out angrily, and, honestly, this is wearing me off. I need to calm down, scourge all stress in my life and get a real and overall change.

I'm more than frustrated of being unable to healthily engage my intuition to come up with stuff and translate it into practice through my Te.

And that, to and as an INTJ, is just plain sad.
 

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Well, it really depends on the situation. As Figure said we're humans and we're "stuck" with our emotions but stuck is a terrible way to think about it. I honestly don't believe that many people who have been truly great at something, music, sports, science, etc if they didn't have a burning passion for what they were doing. For example, I should have chosen to pursue law or medicine because I should "rationally" choose a career that makes more money than pursuing something I'm actually passionate about, which is scientific research. Yes I could be a good lawyer or doctor and I may not hate the work, but I know that I would never truly approach the work with the same enthusiasm that I have for my Ph.D work currently. Having passions/things we care about isn't being weak, those things can drive people to give more to achieve something than what someone who is only working for a paycheck would likely manage.

DEVELOP PASSIONS AND Fi! It gives life much more meaning!

I think INTJs get the rep that they do for "lack of emotion" perhaps in part because they (or at least I at times) tend to become enamored with their idea or work and a bit more dismissive of the people around them (particularly if they are disrupting "the dream"). Thus offended types get the feeling that INTJs are like robots because they can seem so driven to achieve something that they walk over/ignore other peoples feelings that those people then fail to appreciate that this drive is likely driven by the INTJ's passion for ______. It might also not be helpful that these passions may not be things most people consider that others should be so enthusiastic about (oh no lets all be mindless drones at work 9-5 -_-).

One thing I do think however, is that in many situations more harm can come from venting emotional knee-jerk responses than trying to calm yourself down in the heat of the moment. For instance say you're driving and some $*#$*# cuts you off nearly causes a wreck. In that situation I do believe feeding your anger and acting rashly on that to say "return the favor" is irrational but not all instances require that emotions be suppressed.
 
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CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) is all about 'getting over' reactions with rationality, at least the negative ones.
 

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There is no such thing as rational without emotions.

Emotions can be rational. E.g. child cries because of hungry. You give food. Child stops crying because he has food.

Logical thinking can help to learn how you react emotionally to specific situations. This happens in puberty most of the time.
 

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I'm more than frustrated of being unable to healthily engage my intuition to come up with stuff and translate it into practice through my Te.

And that, to and as an INTJ, is just plain sad.
INTJ are frequently described as having tempers, so you're not alone. It's also not characteristic of all people who identify with the type, but it makes sense for those who grow up in settings where their way of viewing the world is rejected. You learn how to separate yourself from everyone else and be independent-minded. For me it's a "fuck it" mentality, not sure if it's the same for you.

It can be helpful to think about why you have the intensity you do (Ni, Te, and yes, Fi will enjoy the process) - not in the immediate alone, but how, across a wider expanse of time, your experiences have created a reflex to overreact. That way, there is rational reason to feel the way you do, and you can let go of the need to swat away not only the anger, but other emotions you've been unaware of that are driving it.
 

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Somewhere during my life I came to view emotional expression as something "weak," and when I have any sort of non-controlled reaction I feel quite a bit of shame. (I'm working on that.)

What helps me sometimes is separating your emotion from the situation and acknowledging that the level of your response isn't always at the level of the situation. CBT for anxiety will often teach you to say something like, "This feeling is real and is happening; it was triggered by situation X. This feeling is very intense, however situation X isn't. Although they feel quite warranted to me, my feelings are exaggerated in comparison to the scope of situation X."

The above only helps me get through the emotion; it doesn't help me rationalize it. But as others have said, emotions are never triggered without a reason. They can give you many insights.
 

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“Reason flows from the blending of rational thought and feeling. If the two functions are torn apart, thinking deteriorates into schizoid intellectual activity and feeling deteriorates into neurotic life-damaging passions.”Erich Fromm
 

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INTJ are frequently described as having tempers, so you're not alone. It's also not characteristic of all people who identify with the type, but it makes sense for those who grow up in settings where their way of viewing the world is rejected. You learn how to separate yourself from everyone else and be independent-minded. For me it's a "fuck it" mentality, not sure if it's the same for you.

It can be helpful to think about why you have the intensity you do (Ni, Te, and yes, Fi will enjoy the process) - not in the immediate alone, but how, across a wider expanse of time, your experiences have created a reflex to overreact. That way, there is rational reason to feel the way you do, and you can let go of the need to swat away not only the anger, but other emotions you've been unaware of that are driving it.
I was quite independent through all my childhood, all around me even encouraged it. I was (still am, and always will be) curious about the world around me and always wanted to figure out what that really was.

What crippled me was the bullying I received. Then came two failed relationships, they used me and it caused even more trauma. There I was, in my late teens, stressed, worn and with a shitload of hormones running through me. If that doesn't spiral overemotionalism, I don't know what it does.

I really started learning about and using my Te (at least in an active, conscious way) last year. 20 years old.

But yeah, baby steps. Baby steps. Better late than never.

And thanks for the suggestion, I will start to analyse my behavior and develop a plan of action to solve this issue.
 

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One of the biggest challenge for INTJ to fit in the crowd is that we always put logic before emotions.
Unfortunately for us, most of the population don't see things our way.

Live Long and Prosper!
 
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What crippled me was the bullying I received. Then came two failed relationships, they used me and it caused even more trauma. There I was, in my late teens, stressed, worn and with a shitload of hormones running through me. If that doesn't spiral overemotionalism, I don't know what it does.
I understand. It's a forced segregation. You lose a connection with others around you, and involvement with anything but doing your own thing seems like a waste of time and effort. Do you find that your experiences have made you more insensitive and aggressive, or that they have made you lose a sense of self-esteem and become more reflective?

You can always PM if you don't want to answer, just trying to understand :)
 

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The only emotion that I seem to have difficulty controlling is anger. My temper is explosive, but luckily it's on a long, slow fuse. Everything else I can usually filter quite easily; although, every now and then something will blindside me. Generally the process is that I feel it, source it, then decide whether or not I will express it. Once I've acknowledged that the emotion is there, I'll usually just dismiss it.

In the case of things like nervousness or anxiety, I can absolutely talk myself down from those. I don't often feel either, but when I do, I just go into full analytical mode. I accept that I'm feeling it, then start questioning myself about it. "Why are you nervous?" "How is this helping you?" Stuff like that. It doesn't eliminate it entirely, but it brings it down to manageable levels.
 

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Yes I can get irritated often, but it passes fast. Truly getting super angry is a rare thing.
 

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I understand. It's a forced segregation. You lose a connection with others around you, and involvement with anything but doing your own thing seems like a waste of time and effort. Do you find that your experiences have made you more insensitive and aggressive, or that they have made you lose a sense of self-esteem and become more reflective?

You can always PM if you don't want, just trying to understand :)
All of them. I progressively started to get more reclusive and alienated from everyone. And at the same time, more aggressive indeed. I started thinking everything else was pointless, that all that what mattered was myself and that I didn't need anyone.

What I exactly need to do, is to engage in some project and reach the most efficient result possible. This will cause a boost on my self-confidence and, naturally, I will be able to function healthily. Once said project is done, I can start others because I know I can handle everything.

If I get to tell you anything else, I'll PM you, thanks.
 
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