Personality Cafe banner

1 - 14 of 14 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
13 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
okay, well I am back after soul searching because i tested once as INFJ, which turns out is only when i answer questions based on what I think I should think feel or do...wheareas INFP is the reality

I realized I had been trying to learn to be someone else (INFJ) because I kept getting taken advantage of as an INFP, and also people think you are weird which doesn't much help!

Anyone else have these issues? I feel like (and have been told to stop acting like) a child! but you know I'm just being myself!

I have been trying to find ways to be less of an easy target and have even started to understand some of the political real world stuff...though putting it into practice in my real life still evades me often times
Also, disassociation is an issue
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
575 Posts
I've never once considered myself childish nor have I for as long as I can remember being called that. But as I've been browsing around lately, many claims to have a childish perspective on INFPs'.

If you talk about "Being less an easy target" I'd recommend growing a thicker skin towards taking everything said to you personally. That's at least what I've done and it helped me alot. For example, being constantly trolled online (Games) because I was an easy target, after a while you can use the thick skin you have grown to your advantage. However, growing a too thick skin will also surpress your emotions, be it good or bad. A too surpressed emotional level will result in you expressing emotions solely in your head instead of your heart, unless it of course reaches the treshold and you rage out in a charged anger.

This is my experience.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
461 Posts
Sea23usa, Hi.

Being an INFP is a very special experience. Give it time to find out how much others here share your puzzlement in being one, in a world full of people who will never understand the difference.

We have to explore our inner self, and with PerC here, that need never become a lonely experience. We have been handed a huge bagful of useful qualities, and some which are exquisite, with which to travel through life with. But it is our own special secret only because most people are unable to understand.

Now I have only just learnt the special quality of being childlike, which others will never get their heads around.
We are told by an indoctrinated society that being grownup is being....well.. responsible, capable and being in charge. Sure the grownups can let their hair down, and have fun in their grownup sort of ways, much of which is not quite to INFP taste. But there is also a sort of calcification of the eternal spirit within many people. There is no more deep thinking and exploration of anything and everything that you might want to do. When many people see this inner flame still burning brightly, they know that they have lost it and so they want you to conform to the societal norms.

I have only just realized that it is all the wrong way round! A perfectly wonderfully balanced adult should have the grown up qualities , or at least be establishing them by degrees, but never ever lose the childlike centre which is the probable birthright of an INFP. The childlike part is a fundamental life force of all that is real, human, and spiritual. It is the expanding potential part of the psyche!

Even Jesus referred to the child centred heart of a person frequently, as being the only way to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. This means the spiritual side of us all.

Once you know who and what you are, there comes a time of finding a way of living in the world with this special treasure that you have. It is time for some philosophical thinking, so as you can create a way of doing that , which is as you will want it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
96 Posts
okay, well I am back after soul searching because i tested once as INFJ, which turns out is only when i answer questions based on what I think I should think feel or do...wheareas INFP is the reality

I realized I had been trying to learn to be someone else (INFJ) because I kept getting taken advantage of as an INFP, and also people think you are weird which doesn't much help!

Anyone else have these issues? I feel like (and have been told to stop acting like) a child! but you know I'm just being myself!

I have been trying to find ways to be less of an easy target and have even started to understand some of the political real world stuff...though putting it into practice in my real life still evades me often times
Also, disassociation is an issue
I think my situation is similar, though markedly different, from yours. I was INFP and then my personality in some ways, took a 180 (this was a gradual process). I do deeply empathize with what you're talking about, having been there.

It is indeed very upsetting that you feel taken advantage of, but you need to identify your own role in this whole setup in order to halt it.
Firstly, certain INFPs (Or screw it. Any damn person who means well. I even know thinkers who've had this phase) mistakenly presume that everyone is just as deep as they. In truth, some are just more practical. No hidden depth, no well of emotion.
And they feel so good giving that they do this at great cost to ourselves. While they may not expect anything consciously, subconsciously, they are aware of the costs they incur and not being compensated for it may shatter them.
Have high self esteem at all times. You're too good to stick around for things that aren't rewarding. People too. Walk with your dignity intact and learn to say no without feeling guilty. It's hard with so much compassion inside you, but realistically, you cannot afford to deplete yourself. You are your best resource.

If people don't understand you, maybe not all are meant to. They don't have to, either. First they need to respect you. Not gonna happen without boundaries
 
  • Like
Reactions: Laeona

·
Registered
Joined
·
701 Posts
I had that as a teenager (15-16), because I was so shy and quiet, I couldn't even speak. Now I'm very assertive and give off a warm, friendly but I-have-my-stuff-together and; don't beat around the bush with me-look and attitude. Don't be to hard to yourself, suround yourself with the right people that likes you for you, it will strengthen your confidence. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,481 Posts
@shoreline

I love what you wrote. Perfect.

@sea23usa

When someone tries to make you feel gullible because of your childlike spirit, ignore them. At their best, INFPs are the most lovely people. Just be as responsible as any stereotypical STJ and no one will have a need to criticize the magical essence under your reserve. The people who will criticize you are insecure pseudo-adults and bullies.

Adopting an STJ persona in adult life matches INFP because, since we are naturally warm a whimsical, we don't have the luxury of being irresponsible and getting away with it. Other temperaments (such as INTP, ISTP, ESTP, ISFP, ESFP) have the option of being irresponsible because they either come off as cold or sensuously down-to-earth. Outsiders therefore bring their irresponsibility into question less. It's kind of like:

"Yeah, this person is kind of irresponsible, but they seem to know what they're doing..."

INFP is an easy target because we literally look like dreamers and have an internal warmth that's observable. It is therefore important that you adopt STJ behaviors to mitigate that image and present it as "okay" to people. This will also have the added benefit of, over time, making you known as someone with integrity.

If you're very childlike looking (which many INFPs are) it doesn't hurt to try to dress a bit more conservatively and perhaps smile less. Sit/stand with good posture and have a presence that's humble but demands to be treated with respect. Present yourself as simply pragmatic person who also happens to have large saucer eyes and the face of a pixie....You can't help that!

The older I get the more I see that INFP is an amazing gift. As for being an steely-eyed, responsible adult, there is not much more to that getting up each day and trying your best.

ESTJs are often held up in these forums as the most pragmatic type but many of them are extremely innocent - even gullible - underneath their tough exterior. INFPs seem innocent, but have a tough, unconquerable center. Introverted Ethics. We are each others dual, or anima/animus. A projection of each others repressed self.

Love and value who you are. Don't try to change your personality. Instead use it as a launching pad for success. The majority of success in life will lie in your objective behaviors not your temperament.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
179 Posts
shouldn't it be based on your feelings? your actions are influenced by external forces, like of course as a judge you need to be logical, as a public figure, you need to act extroverted, when you live at someone else's house, you need to clean up your room etc.

if you think people often take advantage of you, of course you want to change that, no?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
642 Posts
INFP is kind of a weird type. We're the opposite of what many in our society want us to be - many of us are too sensitive, too idealistic, and too whimsical, so people will attempt to manipulate us and force us to give up our "childish" demeanor. Of course, this extreme weakness comes with extreme strengths: we can overwhelm others with our emotional depth, turn scrutiny on those who are scrutinizing, and provide relief to an otherwise bleak and sinister world. We're not childish but childlike; though our actions may be simplistic (and our positions naive) at times, we do have a knack for bringing hope to those who lack it and offering methods of self-discovery to people who seem lost.

My advice? Learn about yourself first, specifically your emotions (introverted feeling). Make your personal convictions your guide. Then, learn about others, focusing more on the unspoken motivations and subtle hints of their character (extroverted intuition). These two cognitive functions are useful strengths for shaking off the criticisms of a cynical world.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
234 Posts
I know how you feel, I've been taken advantage of before, at great cost. Only after the fact did I realize that I was actually being used, so I had to deal with the whole experience to understand what it was about, how it happened and what I did for someone to take advantage of me.

I believe what makes INFP's easy targets are their idealism and the romantic and airy (or dissociated if you prefer) view of the world and the people that live in it. Being rather isolated, I went around and thought that no person would do harm to me if I didn't do harm to them. I had to learn the hard way that not all people have your interest at heart, even if you have the interest of all people at heart. Some people can't even help it and just do it because that's how they were raised and that's how they do things (at that point, it's pathological though).

After that, I understood that I'll have to be careful. I won't give up that airy, idealistic side of me (some could say it's childish I guess), but being taken advantaged of, or being manipulated, was a wake up call for me. I know that I have to be cautious and it might not have happened if I took better care of myself and had more self-worth (enough to have standards where I could actually notice someone using me).

I don't think it's about politics and I certainly won't change who I am because some people manipulated me. Just going through the experience made me understand that I also need to be a bit more pragmatic, take care of myself and be more cautious. I know what being used is like so I know what to look out for.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
738 Posts
It is indeed very upsetting that you feel taken advantage of, but you need to identify your own role in this whole setup in order to halt it.
Firstly, certain INFPs (Or screw it. Any damn person who means well. I even know thinkers who've had this phase) mistakenly presume that everyone is just as deep as they. In truth, some are just more practical. No hidden depth, no well of emotion.
And they feel so good giving that they do this at great cost to ourselves. While they may not expect anything consciously, subconsciously, they are aware of the costs they incur and not being compensated for it may shatter them.
Have high self esteem at all times. You're too good to stick around for things that aren't rewarding. People too. Walk with your dignity intact and learn to say no without feeling guilty. It's hard with so much compassion inside you, but realistically, you cannot afford to deplete yourself. You are your best resource.

If people don't understand you, maybe not all are meant to. They don't have to, either. First they need to respect you. Not gonna happen without boundaries
^ Pure gold, this is. It's like you saw into our soul. And because you "get" the INFP, your advice is that much more powerful.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
...It is indeed very upsetting that you feel taken advantage of, but you need to identify your own role in this whole setup in order to halt it...

...Not gonna happen without boundaries
I am trying to do this and I think I have...maybe

as for boundaries, as soon as I feel a connection I sort of loose myself, I find myself saying and doing things quite a bit differently based on what i feel from the other person. I don't know how to connect without becoming this way...its strange and maybe its jsut me Idk. I suppose though I will just put all of the fences back up again since I really only know total disconnection and total connection, I will go back to total isolation and only dip my toes into relationships again, until I can master these in between spaces better.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
My advice? Learn about yourself first, specifically your emotions (introverted feeling). Make your personal convictions your guide. Then, learn about others, focusing more on the unspoken motivations and subtle hints of their character (extroverted intuition). ..
thank you!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
96 Posts
I am trying to do this and I think I have...maybe

as for boundaries, as soon as I feel a connection I sort of loose myself, I find myself saying and doing things quite a bit differently based on what i feel from the other person. I don't know how to connect without becoming this way...its strange and maybe its jsut me Idk. I suppose though I will just put all of the fences back up again since I really only know total disconnection and total connection, I will go back to total isolation and only dip my toes into relationships again, until I can master these in between spaces better.
Want a virtual hug? Looks like you could use one

All types have their own flaws. Trust me. INFPs emphasize the ones they have too much and it's detrimental to their well-being. I think you will survive this. I also know that you will be stronger for it. So, don't spend so much time worrying, honestly. Love what you have. Admire who you are. INFPs place too little value on themselves, too much on others. There will be conflicts, there will be anger. Throughout all this, remember to be kind to yourself.
It's you who sets the precedent. Others treat you as you treat yourself.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,760 Posts
If you allow someone else's opinion of you to get you down, you are judging yourself according to their understanding of you and not your own.

I read somewhere that the average person interacts with 10,000 people a year (or maybe that's in a lifetime). It's a guarantee that many, if not even most, of those people are going to be wrong about you. To try to correct all their misunderstandings is futile, so rest on your own understanding and leave theirs to themselves. I also heard it said that what someone else thinks of you is none of your business. And... I have to agree, quite frankly, because my own thoughts are none of their business.

Just do your thing and do it well. People are going to be wrong about you no matter what you do.
 
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
Top