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So okay.... I had lived my life as if I have lived a logical structure.

I suspect that I might be having alexithymia. But I am sure that I have atelohphobia (the fear of imperfection).

This fear of imperfection has continuously led my life, distorted my perception.
The whole childhood was already spent in fear but in recent years..... It led to a burnout for 2 years and then extreme anxiety for 3 years, and that anxiety was so much that I continuously had felt the fear, continuously dealing with it. I got BRAIN FOG. I couldn't think properly, process things properly.

Basically I had a difficult time my whole life. Partly because of atelohphobia and partly because of emotionally immature parents who can't tolerate any mistake and are also helicopter parents and who themselves had a toxic childhood.
Basically its all complicated.

In all this... My career had been affected a lot because I was unable to think, for 5years i was unable to concentrate properly and this has put me in a terrible situation right now. Noo,... I am not facing a scarcity of anything, but my peace has completely been destroyed!
My life had been a struggle a difficult struggle because i was unable to think clearly i was unable to work, which kept on fueling my anxiety even more.
Basically i don't know what to do next. Can anyone suggest how to come out of such a situation. ( Other than going to a psychologist)
 

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Have you ever considered reading self help books? Find some that are on overcoming perfectionism or the fear of failure (it's a common one and there should be lots of books that will dissect this fear for you) and when you can understand the underlying mechanisms, you'll gain more control of your life :3

As for alexithymia, maybe start interacting with the feelers in this forum :) NFPs, especially might be able to help you with understanding your emotions better. Maybe even the ones fueling your fears.
 

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Why don't you want to go to a psychotherapist?
To help ourselves we need to have a clear head, a clear mind, coping mechanisms, skills... it's basically very difficult. I have had around 6 years of psychotherapy and while I have the skills to help myself with most of my issues now, I'm still seeking out help sometimes.
 

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So okay.... I had lived my life as if I have lived a logical structure.

I suspect that I might be having alexithymia. But I am sure that I have atelohphobia (the fear of imperfection).

This fear of imperfection has continuously led my life, distorted my perception.
The whole childhood was already spent in fear but in recent years..... It led to a burnout for 2 years and then extreme anxiety for 3 years, and that anxiety was so much that I continuously had felt the fear, continuously dealing with it. I got BRAIN FOG. I couldn't think properly, process things properly.

Basically I had a difficult time my whole life. Partly because of atelohphobia and partly because of emotionally immature parents who can't tolerate any mistake and are also helicopter parents and who themselves had a toxic childhood.
Basically its all complicated.

In all this... My career had been affected a lot because I was unable to think, for 5years i was unable to concentrate properly and this has put me in a terrible situation right now. Noo,... I am not facing a scarcity of anything, but my peace has completely been destroyed!
My life had been a struggle a difficult struggle because i was unable to think clearly i was unable to work, which kept on fueling my anxiety even more.
Basically i don't know what to do next. Can anyone suggest how to come out of such a situation. ( Other than going to a psychologist)
Perhaps, you need to go back and re-visit your childhood (with or without a therapist). The fact you are aware of your problem is the first step (some people don't even acknowledge this- hence, they act out, and do the opposite of what you do- overly illogical and erratic).

Sounds like you need to take time to take care of you. And if that means detaching from your parents, by all means do so. I find it easier to not take things personally, as everyone is going through their own path. It hurts, but sometimes some of the worst pains in our lives teach us how strong we are. Although you may not feel it, you are.

It takes courage to recognize our problems. Day-by-day approach. Find something in your life that really ignites that spark of firey passion in you. What made you happy as a child? What were some of your strengths? What made you feel grounded? What helped you to feel a sense of stability? Something inside of you... a few questions to consider and reflect upon, and maybe you can treat yourself to something nice (in school, we learned about going out on "artist dates" where you take yourself out on a date to engage in something that's pleasurable, and just really enjoy the moment- whatever it is you find inspiring).
 

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So okay.... I had lived my life as if I have lived a logical structure.

I suspect that I might be having alexithymia. But I am sure that I have atelohphobia (the fear of imperfection).

This fear of imperfection has continuously led my life, distorted my perception.
The whole childhood was already spent in fear but in recent years..... It led to a burnout for 2 years and then extreme anxiety for 3 years, and that anxiety was so much that I continuously had felt the fear, continuously dealing with it. I got BRAIN FOG. I couldn't think properly, process things properly.
Leave the past behind. Doesn't matter what it is. I read a good quote recently "Never look back unless you're planning to go that way" . Think of what you can control now, make short term goals and long term goals. Deal with the present moment. Try meditation, etc.


Basically I had a difficult time my whole life. Partly because of atelohphobia and partly because of emotionally immature parents who can't tolerate any mistake and are also helicopter parents and who themselves had a toxic childhood.
Basically its all complicated.
The way you are treated is not your fault. You are now stronger for having gone through what you have gone through, especially a difficult upbringing. Try to be more compassionate with yourself.

In all this... My career had been affected a lot because I was unable to think, for 5years i was unable to concentrate properly and this has put me in a terrible situation right now. Noo,... I am not facing a scarcity of anything, but my peace has completely been destroyed!
My life had been a struggle a difficult struggle because i was unable to think clearly i was unable to work, which kept on fueling my anxiety even more.
Basically i don't know what to do next. Can anyone suggest how to come out of such a situation. ( Other than going to a psychologist)
Writing out and journalling your worries can help.

Think of a situation as if a friend was going through what you are going through, what would you tell them? Negative thoughts are really destroying your ability to work and do well. Then you need to challenge those thoughts one by one. Write it out, and ask yourself, "is there another way of seeing this?". If you can challenge your thoughts, you can get your peace of mind back and can deal with situations better.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
@moonchilds , @strawberryLola , @xraydav

Thanks to each one of you. They are all unique and important advices. I am glad and surprised also that I got them here on perC. I will probably carry them for my lifetime, as you know it was really a big problem for me for such a long time. I know that appreciating like this is stupid but still thank you. Moonchilds gave me an idea for dealing, strawberryLola understood the situation precisely and empathisized and gave me a solution (wonderful solution) to fight with my own anxiety (that was extremely helpful), then xraydav gave me a complete map/plan for dealing with the current issue of my life (which I really need).

Thank you :)
 
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