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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I was just heading inside this building to get out of the rain and call a friend. I sit down next to this girl and say hello, and start to pull out my phone, when she starts chatting to me. We talked about our backgrounds and why we chose our majors, along with our mutual love of bacon and the movie twister.

When she said she was a psychology major, I asked her if she'd ever heard of MBTI, and she said no. I went a little bit into it, and then said I could share her the link to the test over facebook, and that's when things started to get weird. She wrote down her name because she had a weirdly spelt last name, and she added her number as well saying "If you want to talk or anything like that" in a real shy way.

Fast forward to when i'm adding her on Facebook, and I see that she changed her profile picture right when we stopped talking from one of her and her friend, to a prom picture of her and some guy who I assumed to be her boyfriend at the time. When she accepted, I did a quick check and she is with someone.


What do you think her intentions towards me are? I think she is either being friendly, or she does the monkey bars, going from one guy to the next. I thought that she was cute and we have some commonalities, I kind of want to try dating her and seeing where that goes, but she has a boyfriend, so i'm not sure what to do.
 

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Either keep the conversations fun, and try to keep yourself from developing feelings (sometimes hard, I know--you can think of it as detaching yourself from your feelings, not getting rid of them), or if she flirts/gets more intimate, tell her you're not comfortable flirting with her, as she has a boyfriend.
 

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Be a friend, see if she wants more. She was bold enough to give you her number, so she might be bold enough to initiate something further if she wants it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I was also considering feigning ignorance or asking her why she gave it to me when she has a boyfriend.
 

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I was also considering feigning ignorance or asking her why she gave it to me when she has a boyfriend.
To ask her why she gave it to you though she has a boyfriend sends the message that you could only think of a female as a potential date and not a friend. She might not appreciate that if she picks up on it. I personally would stop talking to someone over that. : P
 

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She probably wants to have an affair. (Yuck!) You deserve better than that.
 

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if she changed her picture (so coincidentally) to one of her and her SO, she may be trying to offset or fine tune the "friendly"/shy vibe you said she was giving off. she's probably aware of how it must seem, in a social sense--that's all that i can make of it; or it really is just a coincidence.

if she is interested in you, just keep in mind that all it took for her to begin to look elsewhere in her relationship, was you sitting down next to her... it could be an unhappy one, none of us know the details, but it's still something significant to pay attention to... not to mention whatever drama is likely to come from this situation if anything does develop.

on the less pessimistic side: who knows, you could both be soul-mates, :tongue:. just think about what you want, and then go for it.
 

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So I was just heading inside this building to get out of the rain and call a friend. I sit down next to this girl and say hello, and start to pull out my phone, when she starts chatting to me. We talked about our backgrounds and why we chose our majors, along with our mutual love of bacon and the movie twister.

When she said she was a psychology major, I asked her if she'd ever heard of MBTI, and she said no. I went a little bit into it, and then said I could share her the link to the test over facebook, and that's when things started to get weird. She wrote down her name because she had a weirdly spelt last name, and she added her number as well saying "If you want to talk or anything like that" in a real shy way.

Fast forward to when i'm adding her on Facebook, and I see that she changed her profile picture right when we stopped talking from one of her and her friend, to a prom picture of her and some guy who I assumed to be her boyfriend at the time. When she accepted, I did a quick check and she is with someone.

What do you think her intentions towards me are? I think she is either being friendly, or she does the monkey bars, going from one guy to the next. I thought that she was cute and we have some commonalities, I kind of want to try dating her and seeing where that goes, but she has a boyfriend, so i'm not sure what to do.
If somebody is dating a guy and has to reaffirm and post that to show everyone it means in a subtle way that says "I am not available". If she is a psyshology major and you talked about things in common, it may just means she does want to remain friends to talk about common topics and such like.

If she is an INFP and she is keen on such topics and such or has dated less and less, and you have not even specifically mentioned any romantic interests towards her, then see this as a simple friendship and nothing more with possibility of a relationship kind of situation.

I have been given lots and lots of numbers, emails to keep in touch with people etc. I just merely see them as "friends" or "acquaintances" and nothing more than this, and yes, I have sometimes called them up etc if I am also near them geographically but in reality, I only see them if I see them, and nothing more specific etc.

See it as a possibility of meeting someone nice, and maybe she has somebody in her friendship circle that you can date with, if you are indeed looking for someone to date ?
 

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I'm sure you could discuss it in a psychological sense the next time you guys ever talk. I gave some guys my number or asked for theirs before after meeting and having a conversation. I was not interested romantically/sexually at all. I saw an opportunity for friendship and thus exchange of information would be beneficial. Hahah, oftentimes this happens to me taking the bus with people or waiting for a bus. I had a boyfriend during those times. I am just a friendly person and if I see a possible friendship in the person, why not cut the stranger cord? I have had a couple guys see it as a green light that I am interested in them so that was awkward to deal with. I can see why she did that, as others have said above. It's just giving a sign that "Hey, I'm unavailable. I am interested in your friendship, though!" without actually having to bring it up awkwardly.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
if she changed her picture (so coincidentally) to one of her and her SO, she may be trying to offset or fine tune the "friendly"/shy vibe you said she was giving off. she's probably aware of how it must seem, in a social sense--that's all that i can make of it; or it really is just a coincidence.

if she is interested in you, just keep in mind that all it took for her to begin to look elsewhere in her relationship, was you sitting down next to her... it could be an unhappy one, none of us know the details, but it's still something significant to pay attention to... not to mention whatever drama is likely to come from this situation if anything does develop.

on the less pessimistic side: who knows, you could both be soul-mates, :tongue:. just think about what you want, and then go for it.
That unfortunately makes a lot of sense.. :(
 

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That unfortunately makes a lot of sense.. :(
:sad:... sorry man... if she is interested, it just doesn't sound worth it (from my perspective--if it's something you feel like you should experience, then do it, just be careful, and don't get floored with what is likely).

or, you could just ignore what her intentions could be or not be, and just pursue the friendship. who knows what it'll open up from her contacts, or, from something inside yourself. you may build some sort of mental appendage that's been hiding away, locked inside of your mind--unknown even to you--that will come out and make your life that much better.

you sir, have a situation on yer hands--do something with it!

... :wink: :tongue:... :happy:
 

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I was going to say, with us empaths, we DO indeed like to help people as well, and just connect with others too. So maybe she is kind of seeing you as a kind of like "network" person "someone who I knew and knows and is interested in psychology" ?

The other thing is indeed to see whether she does have friends of friends who are single, and you can be honest and be direct about dating if you have indeed then found out that this IS indeed a genuine friendship.

In a way, you will learn something from the experience as well. She will too. I have met so many guys this way, and to me, I see it less of an issue, because when I was younger, I did not see guys as potential dating materials this way. I just know "friends". So... to me, it seems so simple. This is whereby sometimes you gotta make your own intentions known. Kind of early. Miscommunication and signals do affect things.

Hey, or you could have find yourself a wingwoman too. ;)
 

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I kind of hate how giving a guy a phone number is automatically seen as showing romantic interest.

If I were you, I wouldn't make assumptions. Since she has a boyfriend, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she just wants to talk to someone with similar interests.


edit: I just remembered that I gave my current boyfriend my phone number while I was dating someone else just because we had stuff in common and I wanted to be friends. He assumed I liked him. I had to explain to him that I didn't....and then later that I did.
 

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I was talking to my SO about this topic, due to my experience with this in the past:

I began working at Victoria's Secret this past holiday season. During my first week, an employee gave me her number (via her entire hand entering my front pocket). I dont know, maybe I am just crazy, but I thought that was pretty forward for her intentions, and was understandably surprised when we just went to grab coffee after that work day. She admitted to having a boyfriend, and seemed pretty unamused with him at that time. He was one of those crazies who checks her phone and outlandishly similar motives. I simply attempted to ignore that fact and played in the waters.

My SO says that since he was acting in such a way, she was trying to get caught, subconsciously or something.

After a few attempts to get her running off somewhere for some fooling around, which ended up with her being completely ambiguous about in the end, each time, I decided this crap was not worth my time. She was not even that attractive to me, it was just that I was in a desertland of desperation and a girl happens to mislead me with gestures that got this entire thing started. Her boyfriend ended up texting me back on her phone the day after their anniversary, and I had to play weasel and high tail it out of the entire situation.

She claims she was surprised and that she couldn't believe I was trying to get into her pants. This was, of course, after she told me not to talk to her anymore (which she contacted me again later after I had been following that request of hers).

Bottom line is, unless you really see something worthwhile in pursuing someone who has something going on with another, it is probably best to hold back.

...

My first love in high school represents this concept better. I met this girl in choir, after what I considered an unnecessary seating change. After going to her youth group, I quickly learned she had a boyfriend. I respected it too, but simply made myself present, agreeable, and almost a comic spectacle throughout my time as her new friend. I won over her family and friends as well as her boyfriend. Deep down, I wished (and found out she had second guesses about hopping into that relationship after I came along) I could have been more involved with her. When her situation with him became unstable and shaky, even despite what he did to disrespect her (nothing too serious, but she was definitely upset), I encouraged her to stay with him, and at least give this moment to endurance and growth with him, instead of trying to assert myself into her life.

They broke up later, and I am unsure how, but 3 months later, we began to date.


NOW, six years and 3-4 relationships later, I am with an amazing SO. She is intelligent, yet personally creative, and always willing to play whatever game my imagination throws out due to given circumstances ("catch me", where she lets loose while I hug her and I sway her around all over the place, or just serenely in place). I was hesitant to get involved, since I was technically in a distance relationship that I held value in my heart. At the time, my girlfriend would not even talk to me, something crucial for a LDR, and so after 20ish days of silence, I bucked up and moved on.

I could not be happier :happy:
 

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She's networking. Don't read too much into it, and don't "pursue" her. If she's looking for a little something on the side, she'll be sure to let you know in some way. There's also the possibility her relationship is an open one, and again in which case - she'd let you know somehow.

But odds are, again, she's just networking and trying to meet people who share her interests at school. Assume it means nothing and you can't lose face.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
A lot of the guys here are saying go for it if she's interested, especially since her boyfriend is not from around here, as why shouldn't I benefit if she is looking for an out?
 

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I gave my number to my current boyfriend while dating my ex. I thought he was interesting and we had three classes together. This was also right around finals so we wanted to compare notes and etc. However, my relationship with my ex was nearly over. As an older and wiser gal (this was years ago) I would never do this again, but I knew it was ending soon. (Should have ended it much sooner but I was young and confused.) So I thought "What the hell!" and numbers were exchanged for studying purposes. I knew though that he liked me more than as a friend. It was obvious to me.

Well a month later I broke up with my ex. A month after that I went on a few dates with my current boyfriend. We were official in another month. So yup.
 
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