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@ImpossibleHunt5

I came back, I was going to edit what I said because although it got to the heart of a lot of things, i knew I came off a bit harsh and didn’t need to. I don’t sense any hatred towards women from you— as you say.

Also I realized that the way I needed to put what I wanted to say was just that being in a position to say “No” gives you a sense of control. And I think you also came to that realization with what you just said.

So when I think about that sense of control then it makes me contradict what I had just said above. I had said that becoming the hunter instead of the prey makes you in control, but come to think of it, it is the other way around, isn’t it? You get to choose what you pursue, but the other person is in control of whether you will feel rejected or accepted. It is tough. It does take persistence, courage and vulnerability.

But I don’t really feel like you have to wait until you’re ready... just that feeling of wanting to try and that you might be left behind or alone if you don’t is also enough to leverage you forward as well.

you made this first step. You also held up to some criticism, and was a good sport. it just is all risky, isn’t it? Do I personally believe it is worth all the difficult emotions I felt along my way? Yes! And there is empirical scientific data about that, actually. You men actually live 10 years longer if I remember right when you have a partner. Someone to depend on and being depended on is, I think, considered one of the top things associated with happiness. It’s like this, imo:

But I’m not saying you have to wait. I’m just saying this is one of the reasons you have waited. Your need to find that person hasn’t surpassed the need for the control. It’s understandable... but maybe just start... like you started opening up here and continue and you get more skin in the game as you go. All of this wasn’t an easy process for me. Be warned that your heart might get completely broken. All through time they’ve compared love and battle... but I do think it is worth it for most.

 

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Yeah that study is pretty amazing. The thing, though, is he highlighted how successful relationships require effort and being active and all that..... but im really lazy

It's literally painful for me to go out of my way for others, and to think about how others will think about what I do or how I act. It's way too much work and thinking, and honestly I think it's super phony to always be molding how one acts for others; but it seems to also be a key element of sustaining friendships, relationships, etc with others.
 

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I liked the humour and the story was a pleasant read. My sole nitpick is that the style looked a bit condescending towards the girls. As if you made fun of them because they were trying to flirt with the main character. Then again you attacked everyone indiscriminately (yourself included).

If it’s based on real facts about a certain INFJ what surprises me is the lack of, so-to-speak, introspection: I don’t see the intentions, only the reactions. Why is your character refusing all these girls? What drives him to do this? Is it just “courage” that he needs or is it because there is something else (ie. an unrequited love, or is just not interested in love at all)?
 

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INTJ 5w4 (Sp/Sx) 514
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Discussion Starter #24
I liked the humour and the story was a pleasant read. My sole nitpick is that the style looked a bit condescending towards the girls. As if you made fun of them because they were trying to flirt with the character. Then again you attacked everyone indiscriminately (yourself included).

If it’s based on real facts about a certain INFJ what surprises me is the lack of, so-to-speak, introspection: I don’t see the intentions, only the reactions. Why is your character refusing all these girls? What drives him to do this? Is it just “courage” that he needs or is it because there is something else (ie. an unrequited love, or is just not interested in love at all)?
Good questions.

The lack of introspection is due to the fact that I do not know the answers either.
It all could be that I am just a coward, plain and simple.
Or, it could be something deeper than that. Maybe I just don't want a relationship enough to pursue it?
Fact is, I don't know.

I do apologize if the story sounded condenscending to the girls, that was not my intention.
 

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speak for yourself, Six 💁‍♀️💅🤳

Jk this post made my insides wither up & die a little because it's true also glad you're still around SMELL YA LATER BUTTHEAD
No no no Kelly wait wait look look:

866531


...I've arrived!
 
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Don't need to ask bc I can guess you are probably very good looking. Also sounds as if your magnetic side is very developed but your dynamic side is not.
When I don't want to talk to certain people in crowds I keep my eye on them and when they come near me I bolt and hide before they have the chance to reach me lol
Overly magnetic is a well developed left side energy, guessing you are super introspective. I'd try getting into exercise, even just walking regularly, to develop the dynamic side. (source: Change Your Aura, Change Your Life, p.170-171, The Polarity of the Aura).
"This polarity is critical to a balanced aura. For instance, if you are loving and kind but have no backbone, you must develop your dynamic side while continuing to be kind and loving. In the same way, if you are a go-getter at the expense of stepping on other peoples' toes, you must learn to be more giving and kind, but still be that go-getter."
FWIW I haven't been interested in a relationship in a long time, it seems to be sort of rare, and everyone assumes that if I'm single that I'm open to date, and just playing hard to get so they push harder.
Another suggestion would be to bring a one-size-fits-all response to these attractions, so you aren't caught off guard, as that seems to be part of the issue, just not know how to politely tell the 534th person who just has to have you to GTFO. For instance, "Thanks but I'm not interested/not looking to date." as well as a backup one or two lines for if they push further. Or you can even just repeat the same thing with less and less emotion til they get the hint. But remember rejection's no fun too. You don't need to take care of their feelings, just remember to try to be a little kind knowing the 'no thanks' will hurt a tiny bit. Good luck!
 

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Women practically invite you to have them.

You're essentially afraid of the most receptive beings.

As long as you admit to yourself this is an issue due to insecurity and don't attach anything deep or complex to it you'll overcome it.
 

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INTJ 5w4 (Sp/Sx) 514
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Discussion Starter #28
Women practically invite you to have them.

You're essentially afraid of the most receptive beings.

As long as you admit to yourself this is an issue due to insecurity and don't attach anything deep or complex to it you'll overcome it.
Pretty easy fact to acknowledge, so at least that's a good first step.
 
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