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Discussion Starter #1
It appears female NFs are more able to sustain the depth of romanticism involved with a relationship longer than male NFs. Once the physical side of the relationship is acted out, the male NF can lose interest and turn to another fantasy. In a Quixotic way, he seems to be compelled to pursue the impossible dream of a larger than life, giant-screen goddess who will be Madonna, mistress, lover, whore, mother, daughter, and wife. His real-life mate is not always able to measure up. The NF male, in hot pursuit, is likely to express a love which is undying but which can vanish all too soon in the harsh light of the morning after. The female NF does not demonstrate this characteristic; rather, she is likely to increase her dedication after the physical relationship is consummated. She becomes more and more devoted, continuing to romanticize the relationship and believe in its perfection, to give small transactions profound significance, to dramatize the interactions with her mate, to be willing to die for love. She seems seldom disappointed in the sexual act; orgasmic response on her part is seen as inconsequential compared to the pleasure of giving pleasure to her mate. What matters is that he is fulfilled and satisfied. For the male NF, this is not as likely to happen. The female NF is more likely to have, as a part of her mating identity, the image of falling in love once and for a lifetime.

I am currently in a relationship which is about to end, against my wishes. In seeking future love, apparently NFs are the type I should be aiming for. Yet I dismay over the above extract taken from an INFJ assessment. Should I even bother trying? x
 

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It appears female NFs are more able to sustain the depth of romanticism involved with a relationship longer than male NFs. Once the physical side of the relationship is acted out, the male NF can lose interest and turn to another fantasy. In a Quixotic way, he seems to be compelled to pursue the impossible dream of a larger than life, giant-screen goddess who will be Madonna, mistress, lover, whore, mother, daughter, and wife. His real-life mate is not always able to measure up. The NF male, in hot pursuit, is likely to express a love which is undying but which can vanish all too soon in the harsh light of the morning after. The female NF does not demonstrate this characteristic; rather, she is likely to increase her dedication after the physical relationship is consummated. She becomes more and more devoted, continuing to romanticize the relationship and believe in its perfection, to give small transactions profound significance, to dramatize the interactions with her mate, to be willing to die for love. She seems seldom disappointed in the sexual act; orgasmic response on her part is seen as inconsequential compared to the pleasure of giving pleasure to her mate. What matters is that he is fulfilled and satisfied. For the male NF, this is not as likely to happen. The female NF is more likely to have, as a part of her mating identity, the image of falling in love once and for a lifetime.

I am currently in a relationship which is about to end, against my wishes. In seeking future love, apparently NFs are the type I should be aiming for. Yet I dismay over the above extract taken from an INFJ assessment. Should I even bother trying? x
In a word:

Yes, you should.

It is better to fight bitterly against the tide than to live an empty life where you don't even know what you're fighting for.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I am fed up feeling pain at the hands of others' maltreatment. If I get myself in order, I can find happiness in solitary activites. And my goal at the end of the day is happiness, ideally with another person. Just don't know if the risk of sharing is worth it. And anyway, by the sounds of things my would-be NF partner is going to be pretty disillusioned with me sooner or later, regardless of what I do x
 

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I feel this description would be partly true. However, official studies done on how MBTI correlates to satisfaction in relationship rate NF-NF relations as second highest of all, SJ-SJ being first highest. People who have a lot in common find it easier to communicate with each other when relationship runs into trouble. Fs value relationships more and so put in more work into keeping together.

From book called "Just Your Type":





In any case I wouldn't go strictly by MBTI or whatever personality profiling. My relationship came to an end - he ended it but I did feel like it was running out its course - now looking back it was very good 6 years together where we learned a lot from each other. I don't have a romanticized version of love in my head that I have to spend all my life with just 1 person. If it happens - great. If it doesn't I'll take 5-10 years and then move on. Besides love there are plenty of other things one can focus attention on - kids, career, own interests and hobbies. Only danger here is getting together with a person who might decide to hurt you in the end somehow, but then I know we INFJs are very careful about picking people. I personally would not be able to get close with a person who I didn't feel had high level of personal integrity, so this is a low probability event.
 

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And my goal at the end of the day is happiness, ideally with another person. Just don't know if the risk of sharing is worth it. And anyway, by the sounds of things my would-be NF partner is going to be pretty disillusioned with me sooner or later, regardless of what I do x
No danger in reaching a goal if you don't try...

Being a male NF, I have found that attitudes do change after sex. It's generally around that point that the rose-colored glasses come off, and they appear very human to me instead of the ideal I was chasing. However, what this has taught me is that there needs to be a deeper bond, and more than "just sex" to the relationship - my partner needs to be my friend, my confidant, the one who it just feels natural to be with.
 

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She seems seldom disappointed in the sexual act; orgasmic response on her part is seen as inconsequential compared to the pleasure of giving pleasure to her mate. What matters is that he is fulfilled and satisfied. For the male NF, this is not as likely to happen.
I kinda relate to the female perspective here. Don't want a woman who 'fakes it' to make me feel better.
 

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Something to keep in mind is that these descriptions are generalizations. Yes, they'll be true for a large number of people, but they'll be true to varying degrees. Plus, knowing this will allow you to analyze yourself and catch when you're falling into pitfalls, which will allow you to gain some distance and objectivity on your situation that you might otherwise lack.

Never read something like this and assume it's your fate. You are more than your type. :wink:
 

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I think to some degree, yes, it's true. At least for me. But if you're somewhat mature and understand your own instincts and way of thinking, it's not that difficult to tell yourself to snap out of it. Every type or temperament probably has their own inherent shortcomings, and might feel tempted to fall into that trap. What matters is how they handle it. So if you want to be with a NF male- go for it. Just find one with strong values so he doesn't screw you over. The same goes for every other temperament.

Do you think NT, SP or SJ men have no shortcomings? :wink:
 

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I feel this description would be partly true. However, official studies done on how MBTI correlates to satisfaction in relationship rate NF-NF relations as second highest of all, SJ-SJ being first highest. People who have a lot in common find it easier to communicate with each other when relationship runs into trouble. Fs value relationships more and so put in more work into keeping together.

From book called "Just Your Type":





In any case I wouldn't go strictly by MBTI or whatever personality profiling. My relationship came to an end - he ended it but I did feel like it was running out its course - now looking back it was very good 6 years together where we learned a lot from each other. I don't have a romanticized version of love in my head that I have to spend all my life with just 1 person. If it happens - great. If it doesn't I'll take 5-10 years and then move on. Besides love there are plenty of other things one can focus attention on - kids, career, own interests and hobbies. Only danger here is getting together with a person who might decide to hurt you in the end somehow, but then I know we INFJs are very careful about picking people. I personally would not be able to get close with a person who I didn't feel had high level of personal integrity, so this is a low probability event.
I dated an ISFJ for over 3 years. I can related to the information in the pictures.
 

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It appears female NFs are more able to sustain the depth of romanticism involved with a relationship longer than male NFs. Once the physical side of the relationship is acted out, the male NF can lose interest and turn to another fantasy. In a Quixotic way, he seems to be compelled to pursue the impossible dream of a larger than life, giant-screen goddess who will be Madonna, mistress, lover, whore, mother, daughter, and wife. His real-life mate is not always able to measure up. The NF male, in hot pursuit, is likely to express a love which is undying but which can vanish all too soon in the harsh light of the morning after. The female NF does not demonstrate this characteristic; rather, she is likely to increase her dedication after the physical relationship is consummated. She becomes more and more devoted, continuing to romanticize the relationship and believe in its perfection, to give small transactions profound significance, to dramatize the interactions with her mate, to be willing to die for love. She seems seldom disappointed in the sexual act; orgasmic response on her part is seen as inconsequential compared to the pleasure of giving pleasure to her mate. What matters is that he is fulfilled and satisfied. For the male NF, this is not as likely to happen. The female NF is more likely to have, as a part of her mating identity, the image of falling in love once and for a lifetime.

I am currently in a relationship which is about to end, against my wishes. In seeking future love, apparently NFs are the type I should be aiming for. Yet I dismay over the above extract taken from an INFJ assessment. Should I even bother trying? x
Yes, eventually. Time heals all wounds.
 

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I get stuff from Dale Carnegie. The quote in the newsletter said something like. Failure is temporary only giving up can make it permanent. I like that.
 

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I understand what the OP is saying, but I don't think that will ever be a worry of mine. If I am ever in a relationship in the future, I think there would be other things for me to be concerned about. After seeing my parents stay together for 35+ years, I've seen what commitment looks like. I highly doubt I would crave an ideal and then leave someone.
 

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I feel this description would be partly true. However, official studies done on how MBTI correlates to satisfaction in relationship rate NF-NF relations as second highest of all, SJ-SJ being first highest. People who have a lot in common find it easier to communicate with each other when relationship runs into trouble. Fs value relationships more and so put in more work into keeping together.

From book called "Just Your Type":





In any case I wouldn't go strictly by MBTI or whatever personality profiling. My relationship came to an end - he ended it but I did feel like it was running out its course - now looking back it was very good 6 years together where we learned a lot from each other. I don't have a romanticized version of love in my head that I have to spend all my life with just 1 person. If it happens - great. If it doesn't I'll take 5-10 years and then move on. Besides love there are plenty of other things one can focus attention on - kids, career, own interests and hobbies. Only danger here is getting together with a person who might decide to hurt you in the end somehow, but then I know we INFJs are very careful about picking people. I personally would not be able to get close with a person who I didn't feel had high level of personal integrity, so this is a low probability event.
on a completely unrelated note, 73% of SPs are happily married to NTs. how does that even work!? what do they talk about?! or do they just build things together. idea+doer=success? i am confused at how those marriages work.

ohhh 54% of NTs are happily married to SPs. there's the disconnect.

anywho...
 

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It appears female NFs are more able to sustain the depth of romanticism involved with a relationship longer than male NFs. Once the physical side of the relationship is acted out, the male NF can lose interest and turn to another fantasy. In a Quixotic way, he seems to be compelled to pursue the impossible dream of a larger than life, giant-screen goddess who will be Madonna, mistress, lover, whore, mother, daughter, and wife. His real-life mate is not always able to measure up. The NF male, in hot pursuit, is likely to express a love which is undying but which can vanish all too soon in the harsh light of the morning after. The female NF does not demonstrate this characteristic; rather, she is likely to increase her dedication after the physical relationship is consummated. She becomes more and more devoted, continuing to romanticize the relationship and believe in its perfection, to give small transactions profound significance, to dramatize the interactions with her mate, to be willing to die for love. She seems seldom disappointed in the sexual act; orgasmic response on her part is seen as inconsequential compared to the pleasure of giving pleasure to her mate. What matters is that he is fulfilled and satisfied. For the male NF, this is not as likely to happen. The female NF is more likely to have, as a part of her mating identity, the image of falling in love once and for a lifetime.

I am currently in a relationship which is about to end, against my wishes. In seeking future love, apparently NFs are the type I should be aiming for. Yet I dismay over the above extract taken from an INFJ assessment. Should I even bother trying? x
MBTI relationship advice seems to be loose guidelines more than anything else. Think about all your friends and family members who you get along with really well despite the fact that your MBTI may differ completely. (For example, I can think of a close friend who is most definitely ESFJ, a type I normally have issues with, yet we are very close friends - I was her bridesmaid).

Long story short - I would say go for the NFs. Try it, see how it goes.

If anything, I notice a trend in Vel's data, and other MBTI compatibility advice... they all suggest N types for us. That's usually something I notice and look for in others. NFs with NFs or NTs both seem to be fairly compatible.

Good luck!!
 

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on a completely unrelated note, 73% of SPs are happily married to NTs. how does that even work!? what do they talk about?! or do they just build things together. idea+doer=success? i am confused at how those marriages work.

anywho...
I think it is one of those opposites attract kind of things. There is more statistics posted here and surprisingly there are many INFJ-ESTP pairing: Compatibility and Your Myers Briggs Personality Type | PersonalityDesk

What I have noticed is that while N's may have more to talk about, S's with tertiary/inferior Ni may get more interested/excited about what you have to say. This is equally important, that you express your point of view and it is appreciated and excting to another person. When I say something it is not the INTJ or the ESTJ that display much interest about what I have to say, but the ESFP and the ISTP.

My ESFP guy-friend/acquaintance (he just turned 30) cannot use Ni like I do and I cannot use his very outgoing brave Se but the important thing is that he is interested in what I have to say and at the same time I get interested in certain expressions of his Se. Come to think of it I have even tried to lure it out of him lol. So there is mutual engagement and interest.

MBTI type here I think is less relevant than finding someone with what is called "mature" or "balanced" personality. Both of us are relatively balanced so we get along. I guess a marriage can work out as long as you are respecting each other's differences and don't insist that your way is only way and then try to change the other person into yourself.
 

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in response to the title only.

sometimes I want to give up on love, I wish I could have the kind oflove I want and need in my life, but I have felt abandoned many times over. sometimes I think I have made a really special connection with someone and then I can't hear from them or see them for a long time. maybe i need to get over it but I just don't want to. my mind won't let me as i relive the most magical experiences of my life with these amazing beautiful people.

I have these nights when the songs play and I cry for hours, hopeing one of my loves can hear me or feel me, and I wait, wait until i can feel them back. wait because I know, when they come into my mind in that joyous way they always do that they are still here.

they are still here.

I really wish they could be here physically but sometimes this inner world is all we have. It's a total pain at times but I am glad I at least have it. When I do see my loves again they seem to know what I know, and when I tell them they seem even more sure of the dreams where I am visiting them the power of my heart felt in my tears.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
in response to the title only.

sometimes I want to give up on love, I wish I could have the kind oflove I want and need in my life, but I have felt abandoned many times over. sometimes I think I have made a really special connection with someone and then I can't hear from them or see them for a long time. maybe i need to get over it but I just don't want to. my mind won't let me as i relive the most magical experiences of my life with these amazing beautiful people.

I have these nights when the songs play and I cry for hours, hopeing one of my loves can hear me or feel me, and I wait, wait until i can feel them back. wait because I know, when they come into my mind in that joyous way they always do that they are still here.

they are still here.

I really wish they could be here physically but sometimes this inner world is all we have. It's a total pain at times but I am glad I at least have it. When I do see my loves again they seem to know what I know, and when I tell them they seem even more sure of the dreams where I am visiting them the power of my heart felt in my tears.
Aw, that is so lovely GreenCoyote! Before I stumbled upon this site, I always thought that men cared less about love, and more about cars, sports, work, hobbies, the practicalities of life. My understanding was that it is only women who think about love frequently, due to how our brains are wired.

Am I right, is love just an occasional thought? How much time do you devote to thinking about it?
 

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Not all men are that way. For example if I remember correctly, someone (a guy) mentioned in an infj thread that they hold their pillow, sometimes wishing it was a significant other they were holding. I replied, I do this too, a lot actually =/.

Anonymity of the internet is nice, otherwise I would never say this lol.

And this doesn't mean I don't like sports or looking at nice cars, etc. I do, but it doesn't mean I'm cold.
 
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