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Discussion Starter #1
Has anyone encountered problems when giving advice. A friend of mine is leaving the job they have had for several years cause they found another job. My friend did the right thing and gave them 2 week notice but my friend has strong feelings about the management and not feeling appreciated for the time this person was their.

I didnt tell her to deny or did i try to change her feelings. Yet, i did tell this person if they didnt get the level of respect from certain people at the job the person is going to leave then its too late and time to move on. I think this person knows the points i am making, but stuck or has deep feeling about the situation.
 

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It sounded like she was reassured.. I didn't really take it as a form of advice, but more showing support for the two week notice.

Maybe she feels stuck or unsure about her decision, because a part of her regrets it? In that case, I would also find it hard to give advice, because it's really about what she wants.. the best that a friend can do is to help her to sort out her mixed feelings?
 

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ok, let me clear this up...

the main thing of giving this person advice about this is that their "emotions" may have overridden anything I was saying . That their feelings of not being wanted or feeling of worth in her job position may block out and of the advice i was trying to give this person in there situation.

Does that clear up the confusion??
 
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Yes, it helps. And yes, advice is often falling on deaf ears, for various reasons.
 

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Yes, it helps. And yes, advice is often falling on deaf ears, for various reasons.
So that is where my question (that i didnt word correctly) was leading to. Those that are ISTJ run into problems with people that are more emotional or not able to put at least their emotions aside when looking at something.
 
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So that is where my question (that i didnt word correctly) was leading to. Those that are ISTJ run into problems with people that are more emotional or not able to put at least their emotions aside when looking at something.

Yes. My patience only goes so far. When you disregard logic to make a decision based on emotion and feeling, I will begin to view your decision making ability with a very jaundiced eye. Two or three times of exhibiting this trait and I won't offer advice to you at all.
 
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Yes. My patience only goes so far. When you disregard logic to make a decision based on emotion and feeling, I will begin to view your decision making ability with a very jaundiced eye. Two or three times of exhibiting this trait and I won't offer advice to you at all.
... especially when/if it's in an area of my expertise. Don't ask me for my opinion/advice if you don't intend on taking it seriously and/or utilizing it. I don't particularly like wasting my breath or my time (and I doubt that many people do).
 

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Yes. My patience only goes so far. When you disregard logic to make a decision based on emotion and feeling, I will begin to view your decision making ability with a very jaundiced eye. Two or three times of exhibiting this trait and I won't offer advice to you at all.
Agrees, i am not saying emotion is wrong but if you cant put it aside and see the bigger points then what good is the advice. Maybe that is why some people have asked for my advice on things because i dont get to tied up in emotion and able to see the main points. Again i am not saying emotions are a bad thing.
 
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... especially when/if it's in an area of my expertise. Don't ask me for my opinion/advice if you don't intend on taking it seriously and/or utilizing it. I don't particularly like wasting my breath or my time (and I doubt that many people do).

I think most people just want an ear that'll hear or a second opinion that may not necessarily take. I've learned to think twice before offering advice to people. At the end of the day, I just hope for the best for them regardless whether my advice is taken seriously.
 

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I always find it difficult to understand Nightowl. Is English not your first language?
 

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Discussion Starter #12
I always find it difficult to understand Nightowl. Is English not your first language?
English is my first language. At times when i am writing i am also going through it in my head, so it may end up confusing.
 
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I always find it difficult to understand Nightowl. Is English not your first language?
English is my first language. At times when i am writing i am also going through it in my head, so it may end up confusing.
Pretty typical for an ISTJ. We do so many things in our head, thinking it through so carefully, that we "feel" as though we have already done/said something, when actually, we have just thought about it in our head. So, in print it becomes a series of semi-related thoughts, that makes total sense to us, because we know what we are thinking, and fail to realize that others don't have the benefit of having heard our thoughts in their head.

Having been burned by this before is one reason ISTJs develop the habit of reading and re-reading, editing and re-editing their posts many times, before finally hitting the "submit" button.

When I feel that I am struggling with the wording of a post or thought on paper, I will often clear my mind and read it out loud to see if it makes sense.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Pretty typical for an ISTJ. We do so many things in our head, thinking it through so carefully, that we "feel" as though we have already done/said something, when actually, we have just thought about it in our head. So, in print it becomes a series of semi-related thoughts, that makes total sense to us, because we know what we are thinking, and fail to realize that others don't have the benefit of having heard our thoughts in their head.

Having been burned by this before is one reason ISTJs develop the habit of reading and re-reading, editing and re-editing their posts many times, before finally hitting the "submit" button.

When I feel that I am struggling with the wording of a post or thought on paper, I will often clear my mind and read it out loud to see if it makes sense.
Couldnt have said it any better!!
 
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Pretty typical for an ISTJ. We do so many things in our head, thinking it through so carefully, that we "feel" as though we have already done/said something, when actually, we have just thought about it in our head. So, in print it becomes a series of semi-related thoughts, that makes total sense to us, because we know what we are thinking, and fail to realize that others don't have the benefit of having heard our thoughts in their head.

Having been burned by this before is one reason ISTJs develop the habit of reading and re-reading, editing and re-editing their posts many times, before finally hitting the "submit" button.

When I feel that I am struggling with the wording of a post or thought on paper, I will often clear my mind and read it out loud to see if it makes sense.
I see. I'm guilty of editing my posts 5+ times on average after submitting them:cool:
 

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... especially when/if it's in an area of my expertise. Don't ask me for my opinion/advice if you don't intend on taking it seriously and/or utilizing it. I don't particularly like wasting my breath or my time (and I doubt that many people do).
Don't feel that your breath was wasted when people don't take your advice :). - if you're telling someone to do something and they do something totally different, your advice wasn't a waste at all - it was something that helped them process their thoughts, clear their mind, talk about their problem, and eventually come to the conclusion that they needed to come to. Even if that's not compatible with what you would have done, you can know that you made someone happy by providing a listening ear and some useful pointers...

Sometimes, when NFs have to make a decision, all we can see is a fog.. and brainstorming with S types like yourselves can help us point out all the details in the fog until we can see a clear picture. Yes, we'll still follow our intuition, so no, it might not always be the logical decision, but at least it's a decision that we'll have made with a clear head.. and we'll be pretty grateful to you for your help ;)

On the other hand, yes I can see that it'd be annoying if you give someone a sensible solution and they go "Yes but I just FEEL like doing this..".. but at least they'll have your advice in the back of their minds to come back to later when they think "Hmm that person was right..".. so again it's not wasted if it goes into their head somewhere :)

And niss63, if someone's coming back to ask you for advice for the 3rd time after seemingly ignoring what you said twice, it just goes to show that they found talking about their problem with you very useful, and that despite seemingly ignoring your advice, they actually got a lot out of it, otherwise they wouldn't still be asking you for help :).
 

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And niss63, if someone's coming back to ask you for advice for the 3rd time after seemingly ignoring what you said twice, it just goes to show that they found talking about their problem with you very useful, and that despite seemingly ignoring your advice, they actually got a lot out of it, otherwise they wouldn't still be asking you for help :).
counterpoint: they may come back for advice but that could probably push an ISTJ button more in not giving any more advice to that person.
 
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