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Something struck me about the way I behave towards other people: I don't exactly follow the norm when it comes to giving "appropriate" amounts of attention to relatives, friends, and acquaintances.

I kind of just follow my impulses about who I want to talk to, send a text to or hang out with at any given moment. The thought of portioning out my attention according to the objective "level" of each personal relationship makes no sense to me.

I can certainly imagine how this behavior may upset those of my friends who rely more on talking and hanging out regularly rather than bursts of sudden enthusiasm and affection.

Is this something you can relate to, or do you make an effort to maintain your personal relationships in the most socially appropriate way?
 

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Sounds like some of your friends are jealous of others who have spent more time with you.

Isn't that a good thing in general? I mean, having friends fighting over spending time with your and all.

Meanwhile I'm here, staring my monitor, with my 2D waifu on browser tab...
 

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I'm exactly the same way. I also happen to attract very possessive/needy friends, so I get into a lot of trouble haha.
I find that I have "phases" with certain friends: days, weeks, or months that I'm particularly close to one friend. During this time they'll be the first person I tell everything to, the first person I reach out to when I want to hang out, etc. I also prefer one on one time with all of the people I'm close to so this closeness discrepancy becomes a bit of a difficult balancing act amongst my group of friends. They definitely notice and compare but I can't help it.

For the friends I'm unintentionally neglecting, I try to commit to seeing them at least once a week, month, etc. (depending on how close we are) As long as I have some sort of quota for how much I should see them at minimum, I find things stay in order. If I didn't have this I'd probably never see anyone unless they reached out to me repeatedly. Over text is another story, I'm in this binary where I either talk to you everyday all the time or almost never. I try to tell my friends that just because I'm not active via text doesn't mean I don't care, but they bring in my "online" statuses and whatsapp activity etc. and it gets a bit out of hand. Now I just try and check in on them when I can. I used to try and fit EVERYONE in, especially via instant messaging, everyday but I figured it's just not worth my mental health (it made me extremely stressed and worn down).

Anyways, I hope this helped you feel a bit less alone. I'm pretty sure what you described is an INFP tendency. I'm not sure if you can fully relate to my problems since my friends are females in their early 20's who are needier than most, but all the best :)
 

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Wasn't aware that was a thing! Seems kind of silly to have to care about distributing your time and attention so that it's 'appropriate'.

I just hang out or chat with whoever I want to, whenever I want to. Most of the time I'm just hiding out at home anyway. Most of my friends are pretty similar in that they're spontaneous and easy going...and prefer to stay at home :laughing: So there aren't really any issues about this. The knowledge that we don't need to be together all the time to remain close helps.
 

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I'm more like you. I kind of just talk to people on a whim, and hope whomever it is would do the same with me. I'll make an exception if I know the person isn't feeling well.

Sometimes I do fear I'm taking them for granted, because I'm not good at thinking far in advance. I have troubles picturing what life would be like if I never got to see them again so unfortunately if someone were to die, I think I could be highly susceptible to feeling regret. My dad had cancer and after finding out about it, I talked to him everyday. Before that I felt like he was calling me too much - I was in a period of isolation and often would even ignore the calls. If I had known beforehand he was going to get cancer, I don't believe I would have ignored them. But that's my point. I never know what's going to happen to someone until it's too late.
 
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