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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm going down a very bad path right now. I've been lying to people and using them without them knowing it. I've been selfish and I don't feel like me anymore. Can anyone help me?
 

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The thing about the self is that it's always changing. Just like you went down a bad road recently, at any point you can decide it's time to retrace your steps and go a different direction. I'd recommend taking small steps towards becoming this person you deem to be "you". Talking to the people you care about is a good first one. People will really surprise you, I swear. It seems like no one will ever understand, but more people do than you might think.
 

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Meh.
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Are you making that choice for them based on knowledge or based on what you think they will feel?

Is there another way you could make things right with these people?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Are you making that choice for them based on knowledge or based on what you think they will feel?

Is there another way you could make things right with these people?
yes i am, i know them very well and they would be crushed. The best thing for them that I will treat them much better than i have lately and correct my behavior and stop before Im too far gone
 

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You know them best, you know the situation best so you can determine the right thing to do.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Maybe you've done something you shouldn't have or maybe you've said something you shouldn't have. A bad person wouldn't think twice about it, you did. You know who you are deep down inside and if you need to make a change, you know exactly what to do. People make mistakes, this probably wasn't the first time and it sure as anything won't be the last time. It's how you deal with your mistakes and what you learn from them that are going to help you grow as a person.
 

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dont feel bad about it. People do it all the time :)
if you are being like this im sure there is a reason. INFJs get tired of other people's shit too!
 

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You are human, it will happen again. Stay close to your true self but don't beat yourself up if you are still figuring out who that is and make some missteps along the way because of that learning process.
 

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It just bothers me that i knew it was wrong and I did it anyway. I feel dirty
Guilt is a terrible motivator. You can't change what you did. It's better to forgive yourself, wipe the slate clean, and go from there. It feels better when you're doing it because you want to do it, not because you're beating yourself up over it. It seems like such a little perspective shift, but it's huge, especially for an INFJ creature that is dependent upon perspective shifting.
 
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I'm going down a very bad path right now. I've been lying to people and using them without them knowing it. I've been selfish and I don't feel like me anymore. Can anyone help me?
Has something happened at some point that caused this behavior in you? Like has someone done something to you or particular feeling that caused you to do what you have?
 

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Hmm, from what you say you're probably just depressed. Have you thought about changing environment and company? Maybe you're dissatisfied with how your life is now and you just need a fresh start.
The way you described yourself reminds me of how I was in the last years of high school, and things started to get better after starting university.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Has something happened at some point that caused this behavior in you? Like has someone done something to you or particular feeling that caused you to do what you have?
Yes, someone I trusted and cared for very much treated me like I was worthless and then just tossed me aside
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Guilt is a terrible motivator. You can't change what you did. It's better to forgive yourself, wipe the slate clean, and go from there. It feels better when you're doing it because you want to do it, not because you're beating yourself up over it. It seems like such a little perspective shift, but it's huge, especially for an INFJ creature that is dependent upon perspective shifting.
For me the two go hand and hand, the guilt isn't what motivates me. It's more of the wake up call to stop what I'm doing and find some motivation to start working in another direction and what's at the end of that, in this case being better to people and being a better person, is what's driving me, not the guilt
 

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Yeah, it's never a good feeling to be used and then promptly tossed aside. The pain may still persist, but one must look towards the future and all the bright possibilities ahead.
 

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It just bothers me that i knew it was wrong and I did it anyway. I feel dirty
You are human and you will make mistakes as all of us would. No human being is perfect. Your feeling of being dirty is a human response as well. All of us have our own dirty truths about ourselves, but we must come to accept this at some point of our lives, for I doubt we would ever be perfect, yet the fact remains that we must be at peace with ourselves. In accepting this as reality, you should also move to accept that you want to do something differently and change the way you do things, which you should probably work on.

I believe you should drop the self hate you're generating. I know you never mentioned that you hate yourself but your statements seem to be aiming negatively towards the self, which is bad.

If you move to change a bad habit; and appreciate the fact that you want to change instead of feeling dirty in your perception of yourself, wouldn't that make for a peaceful more comfortable way of resolving this?

You know, if you don't feel like you, I think you've gone under a lot of stress... this sounds very familiar to shadow problems or maybe something like shadow possession. It's just theory in the field psychology proposed by Carl Jung, and I read it the other day on wikipedia. Here's a link if you want to read it: Shadow

I quote this from wikipedia.org

In Jungian psychology, the shadow or "shadow aspect" may refer to (1) the entirety of the unconscious, i.e., everything of which a person is not fully conscious (2) an unconscious aspect of the personality which the conscious ego does not recognize in itself. Because one tends to reject or remain ignorant of the least desirable aspects of one's personality, the shadow is largely negative. There are, however, positive aspects which may also remain hidden in one's shadow (especially in people with low self-esteem).

"The shadow personifies everything that the subject refuses to acknowledge about himself" and represents "a tight passage, a narrow door, whose painful constriction no one is spared who goes down to the deep well".[SUP][17][/SUP] If and when 'an individual makes an attempt to see his shadow, he becomes aware of (and often ashamed of) those qualities and impulses he denies in himself but can plainly see in others

According to Jung, the shadow sometimes overwhelms a person's actions; for example, when the conscious mind is shocked, confused, or paralyzed by indecision. 'A man who is possessed by his shadow is always standing in his own light and falling into his own traps ... living below his own level'[20]: hence, in terms of the story of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde,
 

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Yes, someone I trusted and cared for very much treated me like I was worthless and then just tossed me aside
I thought so. I recognized the way you were talking/typing (whatever lol). Anyway, I know how that feels and it's only natural for you to feel the way you do and act the way you have. It doesn't mean that you are going bad, it just means you were hurt and you've been acting out in your own way. We all have our ways.

Pain can make us do things that we typically wouldn't and, this goes for anyone, not just INFJ's (just putting that out there ^_^). However, just remember that those you may take your anger/pain out on, are not the ones that did this to you. Then again, I understand that you may feel unconsciously that these people you have manipulated unintentionally could do the same to you or something of the sort. Just be careful of your emotions, they can betray you in times of pain. Just remember to look at the big picture, that not everyone is the same.
 
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