I think that the "good girls prefer bad guys"-thing is just an overall impression. And I don't really think it's correct. Yes, I know girls who prefer "bad guys", but the most "good girls" I know seem to prefer "good guys" who are independent and have self confidence.

Personally, I've never fallen for "bad girls". Not to be mean to girls who may prefer "bad guys", but as an INFP male, they're not exactly what I'm looking for. We don't really get along. As a (heterosexual) male, I tend to prefer girls that are quite the opposite of "bad". I usually fall for the cute, a bit artsy fartsy and nearly unapproachable ones.

I want a good girl that is bad only for me

Not necessarily.
I fall for the really intelligent and geeky guy who never fails to surprise me with what he says. 'Bad boys' aren't the only interesting one's out there, lol

Listen to him! He's telling you the truth!

Actually, there are girls who prefer "bad" boys, but I think the bulk of that is a maturity thing (and perhaps a bit to do with insecurity). To put it into perspective, do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who is intentionally looking for that kind of guy or girl? In my mind, seeking out the "bad boy"/"bad girl" equates to looking for drama.

Gersen said:

I think that the "good girls prefer bad guys"-thing is just an overall impression. And I don't really think it's correct. Yes, I know girls who prefer "bad guys", but the most "good girls" I know seem to prefer "good guys" who are independent and have self confidence.

Personally, I've never fallen for "bad girls". Not to be mean to girls who may prefer "bad guys", but as an INFP male, they're not exactly what I'm looking for. We don't really get along. As a (heterosexual) male, I tend to prefer girls that are quite the opposite of "bad". I usually fall for the cute, a bit artsy fartsy and nearly unapproachable ones.

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Being nice doesn't equal being meek.

People look for opinionated persons, who can look up for themselves and be an interesting addition to their lives. Too often I've seen people "being nice" by letting people walk over them, serving others without care for oneself and such. That isn't attractive for most of the people I can imagine of.

But you can still be nice and be sure of your rights. That's when you exhale that awesome aura of "The Champion" which INFPs have inside them, but are do not show too oftenly.

Like someone said, it's not being a 'bad boy', but exercising your rights when needed.

I always thought that all girls wanted a nice guy that would be romantic and treat her well. I had a ton of crushes over the years that all ended with the phrase "you are like a brother to me.". (Part of it was just me being an uber dork.) But those girls tended to fall for insensitive guys. Maybe the whole "opposites attract" thing is true or maybe deep down cool insensitivity is just really sexy to most ladies.

Who's that?

gaudy316 said:

(to me, a 'bad girl' would be someone like Snooki)

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I think the problem with a lot of females is they think they can change guys. "Bad guys" definitely aren't going to change their ways. They're less likely than other types of guys to do that. Or they think that if a guy doesn't change what she doesn't like, it means he doesn't love her or care about her or some shit like that or something.

I've never really categorized the people I've liked. But I do tend to like musicians.

I have never intentionally chosen someone I knew to be bad, because there would be no point in selecting someone who is obviously incompatible with me, who would be incapable of fulfilling my emotional needs.

No, "insensitivity" is NOT sexy, but the image of the "cool, detached" man is often portrayed in pop culture (and traditionally) as "a true man"; many people mistakenly believe that such a thing must be "true masculinity". Not everybody, thankfully, eats those lies, though-it's all about the right lady for most NFs (if somebody sees you "like a brother"-and she means that as a romantic relationship barrier-, because you are supposedly "too nice", then she clearly is not for you, so you lose nothing.)

Niceness and "meekness" are not to be avoided to "get ladies". Just love and respect yourself AS-IS, without any need to emulate "manly models". One doesn't need to become a "typical man" to be confident-confidence comes from within, and not from being afraid of who you are/emulating others.

Not everybody is ready for a truly romantic man, and that's fine. INFP males shouldn't fret about being deemed nice-those people just are not for you (even if you think they are the majority, it doesn't matter, as you only need that one special person that will accept you as-is.) Just love and accept yourselves, and the right lady will appreciate the inner and outer romantic dreamer in you.

Bad people are bad. Just be the good you really are and were meant to be. I frankly find no appeal in being a "cool, bad guy" (for whatever reasons), especially since I would be living a lie if I chose such an unfitting role for me.

As soon as I saw this thread part of Mary J Blige's "Mr. Wrong" popped up in my head: "Bad boys ain't no good...Good boys ain't no fun". I guess that's the allure for some people, but I've never liked that type. I like the sweet, goofy, sensitive, and loving type of guy.

Meh, I consider the whole thing a farce. Type this subject on Google and you find swathes of confessions, rants, and casualties on both sides of the same coin. I know it sounds arrogant, but I honestly pity these people at times. If the process proves cathartic and they move on, all the better. I have the greatest sympathy for those stuck in that cycle.

So do I fall for bad girls? Playing around with semantics......I much prefer the femme-fatale . Go big or go home. I would say I've fallen pretty bad at times if we're talking about the social archetype. Conventional values don't hold much consequence for me personally however. I'm more interested with what I find attractive.

What is a bad girl? The typical "bitch" is repugnant to me. I don't find anything attractive with aggressive posturing, overboard assertiveness, and overblown sense of entitlement. I deal with enough of it in my professional life.

Just a caveat, but I had a lot more dating success when I was the "nice guy" instead of the "jerk". I honestly don't believe I fall in either category, but meh, just what some people have called me at different points in my life.

What is a 'nice' guy?

-One that treats everyone, regardless of status or position with dignity and respect
-Humble, gracious, and modest about their ideas/achievements
-Someone that is not quick to judge a person's situation in life. A very open-minded person.
-Sees the value in listening to others
-Feels an 'interconnectedness' with the world & treats everything like that accordingly
-Is still good to people even if he can/wants to be cruel or mean, yet keeps these types of people at a distance
-Longs for meaningful, authentic connections rich with emotional exchanges
-Is sensitive to others and practices empathy and compassion
-Concerned for life outside themselves
-Knows when to keep things 'light', funny and entertaining... adjusts their humour to the situation and the crowd
-Passionately defends their or another's position if they feel that someone has been wronged

Do you think we want a 'nice guy' as a friend, boyfriend, partner, husband? yes, we do...!

That's just about the best way to put it! Like I said, you are a Jedi Master with words @IcarusDreams!

IcarusDreams said:

Not everybody is ready for a truly romantic man, and that's fine. INFP males shouldn't fret about being deemed nice-those people just are not for you (even if you think they are the majority, it doesn't matter, as you only need that one special person that will accept you as-is.) Just love and accept yourselves, and the right lady will appreciate the inner and outer romantic dreamer in you.

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Do you fall for the bad girls?
Nope. I fall for good-natured like-minded girls. Nothing is more appealing to me, than clicking with my randomness... and then adding to it!!!

What is a bad girl like?
...poison to me. Actually, never tried to get to know one on any significant level, so I don't really know. I can only make assumptions. However, I am willing to bet $ that "...poison to me" is right on the mark for various reasons.

ok well dats an interesting topic and certainly there is some truth in it. it all depends on how u define a bad boy. is it the guy workin for the mafia, carryin a gun, hangin out with the bad crowd, abusing others, with the why dont u all go to hell attitude? well in that case, prolly not the best choice
my definition of a bad boy is a guy who knows what he wants in life, works to get it, lives the way he wants to, keeps things in line, grabs the bull by the horns, a strong individual who takes care of and stands up for himself and his family, protects his loved ones, and wont ever get screwed over by others, coz hes not afraid to speak for himself and express his opinion even if its not pleasant to hear.
in that sense yes i am with a estj bad boy and i lovin it.
obviously i wont do all those things, i get thrown under the bus so often by so many evil ppl and instead of standin up for myslef im just pissed inside and pretend im fine and wont even comment wishin i had come up with some clever jaw droppin reply but instead my ass gets kicked everytime and i wont even fight. i jsut let it be.
am i happy hes not like that? god yes. my ex was an infp. it was nice and fuzzy between us but to the world we were jsut the small meaningless fish hangiun out in the corner gettin eaten by sharks everyday. he was so good and nice that it pissed me off sometimes.
example there was a cart strollin towards a nice car on a walmart parking lot that would hit it pretty hard and leave a mark and he noticed it from his car and rode there to let the cart hit his car coz it wasnt as nice as the other one. he was always agreeing with me on everyting that it got simply boring however stupid it sounds. if we had to make a decision it would be what do u want what bout u and wut bout u and how bout u. yes he was caring and loving towards me but also others, very helpful and thats why ppl would take advatage of him so often. wouldnt pay him for a job hes done, ar make him wait forever or sth, coz he wouldont complain.
all this was nice for me but for others as well, who would constantly use his genuine kindness and helpfullness, without giving back.
im with an estj now and i like it that hes a bad boy meaning he protects us and all coz u know im no good at this stuff as an infp. i like it how hes not afraid of anything, hes a person with his own opinions instead of always agreeing with me on every single thing, and how hes driven and motivated to get what he wants in life.
of course unlikely a good guy hell pick a fight sometimes, hell critisize if he doesnt like sth, he wont agree on everything im ssaying, he can be stubborn, wont spend 100% of his time with me coz theres a lot of things goin on in his life, but thats a price im payin and im willin to.

If "bad" is someone who abuses or otherwise endangers their significant other, I think we can agree that that's a horrible thing. If "bad" is just someone who offends one's sensibilities, I would propose that it might be worthwhile to consider that maybe their date is not trying to make a statement or manifesting a disabling emotional problem. Other people's relationships should definitely not be interpreted as guides to comportment. They tell you nothing about why someone might like to date you.

If there's one thing we can take from something like the Myers-Briggs Inventory, I personally think it should be that there is no one best way that can work for everyone. If you are good at being nice, that's wonderful. There is no reason to abandon it just because it seems like another person is succeeding even though they're not particularly skilled at niceness. I know it's not as easy as that, but I still say play to your own strengths rather than someone else's rather glaring deficits.

Not an INFP, but I thought I'd put my two cents in. All the things listed above are very attractive to me, OR can be good friend material, it depends on the person. I am attracted to both sensitivity but also whit - as far as I've experienced I find (dry) (E)NTJ humour attractive. So they might be perceptive and such - and it feels like they're responsive enough to be looking at me (not in the sense I'm special, rather to do with perceptivity), but there's also something tangible, and solid about them, and perhaps a little dark and intelligent; they are a force, which is comforting in a way. I'm not very secure or solid, so it's good for me to have a fixed point.

My mum says it's an immaturity thing if girls do go for bad boys. I'd say the charisma of someone that self-confident/assured could also explain it. I know I feel some relief when my own emotions don't waver someone elses, not that'll speak for the whole of how I feel about them.


To all the guys who ask why so many girls fall for bad guys, I'd ask, why do you fall for so many immature women/women with bad taste? There's both dark and light in almost everyone. You might just not see the 'light'.

ThirdArcade said:

What is a 'nice' guy?

-One that treats everyone, regardless of status or position with dignity and respect
-Humble, gracious, and modest about their ideas/achievements
-Someone that is not quick to judge a person's situation in life. A very open-minded person.
-Sees the value in listening to others
-Feels an 'interconnectedness' with the world & treats everything like that accordingly
-Is still good to people even if he can/wants to be cruel or mean, yet keeps these types of people at a distance
-Longs for meaningful, authentic connections rich with emotional exchanges
-Is sensitive to others and practices empathy and compassion
-Concerned for life outside themselves
-Knows when to keep things 'light', funny and entertaining... adjusts their humour to the situation and the crowd
-Passionately defends their or another's position if they feel that someone has been wronged

Do you think we want a 'nice guy' as a friend, boyfriend, partner, husband? yes, we do...!

Click to expand...

Not me! Bad guys are scary. I like peaceful, loving, quiet, pacifist. Also, it isn't too far of a stretch to say this coincides with intelligence. I like intelligent men. If they can teach me something new every day, then I'm theirs. And I'm not talking about how to down the most shots in an hour without dying and I'm not talking about how to outrun a cop. What can I say, my love is an INTP. I'd take Einstein over Judd Nelson in the Breakfast Club any day.