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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
What's it like to grow up as an orphan, or in foster care in general? I was fortunate enough to be raised in a house with a mom and dad who loved me and loved each other very much, so I have absolutely no idea. Did you receive enough love and attention from foster parents, caretakers, adoptive parents, etc. that you still had a normal, relatively happy childhood, or not? Anyone have any experience in this area?
 

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Hello! I'm an INTJ female and I was adopted when I was a child.... It's funny because I seem to be the only INTJ in the family... all my relatives seemed like extroverts and they always make fun of me because I prefer not to hang around them because I just want to be by myself and read books. They mock me, they make jokes about me even until now... being truly loved and appreciated for who I am seems like a dream to me...I envy you...
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Hello! I'm an INTJ female and I was adopted when I was a child.... It's funny because I seem to be the only INTJ in the family... all my relatives seemed like extroverts and they always make fun of me because I prefer not to hang around them because I just want to be by myself and read books. They mock me, they make jokes about me even until now... being truly loved and appreciated for who I am seems like a dream to me...I envy you...
Trust me, you'll get mocked regardless of whether said extroverts are biologically relate to you or not. Has being an orphan strongly impacted the way you saw/see yourself?
 

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Trust me, you'll get mocked regardless of whether said extroverts are biologically relate to you or not. Has being an orphan strongly impacted the way you saw/see yourself?
Definitely. I had an idea implanted on me that I was probably a mistake. My biological mother said that she gave me away because she didn't have money to take care of another child. But initially while I am being treated badly I somehow coped with it and protected myself by locking myself inside my room more and stayed inside my ideal world inside my room :) I was able to build a somewhat strong self-image by myself while I am trying to protect myself from my relatives. So I was able to survive 25 years of mocking and making fun of. :)

But the large impact was psychological. I've studied neuroscience and psychology by myself and learned substantially about how parents' behaviour (positive and/or negative) impact the psychological state of their children (including the child's self-image and self esteem). For me the impact was negative. Even if I was able to survive, the impact that their negative behavior towards me was a scar in my neurology. My confidence level is low, I have challenges trusting people, I rarely speak, sometimes I cry by myself because I suddenly recall what was done to me (the parents that raised me used physical and verbal violence to discipline me and never reason) and the only things that I do for myself is behind their back (when they don't know) because the parents that I grew up with were also very controlling and very criticizing parents... They call me negative names and they did it so often that even when I tried to not listen to them, there was a time when I was questioning myself and how I saw myself (my self-image I had built inside my room) But I am not a rebel though... because I think that if I rebel, it would only make matters worse and not solve anything. :)

I hope that answered your question :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Definitely. I had an idea implanted on me that I was probably a mistake. My biological mother said that she gave me away because she didn't have money to take care of another child. But initially while I am being treated badly I somehow coped with it and protected myself by locking myself inside my room more and stayed inside my ideal world inside my room :) I was able to build a somewhat strong self-image by myself while I am trying to protect myself from my relatives. So I was able to survive 25 years of mocking and making fun of. :)

But the large impact was psychological. I've studied neuroscience and psychology by myself and learned substantially about how parents' behaviour (positive and/or negative) impact the psychological state of their children (including the child's self-image and self esteem). For me the impact was negative. Even if I was able to survive, the impact that their negative behavior towards me was a scar in my neurology. My confidence level is low, I have challenges trusting people, I rarely speak, sometimes I cry by myself because I suddenly recall what was done to me (the parents that raised me used physical and verbal violence to discipline me and never reason) and the only things that I do for myself is behind their back (when they don't know) because the parents that I grew up with were also very controlling and very criticizing parents... They call me negative names and they did it so often that even when I tried to not listen to them, there was a time when I was questioning myself and how I saw myself (my self-image I had built inside my room) But I am not a rebel though... because I think that if I rebel, it would only make matters worse and not solve anything. :)

I hope that answered your question :)
Yes, thank you :). One more thing: (sorry, this may sound crass, but I really don't mean it to be) did anything positive come out of the experience?
 

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I too was I'm foster care. I had rebelled early and went down a bad path when I was 11 got into alchohol etc... My mom (esfp) wasn't a good parent, I was never disciplined or given any rules after about 5th grade. I started skipping school and had to go to truancy court. After an analysis of my home life by some therapist I was placed in to a foster home. They were Hawaiian and Tongan couple and they were really awesome people. The mom was actually raised in a foster home too, she was so loving and supportive. I continued to make some terrible choices and was moved around to a total of 3 other foster homes and in and out of juvenile detention. It was all for alchohol or missing school etc.. I wasn't a crazy felon, just stupid kid stuff. It took me until about age 17 to finally realized what I wanted was to be my own man and I got on the straight and narrow.

All the foster parents were good people. One family though was not. The foster mom was quite sadistic and loved making me and my foster brothers unhappy. She never did anything illegal she would just make us do things she knew we hated, she got off on it so to speak. She also lived and payed all her bills off of the money she got from the state that was supposed to go for the foster kids. Not a very good person.

Other than her, foster parents I had were good people, they are people who volunteer to be parents for kids who need them. The others did actually care and want their foster children to thrive and succeed.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I too was I'm foster care. I had rebelled early and went down a bad path when I was 11 got into alchohol etc... My mom (esfp) wasn't a good parent, I was never disciplined or given any rules after about 5th grade. I started skipping school and had to go to truancy court. After an analysis of my home life by some therapist I was placed in to a foster home. They were Hawaiian and Tongan couple and they were really awesome people. The mom was actually raised in a foster home too, she was so loving and supportive. I continued to make some terrible choices and was moved around to a total of 3 other foster homes and in and out of juvenile detention. It was all for alchohol or missing school etc.. I wasn't a crazy felon, just stupid kid stuff. It took me until about age 17 to finally realized what I wanted was to be my own man and I got on the straight and narrow.

All the foster parents were good people. One family though was not. The foster mom was quite sadistic and loved making me and my foster brothers unhappy. She never did anything illegal she would just make us do things she knew we hated, she got off on it so to speak. She also lived and payed all her bills off of the money she got from the state that was supposed to go for the foster kids. Not a very good person.

Other than her, foster parents I had were good people, they are people who volunteer to be parents for kids who need them. The others did actually care and want their foster children to thrive and succeed.
So being in foster care was an overall positive experience for you? Do/did you feel as if you were missing something growing up that way?
 

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So being in foster care was an overall positive experience for you? Do/did you feel as if you were missing something growing up that way?
At the time, being in foster care was hard. I had to go to schools specifically for foster kids. I didn't get a good high school experience until my senior year. It affected my trust somewhat with my family. It put a scar in my relationship with my mom as well. We are not very close now. Also, I grew up without a dad at all and my mom had a thing for ex cons in halfway houses and truckers. I can remember being a little kid and going with my mom to guys houses and sitting in the living room hearing them have sex, multiple occasions and many different guys. So foster care did give me some positive male influences and got to do some man things, like working on cars, fishing, hunting, 4 wheeling etc..

I wouldn't change any decisions I made back then because I wouldn't be where I'm at today.
 

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Yes, thank you :). One more thing: (sorry, this may sound crass, but I really don't mean it to be) did anything positive come out of the experience?
don't worry, I'm objective about it :)

yes there is :) I always look at the bright side of things and what I got from my experience is what NOT to be when I grow up :)

I told myself when I was a kid, "I don't want to be like them when I grow up" :) So I made a promise to myself to not be like them when I treat other people (because I formed a belief that no person deserves to be treated how I was treated under any circumstances, whoever that person may be) and as far as I know, I have been staying true to that promise :)

and I am trying to cure myself from the negative impacts that I got from that experience :) I've observed that the people who were treating me badly were mainly not aware of the impacts of what they are doing :) It may also be the case that they did not knew any alternative and more effective way to discipline and raise an INTJ :) They didn't even knew I was an INTJ, nor did I at that time :)

me being treated that way prompted me to know myself more and it ultimately led to me discovering that I was an INTJ :) That who I am and my preferences were actually normal :) It liberated me :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
don't worry, I'm objective about it :)

yes there is :) I always look at the bright side of things and what I got from my experience is what NOT to be when I grow up :)

I told myself when I was a kid, "I don't want to be like them when I grow up" :) So I made a promise to myself to not be like them when I treat other people (because I formed a belief that no person deserves to be treated how I was treated under any circumstances, whoever that person may be) and as far as I know, I have been staying true to that promise :)

and I am trying to cure myself from the negative impacts that I got from that experience :) I've observed that the people who were treating me badly were mainly not aware of the impacts of what they are doing :) It may also be the case that they did not knew any alternative and more effective way to discipline and raise an INTJ :) They didn't even knew I was an INTJ, nor did I at that time :)

me being treated that way prompted me to know myself more and it ultimately led to me discovering that I was an INTJ :) That who I am and my preferences were actually normal :) It liberated me :)
Thank you for your answer. It's funny, though I was raised in my loving biological family, I had an experience very similar to yours. My family always called me and treated me as if I was, as they put it, "difficult". For the longest time I was under the impression that the way I was; solitary, "cold", stubborn, etc., was wrong. Discovering MBTI was such a gift, because suddenly everything made sense, both about myself and about some of the habits and actions of the people around me.
 

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Thank you for your answer. It's funny, though I was raised in my loving biological family, I had an experience very similar to yours. My family always called me and treated me as if I was, as they put it, "difficult". For the longest time I was under the impression that the way I was; solitary, "cold", stubborn, etc., was wrong. Discovering MBTI was such a gift, because suddenly everything made sense, both about myself and about some of the habits and actions of the people around me.
Wow :) Cool :) I was raised by a Christian family so mine was "she's being possessed by the devil," and that I was an "evil child" (this is a more recent description) :) I could only imagine what would have happened to me if I listened to them :) I am currently re-building my self image from this :)
 

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I too was I'm foster care. I had rebelled early and went down a bad path when I was 11 got into alchohol etc... My mom (esfp) wasn't a good parent, I was never disciplined or given any rules after about 5th grade. I started skipping school and had to go to truancy court. After an analysis of my home life by some therapist I was placed in to a foster home. They were Hawaiian and Tongan couple and they were really awesome people. The mom was actually raised in a foster home too, she was so loving and supportive. I continued to make some terrible choices and was moved around to a total of 3 other foster homes and in and out of juvenile detention. It was all for alchohol or missing school etc.. I wasn't a crazy felon, just stupid kid stuff. It took me until about age 17 to finally realized what I wanted was to be my own man and I got on the straight and narrow.

All the foster parents were good people. One family though was not. The foster mom was quite sadistic and loved making me and my foster brothers unhappy. She never did anything illegal she would just make us do things she knew we hated, she got off on it so to speak. She also lived and payed all her bills off of the money she got from the state that was supposed to go for the foster kids. Not a very good person.

Other than her, foster parents I had were good people, they are people who volunteer to be parents for kids who need them. The others did actually care and want their foster children to thrive and succeed.

Wow :) Cool :) I was raised by a Christian family so mine was "she's being possessed by the devil," and that I was an "evil child" (this is a more recent description) :) I could only imagine what would have happened to me if I listened to them :) I am currently re-building my self image from this :)
You are a both very brave people! I'm always inspired by the strength and perseverance that foster kids posses. I've come into contact with many (through work), and I swear I loved every single one of them like they were my own children (including the teenagers). I hope everything works out for you both :)
 
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What's it like to grow up as an orphan, or in foster care in general? I was fortunate enough to be raised in a house with a mom and dad who loved me and loved each other very much, so I have absolutely no idea. Did you receive enough love and attention from foster parents, caretakers, adoptive parents, etc. that you still had a normal, relatively happy childhood, or not? Anyone have any experience in this area?
LOL this thread - Where should I begin?
<<<<<<===========Take it frum a koon!

I had to give it some thought as to if I even really wanted to respond to this thread as reducing a response to one of personal experience at the INTJ forum seems utterly ridiculous but I think there are some good ideas in and to my life - interesting topix for analysis & discussion..........

I grew up in a series of foster homes (5 different ones) and was never adopted. While always aware of my parents, the one was unable to care for me and the other chose not to. They were an interesting pair. My father was an artist attending the Minneapolis Institute of Art and my mother was a young aspiring pianist trying to break in with the Twin Cities Orchestra. They hookt up in what was no doubt a passionate affair - I was one of the results. I've always been objective about it: What else would one expect from an Artist and a Musician?

At all of the places I lived as a child I was by 2 or 3 years the youngest kid and so I in general (since shit always rolls down hill) was the one that ended up getting the crap kikt out of me often. Ah yes its the 'little brother' thing I guess. By the time I was about 9 or so I remember thinking that if no one was ever going to give a damn about me its time I give a fuk about myself; and this is when I had my first conscious thought of that fierce INTJ independent individualism. Realizing then that I didn't need anyone for anything (especially and including PARENTS) I showed no mercy toward anyone who was interested in adopting me - to me they were fukups shopping at "The Kid Deli" to fulfill their own selfish agenda and i was not going to be part of their bullshit being imposed on me.

The first time I ran away I was 8 - it took them 6 hours to find and return me to the pen but practice makes perfect and by the time I was 14 I had it perfected to where they never did find/catch me till I 'turned myself in' at the end of summer in order that I could go back to studying cool stuff at skuhl. Not that I gave a fuk 4 skuhl mind you but the weather is getting cool and I enjoyed the LIbrary..... Today with the Internet I NEVER would've gone back. Just hikt down South somewhere warm.

At 13, my IQ was tested at 149 - age/ratio method - and most teachers began to treat me as if i were a threat to their fuking pension. I've never had any use or need for Authority and 'it' can fuk off kiss my ass, etc. Also i'll add that as I became a teen my body grew into a very nice muscular physic so I was far from the typical nerdy geeky looking INTJ and I was one tuff muthafukah. i remember at 15 beating thfuk outa 18 19 yr olds who started givin me shit on the streets........

The old street adage; "If he had a brain he'd be dangerous"........ well i had a brain. Fuk em.
i could go on on on. I'm glad I was never 'raised' by so called parents or any 'authority' that masks itself as 'Love' and 'Care' I never needed or wanted any of it and in retrospect Authority Love and Care has always been an impediment to me.

Yeah, BayBee..........take it frum a koon.
 
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